AN: Jram: I got you ;) Here's a LONG chapter :D
Guest: I don't know if I'm supposed to answer this :DD
Mature Themes
What Now? Part II
I found the one, he changed my life
But was it me that changed and he just happened to come at the right time
I'm supposed to be in love
But I'm numb again
Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two sided mirror.
Whatever it is, it's just laughing at me
And I just want to scream
Kelly woke up that morning. She struggled to get out of bed but she wanted to maintain as much normalcy as she could. She took off her dress that she had slept in the night before, having no strength to change for bed after the party. She was supposed to hop into the shower but she couldn't move. She felt an ache, a stiffness, and the intrusiveness she had experienced in between her legs. On one hand, she was given the most intense pleasure by the man she was in love with, the man she would do anything for. Remembering him inside her, she knew exactly why she'd always fall at his feet, no matter how much she hated herself for it. In that moment, in his arms, where she felt free, all she wanted to do was shout out her love.
But she fell from the high so quickly, knowing that he didn't feel the same. She just wanted the ground to swallow her whole, where could she go from here?
Wandering around aimlessly, feeling lost and defeated, made her an easy target. To be victimized right after, made her numb.
She threw on a sweater and underwear. Too mentally and physically exhausted to wash her face even, she headed into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. She then laid down on her couch, covering herself with the throw blanket, and put the TV on for background noise.
Brenda stretched her arms up as she woke up that morning. She eventually managed to pull herself up, feeling a slight headache from the alcohol. She then turned to face Dylan, who remained naked with the blanket covering his lower body.
She then got a closer look at his back and noticed the red marks all over it.
She let out a stiff exhale and got out of bed.
She made her morning coffee and sat at the kitchen table. Trying not to jump to conclusions, although her suspicious were becoming apparent, she wondered what to do now. So much for trying to keep the spark alive, she thought.
Dylan woke up shortly after. He came out of the bedroom, already dressed in a white t-shirt and jeans. He made his way towards her and kissed the side of her head. "Good morning." He said sleepily.
"Hm." She said, doing her best to force a smile.
"Listen, I gotta head to the office. Finish some paperwork." He said once he was on the couch, putting on his shoes.
"Right." Brenda nodded, not looking up. She grabbed the newspaper to appear busy.
"Where's Jimmy?" He asked
"He left a note. He's at the beach." She replied, her eyes on the newspaper.
Once the door closed behind Dylan, she did what she always did when anxious. She cleaned the house.
She then headed into the bathroom to do a load of laundry. She checked all the pockets - Dylan always left money or gum before throwing his stuff in the hamper. She finally got around to emptying his pants, and pulled out the underwear.
That was it: the smoking gun. She shook her head.
After a beat, underwear in hand, she grabbed her phone and dialed a number.
"Hey..." She breathed out. "Where are you?" She asked.
"Come over as soon as you can."
Dylan arrived at the Peach Pit After Dark and head straight into the office. David wasn't there, which prompted him to give Kelly a call.
There was no answer.
He then sat at his desk, looking at an empty sheet of paper.
He then grabbed a pen and began writing poem no 4.
Lord Byron's scandalous affair with a married Lady Caroline, although never publicly stated, is probably what led him to marry Annabella.
When an affair is so passionate and eccentric, there comes a time where a man would prefer to hide away quietly.
This reputation-ending venture may have destroyed him, but I tend to look back on tragedies with empathy.
I can relate to the irrational behaviours, the problematic sexual excesses, but I didn't carry the hate he did. I tried to be better. I tried to stand for something.
Mad, bad and dangerous to know. That's him and that's me.
But here's where we differ: His promiscuity, physical charms and good looks that made woman fall at his feet led him to make decisions that would have him ostracized.
I did my best to maintain my integrity. My mistakes were merely weakness, his were revenge.
"What is going on?" Valerie asked as soon as she got to Brenda's.
"I gotta tell you something. But it stays between us." Brenda warned once they were sat on the couch.
"You saw Rick again." She guessed.
"No." Brenda shook her head, "And you're not supposed to know about that, remember."
Valerie inhaled, watching Brenda fall silent. "Well, what is it?" She asked.
Brenda clenched her jaw before finally allowing herself to utter the words.
"I found Kelly's underwear in his pocket. In the pants he was wearing last night."
"You're kidding! Are you sure?" Valerie observed her. Brenda nodded. Valerie took a deep breath, shaking her head. "...So he's sleeping with her. But how? We were with him all yesterday." She examined. "Wait a minute... Do you think it's when he said he had to do something in the office?"
"His office is AT After Dark... Easy to get away for 20 minutes." Brenda scoffed.
"God, what a prick." Valerie hissed before rubbing Brenda's knee. "...I'm sorry."
Brenda exhaled.
