AN: Tob2008: I'm glad you liked it! It was your cool idea to add the ring backstory, hope you approve :DD
Waiting For You
If I told you a secret, you won't tell a soul
Will you hold it and keep it alive?
Because it's burning a hole, and I can't get to sleep
And I can't live alone in this lie
So look up, take it away
Don't look down the mountain
If the world isn't turning, your heart won't return anyone, anything, anyhow
"I was done." Dylan sighed. "Because I did choose you, Kelly. I chose you everyday... and you ended up choosing yourself."
Kelly was about to speak but was caught by surprise when the front door flung open. Kelly quickly handed the ring back to Dylan. He glanced at her at the brush of her hand on his.
"Oh hi," James uttered when he saw them on the couch. He shut the door behind him and Kelly immediately stood up.
"I was just erm... leaving." She insisted, exchanging a quick, subtle glance with Dylan. James pursed his lips
"Actually, wait." He said as he joined them in the living room. He went over to the TV cabinet and pulled out a DVD. "...Take this to Pam."
"An affair to remember." Kelly read the title awkwardly as James handed her the movie.
"She was asking to borrow it and I totally blanked given... well, you know." James shrugged
Kelly nodded at him politely, "I'll give it to her. Thanks." She glanced at Dylan once more before making her way out the door. Dylan stood there, watching her leave.
Once the door closed behind her, Dylan turned to his son.
"So, son... what brings you by?" He asked
James rubbed his eyes, "Had to pick up some stuff for tomorrow so I thought, it's late, might as well crash here. It is my home after all."
"Yes it is." Dylan internally smiled, happy that his son was slowly coming back around. Dylan made sure to be subtle with his enthusiasm to match his son's nonchalance.
"Listen, about that-" Dylan pointed over to the couch, gesturing to where he and Kelly were sitting before.
"-Look." James cut his dad off and held up his hand in protest. "...I've got nothing against Kelly. She's pretty, she's warm... But just... don't expect me to jump on board right now. My family's changed for good because of this. I didn't ask for the 2 homes, a week with the Walshes, another at the McKays. You did this..."
"I know." Dylan whispered
"That's the thing... You make these decisions and don't realize that they affect everyone. Just like with Pam and Tommy, and what they did. We'd keep hurting each other until one backs down... " James huffed, "So you gotta give people time to be okay with it."
"Okay." Dylan nodded, "Take your time, I'll wait. I'm sorry..."
"No... " James groaned, shaking his head, "I don't want you to apologize for your feelings. Just recognize mine. And I'll try to be more understanding too. I don't need you to be perfect, dad."
Wow.. Dylan thought as a faint smile appeared, "Thanks."
"As mum said, it's your turn. It's your turn to be happy." James clicked his tongue.
"Hers too." Dylan sighed. "It's... hard to admit to your son but I don't want to lie to you. Being an alcoholic... I uh, I know I wasn't always as strong as I should have been for her. And she was always strong for me. There are sides of me she shouldn't have had to deal with."
"Dad." James turned to face him, "I never saw you drunk. I never saw how tough things were. My whole life, I had never seen anything that bad. And yeah, a lot of that is thanks to mum but... the rest is you. And I'm sorry if I didn't say it before but now I know, I know what you did for us. So... you deserve to be happy too."
Dylan offered a soft smile and patted him on the back before pointing at him and snapping his fingers, "You're getting smarter than your old man."
"Ah, that's not hard to be." James nonchalantly sighed.
Dylan laughed and pulled his son in for a heartwarming hug that James eventually reciprocated.
"Hi!" Pamela said once James opened his front door.
"Hey." James leaned on the doorway
"Thank you for the movie. I was surprised when my mother said you gave it to her."
"Consider it a peace offering." He smiled, folding his arms.
"Okay." Pamela smiled back.
"You wanna come in?" He asked
"Sure!" She beamed up at him.
"Want anything to drink? Water, soda?" He asked as she made her way to the couch.
