Word: Chance

Dakavendish slash, anxiety/panic attacks, alcohol, barely edited lol, 2.6k

This was it.

Was it?

Ooooh, he was nervous. Well, actually, nervous didn't even begin to cover how he felt. He was outright terrified out of his wits, but what else could he do? He should have done this ages ago.

"Hey, Cav!"

Oh no.

He froze, eyes meeting Dakota's. Was he really going to do this? He shouldn't be doing this. This was a bad decision.

"Woah, you alright, Bal? You look like you've seen a ghost.." Dakota's tone was joking, accented with a small smile, but Cavendish could see the concern he held in his eyes.

Blast Dakota and his adorableness.

"Uhm...yes?"

Dakota stepped forward, eyes wide, mouth open. For a brief second, Cavendish felt concern flash through him. He opened his mouth to question Dakota's strange behavior when the Italian male spoke.

"Wait...you've seen...a ghost?"

"...What."

The deadpanned expression was all it took for Dakota to burst out into laughter, taking a step back. It didn't take long before Balthazar followed suit, bending over a little and covering his mouth with a hand as he laughed along. He found that he couldn't help himself in these moments, where Dakota seemed so genuinely happy, like everything in the world was okay, and they could really just stand there, laughing and smiling.

He made him feel okay.

And that's one of the reasons he loved him so dearly.

Loved.

"Balthy? You okay?"

Oh, that sweet nickname. When had Dakota started using it? Did he even know what it did to him? "Yes?"

He forced himself to look up, dropping his hand to reveal the smile that he couldn't seem to chase off. Dakota smiled back, taking a step closer. "Anything the matter? You were kinda zonin' out there a bit."

Right. The confession. His chance. He took a deep breath. "Erm. Yes, well. In fact, there is. I, uh...wanted to talk to you about...a particular...thing…" He managed to squeak out. Why was his voice failing now!? He needed to do this! Why couldn't he do this?!

...Should he do this?

Dakota was such a sweet, cheerful person. He always looked for the best in people, and though he might have a ravenous appetite, and have the worst jokes and bad timing with almost everything...he was still him. He was still handsome, he still made him laugh, made him feel cared for, and safe, and understood. Cavendish wouldn't trade him for the world.

Is that why this was so difficult? What if he was reading everything wrong? What if Dakota didn't feel like he did? Was he making a mistake? He probably was. He should stop this. This was a mistake. This was-

His brain froze as he felt a hand slip into his, fingers perfectly slotting between his, as though they always belonged there. They squeezed.

It was like an emergency brake was pulled on everything. He held his breath, his brain stopped, his heart paused, his blood froze...and just as quickly, everything came back, too fast, too much, as his heartbeat skyrocketed, stuttering out a breath, and a light red peppering his face.

He felt it as Dakota pulled him towards the couch, pushing him with just enough force to let him fall back against the soft cushions that seemed too hard for comfort. Something pressed into his side, and something else squeezed his hand, and he forced himself to close his eyes as the quiet words spoken from somewhere nattered. The strange voice continued it's whispered directions, on his breathing, on his feelings, on himself.

It sounded like Dakota.

His eyes opened. His glasses had slipped down a little- he fixed them with the hand that wasn't trapped. Once they were right where they belonged, he turned slightly, breathing as he realized that what he felt earlier was, in fact, Dakota pressing against him just perfectly. When he turned, the male had shifted a little, falling against his chest. The calming voice stopped as Dakota looked up at his partner.

It was like looking at a painting. Cavendish held his breath, looking down at Dakota, who was gently pressed against his chest, so warm and huggable, looking at him with the sweetest puppy eyes. It took every little bit of his will not to hug him as tight as humanly possible. "Uhm...hello."

Dakota smiled softly, the lines around his eyes crinkling as he did so, and Cavendish swore, if his partner didn't stop being so cute, he'll have to follow through with that hug. "Hello to you too, Cav." His partner whispered back, placing a hand against his chest to lean back, much to his disappointment. "Do ya feel better?"

Feel...better? Oh, right. Duh. "Oh, uh...yes, I suppose I do. But, uh- what...?" He made a noise, hoping it was enough to convey his mild confusion. From what he remembered, they were just talking, and then...they were here. Still holding hands, he noticed with a blush. Oh well, if it helped keep him grounded...which it did.

