What a Wonderful Day

The two's unwavering gazes focused on that particular point with an intensity unlike any ever seen. The contemplative one beyond view, hiding under dull eye sockets of a yellow domino mask. The sharpest one unnervingly bright, from a single dot of neon green surrounded by the darkness of whatever unknown lies beyond nothingness.

Together, they awaited. "It's done." Terumi, currently a one-eyed shade, declared so without a hint of doubt.

"Not yet." Relius Clover, currently the same annoying masked bastard as he'd been for the last 20 years and three billion resets, replied with a small sigh. They continued their silent shared activity, staring at the hard-working machine, every small noise absorbed with a passion that bordered on zeal. "Just a little longer."

The only evidence of progress was the slowly descending liquid. Trickling down, drop by drop, as if counting the seconds past after its conception. Slowly, relentlessly, it led the universe to a state of entropy with each passing minute. With each… falling… drop.

All under the eyes of the two. Man and shade, awaiting expectantly for their desired solution. "C'mon, Relius, it's gotta be done by now."

"You cannot rush perfection, Terumi." The Colonel of Engineering reprimanded his co-conspirator's lack of patience. As a man of science, magic, turning women into killer robot dolls and above all, research, he was well aware of the impossibility of forcing time to alter its pace.

"Dude, come on, it's gotta be…" The ghastly being's words were interrupted by a small, almost inaudible click, and the machine returned to its initial standby stage. "Done."

As the last of the mechanical whirring quieted down, Relius Clover reached out to admire the results of their little endeavour. The gleaming liquid, a burning hot blackness the likes of which no light could penetrate, was carefully placed into its new recipient. "It's done."

And with that final declaration of undeniable success, the masked man took a sip of his coffee.

"Neat. Now let's go make my new body!" Terumi hurried him with a long crescent-shaped grin, pulling on the opera cape.

However, the man refused to yield. Remaining as still as a statue, the Colonel continued to savour his hot beverage without care or hurry. "It's not that simple, Terumi."

"The hell do you mean, 'it's not that simple'?" The shade was none too pleased with its partner's lack of tact. Which, coming from him, was quite the lack of self-awareness. "You've had your beauty sleep, you got your damn coffee, how long do I have to keep looking at your stupid face until you decide to move your ass and get to work?!"

Too busy savouring his drink to answer, Relius Clover lifted his free hand, raising four of its fingers in as much of an obnoxiously slow manner as he'd do getting words to leave his mouth.

The gesture, of course, was none too helpful. "Four? Four minutes? Four hours? Four resets? Four what, exactly?!"

With a sigh, the masked man lowered the hot drink's vessel from his lips. "Four more cups." He answered, returning the angry neon-green stare of the shade with a dull expression. "Also, I might have burned my tongue."

Terumi's ethereal shoulders dropped. "Not really much of a morning person, are you."

"According to some, I barely qualify as a person at all." Relius Clover replied, uncaring about the fact or, indeed, about his partner-in-crime's ever growing annoyance. "Also, it's 1 P.M."

"As the guy who had to stand by the side of your bed watching your ugly mug as you slept, I'm very goddamn aware of that, Relius."

They faced each other silently for a moment as the masked man tried another sip of the hot beverage. If it caused any more damage to his burnt tongue was anyone's guess, although the way he stuck his tongue out for a moment after the gesture may be a good indication of the answer. "You didn't have to do that. In fact, I'd rather you did not."

Terumi scoffed. "Like I haven't been doing this shit for ages." The smirk was hard to miss. Mostly because it was bright red in an otherwise completely black slate of a visage. "Even your stupid face is way more interesting than floating around in the Boundary all day, ya know?"

Relius Clover was not amused. "Need I remind you that you're currently not bound to anything in this physical world, Terumi?"

"Yeah, but annoying you is still fun."

"Good morning, everyone." As if waiting for a chance to cut the endless argument short, at that moment Hazama strutted into the kitchen. "My, isn't this such a beautiful day? What a wonderful way to start the weekend." The cheerful smile of a retail worker plastered onto his face as usual, he approached the counter, ignoring the ghost haunting Relius Clover's back. "Oh, is that coffee? You're in quite the working mood today, aren't you, Colonel?"

"I am not." The masked man declared sternly.

"Great! Now let's go back to the whole 'making me a body' thing." Terumi replied with a cheerful, deranged smile that actually went quite well with his currently lacking face, for a change.

"I don't recall promising you a new body." Relius Clover promptly complained, absentmindedly pointing at Hazama as the other man got two eggs out of the refrigerator. "You already have one."

"Yeah but I'm not exactly able to use it, am I." Terumi complained, trying to stop the masked man from taking another sip of his coffee.

Sadly for him, his ethereal noodle-fingered hand was unable to do much to achieve the level of annoyance the shade desired. "That's what we're going to fix. If worst comes to pass, you can always…" The masked man stopped on his tracks, a grim expression hidden under the mask, as he realised what was about to happen… "Hazama, what—"

*Plop*

But was helpless to stop it. "What is it, Colonel?" Hazama turned to him, asking innocently, as if he hadn't just dropped two raw eggs inside the jug of hot coffee. "Is something the matter?"

