AN: Tob2008: So happy you are enjoying it :))
It's An Addiction
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
"Tell me that's a coincidence!" Donna warned, still in shock over what she had just seen.
"Donna." Kelly uttered, trying to keep Donna calm.
"Oh my god." Donna drawled realizing it was exactly what it looks like. "Oh my god, oh my god, Kelly!" Her voice grew louder. She gasped, placing her hand on her mouth and shaking her head.
"Just let me explain..." Kelly pleaded quietly
"What is there to explain?!" Donna snapped "You're sleeping with him..."
"Donna..." Kelly closed her eyes and exhaled, as Donna started pacing around her.
"Why?" Donna shook her head again, "Why would you do this? How could you do this?"
"I know it's wrong... " Kelly looked down at the floor. "I wasn't going to go through with it at first, but he said this was the only way..."
"So wait... " Donna finally stopped pacing. "He got you to agree to this for... nothing?" Donna sounded even more bewildered and upset.
"It made sense at the time." Kelly said sheepishly
"I'm sure he made it make sense, he gets to have you on the side and keep his wife." Donna scolded
"They're not actually married." Kelly replied, once again sheepishly
"Oh Kelly, you think you're going to get out of this on a technicality?" Donna spat
"I'm not trying to get out of anything-" Kelly sighed
"-They are committed, they are raising their child together." Donna interrupted her, "They are a family."
"I know, I feel terrible." Kelly started to become restless
"Do you?" Donna's face fell as she looked at her, "...What if this gets out? How do you think Brenda will feel?" Donna paused "...You're having an affair, you're the other woman, again! Except this time not in a high school way, in a very serious, commit adultery kind of way."
"I know that, Donna." Kelly said irritably.
"No, you don't. You haven't thought that far ahead because you're still in the sex haze." Donna breathed out and started to calm down "...What if it was me? If you caught David with someone - doing this to me... How would you feel?" Donna's voice was softer now.
"...I'd kill them." Kelly shrugged with her eyes still burning a hole on the pavement.
"I know. So why didn't you come to me before this?" Donna urged
"I know it sounds crazy but it was a force beyond my control." Kelly looked helpless
"Oh come on, Kelly." Donna couldn't hide her disappointment
"Look I know you don't understand it." Kelly couldn't hide her frustration. "But can you at least understand that what I'm experiencing is real. I don't have the strength to let go. ...I love him."
"I know, I know you love him." Donna said after a beat. "But Kelly... based on what you've told me, does it look like he loves you?"
"Surprise!" Brenda opened the door to find Iris standing there with her bags and a big smile on her face. "Brenda, I'm so happy to see you!"
"Iris! Come in!" Brenda hugged her before closing the door behind them. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
"Well, when you told me it was James' senior year, I knew I had to drop by and wish him good luck." Iris made her way to the couch.
"That's sweet. He'll be glad you're here." Brenda said warmly.
"I thought I'd stay for a couple of days. You don't mind do you?" Iris looked up at her.
"Uh no, not at all." Brenda insisted, hiding her concern with how Dylan would take the visit. "Would you like something to drink?"
"Just water, dear." Iris said and Brenda headed to the kitchen to get it "...You know, if it weren't for you, I would have no idea what's going on." Iris shouted over from the couch. "Dylan doesn't tell me anything." She groaned
"Ah well, you know he's not the best at keeping in touch." Brenda kept the tone of her voice upbeat as she headed back into the living room with Iris' water.
"Thank you, dear." Iris took a sip of her water and Brenda sat down beside her, "I was surprised when you said you were moving back here. But it is so much easier for me to see you." She beamed
"I know." Brenda smiled, placing her hand over Iris'.
"So how is everything?" Iris asked giddily
"It's going well." Brenda tried to imitate Iris' enthusiasm. "The boys are good. Work is.. good."
"When you told me about the plays... wow! Incredible success..." Iris nodded "What about James? How is he adjusting to Beverly Hills?"
