Under My Skin
I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
Your poison running through my veins
I don't wanna break these chains.
"Dylan McKay," Mark said once he caught up with Dylan at the Miller's annual mixer. "Last time I saw you, I was about 14, 15..."
"What are you doing here?" Dylan mumbled, not looking at him.
"Glad to see you too." Mark replied sarcastically before holding out his hand, "Come on, for old time's sake, shake an old friend's hand"
Dylan glanced at his hand and then at Mark "We were never friends, we didn't even go to the same school. You went to Beverly Hills High."
"Well, it's not too late..." Mark sighed
"I'm afraid it is." Dylan scoffed
"You haven't changed. Lighten up, McKay." Mark chuckled, but Dylan remained silent. Mark then let out an exasperated sigh, "Guess, I'll get back to my date."
"What are you doing with Kelly?" Dylan finally turned to face him
"Oh," Mark chuckled, "Of course you know her. You knew all the pretty girls. You got them all too. Every single one that I wanted."
"That's because you were a spoiled, entitled kid whose daddy gave him anything he wanted that it came as a shock when a girl didn't want you." Dylan sneered
"Yeah well... At least I could always hold my liquor, eh?" Mark sighed
"If you mess with her..." Dylan warned
"Who? Kelly?" Mark chuckled again before patting Dylan's arm "Don't worry about it."
"I'm not kidding." Dylan grabbed his arm as he tried to walk off.
"Oh jealous? The shoe's finally on the other foot." Mark grinned.
"No, I'm married." Dylan let go of his arm.
"Then I suggest you stop looking at my date." Mark smirked before heading off "Have a good one, Dylan."
Dylan made his way to Kelly who was on the balcony. "What are you doing with him?"
Kelly took a sip of her wine and sighed, "Oh Dylan, don't you have anyone else you could torture."
"Maybe but... I choose you." He stared at her
"Give it a rest." She groaned, not looking at him
"What a shame." He sneered, "Inviting shitty men into your bed just to feel something... " He leaned in to whisper in her ear, "It won't work. You want to find what we had. Giving yourself to guys you hardly know, because you're looking for me. And while my jealousy may be insatiable... we both know you're only satisfied with me."
Kelly shook her head. Typical, she thought. This is what he does. He whispers in her ear, his lips inches away from her skin, his breath on her neck. He starts making her feel uneasy. He knows how to controls her to get her to give in. Well not today, she thought.
"Yes." She turned to face him, provocatively swaying her hips before adopting a sultry tone "I took him home and I let him kiss me. I let him touch me anywhere he wanted. And I let him make love to me all night long until our bodies were all hot and sweaty. Happy?" She enjoyed taking the power back. Dylan was furious; the tables have turned. She let out a deep breath "Oh and you're right by the way. I hardly knew him. But I do now."
"Good for you." He growled
"Oh it was. In fact, if things go well, I might let him get to know me some more." She glared at him.
"You're funny." He spat
"See that?" She nodded over to where Mark was standing. "My date's waiting for me. So go back to your wife." She hissed before turning on her heel.
"You gonna invite me in for a little Pinot Grigio again?" Mark said once he pulled over in front of Kelly's house.
"I don't think so." Kelly sighed, taking off her seatbelt.
"Why not?" He asked
"I told you last time... " Kelly breathed out, shaking her head, "I'm not ready for that..."
"You were almost." He said softly, "...Maybe this time you'll feel better."
"No, I'm sorry." She looked at him sympathetically, "It's just.. you're the first guy I've dated in years. I need to take things slow. And I need you to be patient with me."
"Alright." He sighed, leaning back on his chair, "You're worth the wait." He smiled at her, and she smiled back.
"Dylan I did not tell you all this so that you would go and punch him out." Kelly stood up, once Dylan grabbed his jacket.
"Come on, Kelly. Somebody's got to." He insisted
"But not by you, okay?" She pleaded
"Whatever." Dylan threw his jacket back on the table. "As long as you're okay." He sighed before sitting back down on the couch.