Vinnie tilted his head to the side slightly, concern hinting at his sunglass clad eyes. "I'm not sure, Bal. You said you wanted to tell me something important, and then ya started to kinda...zone out and freak out? You panicked over something, I think. So, I got ya to sit down and...I, uhm, I tried helping you the best I could….you okay, though? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I…" Did he? He remembered why he'd panicked now. He was scared of rejection. Of losing Vinnie. Because of a few stupid words. "I...don't really...I'm sorry, Dakota." He turned away. Why was he sorry? He shouldn't be. There was no reason for him to be sorry. He was entitled to keeping his feelings secret or not, that wasn't for Dakota to decide, only him.

...So why did he feel like he was lying to one of them?

He turned back at a tug on his hand. Their hands were still intertwined.

"That's alright, Cav. It's your choice. Is there something you wanna do now? Or something…?"

He thought. How could he make up for his childish panic from earlier (even though it wasn't really childish)? Something to get their minds off...oh!

Cavendish caught Dakota's eyes, a small sparkle overriding his earlier anxiety. Dakota matched the excited twinkle as he realized Cav was doing okay. "Actually...why don't we celebrate?"

Yet again, Dakota tilted his head to the side, mimicking a curious puppy. It was adorable. "Celebrate what?"

"Well, we finally received a genuine mission! Not just garbage duty...and we actually managed to complete it well! We'll definitely receive a commemoration for it!"

Vinnie's eyes lit in excitement as he realized what his partner was talking about- the mission they've received just the other day, where they were actually partnered with higher level agents to assist in the return of some escaped paranormal entities. They broke off from their partners and managed to catch a slippery entity all on their own, and their higher-leveled partners were kind enough to admit that they were the ones to catch the dangerous creature, instead of taking the credit for themselves. Their boss had seemed genuinely surprised that they hadn't royally screwed the mission up, and gave them the day off, mumbling something about better performance jobs.

"Damn, you're right! I almost forgot about that...well, then, how do we celebrate? Oh! Wait, actually, I know-!"

Balthazar watched, disheartened as their hands untangled, as Dakota skipped over to some part of their kitchen curiously. What could Dakota have for such an occasion?

And when he hopped back with a grin, armed with two wine glasses and a bottle, Cavendish had his answer.

"Heya, uhm, Vinnie…?" A small giggle slipped past his lips at the name. He always liked the name. Vinnie. Vinnie always claimed it was a stand alone name, but he was certain that it wasn't, that it stood for Vincent. "Uh, uhm, Vincent?"

Vinc-Vinnie looked over at his partner, his glasses long forgotten, heterochromatic eyes twinkling at the name. The room was darkened to make it more comfortable for Vinnie to move about without his glasses, and though it was harder for Balthazar to see in general, it was worth it to see those pretty mismatched eyes. "Ballll! I told ya, Vinnie. S'not short for Vincent…"

He snorted back a laugh, sticking his leg up to drape it across his partner's leg. He knew it was wrong, he shouldn't do that, it wasn't appropriate- but Vinnie laughed, and he forgot all about his worries. "I know, I know! Just, I like tha' name...Vincent. Fits you, me thinks…"

Silence followed his statement, but it was immediately broken by wild laughter at the fancy language. Once they managed to move about without bursting into laughter once more, Balthazar moved towards the bottle, the new one, not the empty one. Oh. They drank a lot, didn't they?

"Uh, that'sa..what? Ah, the Italia Roscato Dolce...found it in this century...t's not that bad, right?"

Balthazar hummed, pouring them both a little more. What could it hurt? "You know what, I agree. I don't really like alcohol, mother always said to drink it, cuz it looked fancy at parties, but I didn't really like the taste. I like this one though."

Dakota chuckled, taking a small sip from the glass, looking off into the distance. Cavendish settled back against their couch, leg still propped up against Dakota's, eyes lazily watching whatever adult swim show was on tv currently. Thankfully it wasn't some gorey or mature scene at the moment, but he couldn't focus on it anyways.

"Heya, Balthy?"

He turned to look at Vinnie, who was absently swishing the alcohol in the glass, eyes unfocused as they gazed at something in the distance. Balthazar was tempted to follow his line of sight, but he decided to just keep watching his partner. "Mhm?"

"Whas, uh...what were ya gonna say earlier?"

"Earlier?" There was a lot of earliers. Which earlier? And why did his heartbeat start going, as though it knew something he didn't?

"When ya, uh, freaked out? Or, I guess, had that panic attack. What were you gonna say?"

"Oh, right, I just wanted to confess."

Wait.

Shit, wait-

Why did he just say that?! Oh, bloody hell, why did he say that?!

"Confess what?"