Relius Clover merely stared at him wordlessly, a piercing, murderous gaze under the half-mask. "What the fuck are you doing." Terumi was the one to ask, and only his shrill voice could carry the arrogant indignation able to convey what the two of them felt watching the scene carry out before their eyes.

The vessel, lacking the survival instinct to react properly to his current situation, went with his default state of being as he answered: "I am making my breakfast, as you can see."

"You just dropped a goddamn egg inside the goddamn coffee."

"Yes? Two, actually." Hazama smiled caringly, like a dear mother hearing the silly woes of her child and asking herself why she didn't abstain in the day of the conception. "I'm boiling them. As you can see."

"In the FUCKING COFFEE!?"

The vessel let out an affected sigh. "Colonel, I think this new form is already taking its toll on him." He spoke worriedly, ignoring the fact his subject matter was fuming right beside the listener in question. "Terumi-san's vision seems to be worsening. He can't even make out what's happening right in front of him."

"I can see all the bullshit you're trying to pull very goddamn well, you bastard of a vessel!"

"I suppose it was inevitable. 'Who observes the Observer' and all that jazz, right?" Hazama remarked thoughtfully, before pulling up his sleeve. Checking his wristwatch, the corners of his mouth soon curled up. "Hmm, this should be enough. Now, then…"

And, without a second of hesitation, the vessel stuck his fingers inside the jug of hot coffee.

Terumi winced. The details of how this was possible with his current featureless face will be left to the imagination. "Ouch! Stop it! It hurts just from looking at you!"

"It does?" Hazama was surprised to hear it. Unlike the spectre, he didn't recoil, as pain was as much of a mythical concept to him as the idea of a paid vacation. If anything, the vessel seemed rather content with himself. "My, Colonel, he seems to be getting worse by the second."

"You're—ouch! Sticking your hand inside—ouch! Dirty boiling water!"

"He seems to be feeling empathy." Hazama declared in the most theatrically obnoxious tone he could muster. "Oh, Colonel, you must do something before it worsens. What if it's contagious?"

Relius Clover, who recognized the sounds uttered around him as words but couldn't care less about their meaning, stared judgementally at the two food items Hazama fished out of the jug. After watching the vessel break open the eggshells (and drop them all over the floor) to reveal two pristine-white boiled eggs, he finally let out a sigh.

And promptly threw away the contents of his own cup inside the sink.

Hazama was actually left speechless by the act. "The hell did you do that for." Terumi, as bothered by the masked man's lack of words as he was for his vessel's abundance of them, failed to realise the machinations of his partner's complex mind. "Hey! What're you ignoring me for! Hey!" He was too slow to catch the whooshing cape that made its way out of the kitchen, along with the rest of the Colonel of Engineering's body. "Hey! Where the hell are you going! Relius!"

The vessel watched the entire scene with a hint of curiosity while savouring his precious meal. Finished, though yet to satisfy his thirst for chaos, he walked over to the ghost, stepping on all the eggshells along the way. "So? Aren't you going to run after him, shouting his name and declaring your undying love?"

Terumi turned to him, taking in the mess Hazama made and the fact he did not get to partake in any part of that process. "Honestly, I should." The shadow in the shape of a man declared with a semblance of self-introspection, before his singular neon-green eye narrowed. "But you'll just keep screwing around without me, and I won't accept that you get to have fun while I'm stuck like this."

"Well, if this will make you happy, Terumi-san, I'm more than glad to oblige." Hazama declared, trying and failing to tap the ethereal being's shoulder. His fingers just went right through the mass of blackness surrounded by the peculiar green glow.

"Cool." Terumi knew he made the worst possible choice. But, given his distant relationship with the consequences of his actions, it wasn't in the ghost's nature to care about that small fact. "So what are we doing today?"

"Oh, you know." The vessel shrugged. "The usual."

"Huh…" The single green eye contemplated his surroundings with a judgemental gaze. "Hazama-chan?"

The happy vessel hummed a bit as he leaned comfortably against the armchair and extended his hand. "Is something the matter, Terumi-san?"

"Yes, actually." The spectral being gestured broadly to the entirety of the luxurious beauty salon they currently found themselves in. Bathed in artificial light, the mostly empty room was brighter than the afternoon sky that painted the window with its beautiful hue. On the long mirrors that covered the walls, the shadow of a man was endlessly reflected in his full dissatisfaction, in a much poetic repetition. "Where exactly is this 'the goddamn usual' again?"

"Oh, did you forget?" With a carefree smile, Hazama let the manicurist work on his left hand, as the right one slowly turned the pages of the upside-down fashion magazine he had on his lap. "It's the first Saturday of the year."

The shade would've furrowed his brows, if he had any. As it was, he only managed to squeeze the single green orb he had for an eye. "Saturday?"