"Yes, I'm okay." She joined him on the couch, "I'm better than okay. That's what I came here to tell you. You know if this had happened three years ago, I probably would have stayed with him even after what he said."
"Well, I'm glad it's not three years ago. You're getting it together." He glanced at her
"I hope so." She breathed out, "And if I am starting to get more inner strength or whatever, I think maybe it's because you're the first guy who ever took me seriously."
"Kel..." He began
"No, you were." She interjected, "...I just can't believe I got so caught up with him. What happened to us, Dylan?" She turned to face him.
"You tell me." He turned to look at her, "You're the one who went looking for something else... I, thought we had everything."
"We did. I'm sorry." She looked down at the floor.
"Don't be." He soothed, "You know, either way, I'll forgive ya." He cracked his knuckles. He claimed to be joking but she could hear the frustration in his voice. After a beat, he turned to face her to lighten the mood, "You sure you don't want me to wack him? Because I will."
"No." She leaned back on the couch, "No macho guy stuff, okay?"
"Okay." He sighed, "No guy stuff. I will walk you to your car. That's guy stuff." He got up to leave. She sat there for a moment, wishing things had ended differently.
Once she followed him to her car, he was already there, holding her door open for her. She stood in front of him and looked into his eyes, "Dylan... Thank you for always being so patient with me." She grabbed his hand and began to close the gap between them.
"Kel..." Dylan stepped back, knowing exactly where this would lead
"I want to take it back." She urged, reaching to cup his face.
"Kelly, come on." He said softly, placing his hand on hers to lower hers back down.
"What?" She asked fearfully and he let out a deep sigh.
"Don't take advantage of the fact that I want you." He said once he had moved her hands out of the way and put his own in his pocket. "I'm here for you because I will never let another guy mistreat you, but make no mistake, I'm still the guy that you hurt when you ran off with him. So even if I want this... I'm tired." She realized just how irritated he really was. She politely nodded and headed into his car.
She wondered whether it was too late. He felt frustrated with the fact that he almost let her get away with it all.
"Hey Tommy!" Dylan exclaimed once he opened his front door.
"Hi uncle Dylan." Thomas was quiet with a faint smile painted across his face.
"How are ya?" Dylan patted him on the back.
"Okay I guess. Is he..?" Thomas began
"Come on in. He's upstairs." Dylan assured
"What do you want?" James was sitting at his desk when Thomas entered the room. James barely looked up at him.
"Wanted to see if you're ready to talk this out." Thomas sighed, hands in pockets.
"There's nothing to talk about Tommy." James said sharply
"That's not true." Thomas drawled, "Look, you're one of the few people in my life that I really care about." He was about walk over to him.
"Just not enough to not sleep with my girlfriend." James finally looked him in the eye. Thomas stopped in his tracks.
"Come on, Jim... I'm trying here... " Thomas became agitated, "I'm sorry! What else do you want me to do? You wanna go outside and wrestle?"
James scoffed at his response. "No. I don't want anything from you. Not now."
Thomas stood there waiting for James to say something else, but he didn't. "Fine." He groaned, walking out.
"That was quick." Dylan came up to the room as soon as Thomas left.
"I didn't have much to say..." James sighed, fiddling with the pen on his desk.
"Still it's pretty big... Him coming to face the music." Dylan reminded
"Yeah, real honorable." James replied sarcastically.
"Hey, come on." Dylan soothed, "I know you have every right to be mad and... hurt. I know that two people you trusted let you down. But that doesn't mean they don't care about you."
"Yeah," James scoffed, "I'm sure they really cared. Especially when they couldn't give me the slightest respect of not letting it get that far."
"Jimmy... I've met all kinds of people who have made all kinds of mistakes. I've made my fair share myself. And I've learned that... Sometimes people just want to feel something that makes them feel better. ...And maybe you hurt someone in the process, but that doesn't mean you mean to." Dylan assured
"What are you, the cheating connoisseur?" James mocked
"No... I'm just saying... People may do horrible things, but that doesn't make them horrible people."
James remained silent. Dylan watched him closely, "I just... I wanna get over it but every time I try, I just keep picturing them together, his hands all over her."
