AN: Thank you for all the guest reviews. Really appreciate you taking the time to comment xx

Lex: The only thing I can say is there will be an exchange/face-off between Brenda and Kelly at the wedding :O

Tob2008: Oh yay! that makes me so happy! :D

What Can I Say

Look to the clock on the wall, hands hardly moving at all

I can't stand the state that I'm in, sometimes it feels like the walls closing in.

Try and bury my troubles away, drown my sorrows the same way

Seems no matter how hard I try, it feels like there's something just missing inside.

Kelly sat on a couch in tidy room with very pale walls. She sat there, twiddling her thumbs as her therapist studied her.

"So, Dylan has given you an ultimatum." Ellen began.

"Another one." Kelly scoffed. "I swear I'll be happy to never come across another ultimatum in my life."

Deflecting, the therapist wrote in her notebook before looking up at Kelly again. "And he told you to choose him." "

Kelly remained silent.

"You said he thinks you constantly pushed him away."

"No, no don't you do that." Kelly shook her head, "That's not fair! He's the one who left me here many times, all alone! And then claims I'm pushing him away!"

"Kelly, we're not pointing fingers here. We're talking about you. Let's focus on your actions."

"I did not push him away." Kelly murmured

"Yes, you did, Kelly." Ellen insisted, "You kept pushing him away. You're doing it now. Why?"

"He never actually gave me the ring now did he? He wasn't going to stay."

"That's what you keep saying. In high school you told him to stay with Brenda because he wasn't going to stay anyway. In college, you got attention from other guys because he wasn't going to stay anyway. You didn't choose him over Brandon because he wasn't going to stay anyway... sensing a pattern?"

"Okay no. I told him to stay with Brenda because she was my best friend and she loved him. I got attention from other guys because I sure as hell wasn't getting it from him. He was moping around about college and frat boys, inadvertently doing exactly what he claimed I was doing: pulling away! And... I didn't choose him over Brandon because he was an alcoholic and was going to continue to self-destruct."

"So you decided to make his decisions for him... "

"No, that's not what I'm saying-" Kelly shook her head nervously

"-Because you're afraid, Kelly. You're afraid that if you don't leave first, you'll have to watch him leave. And you couldn't bear it."

"I have watched him leave many times."

"On your terms." Ellen clarified

"This is ridiculous!" Kelly snapped

"Why, Kelly? Why do you pull away? Why do you leave first?"

"...I don't-" Kelly tried to argue

"-You know why." Ellen said defiantly.

Little 2 year old Kelly slouched down at the top of the stairs, looking down at her parents who were the middle of a fierce row. Her dad's bags were packed and only one remained by the door. Kelly had watched him place each on in his car. Jackie was screaming at him. Kelly no longer covered her ears, she could understand it all. The energy in the room made sure she felt it all.

"Go ahead, leave. It's what you do best!" Jackie scorned as she stood right in front of Bill. "Kelly may think she needs you but I sure as hell don't."

"Yeah, yeah." Bill said dismissively before growling "Enjoy the house that I paid for!"

"I don't need your money. Get out!" Jackie yelled and Bill went to open the front door.

"No! Daddy, no!" Kelly cried out as she raced down the stairs. She grabbed onto her father's leg.

"Kelly, daddy has to go." Bill huffed with a sympathetic sigh. "I'll see you real soon."

"No!" She wept, holding onto him tightly. Bill started to get anxious as he tried to wriggle out of her grasps. He attempted to pull her hands off of his leg but struggled to upset her.

"Jackie, take her will you?!" He yelled with an exasperated groan. But Jackie stood there with her arms folded.

"Go ahead, Bill. Tell her. Tell your daughter that you're leaving her." She hissed and Bill glared at her before turning to Kelly. With an insecure murmur, he attempted to reassure his daughter again.

"Kelly, I have to go! I'll be back soon." He insisted but Kelly refused to let go. Bill started to get agitated, unable to handle it. "Now just- just let go of daddy's leg." He tried to pry her away once more. "Kelly." He now said firmly before he succeeded in pulling away.

He rushed out the door and Kelly fell to her knees as she cried her little heart out.

Jackie locked the door behind him.

"No!" Kelly bawled rushing to the door. "I want my daddy!" She banged on the door, hoping it would open. Jackie sighed as she watched her.

"Kelly, stop." Jackie tried to get her attention but Kelly wasn't hearing her. "Kelly, look at mummy."

Kelly continued to bang on the door, crying out for her father. Jackie finally headed over to her and got at eye level.

With a stern look on her face and a firm tone in her voice, Jackie held onto her daughter's arms. "Kelly, you better stop crying, or you'll be crying every time a man walks out of your life. It's better to learn now, there are some men you can't count on. So don't rely on one, ever."