"He's okay... Just going through some high school stuff." Brenda replied sympathetically
"And Dylan?" Iris cocked an eyebrow
"He's... getting there." Brenda assured.
Dylan headed home in a pretty good mood. He closed the door behind him and turned to find Iris on the couch. "Iris?!"
"Hello, Dylan. Glad to see you too." Iris chuckled at the shocked expression on his face.
"What are you doing here?" He asked
"Can't I come see the family?" She asked, getting up to hug him. He sighed and hugged her back.
"Yeah but... Don't you ever pick up one of those things... What are they called..." He pretended to ponder, "Oh yeah, phones." Iris rolled her eyes in response.
"I better go unpack." She said after a beat.
"Oh your luggage is already in the room." Brenda said as she joined them.
"Thank you." Iris turned to Brenda before heading into the room.
"Unpack? Unpack?" Dylan whispered anxiously to Brenda until Iris was completely out of earshot.
"Dylan." Brenda exhaled
"She's staying? How long?" Dylan fidgeted
"Not long..." Brenda said sheepishly, biting her nail. She expected this reaction.
"Ugh Bren, why did you agree to this?" He rubbed his forehead.
"Dylan, she's family." Brenda insisted before consoling him "Look... It's just a few days. James gets to spend time with her and I'll make sure she doesn't drive you up the wall."
"Bren... " He sighed, wrapping his arm around her, "Even you can't guarantee that."
"James, grandma's here." Brenda announced when James got home from school.
"Grandma Cindy?" James gasped
"No, Iris." Brenda corrected
"Oh boy..." James chuckled.
"She'll be back any minute. Spend some time with her, will you?" Brenda insisted, and James nodded.
"Heard you're having a rough time this year." Iris walked into James' room.
"Uh yeah sorta." James looked up from his desk.
"Your mum told me." Iris sat on his bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine." James shrugged
"James." Iris eyed him suspiciously
"It's alright grandma... really." James chuckled
"You have a great laugh." Iris smiled at him, "It's a shame you're using it to hide your sadness."
"I'm not sad." He tried to sound convincing.
"Disappointed." She explained and he remained silent. "I would be too... It seems the more we allow ourselves to love, the more vulnerable we become. You opened your heart and 2 people you cared about let you down."
"It's more than that, grandma." He scoffed, "I don't know which is worse... To be burned by your cousin or the girl you love."
"So... what have you decided to do?"
"It's not really in my hands." James chuckled again
"Isn't it? Don't you decide the path of your life? I mean, if you want it all to be over, that's up to you."
"What do you mean, take her back? Because I'm not sure I want that."
"I'm not going to tell you what it means." Iris paused, "Here." She hands him a crystal from her purse. "This will give you strength. If you want peace, a more positive outlook, a chance to continue your story with or without these people you care about, this will help you move forward."
James took the crystal she handed him and looked back at her, "Thank you." He smiled sincerely. It was the first time he felt he had any power of the situation.
A couple days had passed. Dylan grabbed his phone and headed into the bathroom.
"Hello?" Kelly answered
"Where've you been?" Dylan said through gritted teeth, keeping his voice down. "You haven't returned my calls."
"...Donna knows." Kelly muttered
"What?" Dylan crinkled his forehead
"She saw us... at the hotel."
"Oh." Dylan huffed
"It's not good, Dylan." Kelly shook her head
"Donna wouldn't tell..." He assured
"That's not the point!" Kelly snapped
"I know..." Dylan drawled
"We need to just - cool it. It's gone far enough. I'm not doing this again."
"Alright." He sighed
"Alright?" She was surprised that there was no push back.
"This is... what you do. You get all panicky and go off, and well, then you calm down and come back."
"Seriously? How can you be so calm right now. Dylan, do you not realize what would happen if this got out. We're not in high school anymore."
"Yes I know." He said irritably. Not too keen on the lecture about to take place.
"Then why are you acting like nothing happened?!" She grew frustrated with his nonchalance.