After a beat, Valerie spoke again. "I didn't want to tell you last night... But I caught him looking at her."
Brenda scoffed again. "I don't care if he was looking at her!" She snapped. "Given their history... - we all have history! ...Ever since the long lost son situation came up, I've seen them around each other. I get that there's tension, I get that there's jealousy. I don't care about that! I just... I just never believed he would cross that line. Not again. Not after everything."
Brenda shook her head. "...Just because impulses are there that doesn't mean you act on them! It's called being a grown up!"
She paused. Valerie remained quiet, allowing Brenda to vent.
"And you know what really pisses me off?" Brenda's voice started to raise. "It's that I asked her. I asked her to her face if she was sleeping with him... she said no."
"And you believed her?" Valerie rolled her eyes, equally annoyed for her friend.
"It's not like Kelly to lie like that. She's not that good at it." Brenda groaned
"Maybe she was telling the truth then." Valerie reasoned, "Maybe at that time, she wasn't sleeping with him."
"Maybe. But she was last night." Brenda confirmed. "I know how she feels about him." Brenda paused again, trying not to get angry but failing.
"And then he came home and made love to me." She seethed with anger.
"Ugh." Valerie expressed her disgust "...What are you gonna do now?"
"I don't know." Brenda finally breathed out.
"Let's go confront her." Valerie offered
"I don't really care to see or talk to Kelly ever again." Brenda let out an exasperated sigh.
"Fine. Let's shove the underwear in his face. Better yet, burn it." Valerie insisted
Brenda finally let out a chuckle.
"No." She now pulled a straight face. "When I kissed Rick, I came clean. I'm going to see whether he'd do the same."
"Bren, enough with the high road. You're holding in so much. Let it out."
Dylan headed into the Peach Pit at lunch time. He found Steve, Janet and Pamela there having lunch. He waved hello and headed straight for the counter. He couldn't help but admire their family unit. Proof that sometimes, blended families work out and come out stronger.
Pamela then got up to go get a drink. Dylan turned to face her. She shot him a coy smile before ordering - never quite feeling comfortable around him, given the history and secrets he shared with her mother.
She really reminded him of a young Kelly. The same fluffy blonde hair and charming smile.
"Where's your mother?" Dylan asked, trying to sound like he was just making conversation.
"I don't know, haven't seen her yet." Pamela shrugged, "I stayed at my dad's last night but erm... she's probably with Mark." Pamela shot him another polite smile before heading back to her dad.
Dylan was planning to head back to After Dark but instead, he realized he had to do something else. Once he got in his car, he drove down some very familiar roads.
He parked his car in front of a familiar building and headed in.
"Remember me?" Dylan stood, leaning on the door frame.
"Dylan, of course." A man smiled up at him in a small office. "Wow it's been…"
"18 years or so." Dylan nodded
"Yeah… Haven't seen you since 1994" Ben smiled. "I still remember the email you sent me 2 years ago. About how you hadn't had a relapse in over a decade."
"Yeah… the last one was… " Dylan remembered the night he came crashing into Brenda's flat in London at 4am. "Wow… before my son was born."
"That's good to hear." His old sponsor was impressed.
"That's why I'm here. I was doing good with a drink or two, but last night… I almost went for the scotch, and not in a casual way." Dylan finally pulled up a chair beside Ben.
"Almost. That's good. You were aware of it, and you stopped it. But maybe you should cut out drinking altogether again for a while."
"Yeah… I've also been... struggling with my emotions."
"Dylan, has there been any major changes? Has something happened recently that's triggering you again?"
"Maybe. Since I've been back in Beverly Hills, it's been tougher." Dylan felt uncomfortable talking about it.
"Kelly?" Ben posed the question and Dylan looked up, surprised. "I told you, 1994. I remember." Ben explained.
"That whole thing... makes me tempted again." Dylan muttered, looking at the floor.
"You didn't... do anything, did you?" Ben asked, expecting him to read between the lines.
"No." Dylan said firmly, giving Ben a stern look. "I didn't behave like I did in the past."
"Good. So what's the problem?"
"She... still loves me." Dylan drawled.
"Dylan... that's the same thing you said in 1994." Ben wanted to make sure Dylan wasn't obsessing again.
"No. This time I know." Dylan affirmed.
"Okay, and?" Ben sighed
"I... have a wife and a son... She's the woman who sobered me up."
"...You married Brenda." Ben smiled. Dylan was surprised Ben remembered all this.
"It... was good to settle down. So I did." Dylan shrugged. "Be with who everyone says you should be with."
"And now, the one you wanted says she loves you, and you're lost again."
"Believe me, I'm trying to resist." Dylan leaned back on the chair.
"Are you though?" Ben questioned. Dylan let out a groaning sigh.
