AN: Jram and Guest, thank you for the reviews :)
Tob2008: Appreciate the lovely words :))
Suffocating
A million shards of glass that haunt me from my past
I've been here before
But always hit the floor
I've spent a lifetime running, and I always get away
But with you I'm feeling something that makes me want to stay
"I'm gonna stay here with you." James decided after bringing in the last of his mother's bags to the Walsh residence. Dylan had left after dropping them off and bringing in the rest of the luggage.
"We said you can spend one week here, one with your dad." Brenda reminded
"I don't really want to stay with dad right now."
"Break his heart, why don't ya?"
"We're not seeing eye to eye right now." James shrugged
"Jimmy, don't do this." Brenda sighed
"I didn't do this. He did this." He warned
"Why are you putting this all on your dad?" Brenda urged
"Because it is. It's selfish."
"No it's not." Brenda interjected. "James, you have no idea how hard your dad worked to make things better when you were born. He did everything for us... He would always do anything for you. But you're one foot out the door soon, isn't he entitled to be a little selfish now?"
"...It's not fair." James huffed.
"Jimmy... you're not a little boy anymore. You gotta stop blaming the world." Brenda said before turning into the living room.
"Should have taken him for everything he's got." Valerie sighed as Brenda joined her on the couch.
Brenda laughed
"Come on, he's worth what? 10 billion? I don't even know how much money that is!"
"Val... If I asked Dylan for a million, you know he'd give it to me in a heartbeat. He'd do anything for us." Brenda explained. "I don't carry any resentment. I get to live my life and do what I want now. But no one should hate him. He is my son's father, and I could never look at him with anything other than love."
Val admired Brenda's strength. In that moment she wondered if she too could leave a marriage that was no longer fulfilling.
She turned to face her as Brenda eyed what was on TV
"You going to check out the live music later?"
"No... " Brenda exhaled. "Too tired from the move."
"Thought you weren't coming in 'till later?" Dylan asked as David walked into the Peach Pit After Dark
"I'm bringing you Jared's rider for the band." David threw the paper on the table and pulled up a chair to sit opposite him.
Dylan picked up the paper and read it.
David observed him.
"So you gonna spit it out... what everyone already knows?" David began.
Dylan looked over at him, "What does everyone know?" He said with that nonchalant drawl.
"You and Kelly." David pointed out
"Oh." Dylan exhaled
"Were you ever gonna tell me?"
"Honestly? no." Dylan shrugged
David exhaled. "Look i don't know anything about your relationship with Brenda. And Kelly can make her own decisions. It's not gonna affect you being here. If my sister's okay with, I'm okay with it."
"Okay." Dylan looked back down at the rider.
"But... " David paused. "Don't hurt her again."
Dylan breathed out slowly before getting up.
"Tell Jared... " Dylan began before throwing the paper on the table. "You can't put condoms on a rider."
"So... you and me stuck in one room together, huh?" Thomas lied on his bed and watched as James unpacked his suitcase. James was kneeling on the mattress on the floor. "Seems like the gods conspired against us to get us to talk."
"Shut up, Tommy." James groaned
"You're gonna need someone. And I'm all you've got." Thomas sighed
"I'll take my chances." James mumbled
"Come, on." Tommy groaned, now sitting up. "Talk."
"Not with you." James shook his head
"Fine. Talk to me like I didn't sleep with your girlfriend."
"That supposed to be funny?"
"No, it was supposed to be helpful."
James chuckled to himself. Thomas backtracking after admitting his feelings for Pam. Now she's just someone he slept with - can't be vulnerable for too long.
"...They got me a car. Some consolation prize." He rubbed his eyes, exhausted. "I'm just so sick of all of it. The secrets, the lies, the bribes..."
"Want my advice?" Thomas asked
"No." James grumbled as he finally stood up. Thomas shrugged in response. And James finally breathed out "...Fine." Allowing Thomas to throw in his two cents.
"...Take the car. And anything they're gonna throw at you." Thomas began, "That way, you don't owe them a thing - they've got nothing on you. You can do whatever you want. Go to college or not, study whatever you want, move to wherever you want, fuck whoever you want, marry whoever you want..."
"That's not all there is to life, Tommy. There is such a thing as standing up against what's wrong."
"It's never gonna be perfect." Thomas shook his head as if James was naive. "You're a voracious reader, you know better than anyone that when people try to make things look that good, they're not. If anything's that perfect, it's bullshit... Look at my dad: perfect model citizen, charitable politician... He ain't the perfect dad to me. He's a good guy but he can't make everything perfect... and he's killing himself trying to. He neglected us trying to."