"Yes. January 4th, 2200, Saturday. Therefore, it's time for my annual glow up." The vessel explained with a deeply pleased sigh. "Being a state official takes such a toll in both body and mind. It takes quite some effort to keep myself looking this good, you know."

Not his own effort, of course, for this was one of the few (many) points where both vessel and shadow were the same. "Oh, yeah, I can see you're working very hard right now. Wow. How do you even manage." Terumi scoffed, in yet another beautiful show of his lack of self-awareness. "I'm getting tired just watching."

Hazama ignored the ghost, as one ought to do. Terumi glared at him for a moment and, as it wielded no result, turned his angry stare at the worker. Sadly for him, the hatred of a creature from the depths of hell meant very little for a tired soul working three jobs and not being paid enough to deal with this kind of crap, so the puny God continued to be ignored.

"Really…" Huffing in anger, his next move was to get in the way. Hazama and the manicurist pretended not to see the annoying shadow lurking over them, and Terumi was hardly physical enough to cause any actual damage, as he soon realised. "Really."

Plainly refusing to come to terms with his situation, the shade sighed and sat down in the chair next to his vessel. "Ah, such a pleasant day today." Hazama couldn't help but remark with a wide smile, just to rub his victory against Terumi's lacking face.

"Shut the hell up." As he once again let words out of his foul, always-open mouth, the singular eye caught a glimpse of something interesting outside. Well, something more interesting than standing beside someone in a beauty salon, which is a bar only most things can surpass, truly.

In this case, the event was a singular leaf, a survivor of the autumn who could no longer hold its own against the winter breeze. Blowing in the wind, the dry brown surface hit the glass window before continuing its journey, and Terumi kept himself entertained with it for as long as the leaf was in view.

It's amazing how trivial things can become interesting after spending the entire lifetime of the universe inside the Boundary, watching the world reset over and over like an eternally rewinding cassette tape. Some readers may be too young to know what a cassette tape even is, but given that Yuuki Terumi himself is as old as dirt (although far less hygienic), the comparison is actually too modern.

Anyways, Hazama, taking the vile creature's silent display of boredom as a moment of civility, called out to the spectre. "So, Terumi-san, what will you have today?"

Terumi needed a moment to take in the words. "What."

"We came all the way here, the least you can do is try to work on improving your appearance." Hazama explained to the puzzled man-shaped shade, gesturing at the closest mirror. "I mean, you have to agree it needs a lot of work."

Terumi had to hold back the urge to strangle his vessel, mostly because he didn't have a spare, but also because his eight long ethereal fingers couldn't muster nearly enough strength for the act. "I am beautiful and perfect and sexy just the way I am and also it's not like any of this bullshit's gonna stick to my face anyway."

"You never know until you try." Hazama teased, almost in a challenge, and if there was anything the ghost despised more than not being hated, it was having people challenge his wrongly conceived worldviews. "Or, could it be? Are you one of those men who think a proper, well-cared for appearance is a threat to your masculinity?"

"Oh, please. Who do you think asked for you to be this handsome?" Terumi scoffed. "I know every inch of your body like the palm of my hand, Hazama-chan, and it's because I made you this way."

That his hand was currently see-through didn't factor in the conversation, but was still an interesting detail. "Terumi-san, that sounds vaguely sexual so I urge you to reword your sentence."

The shade crossed his long arms. "Why the hell would I."

Hazama furrowed his thin brows. As he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror, he also made a mental note to get them trimmed a few millimetres. "Well, I for one wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about our relationship."

The bright-red smile merely widened. "Oh, so our close, intimate relationship is a threat to your masculinity now, Hazama-chan?" It was difficult to tell if the spectre was saying this in a sarcastic manner. Given it was Yuuki Terumi, the probability was definitely higher than zero. "And here you are, calling me close-minded."

The vessel was clearly not amused. "I don't associate with you by choice, you know."

"Oh, I know." The tips of the smile on the ethereal face curled up even further. "But it sounds more like you're afraid of other people thinking you're head over heels for me."

"Well, you have to agree it is an honest fear." Hazama complained with a pout, checking his now manicured nails as he extended his other hand to the worker. "How would you feel if someone thought you were gay for some stupid ghost?"

The spectre belittled his vessel with the most condescending look his one-eyed face could muster. "Like I care. I swing both ways."

"You… 'swing'?" Hazama's blank expression was still far more expressive than Terumi's currently lacking face, a fact that did not delight the man-shaped shadow at all. "Am I supposed to know what this archaism means, by any chance?"

"Arch-what?" Once again, the lack of brows to furrow was hard on the inexpressive shade. Still, he tried his best, squinting his singular eye until it was shaped like a gridiron ball (an object also known as the "handegg" by the simpler, humbler folk). "Both, you idiot. I'm into both. Men and women."

"Oh." The vessel nodded in understanding. Or it might have just been him signing for the manicurist to work further on his cuticles. "You say as if women are an afterthought."

Given that Terumi's track record with the last women in his life ended with extremely non-sexual stabbing, it wasn't really an out-of-place observation. "Well, the only named one in your department is the squirrel and I ain't touching that dirty animal ass with a 20-feet pole."