"...I know I should say no. I'm hurting her... I want to do the right thing. Leave her to heal. Like she did for me. I just couldn't stay away. And I'm not as focused as I should be." Dylan rubbed his eyes, exhausted.
Ben observed him before uttering "Ask yourself, why is she a trigger?"
"I don't know." Dylan groaned.
"Yes you do." Ben drawled. "So... the real question is... what now?"
Kelly headed to the bathroom. She pulled up her sweater and checked the bruise on her thigh. She then turned to the mirror to get a good look at the scar on her cheek. She put some cream on it and heard the doorbell ring.
She quickly grabbed some concealer and tried to cover it up albeit poorly.
She opened the door and saw Dylan. She attempted to shut the door in his face, but his hand reached up and stopped it. She was already walking back to the living room when he let himself in and shut the door behind him. He observed her, wearing her loose black sweater that she wore back when they were at the Hollywood sign in '93. He watched her bare legs and bare feet make their way back to the couch.
He then watched has she placed her blanket over her and resumed her snuggled up position on the couch. He sat on the coffee table, across from her. He noticed her face was pale. She had messy bed hair that she hadn't combed yet. Although he always loved looking at her fresh, natural face in the morning and her sexy bed hair, he could see she didn't look well. It wasn't like Kelly to not fix herself up all day.
"What's wrong?" He asked curiously
"Nothing." Her voice was barely audible and she wouldn't look up at him.
"You okay?" He grew concerned, watching her demeanor.
"I'm fine." Her voice cracked as she whispered.
"I can see that you're not." He spoke softly
She turned to look at him and he spotted the scar on her left cheekbone.
"What happened?" He leaned forward and attempted to touch her face.
She jolted as he tried to touch her, turning her face away from him. He noticed that he startled her.
"Kel..." He looked worried, reaching to rub her lap. His hand, unbeknownst to him, was placed where Mark had grabbed and bruised her.
"Don't touch me." She said anxiously.
"Okay, okay." He lifted his hands up, surrendering, keeping his tone low and soft. "Just talk to me."
Tears began to stream down her face. He wanted to comfort her, so he got up and moved beside her on the couch. She shivered once more, as his body sat right next to hers. His worst fear was realized, something really bad must have happened. "Did something happen?" He asked but she ignored him.
He tried to put his arm around her, but she cried out nervously again. "No!"
"Hey... hey," He soothed "It's me." He assured, "It's me."
She turned to look up at him, misty-eyed, and eventually embraced his hug, resting her head on his chest. She had to admit, being in Dylan's arms made her feel safer and protected.
He held her tightly, stroking her hair softly as she began to cry. "It's okay, baby." He consoled, closing his eyes - it was gut-wrenching for him to see her cry. "It's okay."
After a good cry, she left his arms to sit upright. She grabbed a tissue and took a deep breath.
He gazed at her softly.
"I was so vulnerable with you..." She began, "And you made me feel used."
He remained silent, feeling guilty about his behaviour last night - he wasn't going to interrupt her now. He wanted her to let it all out.
"And I just really wanted to go home and be alone, you know?" She wept. "But Mark... He saw us. And he-" She couldn't stop herself from sobbing again.
"He what?" Dylan leaned forward, growing even more concerned and tense.
"He came in here and... started yelling and... forced himself on me." Her voice cracked as she could barely say the words.
Dylan let out a shaky, fierce exhale. He was furious. He was heart-broken. "Did he..." He closed his eyes as he also started to tear, "Did he...rape-?"
"-Luckily," She breathed out, cutting him off. Neither of them wanted to think about that. "He didn't get very far... I hit him and he hit me back but... then he left."
After another heavy exhale, Dylan made sure to keep his cool around her, trying to control his temper. He pulled her in for a hug, and kissed the top of her head.
"I'll get him." He assured, "He'll pay for this."
"No." She pulled out of his embrace once more. "Don't. Please. Don't get involved."
"Kelly-" He urged.
"-No, Dylan." She slowly shook her head. "It's not your job to protect me anymore."
"It will always be my job to protect you." He affirmed, stroking her hair and looking her right in the eyes.
"You want to go to a doctor?" Dylan asked after bringing her a coffee from the kitchen.
"No. That won't be necessary." She whispered
"Even to talk to someone?" His voice was soothing but she shook her head. He observed her as she laid back down on the sofa under her blanket.
"Did you eat anything?"
"I can't even stand up to shower." Kelly sighed.
"You should try." He reasoned. "Wash yourself clean of... " He cleared his throat. "Everything that happened last night." He swallowed a gulp, struggling with it all - including the role he played in it.
"I want to..." She breathed out, her face displayed her inability.
After a beat, he got up and held out his hand, "Come here."
She hesitated at first, but eventually took his hand.
Kelly stood there in the bathroom, motionless. Dylan pulled her sweater over her head slowly. He then glanced at her.