"Soda would be nice." She said once she sat down.
"Okay." He grabbed one from the fridge and joined her on the couch.
"So..." He began, "Why'd you love that movie so much anyway?" He crinkled his forehead
Pamela took a sip of her soda and sighed. "...I like the idea of taking control of your life... How many moments in life can you point to and say 'That's when it all changed'?" She paused, "...There's something about being so present in the moment that you don't let something life-changing pass you by... To say 'be my love forever' and actually know the pivotal moment you made that choice. Not many people can pinpoint a moment in time and say 'that's when I knew, that's when I knew I pick you to love forever.'"
"The grand gesture." James exhaled
Pamela shook her head, "That's the beauty of it. The simplicity of making such a personal decision. It's not a grand gesture at all, it's a grand visceral feeling." She explained, "You see, when you pay attention to what your body feels, you get out of your own head. And then, you don't make the mistake of regretting that you didn't say enough."
James remained silent. Tommy had said something eerily similar to him the other day. And in that moment, James realized that he didn't feel the way Tommy felt about Pamela. He didn't feel what they were both describing. He had a lot of love for her, but he was no longer in that place.
"Sounds like you've been reading some great novels." He finally began, teasing her a little.
"Well, it was bound to happen... after a year with you." She teased back.
"I'm sorry." He joked
"I'm not." She said seriously as a smile spread across her face. He smiled back.
"...You know, I never did thank you." He added
"For what?" She asked
"You coming over to check on me that day... I know I can lash out at times, but I've never had a friend who was able to see past that, and not take it personal."
Pamela gazed at him softly, "What are friends for." She smiled. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Listen... " She continued. "About my dad's wedding..."
"You know, I completely forgot about that. Who has their bachelor party before Christmas and their wedding after new years?" James chuckled
"My dad, for one." She joined in on the chuckle, "He figured it would be a whole month of drinking every year." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I'd still love to go together, if you still want to?"
"I'd love that but..." James shrugged, "Pam, I think... I think there's maybe someone else you could ask."
An exhale left her lips as Pamela glanced at him. She understood exactly what James was saying but wasn't expecting it. Perhaps, she wasn't ready to hear it out loud.
Tommy was about to park his car outside the bungalow to go in and visit James but then he saw James letting Pamela out the front door. He remained in his car as he watched her smile and hug him goodbye. He felt something in the pit of his stomach, and realized he couldn't quite stomach a conversation with James right now since his mind would just run wild, wondering whether something was going on between them. He then drove off, wishing it didn't bother him so much, not wanting to admit that what really bothered him was that he wanted his cousin's girl.
"Was that Pam?" Dylan asked, heading into the living room.
"Yeah, she wanted to thank me for lending her a DVD."
"An affair to remember." Dylan breathed out, sitting on the arm of the couch.
"Yeah..." James replied
"She's really obsessed with that film." Dylan chuckled
James smiled to himself. "...I don't blame her."
Dylan observed his son who seemed deep in thought. "What is it?" He asked
"Nothing," James shrugged, "It's just... something she said about turning your life around."
"What do you mean?" Dylan asked curiously
James sighed, "Look, I'm not thinking about heading to New York to climb up to the top of the Empire State Building for love or anything like that. But... I get how empowering it is to step up and make a change. Make a choice. For her, it might be choosing to be with the one you love... For me, it's simply recognizing that pivotal moment to live a life you want to live, and not letting it pass you by." James felt like he was no longer a victim of the stress and mess that latched onto him, and he was finally able to focus on being who he chose to be, gaining control over his emotions.
Dylan pondered on that thought. The message his son and Pamela took away from the movie was quite admirable. That's the power of storytelling, he thought. When it makes you feel something beautiful, inspirational. And Dylan became inspired.
"Dad?" James interrupted Dylan's thoughts
"Yeah?"
"You dropped this." James picked up a piece of paper that fell out of Dylan's bag.
"Oh it's the floor plan. Trying to arrange seating for tomorrow."