Still, the malignant shade managed to surpass himself in how low he could sink with a single remark. "You know, Terumi-san, maybe you should just stick with keeping your mouth shut." Hazama concluded solemnly as he finished reviewing the manicure work on both of his hands. "Let people think you're straight. It'll do you wonders in the long run."

It was very kind of the vessel to pretend even a single soul would consider the possibility of Yuuki Terumi being heterosexual, to be honest. "Still doesn't explain why you care so much about people knowing you're gay."

Hazama turned to the shadow. "Terumi-san, the only reason I do things it's because they're fun, and I don't want people to think I'm into you because, well." He gestured at the mirror. "I hope I do hurt your feelings when I say this, but you're not exactly the pinnacle of beauty under any standards known to mankind."

If Terumi felt anything other than irritation at his current self, perhaps Hazama could indeed have hurt his feelings. As it stood, however, the vessel only managed to make the shadow a little more defiant. "I'm the sexiest bitch in this entire city and my waist to hip ratio is 0.5."

"Oh, right." Hazama sneered. "Surely you didn't actually measure it."

Terumi did not answer, merely eyeing the vessel with a neutral look. Or what passed for one in his current one-eyed, always-smiling complexion.

"…You didn't measure it, did you?" Hazama insisted, but the vile being's only reply was a smile. "When?"

Terumi raised both of his hands and shrugged, his singular eye narrowing as the crescent-shaped smile curled upwards. "Do you really think the only thing I did last night was watch Relius sleep?"

Hazama could not refute that argument. In fact, he could only whisper a simple question. "Why."

Why, indeed, but perhaps "what" would be a more suitable inquiry. "What" would Terumi have to gain by earning this information, for example? "What" was going on inside that empty insubstantial head of his, perhaps? "What" did the spectre do while they slept and why was he smiling so smugly about it? Hmm, perhaps there is room for both questions, if properly assessed.

However, the dilemma of it will have to be left to another time, perhaps even another world, for at this moment a powerful presence broke the tension between the still one-eyed gaze and the inquisitive droopy-eyed one. "Worry NO LONGER! FOR it is I, the SHINOBI of JUSTICE, SHISHIGAMI BANG arriving now in your HOUR of NEED!"

Perhaps it was the ever-growing empathy between the two, or, more likely, maybe the vessel and the spectre simply shared an equal distaste for the heroic shinobi. Whichever it may be, the fact was that both of them felt a shiver down what passed for a spine in their inhuman bodies as they turned to face the man in question.

Shishigami Bang, in all of his massive, muscular, manly and scruffy half-naked ninja glory, burst into the scene via the workers-only backdoor of the beauty salon. On his scantily clad waist were several tools that did not fit his general aesthetic. "I have several questions." Hazama declared just as the manicurist showed him a small appointment book. "Oh, never mind, please proceed."

"Wait wait wait, I still have several questions!" Terumi complained, jumping out of the chair with a hurry his ethereal body couldn't properly convey. "What the hell is this bumbling idiot doing here?! And what's with these weird brushes in his hands?!"

"Terumi-san, don't be rude." The vessel replied with an enigmatic smile that could mean nothing but trouble. "Why do you think he would be standing right here, armed with makeup equipment?"

The spectre watched his empty vessel's face intently for any signs of an unfunny joke. Unfortunately for him, Hazama's poker face was impossible to stand, let alone stare at for long enough to read.

"INDEED!" Oblivious to Terumi's discomfort, the scruffy man approached the serpentine duo. "The most RENOWMED in all of the Ikaruga District, a disciple of the ONE AND ONLY Lord TENJO, I, SHISHIGAMI BANG, will be your makeup artist for the day!"

The manly aura made the lean spectre waver in his physicality. "For real."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, mister ninja." Hazama was more than glad to play along, even though he clearly had no escape plan in mind. "If you could start your work on my dear friend over there, it'd be much appreciated."

"Oh, no, that's too kind of you, Hazama-chan. I insist that you go first." To try to get the spectre into trouble and slip away while nobody was looking, that cunning bastard was his vessel, all right. "You're the one who booked it, after all. Haven't you been waiting for this?"

"No longer than you, Terumi-san, I'm sure." Hazama replied in another one of his theatrically affected tones. "I'd be more than glad to wait if it means you get to ease your worries."

"Oh, I know something that'd ease me alright you damn…"

"My, what a BEAUTIFUL friendship you two share!" The manly ninja was moved into tears as he grabbed both of them by the neck. "But WORRY NOT! As a SHINOBI, I have trained for YEARS and my skillset is PERFECTLY HONED! I can EASILY work on BOTH OF YOU at ONCE!"

For the first time, the gaze the vessel shared with his shadow was not one of disdain, but concern. "Mister ninja, there's no need…! You can just take your time…!"

"NONSENSE!" The proud warrior declared, beaming, as he dragged them both to another set of chairs. "To HONOUR your BEAUTIFUL friendship, I will show you the POWER and TECHNIQUE of a TRUE Ikaruga NINJA!"

His ethereal neck still trapped by the stone-like muscular arm that held him, Terumi eyed the vessel with all the spite of his disturbing see-through being. "The usual, huh."

"Shut your mouth, Terumi-san." Hazama himself could merely smile at the doom he brought upon his well-being by booking an appointment without first checking who the makeup artist was.

"Now, let us BEGIN!"

The two walked down the always bustling streets of Oriental Town with equally tired steps, though only one pair of shoulders was dropping beyond human achievement. "Sigh…"

The man cladded in black stopped before a shop's display, and his unwilling shadow turned to glower at him. "In all honesty…" Hazama admired his reflection with a thoughtful expression. "I didn't believe it was even possible for any makeup work to make me look, well, how do I put it…"

"Tan?"

"Like I haven't avoided the sun since my conception." The vessel replied with a small nod. His complexion looked healthy and natural, with nigh a sight of the usual wrinkles around his heavy eyelids. Truly, it was a work of art. "You don't look half-bad either, Terumi-san."

"Oh, please, you flatter me." The spectre, now with a slightly different shade of black around his cheeks, mocked with a murderous smile. "Especially given the ungodly amount of powder I had to eat while he jumped around and did the whole ninja shtick."

"He did tell you to close your mouth." The vessel retorted, unmoved by the spectre's afflictions. "And can you actually eat anything? You know, given that you're currently… this?"

"You tell me." The shade shrugged as he tried to rub the makeup off with his hands. Unfortunately for him, nothing happened. In fact, Terumi couldn't even tell if he touched his own complexion or if his long, wiggly fingers stabbed right through the non-skin barrier that separated his being from the physical world. "Something definitely got in, that's for sure."

Giving up on his hands, the spectre promptly hit his head against the wall and began rubbing his face against it. "I see you're very happy about how it turned out."

"Yeah. I'm so happy." The shrill voice came out muffled, proving that the sound's source was Terumi's face, despite the lack of any physical structures that could actually produce it. "Can't you see I'm having a damn blast? What a wonderful day."

"I'm so glad to know you're enjoying yourself on this beautiful weekend, Terumi-san." Hazama almost made it sound convincing, as he knew honest kindness annoyed the ghastly presence much more than sarcasm ever could. "Now, are you ready to move on?"

The spectre turned around, still pushing his head against the wall, and glared at his vessel with a rather peaceful expression (as he lacked the features to express his current feelings). "Haven't you dolled yourself up enough? What else is there to do, buy new clothes? Because I'm kinda going commando right now, y'know."

Hazama pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed in disappointment. "Terumi-san, I don't think that term means what you think it means." He corrected the shadow, something he should get used to do, as Terumi was wrong more often than not. "Going commando means no underwear. What you're doing right now is just plain public indecency."

"You're still technically my body so I'm still right. As always." The spectre retorted, clearly not mentally ready to leave the solidity of the brick wall. From the way he leaned against it, it was a miracle that his ethereal body hadn't yet passed through the rough surface and fallen face-first in the room on the other side.

Hazama was half considering pushing the ghost inside it himself, but he refrained from the act, as he was sure the other would still come back to haunt him. "I'm glad to know your ego hasn't diminished at all in spite your failures."

"Of course it didn't." Terumi scoffed, the shadow of a proud smile in the corners of his very bright mouth. "What's that saying again? 'Every failure is a reset to success' or whatever." The vessel wanted to complain, but that logic was just as warped as the being it came from, so he couldn't find anything wrong with it. "It's not a failure if you learn from it."

"That's rather inspiring, Terumi-san. Especially coming from the likes of you." Hazama wasn't sure if he meant it sarcastically or if he was just that surprised to hear something coherent from the plain featureless face for once. "And what exactly did you learn from it?"

The spectre smiled broadly. "I'm still working on that part."

"Oh." Very disappointed in himself for having expected something out of the ghost, Hazama failed to realise that the spectre was smiling broadly. That, as all are well aware, is never a sign of good things to come. "Well, when you find out, please do tell me so I can mock you for—"

Hazama was hit over the head by a very large, round and electrified projectile before he could finish the phrase. His body was sent flying against the shop's glass display with a very unceremonious bonk and an even more embarrassing yelp of surprise. "Ugyah!"

The ghost watched it with the most pleased smile he'd shown the entire day. "Heheheh. Loser."

"Ahahahahah! I got you now, Terumi!" The half-beastkin laughing atop her human rights violation (also known as TR-0009 Tager) spoke through a mouthful of potato crisps. "Now I'll show yo… Wha?" The cat ears twitched cutely at her own surprised voice, though, of course, nobody actually noticed it. They were so very tiny, after all. "What the hell?"

And even if they did, it's not like an old hag like her had much of a fanbase anyway, as Terumi gladly reminded himself while finally unsticking his face from the brick wall. "Kokonoe! Fancy meeting ya here." Terumi greeted her with what he probably thought was a polite smile, though it actually looked more like an exercise in self-restraint. "That move of yours right now was so neat. Mind doing it again?"

"Do you mind targeting a bit more to your right first, though?" Hazama complained, cleaning the dust from his electrified long coat as he got up. "Actually, why aren't you screaming in pain right now, Terumi-san? Aren't you supposed to be sensible to me getting hurt now?"

"I guess empathy doesn't work when I actively want to see your face being dragged against the asphalt, Hazama-chan." The spectre replied with a most pleased tone.

"Huh, you guys…"

"Oh, really… and here I thought we were having a civil conversation for once." Hazama pouted, rather offended. "And what did I even do to set off that little wobbly head of yours this time?"

"Eh." Terumi shrugged. "Honestly, just looking at your dumb smug face pisses me off."

"You do realise that… I'm still right here…" Kokonoe mumbled as she stared at the two worked-up serpentine beings in confusion.

But they had completely forgot about her. "Well, please refer to the Colonel for that, it's not like I had any say in the matter."

"Oh, sure, keep blaming other people for your bad attitude. Honestly, how were you raised to be such a prick…"

"Given your parenting, I really don't know what else you could possibly expect."

"Oi, stop ignoring me already!" The aggrieved professor of Sector Seven smashed the empty bag of crisps into a ball and tossed it at the two idiots, hitting the brim of Hazama's fedora with a precision strike. "Yo, Terumi, what's going on? Why do you look like evil expired lime Jell-O all of a sudden? I didn't hear any of this!"

Hazama adjusted his hat with a bothered look as he turned to face the catgirl. "Ma'am, I don't know how long you're leaving your gelatine in the freezer for, but that can't be healthy." Putting on his best business smile, he gladly explained the situation. "Last night the Successor of the Azure consolidated this as Terumi-san's official appearance. Very fitting, don't you agree?"

"What the hell." Kokonoe furrowed her brows as she took a lollipop out of her sleeve. She licked it thoughtfully, which wasn't a very easy thing to do, but she had plenty of experience. "Was that before or after the giant laser that almost levelled the entire city?"

"Yes."

"Go ahead! Mock me for all I care!" Terumi taunted despite caring very much, because keeping his mouth shut was an impossible feat for his current state of self. And also because he was an attention whore currently being ignored. "I've already been utterly humiliated by both the bloodsucker and Hakumen, there's nothing you can do to make it worse."

"What, did I not do enough to classify for the position as well?" Hazama questioned, almost hurt. "After all my hard work of dissing you?"

"The world doesn't revolve around you, you useless vessel." Terumi mocked without a hint of self-awareness, as always. "Anyway, go ahead Kokonoe! Give it your best shot! I guarantee I'll still be standing tall and proud after whatever the hell you throw at m—"

"Okay then." Kokonoe waved her hand in a signal to her gigantic companion, who promptly obliged.

[Spark Bolt!]

And so, having learned nothing from his previous encounter with a lightning user, the spectre was promptly fried where he stood. "GYAH!" But, at the very least, he stood by his words (in a very literal sense). "I MEANT WITH INSULTS, BITCH! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ACTUALLY ATTACK ME!?"

"I see your approach of being as unkillable as a cockroach continues to pay off." Kokonoe lamented, absentmindedly biting on the hardy surface of her candy. "And you were so inviting too… Guess I'll have you accompany me to my lab for a few tests."

Hazama stared at her with raised eyebrows, visibly shocked by the proposition. "Professor, he's married."

"Yeah, and Relius is way more of an ass than you'll ever be!" The scorched ghost added, almost proudly, as he rubbed the static electricity on his vessel's shoulder.

Still busying herself with her lollipop as she fumbled on the insides of her sleeves, Kokonoe furrowed her brows. "I'm surprised to learn someone like you cares more about personality than looks."

"Of course I do." Terumi replied, matter-of-factly, as Hazama tried to slap his electrified ethereal being away (with little success). "I don't give a damn if he's as unsexy as a walrus's saggy rotting corpse. My tits are big enough for the two of us."

This declaration of undying love held even more weight given that Relius Clover is one of the few members of the Blazblue cast to have canonically partaken in sexual endeavours. Twice. At minimum.

"My condolences." Kokonoe nodded, deeply sympathetic to his situation. "I'm really sorry for the loss of your A-cup."

"I miss it more each passing day." The ghost clasped tragically at the inexistent tie and shirt he could no longer unbutton. "To think that I'd be denied my beautiful body, and after all the scheming and murdering I did to get it back, life truly is unfair."

Finally stepping away from the spectral grasp, Hazama scowled. "I'm standing right here."

"Sometimes I can still hear its voice." The spectre remarked dramatically, though his gaze held only the foulest of hateful emotions. "And also see him drop an egg to boil inside a cup of coffee."

"Excuse me?" The Sector Seven professor, who could not fathom a diet without sugar and caffeine, replied with deepest offense. "Who the fuck does that?"

"And then he took it out with his dirty-ass fingers." Terumi added, gesturing with his four wobbly ones in an imitation of the gesture. "Right from the goddamn cup."