"I know." Dylan soothed. Unfortunately he knew all too well just what that feeling was like.
"And it makes me feel sick to my stomach." James shook his head before finally turning to face his father. "Tell me when does that go away?"
Dylan sat on James' bed, understanding just how excruciating it can be, having the image of a woman you love in the arms of someone else. "I wish I knew."
"So I hear you've got two boys fighting over you." Steve joined his daughter at the dining table.
"Not really." Pamela mumbled
"Want to talk about it?" He asked
"No, I... just wanna move forward." She forced a smile.
"Hmm. Speaking of moving forward, I'm... really glad you chose to spend the weekend here with me." Steve smiled
"Me too." She smiled back.
"...I know there's been a lot change, but I want you to know that none of it changes anything between us." He grabbed her hand.
"I know." She acknowledged "Although you hanging out with Tommy and James' dads is strange." She cringed
"Well, Brandon and I work together and... Dylan's an old friend." Steve assured
"Still... it's weird." She shook her head
"Well we have a lot of history... We all dated your mother, for one." He joked
"What?!" Pamela gasped, "Tommy's dad as well?"
"Well... not all at the same time." He chuckled.
"Oh my god." Pamela's eyes widened
"Come on, honey... Beverly Hills is a... really, really small town." Steve found his daughter's reaction amusing.
Pamela sat there, not knowing what to think anymore. Maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Her mother seemed to have trouble with men, so it only made sense that she too was struggling to find the right one for her.
Her thoughts were then interrupted by her dad, who had gotten up to get a soda. Once he sat back down, he turned to face her.
"Listen... I also wanted to talk to you about something." He began, "With Janet here, I'd like for you guys to get to know each other. Now this weekend is not about that, it's about us. But if you can make a little room for her as well, I'd appreciate it."
Pamela nodded, doing her best to stay present.
"It doesn't have to be a lot of room to start. Just a small glove compartment-sized room." He joked.
And Pamela realized something. Despite the messy turn their life took, her dad seemed really happy, and her mother seemed really happy - the happiest they had been in a while. That meant that her happiness doesn't have to be too far away.
"Okay." She grinned
Brenda was rehearsing on stage when Rick entered the auditorium.
"What are you doing here?" She snapped
"Brenda... you're not returning my calls."
"So you thought you'd just drop by?" She scoffed
"Listen to me..." He pleaded, "I know our paths crossed for a reason."
"Rick, I told you... I'm married."
"To Dylan." Rick nodded, "I know. But you were with him last time and you still let me in."
"It's different now. We're adults."
"Is it?" He leaned closer, "Brenda... tell me honestly... is there something here? Because I think there is. I'm sure of it. I can't stop thinking about you. Tell me, does your husband feel that way? Is it hard for him to concentrate because he's counting down the hours till he can see your big beautiful eyes. Because ever since we started working together, I can't wait to get to work everyday. I feel excited when you nail a scene and that huge grin takes over your face. I love the way your bangs have grown out and shape the side of your face. I study the way you move. Tell me, does your husband show you that same kind of attention? That desire?"
"Rick, don't do this." Brenda's voice wasn't as firm as it usually was.
"No. Don't ask me to let you go again." His hands finally reached up to cup her face and his lips lowered onto hers.
"Kel, open up." Dylan continued to bang on the door.
"Yes." Kelly groaned when she finally opened it. Dylan walked right past her into the house.
"Oh please come in." She said sarcastically.
"We need to talk." He began, "I can't let you go through with this."
"With what?" She rolled her eyes and folded her arms. Once again he was fiercely pacing around her living room.
"This thing with Mark." He still wasn't looking at her.
"Well, that's not really any of your business." She groaned
"Like hell it isn't." He growled. He finally stopped pacing and looked at her.
"Excuse me?" Her eyes widened by the sudden change in the tone of his voice.
"He's no good for you." He warned
"I disagree." She walked over to him, "I think he's exactly what I need right now. He does what he says he's gonna do. I enjoy his company, he makes me laugh." She paused, Dylan struggled to listen to her, anxiously staring at her lips. "I feel good around him. I feel like myself again." Dylan finally locked eyes with her and sighed.
