On the other side of Pentagram City, Alastor arrived at the Happy Hotel. Other than a few guests, there were only Charlie, the princess of Tartarus, Vaggie, the manager of it and Husker, the bartender, he personally picked for the job. Nevermind he didn't yet show up sober during any working day and was quite open about stealing booze meant for guests from the counter.

Radio Demon figured that if he was about to spend the rest of the day, week or the worst case scenario that whole month, stalking Niffty, he would need a babysitter. For sure, Vagatha can't be that busy working as a manager and Charlotte loves everything that's cute. Why couldn't they look after a baby?

He was also hungry so why not use a hotel's restaurant?

Without a word he sat down and noticed that two ladies of the hotel joined him during his meal.

Charlie was looking anxiously at Alastor. She was sitting on a chair in front of him when she finally decided to break the silence.

- I'm so sorry, Al! - She closed her eyes, and pulled her hand together in a begging gesture.

- For what? - Stag asked, putting a piece of chicken on his plate.

- My dad did something terrible, right?

- Yes, he did. Plenty of terrible things, in fact. But that's what was expected. He is litteral personification of evil.

- Then let me help you, I can talk him out of it. Whatever it is!

- Charlie, my dear, I'm afraid I have no idea what you are talking about, and also, please don't apologise if you don't know what you should be sorry for.

Her eyes teared a bit.

- So, you are angry at me!?

- Why would you think that? - he asked in even bigger confusion.

- Well, hello, then what was that anti-snakes propaganda you've been posting the whole day!? - Vaggie screamed. - And good luck pushing Adam as a role model here. He wasn't exactly King's Lucifer favorite mortal if you know what I mean.

- Oh, that… I forgot Lilith was once with Adam. So wife stealing is in their slippery DNA from the moment of creation? Great! Just great! - He bent a fork in his hand.

- My dad stole your wife?! - Charlie panicked. Why would he do that? Does mom know about it!?

- What? No. It's that Black cobra idiot, again. The one who comes here every now and then to bomb our hotel, for no reason. I don't know why he claims me and Angel started it. I don't even remember how I met him.

- Ugh, I know, right? - Princess agreed. - But what does Sir Pentious have to do with Niffty?

- Well, she left home yesterday… for some reason… - he half explained. - And I found her this morning in his apartment claiming they have a deal and now, my sweetheart, naive saltlick is forced to work for him! No doubt I have to help her.

- Oh, Alastor, how…? - Charlie started but was interrupted by her girlfriend.

- So what did you really do? - Vaggie asked.

- Nothing! Ok, so I may have kissed Rosie - he turned his face. - But it was her kissing me, and that's when Niffty saw her!

- Oh, so in short you cheated, she got pissed off and left your sorry ass? - Husker stated. - Women, am I right? - he gulped from the whisky flask.

- I know getting her out of contract with sir Pentious won't be easy but I already started working on a plan!

- That's wonderful, Al! - Charlie clapped. Knowing Alastor and Niffty, she expected to hear something super romantic. - How are you going to convince her?

- I will call her, tell her that Ton-Ton is sick, and when she comes home to check on him I lock her in a bathroom for a month until her deal will be over, and voila! We're gonna have our happily ever after once again! - He spread his arms with a huge smile. The piece of paper appeared in his hand. - I will remind her that the only contract she needs in Hell is this one. Our marriage certificate!

Charlie frozed. That was not going to happen on her watch.

- And how one would lead to another? - Vaggie asked with sarcasm.

- I said I'm working on the plan, not that it's fully prepared. I can work on details while she is in the bathroom. - Radio Demon hissed.

- Or you can always try to sing to her. - Vaggie suggested. - Back where I lived we had men using mariachi bands to apologise.

- Right! - Charlie applauded. - And we can help you!

- Speak for yourself, princess…- Husker protested.

- You should write Niffty a song! - Charlotte was excited.

- Wonderful idea, she just loves my singing! I will win her back in no time.