He could feel Dakota turn to him, but he was already frozen, because, what the hell?! How could he be so stupid? How could he do this?!

"Woah, okay, Bal, hang on, I'm sorry! Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry Balthy, I didn't mean to, please look at me? Dude, I'm pretty drunk, I dunno if I can do what I did earlier, please don't drift off-"

He's right. Don't do this. Don't be selfish.

Stop it. Shut up, you don't know anything.

Yeah, well, neither do you.

You shouldn't be-

Stop. Who's crying?

Dakota was crying.

It was just like a chain snapped.

Immediately, Balthazar wrapped his arms around Vinnie, setting him in his lap, hands in hair that was too soft, voice whispering something even he hardly heard. It took a few minutes to calm Dakota from his crying fit, though it was hard since Cavendish had no idea why he was crying.

"Vincent? Are you alright?"

Vinnie let out a choked laugh, raising a hand to wipe away at his tears. Cavendish freed one of his hands, gently pulling at his partner's face, wiping away the tears, and grasping his warm hand. Dakota burrowed his head further into his chest, and Balthazar caught a scent of cherry and cotton candy.

"Bal, I told ya, Vinnie, not Vincent…"

For a second, Balthazar stayed frozen, before a snicker from his chest pulled him back, and he echoed Dakota's laughter, simply relieved that his partner seemed better.

As they wound down, he sighed. It felt perfect. To have the love of his life in his arms, holding him close. Balthazar was never a fan of close contact, but...Vinnie was always an exception for some reason. For some inexplicable reason, he never minded the gentle touches Dakota gave him, or the warm hugs he received. It simply felt right.

Just like it did now. A small, warm body in his arms as he held him closely, protectively. One hand around his back, holding him close, fingers grazing the base of his neck, feeling the silky curly hair. His other hand clutched at Dakota's like it was a lifeline, and his drunk self couldn't contain himself before he shifted his head just enough to press a soft kiss against his temple.

Beneath him, he heard a small gasp. Before anxiety could set in from the action, Dakota snuggled closer, and he swore he tilted his head up for another.

And you know what? That was just enough of what he needed. Cavendish didn't know what exactly it was that he needed, nor why he didn't get it earlier. He didn't even know if it was his rationale talking or the wine, but. Screw it. He was not going to lose this chance again.

"Vinnie?"

Dakota hummed, and it took his all not to hug him ever tighter.

"I have to be honest...Earlier, and now, when I freaked out…" He took a deep breath. Now or never. "It was because I wanted to confess. I wanted to confess...that I love you. I really love you."

Holy hell. He did it. He closed his eyes, now scared of Dakota's silence. Why was he silent? Did he hate him? Did he do this wrong? Had he really misinterpreted this so badly?

His breath caught in his throat when he felt Dakota shifting in his grasp. He let go, letting his hands drop to his sides as Daktoa moved out of his hold. Oh. He really did screw this up, didn't he? He took a chance, and he completely fucked it, didn't he. He was such a fool.

A hand reached up, wiping at the hot tears that he only just now noticed were starting to trail down his cheeks. His voice, still so beautiful despite the painfully obvious rejection, spoke gently. "Balthy? Will you please look at me?"

And because Cavendish couldn't do anything else, he did, like the lovestruck fool he was. He was expecting a scowl, or a sneer, or some harsh words, saying how utterly horrible he was for this.

Anything but the gentle kiss that was pressed to his lips for a fraction of a second, before Vinnie pulled away, nervousness playing so clearly in those gorgeous heterochromatic eyes. Cavendish was stunned into silence evermore as Vinnie whispered; "I love you too, dummy."

If Cavendish were to be telling this story, he'd say that he immediately kissed his love back, taking charge and celebrating quickly. He wouldn't admit that his words failed him for a few seconds, until Dakota snapped him back by brushing his hair back, overloading him just enough for him to press a hand against his cheek. He definitely didn't take in a gentle breath when Dakota pressed into his hand, looking at him with growing nervousness.

And he definitely did not sigh when Dakota kissed his palm, until Balthazar's brain started to work again, and he turned the love of his life just enough to press a soft kiss against his lips, pulling back just enough to whisper against lips that tasted like cherry wine and sweet strawberries, "I love you too."

And as he went back for another taste, he decided, maybe some chances were worth being taken.

Thank you for reading! Hopefully you enjoyed and I'm sorry if it was choppy- I'm too tired to edit it too much lol. Hope you have a gorgeous morning/afternoon/evening/night and make sure you get enough sleep!