"I'm being framed for a crime I did not commit." Hazama promptly declared to the odd number of judgemental eyes over him. As the jury awaited to hear the defendant's confession, there was only tension in the still air that surrounded them. "I am a sinless vessel." He declared without a hint of guilt. "I boiled them inside the jug, like any sensible person would."

One could not properly measure the loathing and hatred present in that particular corner of the Hierarchical City of Kagutsuchi at that moment. It is theorized that, had the vile ghastly being not been present at the scene, Takamagahara itself wouldn't be able to stop the birth of another God of Destruction.

"Also, it was two eggs."

Kokonoe gazed at the single green eye in a wordless question, to which the ghost promptly nodded in approval. "Say, Hazama, how do you feel about losing half your HP bar in one single Distortion Drive?"

"I find the very thought of it deeply offensive, why do you ask?"

Hazama gazed at the yellow feline eyes, and a chill went down his spine (or whatever was the equivalent of it to his hollow being). "This one's for the innocent coffee you corrupted, you maniac!" Kokonoe declared, jumping off the red giant's shoulder. "Tager, get his ass!"

"My, my, as you wish…" Tager adjusted his glasses carefully, and it was the sign. Of the beginning of the end. Hat in hand, the vessel tried to escape, but his coat still held some of the static electricity that pesky shadow of a man rubbed all over him.

And so, he was drawn to that hand, almost as if by fate.

The very sound of it incited a wave of fear in the hearts of the poor fighters that had to face such an unfathomable threat.

[Genesic]

A move so powerful it could destroy cities, level mountains, and make people break their controllers in frustration.

[Emerald]

Truly, the power of science was a cut above the Gods themselves.

[Tager]

And with one fell swoop, it all returned to the dirt whence it came. Just as Death herself would've wished.

[BUSTER!]

"I almost feel bad for him." Terumi remarked, trying to steal a handful of Kokonoe's newly-open bag of crisps. Sadly for him, the ghost fingers lacked the grip to properly hold any but the lightest of fried potato slices. "But hey, the makeup is still intact. Hell, that foundation must be stronger than the Master Unit."

As the Red Devil stood tall, with the egg fiend smashed into a pulp and sprawled all over the broken floor, the professor of Sector Seven declared solemnly: "By the power of science, I'll make it crumble in due time."

And, with no time to lose, she grabbed the ghostly wrist of the spectre trying to steal her snack. How did she manage to do so is a question for the ages, though cats and apparitions do have a long history together. "Eh?"

Terumi's surprise was more of having someone touch him, rather than the fact he was being held at all. "Tager, you get this one, we're going back."

"Whoa there, pussycat! Aren't you moving a bit too fast with this relationship?" Terumi tried to free himself, but despite his ethereal nature, he was still solid enough for escape to be futile. "At least buy me dinner first!"

Kokonoe considered blowing him up with a few of her experimental weapons as compensation for the p-slur usage, but she decided to save it for later. "Oh, please. Let's not pretend you're chaste."

He snorted, the bright red mouth curling into a semblance of a reaction in his lacking face. "Hey, come on. I haven't actually gotten kinky in this form yet."

Their eyes met, and Kokonoe raised her brows at the neon gaze. "Is that an invitation, Terumi?"

Terumi had to stop struggling for a moment so he could actively come up with the worst possible answer for that question. "That depends on whether or not you're into it."

"I am very much not into it." The Sector Seven professor was quick to reply. "For several reasons."

The smile on his face was like a crescent moon in the starless sky. That is, if the moon shone in a red neon light and the sky was made of vile dark matter. "Oh, Kokonoe, please be gentle~ It's my first time~"

She glowered at him. "You know this only makes me want to murder you more, right?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much the entire point." Terumi replied with a satisfied tone and an even wider grin. "Keep that hate coming, girl. I'm living for it." His smile then dropped a bit. "Literally. It's the only thing that keeps me around, actually. So do me a solid and keep hating me."

The yellow eyes stared judgementally at him. "I honestly want to love you out of spite now, but I don't think that's how emotions work." Kokonoe sighed, holding out a small controller with a big red button (in the same greasy hand as she held the bag of crisps) as Tager stepped closer. "A shame, honestly." She pressed it, and they teleported away.

Terumi didn't even flinch as he suddenly found himself inside a tube. That wasn't particularly surprising of him. After all, not only did the spectre lack the bodily functions that would cause him to feel disoriented by the sudden teleportation, he was also far too comfortable with the ways of the mad scientist that was Relius Clover to register this as anything other than a fun evening activity. "Wow, girl, you came prepared."

"Of course." From the other side of the glass, the feline eyes belittled him with a sharp gaze. "Knowing how much of a slippery bastard you are, it'd be stupid not to."

"Aw, geez, you make me blush." Pressing his long shadowy fingers against the tube, Terumi tested his luck, finding the surface solid despite his lack of physicality. "Noel Vermillion, I will kill you for this…" He cursed his fate and the Successor of the Azure in a low voice as he tried harder to phase through the glass, with no success.