"Hearing your mother talk about men that way must have affected your relationships." Ellen began

"I felt I always wanted to prove her wrong. So I'd try to capture their attention... Do whatever to make them stay." Kelly sighed

"Until Dyan."

"Yeah." Kelly sighed as she shook her head. "That's why with Dylan it was even scarier."

"So you decided to take preemptive measures." Ellen observed her.

"...I knew if he left, it would be as painful as it was when my dad did. He knew me. I could swear he knew me before he even met me."

"Let's talk about that then. Let's talk about that connection."

A memory of her in the second grade quickly sprung to mind. She was at the playground, swinging on the swing. She was aiming higher and higher, wanting to feel like she was free and flying. For some odd reason, she couldn't explain it - perhaps only Dylan could ever explain this kind of thinking - she decided to jump off the swing. She felt she wanted to free fall as if it would somehow relieve her of the void she felt.

She jumped off and scraped her knee. Everyone at the playground turned to face her as she stood there bleeding, trying to smile, pretending everything was fine as per usual.

Among the children, only one stood up and headed towards her.

"Hey, Kelly." The boy introduced himself, "I'm Dylan in Miss Doveetch's class with you." He began but Kelly remained silent. "We were in Miss Carny's kindergarten class together." He explained further.

"I know who you are." She whispered, half embarrassed, half in a daze.

"Listen erm..." Dylan looked at her knee, "You're bleeding."

"I'm fine." She uttered. Dylan sighed before trying again.

"It's not fine." He observed her once more. "...There's a first aid kit in the bathroom." He looked in her eyes and suddenly he noticed something. Her eyes displayed more than she could verbally express. He clicked his tongue and breathed out, "Come."

He grabbed her hand and took her into the girls' bathroom. He then climbed up onto the vessel sink counter and grabbed the first-aid kit from the shelf.

Once he cleaned and bandaged her wound, he looked up at her and stood up.

"There." He shot her a half smile. "That's exactly what they did for me when I hurt myself."

Kelly looked down at her knee and then back up at him.

"Thanks." She whispered appreciatively

"Just uh change the bandage when you get home." He reminded, offering her another warm smile. But she didn't return the gesture.

She seemingly stared into space as he headed over to wash his hands in the sink.

"...He said he would be here." She said ever so quietly. Dylan turned to face her. She seemed to be talking to herself. "He said we would come here together... He didn't come."

Dylan dried his hands with a paper towel and studied her.

"Your dad..." He instinctively knew. After all, the look in her eyes hit too close to home. He wore that look too many times himself.

"He said he's busy. That he'll come soon." She sighed, now a little more present. She then turned to face him. "He'll come, right?" Tears began to fill her eyes. She couldn't cry about this at home, Jackie would tell her to get over it, triggered by any mention of Bill.

"I hope so." Dylan sighed, sympathetically.

Kelly was sitting with her friend Tiffany Morgan at their desks, laughing and joking around in the 7th grade classroom while Dylan remained in the corner, quiet, keeping himself to himself.

Their teacher had been handing out letters to everyone, leaving only a couple of children out. Once she got to those kids, she called them over to her desk. Among those children were of course Dylan and Kelly.

"Tell your parents I really need them to come in." The teacher said softly, "I need to speak to them."

"My mum's still in New York, I doubt she can make it." Kelly quickly chimed in.

"My dad's away on business." Dylan added.

The teacher sighed in frustration but made sure not to seem too irritated in front of the kids.

"Well, I'm sorry kids but unless they sign the permission slips, you two won't be able to join us on the field trip to the observatory."

As Kelly left the school building, she threw her backpack straps over her shoulder, as she began walking home.

"Hey Kel!" A voice called out. Kelly turned around and smiled as she spotted Dylan McKay. They may not have hung out much but whenever they got the chance to talk or be around each other, they felt good. It was an unspoken bond that felt comforting.

"You heading this way too?" She asked, smiling at him as he caught up with her.

"Sure, want some company?" He asked and she nodded.

"So..." He began as they walked home from school together. "What you gonna do about the field trip?"

"I don't know... Wait 'til Jackie's lucid." She joked and he laughed.

"Listen... " He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her. "Come by the hotel sometime. No one's home and there's a pool and stuff." He encouraged, wanting to spend more time with her. God knows they could use the escape.

"Okay." She said sweetly. "Sometime."

Just then, Nina drove up and called out from her convertible. "Kelly! Get in. I'm on my way to your house."

"What?" Kelly asked

"Your mum's back from New York. She said your dad called! I think he's here. Says he wants to see you this weekend."