"Because... " He huffed, "We'll figure it out, Kel." He said dismissively which only irked her even more.
"There is no we." She put her foot down, "You have your family and I have mine. And it's time we accept that."
"Fine. I gotta go." Dylan rolled his eyes and hung up. He could already hear Donna's influence. It had already planted seeds of doubt in Kelly's mind, and he was not going to bother with it. He had enough to deal with at home right now.
"Dylan? Dylan?!" Kelly called. "Ugh." She threw the phone on the couch.
Bukowski feared that without drinking, he couldn't write.
I feared that without drinking, I couldn't cope.
Now I fear that without her, I can't breathe.
He said he knew he should stop, so did I.
Why is it that every morning we are ready to take on the voices in our heads
Then come nightfall, we're restless, aching to drown them out.
It's an addiction, it's terrible for you.
For some, it's smoking. For others, it's drugs.
For me, it was alcohol... Now it's her.
Dylan had finished writing poem number 3. He sat back in his chair, lost in thought. Iris stood in the doorway, discreetly watching him from afar.
"Sorry about your boyfriend, Pammy." Jackie said apologetically once the Silver-Taylor family sat down for the family dinner.
"Which one?" Daniel joked and Delilah nudged him under the table.
"It's fine, grandma." Pamela forced a smile.
"Sorry I'm late." Erin came rushing through and grabbed a seat beside David.
"We thought you weren't going to show." Mel said with very little enthusiasm.
"Actually, I think you guys should hear her out." David turned to his parents.
"What's going on?" Kelly eagerly glanced at her brother and sister.
"Well..." Erin turned to David.
"She's going back to college." David grinned. The parents were relieved. "Told you to trust my parenting skills." He teased
"That's great!" Mel beamed
"Well, thank your son." Erin shrugged
"Actually thank Dylan." David added
Donna's face grew cold at the sound of his name. She subtly turned to Kelly who looked at the floor, feeling Donna's eyes burning the side of her head.
"Dylan?" Jackie cocked an eyebrow. "What does he have to do with this?"
"Well... he painted a clear picture of what things would be like." Erin sighed
Kelly let out a slow breath, pondering the day she met up with Dylan, feeling frustrated about Erin, David and the whole family situation. The old Dylan would have helped her forget her problems, which he did, but yet this time, he took it upon himself to help her family out.
To: Dylan
David told me about Erin...
Thank you :)
-Kelly
Kelly quickly placed her phone back in her handbag after sending Dylan the text. Before she could step back into the living room, Jackie joined her in the hallway.
"How's Cameron?" She asked, making Kelly jump in a fright.
"Oh you scared me." Kelly exhaled loudly. "He's... good."
"He's more than welcome to join another one of these family dinners."
"Jackie, I told you. He's not going to be around all the time. He has his own family."
"Just like Dylan."
"What?"
"I saw how tense you got when David brought him up."
"I didn't tense up."
"What's going on, Kelly?"
"Nothing."
"Now the baby you gave up is back in your life, you want to tell me Dylan isn't an issue."
"What are you talking about?"
"Surely this is bringing up a lot of past trauma."
"Mum. Drop it, please."
"Fine." Jackie folded her arms, "But I know that look I saw at the dinner table. And I'm warning you, Kelly. Don't let him back in. Having Cameron back doesn't make things alright with Dylan."
"So you want to tell me anything?" Iris joined Dylan on the couch that night after everyone had gone to bed.
"Not really..." Dylan shrugged, rubbing his tired eyes.
"No? The reclusivity of your writing, the hidden bathroom phone calls?" Iris observed him. Dylan turned to face her.
"Let it go... " He warned. His voice displayed his exhaustion.
"I know what's going on, Dylan." Iris said sternly.
It's like I can't breathe, it's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you, I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think, without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, in my dreams, you've taken over me
.
I'm hooked on you, I need a fix, I can't take it
Just one more hit, I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it, just one more time then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this