Meanwhile, his useless vessel was being held by the careful gigantic hands of the Red Devil. Hazama looked unconscious, though it was impossible to know for sure if he wasn't pretending it, given his penchant for being an overall nuisance and a lazy bastard.

"Kokonoe, what are we going to do with this one?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, the vessel. Just tie him to a chair or something." The professor replied absentmindedly as she sat down by her computer. "Now, Terumi, let's see how much your new form can take."

"God, I wish Relius was as eager to get inside me as you are." The spectre enjoyed the death glare she sent him very much. "So, what's it gonna be? Can't wait to find out the little toys you naughty, naughty scientists keep around this place."

Kokonoe sighed, already regretting the fact she couldn't experiment remotely on him from the comfort of her messy office. "I better adjust the queue to start with something that shuts that damn mouth of yours."

"Good luck with that, cuz I'm pretty sure it doesn't close." Giving up on escape out of curiosity (or at least that's what he told himself to ignore his shortcomings), Terumi leisurely leaned with his back against the tube, crossing his arms. "What's that blinking thing over there?"

"Blinking…?" The professor followed the neon green gaze to one of her upper screens, and immediately let out a gasp. "This is…!" Eyes widening in shock, she began frantically scrambling at her computer. "Oh no… Oh no, no, no, shit, I lost track of time…!"

Again foiled by the lack of features to allow him to frown, Terumi could only cock his head to the side as he watched her panic. Tager, who was in the middle of tying Hazama to the chair, stopped his task to aid the hurried catgirl.

"What the hell are you…"

"Shut up, Terumi!" Chided by these very loud and anger-fuelled words, the spectre merely continued to stare at her in confusion. "C'mon… come on… connect already, damnit…!" Kokonoe's eyes lit up just as the professor put on a headset. "Yes! We're on!"

"'On'…?" The smile was gone from Terumi's face, though his bright red mouth still remained agape. "Don't tell me…"

"Time for some competitive card game action!" Like a little brat receiving a gifted toy that would undoubtedly break in less than five minutes and be the cause of an endless stream of tears, Kokonoe celebrated by opening a box of chocolates. "Finally, after all those goddamn loops, the 150th FreeCell World Championship is on, baby!"

She loudly clicked a button on her keyboard with one hand while the other unwrapped a chocolate and brought it to her mouth. Terumi watched each and every single movement as carefully as a hunter observing its prey, all the while unbelieving of the reality his eye showed him.

"Hey there, team! Sorry for the wait, I got caught up in something. No, no, it's alright… Wait, you're letting him play first?! You dunces! Slayer's awful at this! No, I— Listen, I don't care that he's been training…"

And so she went on, completely oblivious to the malignant gaze from the shadowy being inside the tube. Terumi still waited, somewhat hopeful, but it became glaring obvious that there would be no experimentations today.

"Sigh." His shoulders dropped as he uncrossed his arms, accepting his fate. "That's why I don't date gamers."

At this moment, his eye met with Hazama's. The vessel was just about done untying himself from the chair. "So, how long does the tournament last?" He asked to the Red Devil with a hint of curiosity, though it was obvious by his expression that the vessel just was doing it to make the spectre wait.

With a tired sigh, Tager walked over to another computer and pressed a button. The tube opened, and Terumi promptly jumped out, but Hazama pretended not to see him. "The exit's on the first floor. Just go left and down the stairs." The Red Devil shooed the snakes out of the room, opening the door for them. "If you find Hakumen, that means you went down a flight too many."

"Huh…" Terumi looked out the door, the corners of his mouth turning up again. "I know I'm somewhat lacking in depth perception, but I think I can see him."

The Red Devil adjusted his glasses, suspicious. "What?"

An explosion shook the building, and there was a very audible ZEA!

"And he's pissed."

"Oh for fuck's— Tager!" Kokonoe yelled from her seat, covering her microphone with a very sticky hand. Pieces of the Ferrero Rocher chocolate flew out of her mouth as he spoke. "You take care of it! I'm busy!"

Truly, the competitive FreeCell scene was so dire that it would take all of her efforts and the entire weekend to assure a clutched last-second victory. It's no wonder that the genius professor of Sector Seven could not make it for the second instalment's roster, truly.

"Cookies, anyone?"

Hazama, who had just settled down on the nearest table, held up a half-eaten pack of chocolate cookies that he found lying under some documents. Clearly, he was waiting for someone to take a bite so he could find out if they were safe for consumption.

Tager grabbed the cookies with one hand and the vessel's collar with the other, lifting Hazama up from the chair. "Get out."

And so, the ghost, the vessel and Hakumen were unceremoniously kicked out of the Sector Seven's headquarters.

Hello, ProxyEdgy here.

This story is taking longer to write than I expected. My other two multi-chapter fanfics were all first drafts, but the writing style in this one is a bit different so I'm taking more time to make sure it stays consistent. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it and upload the next chapter a bit faster.

Thank you for reading and for your patience!