"Listen, I uh." He spoke softly, knowing how vulnerable she felt right now. "I'm gonna need to take off the underwear, okay?"
She nodded. She appreciated how considerate he was. As much as she trusted him, she felt safer this way. He bent down and gently pulled down her underwear, making sure he wasn't being invasive. He then tossed it aside and took her hand, helping her get into the bathtub.
She sat there, shivering. He quickly turned on the hot water. He then took off his shoes and socks, and rolled up his jeans to step into the bath. He sat on the edge behind her, she remained between his legs. He grabbed the shower head and began to wet her hair.
She began to weep, feeling unstable right now. As much as she was glad he was here, it was still painful to be around him after what happened between them last night. Although the attack from Mark occupied her mind, it didn't help that she was already on the precipice of defeat after her fight with Dylan.
After shampooing her hair, he slowly rinsed it out.
He then kissed the top of her head, trying to soothe her before grabbing a sponge. He started caressing her back, giving her a massage to help her relax. Once he made his way down her back, he got up to kneel in front of her. Before he placed the sponge on her chest, he looked at her.
"Okay?" He asked for permission. She nodded slightly.
He brushed around her breasts and down to her naval. The lower his hand got, the more she fidgeted. He stopped in that moment and turned to her again.
"It's fine." She muttered before he said anything.
But as soon as he brushed the sponge in between her legs, she gasped in pain, tensing up as she felt a sting. She closed her eyes, trying not to whimper, and he could see she was visibly hurt and uncomfortable. He decided to pass on the area, and move down her legs, making sure to tread lightly where the bruise on her thigh was, then he made his way to her feet. Once he was done, he tossed the sponge aside and rinsed her off.
He pulled her up and wrapped the towel around her. He began to rub her arms to keep her warm. As she shivered, he pulled her close and held her tightly, with one hand cupping the back of her head.
"You want me to bring you some clothes?" He asked in a comforting tone, and she nodded. He reached up to cup her face, kiss her cheek and rest his cheek on hers for a moment before heading out of the bathroom.
He grabbed a pajama set from one of her drawers and was about to head back into the bathroom when Pamela stood before him. She had just come home, keys in hand.
"What are you doing here?" She looked at him suspiciously, "Where is my mother?"
"Your mum uh." Dylan sighed, "Needed some help... She'll tell you all about it. Here." He handed the clothes over to Pamela. "She's in there." He pointed to the bathroom. "Bring this to her and uh... take care of her."
He gave her a polite nod and slowly walked out the door.
Once Dylan got in his car, he took a moment before turning the key. He looked back at Kelly's house and exhaled.
"Mum?" Pamela popped her head through the bathroom door. Kelly looked over and exhaled.
"Are you okay?" Pamela walked up to her, trying to gauge the situation. "What's going on? Dylan handed me this." She showed her mother the pajama set.
"I uh..." Kelly breathed out, "I... sprained my ankle. It's fine - it just... hurts a little. I'm gonna need you to help me get dressed."
Pamela immediately helped her mother get dressed.
Then finally plucked up the courage to ask, "...What was he doing here?" Pamela asked, curiously.
"He uh just dropped by to help." Kelly said quietly.
Mark opened his front door and was immediately met with Dylan's fist.
Mark yelled out as he cupped his nose, looking at Dylan, but before he could protect himself. Dylan punched him again. This time, Mark fell to the ground.
Dylan leaned over him and grabbed him by the shirt. "You stay away from her. You hear me?!" He roared, punching him once more.
"If you even look in her direction or so much as speak her name, I'll be back to finish you off." He growled before shoving him and walking out.
Dylan arrived home and squeezed his now painful knuckles.
"Ah." He quietly gasped at the stinging.
He proceeded to head to the bedroom and found Brenda in bed, reading a collection of Baudelaire's poems.
He didn't enter the room. Instead, he stood there in the doorway for a moment, watching her. He turned back around to head to the living room but something stopped him. He then leaned on the door frame, his back facing Brenda. He then rested his head on it as well, and looked down at the floor.
"I'm still in love with her." He finally blurted out.
"I know." She replied, not looking up from her book.
The palpable tension filled the room. He let out a long sigh before standing up straight.
"...I'll sleep on the couch."
Dylan grabbed a pillow and blanket from one of the cabinets and threw it onto the couch. He then headed to the bathroom.
Once he closed the door behind him and turned the light on, he noticed the washing line was still up across the bathroom. And there was only one item left to dry on it - Kelly's underwear.
He froze in his place. He then picked up the underwear and let out an exasperated sigh, resting his head back on the door.
"Fuck." he whispered expressively, brushing his hair back with his empty hand before punching the door with the other hand that clasped onto her black lace panties.
What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out
What now? Please tell me. What now?
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know oh oh why?
So what now?