"Really?" Kelly's eyes lit up.

"Sounds like it!" Nina exclaimed.

"Oh my god." Kelly beamed before she turned to Dylan.

Dylan offered her a heartwarming smile. "I'm happy for you, Kel."

She began to squeal with excitement, about to hug Dylan but stopped herself awkwardly.

"Oh well..." She was about to head to the car before shooting Dylan a soft shrug. "Guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah." Dylan shrugged, smiling back at her. But before she took a step forward, he called out, "Oh and uh, Kel." He paused as she turned to face him. "If you need someone to forge Jackie's signature, I know a guy." He smirked, and she chucked before heading off.

She entered Nina's car and Dylan watched them drive off, saddened by the fact that he knew all too well that Kelly's dad was about to let her down. After all, he had been through it himself many times.

At the observatory, Kelly sat with a very nervous Kenny Biller.

"You erm..." Kenny cleared his throat as he fidgeted. "...You look nice, Kelly."

"Thanks Kenny." Kelly smiled softly. "You too."

"Really? I mean, thanks." He stuttered.

Deena stretched her arms up over her head and yawned. "I'm already bored. Are you bored?" She turned to face Dylan. "Oh you're not bored."

She watched him as he watched Kelly. "What do I gotta do? Dye my hair blonde?" She teased

"Huh?" Dylan finally looked at her

"You're totally checking out Kelly Taylor!" Deena chuckled

"No, no. I'm not!" Dylan quickly protested. "Just... observing."

"Observing what?" She tested

"...Kenny, he's trying to make a move." Dylan pointed over to them.

"No way." She shook her head, "He doesn't have the guts. I can hear him stammering from here!" Deena joked and Dylan laughed.

"Hey red!" Dylan called over once Kelly had exited the Observatory. The kids were scattered around on the roof as the teacher and chaperones made sure they were all there.

Kelly, in her red dress, turned around to see if it was her being called. She saw Dylan smiling at her. It was the first time this pre-teen saw her in a more mature way. It was something about that dress and how the color suited her.

It seemed like time had stopped for a moment on this roof with this view, and the girl in red. Little did he know this little memory would always be a pivotal moment in his life and prominent in his mind.

"Hey!" She grinned

"Nice dress." He smirked. "...Had fun?"

"Yeah it was... okay." She put on a brave smile as always.

Dylan studied her. "...I'm sorry about your dad."

She looked him in the eye, confused. "...How'd you know?"

"I had a hunch." He shrugged. He could see it in her eyes. It's the same look he always had. Kelly looked down at the floor. "Come on," Dylan encouraged, holding out his hand, "Let's go." He dragged her over to the lines the teacher had ordered them to stand in before they all headed home.

"Your father promised he'd come back, didn't he? And he never really did. Not in the way you hoped anyway." Ellen realized

"...He always says he's sorry." She finally breathed out as the tears began to fall. "He's said it so many times, it's not even a word. Just a sound, with no meaning."

"Is that why you push Dylan away? Afraid of your deep connection with him. Afraid to lose the only other man that means the world to you. You don't believe him when he gives you his word because your father never honored his. So you give up."

Kelly huffed before answering: "I'm not the one who gave up here. Dylan left me. He got drunk and hurt me. He disappeared in college. He went back to Brenda. Believe me, he gave me plenty of reasons not to trust him."

"So you push him away to another woman, wait to lose him to a bottle... It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You stand back and wait for him to fail, so that you can say 'See, I was right! I couldn't trust him.'"

Kelly leaned back on the couch, troubled by her thoughts as she remembered every time Dylan left. She wondered if maybe Dylan and her therapist were saying the same thing: she pushes him away until he obliges.

But it wasn't that simple, she thought to herself. He didn't always have the strength to fight for her, for them. Maybe that wasn't his fault. God knows he had seen enough dysfunctional relationships in his life. He probably didn't have it in him to continue to fight if he felt she wasn't fighting for them either.

But the only thing worse than all of this miscommunication and hurt over the years, was missing out on so much with Cameron. Although she knew that looking in the rearview mirror was pointless, she should just focus on the time they have now. But when trying to heal her trauma, it all kept coming back up.

As she walked out of that therapy session there were only two things on her mind: First, did she have enough courage to meet him at the BelAge on Saturday and give this a proper go? despite the fact that he hadn't said I love you back after she poured her heart out that night at the PPAD. Second, she knew one thing was for certain, her life was never as vibrant as it was when he was in it.

How many rules can I break? How many lies can I make?

How many roads must I turn, to find me a place where the bridge hasn't burned

Oh lord, what can I say? I'm so sad since you went away

Time, time ticking on me, alone is the last place I wanted to be