"At least he's trying to do the right thing." James insisted
"At what cost?" Thomas leaned forward and James remained silent. "...Look, my mother told me a long time ago, you can't control what people do, you can't control what people think, but you can control how you react to it."
Kelly and Pamela arrived at the Peach Pit After Dark. Kelly felt extremely vulnerable among the crowds of people and was happy when David seated them in the V.I.P lounge. It was quieter and no one was hovering over her - everyone was sat at their own tables.
"Cameron's on his way." Pamela informed her after checking her phone.
"That's good." Kelly nodded, seemingly uncomfortable.
"You okay, Kel?" Donna asked
"Uh yeah." Kelly seemed frigid. She let out a breathy sigh. "...I'm just gonna go splash some water on my face."
Kelly walked along the little hall to get to the ladies' bathroom. Just as she passed the boys', the door swung open almost hitting her.
"Sorry." He said. Kelly turned around to see who the guy towering over her was.
"Oh. James." She smiled, relieved.
"Oh, hi miss Taylor." He nodded.
"Kelly." She insisted
"Kelly." He agreed with a coy, faint smile. She looked at him. He looked so much like Dylan, so much like Brenda. He was a beautiful boy, just like his dad. She offered him a soft smile, noticing that he seemed just as uncomfortable in this venue as she was.
"You okay?" She asked
"...yeah uh..." He mumbled. Not realizing why he allowed Daniel Silver to convince him to come or why his mother thought that this would be good for him. "...you?" He asked, just to be polite.
"To tell you the truth, I wanna go home." She lightly joked, which actually made him chuckle a little.
"To tell you the truth, me too." Or to what used to be my home. He thought.
"Try to have some fun. It's only your senior year once." She spoke softly.
"Thanks..." He offered her a faint smile, appreciating her warmth in this moment.
After the band finished their set, the lead singer headed over to David.
"Yo David, where should we sit?"
"Oh, up there in V.I.P. Take my table. No. 24. You and the band eat, drink - order whatever you want. On the house."
"Thanks!" Jared made his way up there while the rest of the band were still in the dressing room. Steve and Janet went to get drinks, while Pam and Delilah went to dance. David kept James company, and Donna went over to be with her husband.
"Is this table 24?" Jared asked
"Uh," Kelly being the only one at the table, looked at the table number. "Yes."
"So I park." He grinned, trying to squeeze into the booth with his guitar case.
"I liked your music." Kelly said once he sat down
"Thanks." He turned to face her. "I like pretty girls who like my music." He smirked before lifting his guitar case up. "Do you mind putting my guitar in the corner there?"
She nodded and they both attempted to put it down. "Why didn't you leave it in the dressing room?" She chuckled once they were done.
"No, she's my number one girl." He pretended to be offended. "Shaped like a woman too. Gotta be with me at all times." He grinned
"Why do all musicians use such cheesy one-liners." She shook her head. Although, she had to admit she was enjoying the light-hearted conversation. It helped keep her mind at ease.
"Well, guitarists aren't really known for being good with their words. We're good with our hands." He joked
"Oh my god." She playfully groaned. As she looked at the floor, giggling, he observed her.
"Do you wanna join me for the after party?" He asked
"I don't know..." She doubted
"Come on." He encouraged but she shook her head in response.
"I'd rather go home. Spend time with my daughter." She explained
"Your daughter, huh?" He exhaled. "Alright, how about you give me your number and we grab a bite tomorrow. Bring your daughter even. We'll eat at Chuck E. Cheese or something."
Kelly started to laugh. "My daughter's 17." She revealed
"Oh." Jared's eyes widened as he chuckled. "You look way too young to have a teenage daughter."
"I had her young." Kelly replied softly, quietly.
"Someone was having fun." Kelly remained silent. He then observed her and inhaled deeply. "Well... " He began, putting his arm around her, which made her uneasy. "How about we have fun together?"
"No..." She fidgeted, moving away. "Please don't do that." She said quietly, taking his arm off of her
"What's the matter?" He wrapped his arm around her once more, giving her shoulder a little squeeze. "MILFs tend to love me."
"No! Stop it!" She cried, standing up.
Just then everyone in the V.I.P section turned to face them.
"What's wrong with you?" He tried to brush it off with a chuckle.
"What's wrong?" David ran over. Steve and Noah followed from the V.I.P bar.
"Uh.." Kelly closed her eyes as Steve placed his hand on her back
"Kelly, you okay?" Steve asked
Dylan looked over at them, worried. She was surrounded by all of them. He wanted to be over there with her too.