- What does she like? - Charlie asked, trying to come up with the tune.

- Well, she likes me, of course. - He confidently stated.

- Ugh…

- Oh, and she likes my cooking, and when I hug her, and how irresistible I am...

- Al, I don't think that would work… - Charlie tried to raise her concern.

- That's just perfect! I just wrote a song about me! This will for sure remind her that I'm the only one for her and come back immediately!

Alastor took a pen and paper and started to scramble some letters. After an additional few minutes of silence he finished and handed his work to Charlie.

- Now, guys, tell me what you think. Pretty amazing for a first draft, if I may say so myself.

Charlie started to read.

- I… this is lovely and all, but maybe use some pre-existing song? - She smiled hopefully.

- Why would I? Any song I know isn't about me and Niffty.

- Husk, you know him longer. - Charlie pleaded. - Tell him that those lyrics are…

- Eh, *hick* I don't give a fuck about his love life.

He mutter and reads a bit out loud:

- "Oh, Niffty, my love, my saltlick, go home and stop wearing that maid suit. Although you know what, take it with you, we can use it later…." - He looked at Al. - I think this is not your best work, sorry to say. "We are the perfect match, and not just metaphorically speaking, I know, since not much is fitting inside you. So why are you looking at that snake, he's too big for you anyway." Huh?! Why would you mention that?!

- Well, Niffty likes it, so I think it's obvious why I would be there.

- Are you really going to brag about how small your dick is? - Vaggie asked. - In a ROMANTIC ballad!?

- Oh, please, I know your secret. Niffty already told me that all girls are into small ones when she first saw me naked.

- I think she might protect his feelings. - Charlie whispered.

- Yeah, but at the same time, imagine if he actually sings about it in public… - Vaggie snicker a bit.

- "You must understand that I'm so charming that I'm the answer to all your prayers."? - Husk read more. - "Please, come to me and brush my fluffy fur, rub me behind the ears, I really, really want your attention." Geez, Alastor… I'm drunk and even I can tell this is too much information. "Stop ignoring me. Also cobras stink, just for the record."

- So, this is the first verse. What do you think I should put in a chorus? - Radio Demon widens his smile. - It's quite good, but in the second verse I need to focus more on me, so she knew what she would be missing.

- If that song is any indication, apparently nothing much… - Vaggie whispered and giggled along with the princess of Hell. - Man, I wish Angel Dust was here, poor guy is missing all the fun.

- Vaggie, stop, it's not polite to judge… and it's still better than his "plan a".

Charlie then notices something on a certificat left by Alastor on a dining table.

- Wait, Al…

- Yes?

- When you said this is the only deal you two need… don't tell me that's the only marriage certificate you have?

Stag looked at her with surprise.

- It is. Why?

She facepalmed.

- You didn't make another contract with her in Hell? This thing was only valid on Earth.

- B-but all sinners I know are still legally married to their spouses from the living realm!

- True, but if I remember correctly your real name is Alastor, not Alan, right? And you were already dead. Al, how could you make such a mistake? You had two years to renew your vows!

- And now… - Al opened his eyes.

- She can cancel the marriage. But don't worry, I tell dad to give you a new certificate when she forgives you. - Charlie stated. - You really MUST work on the best apology ever, Al.

- Well, then, good thing I already started a song! It's not like she won't take back a man such as me!

Meanwhile Vaggie readed a next sentence from a 1 verse:

- "I want your delicate hands to wash blood from my jacket after I repeatedly stab that snake in the eyes"? Yeah, no. We're not using those lyrics, Al! - she yelled. - What melody would even fit this thing?

I'm sorry, but after reading 50+ chapters of a fanfic where Alastor somehow expects a girl of his dreams to fall in love with him after he locks her in his house, no flirting or seducing involved, I had to make this joke. XD

Today's my birthday so I'm updating all my current fanficks so I hope everybody will find something for themselves. :)