"Are kids invited to the After Dark New Year's eve party?" James grinned
"You know the drill. No alcohol under 21."
For years I've tried to distinguish between love and addiction. But I've slowly realized that love is borderline addiction.
The high you feel when amorous thoughts of your lover are presented to the mind; the lows you endure when your lover leaves you behind.
It's no different than the effects of cocaine. Withdrawal stops you from eating and sleeping, much like a broken heart. A dose of desire can give you strength you never knew you needed.
Maybe that's why I could never describe what I feel for her.
But if there's anyone who can put my feelings into words, it's perhaps one of the greatest writers to ever live: Honore de Balzac. His love affair with Evelina Hanska helped him put passion to paper. And below, I borrow his words, as I've never related to anything more:
I am nearly mad about you, as much as one can be mad
I can no longer think of nothing but you. In spite of myself, my imagination carries me to you. I grasp you, I kiss you, I caress you, a thousand of the most amorous caresses take possession of me. As for my heart, there you will always be — very much so. I have a delicious sense of you there. But my God, what is to become of me, if you have deprived me of my reason?
There is a frightful conflict. This is not a life. I have never before been like that. You have devoured everything. I feel foolish and happy as soon as I let myself think of you.
Overcome with love, feeling love in every pore, living only for love, and seeing oneself consumed by griefs,
I said to myself 'She is mine!'
Dylan finished poem no. 6, and immediately called Lindsey after attaching it to an email.
"I received it." She said as soon as she answered the phone.
"Good." Dylan grinned
"What about the 7th?" She said sharply
"As I said, it's taking on a new shape." Dylan rolled his eyes. Lindsey was one hell of an editor; she never missed a thing.
"Dylan, it was 7 poems, 7 days." She reiterated
"...It's still inspired by writers that helped me... It's just... that's not the name."
"So, wait. Now you want a new title?" She groaned
"...An affair to remember." He drawled
"That's a film." She huffed
"And the title." He said
"Well, you've missed the deadline, so take your time. It'll take a month or two to be published at this rate." She said before hanging up.
It was New Year's eve and David and Dylan were hosting the party of the year.
Daniel, Delilah, Pamela and Cameron were on the dance floor, while James decided to stay on the other end of the room and keep Thomas company. The boys kept the night light, making jokes and avoiding any topic that involved Pam's name.
Brandon, Valerie, Brenda and Rick decided to have their own New Year's eve party at the Walsh house.
Donna stuck by David to make sure he wasn't busy supervising work when the countdown begins. Steve and Janet were dancing near the kids, and Andrea went to visit her daughter in Yale.
Kelly had finished her drink and conversation with Noah at the bar when she decided to wander around and take a look at the decor. Just then, Dylan, who had been hiding away in his office, crept up behind her.
"Happy new year." That husky voice had her stopping in her tracks. She turned around to face him
"Happy new year." She said quietly. "The uh, place looks great. A little chaotic but-"
"-That's the point. It's not supposed to match. David and I decided that messy, artistic chaos summed up the year well."
"Ah, you always had a thing for symbolism." She lightly chuckled. "So... I guess that's the reason behind the name of the party?" She pointed to the flyer on the wall
"Yep." He grinned, "That's why we called it 'Breaking All The Rules.'"
She couldn't help but smile back at his charming smirk.
"...You wanna get out of here?" He asked
"What about work?" She cocked an eyebrow.
"Everyone seems to be happy. My job is done." Dylan sighed as he looked around before turning back to face her. "So, what do you say?" His eyes narrowed on her from her red lips down to her red dress that tightly hugged her curves.
He held out his hand. She looked down at it and back at him. Her lips curled into a smile as she held his hand.
He led her outside and into his car.
And you stand at the crossroads of high roads and low roads
And I've got a feeling it's right
If it's real what I'm feeling, there's no make believing
The sound of the wings of the flight of a dove
So take me, don't leave me
Baby, love will come through, it's just waiting for you