"Just... take me to the bathroom okay?" She whispered. Kelly looked down at her top - a long sleeved, tightly-fitted, black V neck. For a moment, she wondered if the top was too low-cut. Like most victims, she struggled to be kinder to herself. She then shook her head again. Reminding herself that her clothes aren't the problem, and she needed to stop blaming herself for the trauma inflicted on her.
"Sure." Steve agreed, walking her over to Donna who was on the steps between the lounge and the dance floor.
Kelly walked over to Donna who was waiting for her. She took her to the bathroom.
"What happened?" David asked sternly
"I don't know." Jared shrugged. "We were just joking around and she flipped."
David stormed off
"What's wrong with you, man?" Noah shook his head, "That's the owner's sister!"
"He told me go over to that table. I thought she was a groupie-"
"-Was what?" Dylan interjected in that growly whisper, he was now standing behind Noah.
"Come on! I turn around and see a pretty blonde with boobs at my table, what am I supposed to think?" Jared started to get frustrated.
"I'd say you think about getting out of here." Dylan warned. "And if you wanna get paid for this gig, don't say anything else about that woman again."
"I'm not leaving without my money." Jared glared at Dylan who was already glaring at him.
Dylan exhaled and made a fist, about to get close enough to Jared -
"-Hey... Dylan." Noah held out his hand, blocking Dylan. "Jared, it's time to go."
Dylan ran over to the bathroom, trying to get over to Kelly. Just then Donna came out of there.
"Donna, hey... Is-is she in there?" He asked
"Yes." Donna nodded
"Is she okay?" Dylan was worrisome.
"She's fine." Donna assured, sympathetically. But Dylan couldn't stop staring at the bathroom door, anxiously.
"Dylan, don't worry." Donna assured again. "We've got this. We're her family..."
"I just... I just wanna see if she's okay." Dylan urged, he was all antsy.
"You can't..." She pleaded. He then turned to face her.
"You can't help her now, Dylan." Donna elaborated. "I know you mean well, but let her breathe. We'll take care of her."
"But-" Dylan objected
"Dylan... please. Let her be."
As soon as Dylan arrived home, he called Kelly.
"Hello?" She answered the phone.
"Your friends are keeping you away from me..." He whispered with a shrug. As soon as she heard Dylan's voice she immediately grew annoyed. She did not need this at all right now. After a shitty night, of course he calls, she thought. Way to rub it in.
"I'm hanging up now, Dylan." She warned
"Wait." He pleaded
"What?"
"You're gonna have to tell them about Mark eventually, Kel."
"Dylan." She warned again
"Kel, trust me. You need to talk to someone." He insisted. She exhaled in response.
"Please." Dylan whispered, "If you won't let me protect you, at least promise me you'll let them."
After she hung up, she heard a knock on the door.
"Cameron!" She was relieved to see him. "What brings you by?"
"I have a belated Christmas present." He said as he made his way to the couch.
"Aw that's sweet. But you didn't have to!" She joined him, sitting beside him.
"It's the least I could do after what you sent me."
"It was just a sweater." She chuckled
"A very expensive sweater, and a laptop." He grinned
"What laptop?" She crinkled her forehead
"The one you and Dylan got me... for college and... my writing." He said as he opened his wallet.
"Cam, I didn't- That wasn't me." She was confused
"Well the card said it was from my uh standby parents." He chuckled before sifting through his cards.
"Maybe he made a mistake..." Kelly sighed
"No, he put your name. Guess he wanted to include you." Cameron finally pulled out a little polaroid picture. "Ah! here it is!"
He pulled out a picture of a young Kelly holding him as a baby.
"According to my mum, that was the last day you and I were together before she took me home." Cameron handed it over to her.
"Oh my god." Kelly smiled, brought to tears
"I want you to have it." Cameron insisted and Kelly turned to him with a heartfelt smile. She gazed at Cameron. Half her, half Dylan. It was beautiful and painful looking at him all grown up now. She found herself unable to stop staring at him as his facial features looked so much like a teenage Dylan.
"...Thank you." She pulled him close, and cupped the back of his head, hugging him tightly.
Dylan parked outside Kelly's house about to go in. He then saw Cameron's car, and realized something.
He didn't know what he was going in to say in there. So maybe it was time he took his own advice.
When Cameron had a lot to say to his biological father and couldn't articulate the words, he encouraged him to write it down.
That's it. He thought. Write her a letter.
How do I live? How do I breathe?
When you're not here I'm suffocating
I want to feel love run through my blood
Tell me is this where I give it all up
For you
I have to risk it all
Because the writing's on the wall