"...It's not a bad thing." He finally drawled, "...I just wish you didn't get that feeling from him." He struggled to hide his frustration.
"Well," Her tone was firm again, "I can't get it from you."
"All cleaned up." Dylan smirked once Kelly had changed back into her clothes and wiped all the cold cream off of her face.
"About that." She began "Thank you for... going along with it."
"Well, it was tough but... somebody's gotta do it." He teased, causing her to smile. But her smile didn't last long. She looked at him closely, and he realized the tone had shifted.
"Dylan, I have to ask." She said seriously, "You... you throw a pie in John Sears' face for me, you defend me, you kiss me... but you won't take me back?" Her eyes were now pleading with his.
"Kel..." Dylan huffed, rubbing his forehead.
"Dylan." She urged, knowing that he was trying to pull away. "I want to take it back."
"I know." He soothed, trying not to hurt her feelings.
"Then, what is it? You don't trust me? You can't forgive me?" She provoked
"I already forgave you." He sighed again.
"Oh," She took a step back, "Well then that leaves... you just don't want me anymore." She looked at the ground
"No." He shook his head, "Kel... I'm crazy about you but... I'm not ready." He shot her an apologetic look before walking away.
"Tell me, Dylan. Why are you really here?" Kelly's hands now rested on her hips. Dylan looked down at her hips before finally speaking.
"I'm not ready to see you with someone new... It never gets easier." He revealed
"Well, I hate to break it to you, but you're married." She let out an exasperated sigh. Arguing with him definitely didn't get easier.
"Kelly." He raised his hand almost as if to ask her to stop talking about it.
"Do you think it's easy for me?" She ignored his reaction, "Because it's not." She said firmly, "My heart fell to my stomach when I found out you were with Brenda and you have a family. It crushed me. It was just as painful as the day you left me here. But I never made you feel bad about it."
"Actually I believe you called me insensitive." He corrected to which she scoffed.
"Well, guess you're getting a taste of your own medicine then." She folded her arms again.
"So you're gonna keep seeing this guy?" Dylan now stared into her eyes, his voice becoming harsher.
"Yeah." she nodded
Dylan scoffed, "You know he's using you."
"What are you talking about?" She rolled her eyes
"He's always been that way. You're just a trophy to him." Dylan continued to stare at her while she let out a frustrated chuckle.
"I know what you're doing. You're just trying to pull me away." She refused to take the bait.
"I was trying to stop you from making a mistake. But clearly I'm too late."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Now she was glaring at him.
"You already gave it up." He shrugged
"Wow you are an asshole." She hissed
"I'm the asshole? What about you? Talking about what is was like to sleep with him, knowing how it would affect me?" Dylan could not get what she had said the other day at the mixer out of his head.
"Because you never did that, right? You never took advantage of my weakness when I was with Brandon?"
"I was hurt, I was drunk and I was mad." Dylan defended
"Well now I'm mad." She walked right in front of him, "I'm so mad at you Dylan. You have no right to barge in here and make me feel bad for moving on with my life just because you can't move on with your own. Go home and fix your own shit. But don't you ever come in here and lecture me about what I choose to do with my body. Especially since... " She shook her head, and closed her eyes for a moment trying not to get emotional, "Since you were the one person who never called me easy."
"I didn't..." He said softly
"Yes you did." She regained composure and stood firmly, "Now get out!"
Dylan exhaled, wondering if maybe he should just respect her wishes. He began to walk to the door. Once he reached it, he realized what she was saying in between the lines, and he couldn't leave like this.
"I'm sorry" He turned back around, "I'm so sorry if I made you feel that way. I don't want to... But I can't leave. I know I have no right to tell you anything. But I can't let go, and if I leave now, it's gonna haunt me. I want to let you go... But you're under my skin." He wasn't apologizing for something in return. He was baring his soul, perhaps in the most faint way, but the only way he could.
She understood this, so before he could walk out the door, she grabbed his arm.
"... I didn't sleep with him." She finally breathed out.
I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison