Not a Single Step Forward

Before the three tired, battered and very unhappy beings loomed the 13th Hierarchical City in all of its oddly mountain-shaped glory. "Finally, we're here." Hazama sighed. "Honestly, asking for a visit just to make us walk all the way back, can you believe the gall of that woman?"

"Oh, yeah, man, I'm exhausted. Can't even feel my legs." The ghastly being replied with a mocking smile, that is to say, his expression didn't change at all. "Oh, wait."

"Very funny, Terumi-san." The vessel declared to his shadow, as he knew the ghost had to receive a minimal amount of validation every 15 minutes or so, lest he'd become far too annoying to deal with. "Now, let's get to walking. The airships aren't going to drop all the way down here, and if they do it's probably in our best interest not to take the ride."

As to be expected, Terumi didn't move. "Why are you so keen on not calling Phantom anyway?" His spectral being, however, did not remain in the same place. "Like, yeah, maybe the reception out there in the wild wasn't the best, but now that we're here." Stationary, yet moving, he shrugged. "I mean, it beats walking."

That was not a contradiction, however, as the ghost was currently hitchhiking on the back of the third, silent creature that stood among them. "I really don't want to hear that from the guy who didn't walk a single step on his own the whole way here." Hazama berated the one-eyed shadow in a tired whisper, soon composing himself as he mentally prepared for the journey ahead. "All right, let's do this…"

The idea of stepping into the lower levels really took a toll on him, given that the vessel had just finished tidying up mere hours before. Not that it mattered much after the whole 'being chased by an angry moving armour and then soaked with warm water' happening just moments prior, of course.

"Just. Call. Phantom. You dumbass."

Hazama pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, Terumi-san, if you're that dense with women I don't see any reason to try and enlighten you. It's a lost cause."

"What the hell are you talking about? Is she angry or something?" Terumi wondered out loud, earning him a depressed look from his vessel. "Angry in, apart from the whole Mind Eater thing. I think she took that pretty well."

Hazama stopped rubbing his temples, glad to have at least a semblance of thought coming from the shade's unmoving pretence of a mouth. "Well, given the fact you've been trying to steal her title, I think she has the right to be a little reserved about helping you out, Terumi-san."

"Oh, sure. Me, the Phantom of the NOL." The ghastly being scoffed, but he couldn't help but enjoy the sound of it. It truly took very little to satisfy Yuuki Terumi's ego, the problem was just the constant demand of these needs. "Hm, I should start practicing my singing."

"Please don't." Hazama asked, acutely aware of the danger he just unleashed into the world.

But, as usual, Terumi was no longer listening. "Maybe I could 'borrow' one of Relius' masks while he's not looking." The shade's smile, thoughtlessly plastered to his face before, lit up in the very literal sense. "Alright, let's get to the hq already, I got shit to do!"

The vessel sighed. "And here goes the rest of my Saturday night."

"Zea?"

Hazama looked at small creature that currently bore the burden of the ghost's existence on its back. The Pakumen of gorgeous glitter watched back with a delicate gaze, pure and ignorant of the problems of the world.

"I still can't believe this thing is alive."

…Perhaps it would be in our best interest to rewind the clock a bit.

Exercise is, along with a balanced diet and good sleeping habits, one of the hallmarks of a healthy lifestyle. While specifics vary from body to body and mind to mind, the need for it is a universal fact for all living beings, and no, plants don't have it easier just because they're rooted to the ground.

Therefore, for a being that spent aeons trapped inside the Edge, with no grasp of anything material and only his own thoughts for company, to be able to stretch out a bit was an welcome change indeed. And that's what Terumi's body was doing right at this very moment.

Well, his old body, to be exact. "ZEA!"

"Whoa there!" And also his vessel, currently running away from the merciless onslaught of sword slashes coming his way. "Is this violence really necessary?! Can't we just talk this through—"

"Hyah!"

"Aha, missed me, bitch!" His mind (or whatever was the scientific term for the spectral being currently piggybacking on Hazama), was still as lazy as ever, though.

Hakumen gave chase, a hunter with the singular focus only 14 front-facing eyes could conceive. "Hah!" Another strike cut the air, missing its target by a mere second.

"Holy crap, you can't aim for shit!" Terumi taunted, far too happy about this. "What's the point of having eyes up your ass if you can't even hit two feet in front of you, dumbass!"

"Terumi-san, would it kill you to stop provoking him? I'm in a bit of a tight spot here, as you can see!" His vessel couldn't help but complain as he zipped into the air with his chains. The idea of dropping the ghost as bait and escaping alone sounded wonderful about now, but Hazama was too busy holding his hat to try to pry Terumi off him.

"Eh, I'm sure you'll survive." Was the very conceited answer. The shadow merely held onto his vessel's shoulders with his overly long arms, leaving the long ethereal legs to hang in the air as he enjoyed the ride.

"Gurren!"

Well, 'enjoy' was a strong term for it, but Terumi was rather nonchalant about the entire endeavour. It's difficult to be invested in what's happening when your grasp of reality is so very lacking, after all.

"Zantetsu!"

"Hey, watch the hat!"

And so, he leisurely watched the scenery from the comfort of the vessel's back. "What's that over there?"

Hazama, a little busy trying not to get cut in half, hardly registered the question. "Ouroboros!" As he once again flew up moments before a slash of the sword, his eyes met with a beautiful glint in this young evening.

The first stars, reflecting in a calm and closed-off body of water.

"Is that…" As he descended, a warm air enveloped his body, the high humidity making droplets gather on Hazama's long lashes. Luckily, his mascara was waterproof. "A hot spring…?"

The vessel landed a few metres away from the mystical scenery, on an uphill. There was little time to wonder about the out-of-place sight as a very angry Hakumen ripped through the foliage right behind him. "TERUMIII!"

"Oh no, you got me." Terumi replied theatrically as the next jab went through his long dangling legs, tearing the fabric of Hazama's longcoat. "This cannot be. Such terrible fate. How will I ever recover."

"Well, I'm going to throw this coat away as soon as we get back home, Terumi-san, and you with it." Hazama suggested as he made a run for the first landmark in miles. "I'm sure the thrash can will make for a wonderful home for a thrash ghost such as yourself."

"Is that so, Hazama-chan? I thought your whole motif was the snake, not the fucking opossu—"

Reaching the plateau, Hazama dodged Hakumen's next attack by rolling on the grass, and Terumi finally dislodged from his shoulders. The spectre flew forwards, falling flat on his face with a quiet *splat*, as his vessel promptly ditched him and continued to run.

"Hazama, you little…!"

Terumi's mood only worsened when the white-armoured hunter stepped on his immaterial self to go after the more physical opponent. Of course, it was impossible to know that just looking at the shade (since he could not properly display anger with his current features), but anyone who knew of Yuuki Terumi even in passing could tell that he was fuming.

Therefore, as an act of revenge, he pulled on a nearby vine that got entangled in the Hero of the Past's left foot. The vine by itself was already tense enough to have tripped Hakumen, but it was very important for Terumi to believe he had any part on making it happen, yes.

With this unstable footing, the being of White Void, Cold Steel, Just Sword and Many Calamity Trigger Game Overs tumbled forward before he could unleash his next attack. Hazama stepped out of the way just as Hakumen tried to recover, and the mighty Hero could not stop in time from cannonballing himself into the reflective waters of the hot spring.

With a generous splash (that left Hazama dripping from hat to knife-shoe) and a few bubbles, he soon… was gone.

The misty air was far easier on the lungs than the Seithr-filled forest with its compact trees, yet such oppressive quiet was deafening. Despite the hanging threat, the spring remained a constant, as if fighting to bring tranquillity for a world of chaos. A force of nature, merely reflecting the many colours of the night sky, not a trace of angry suit of armour left.

After a moment of carefully leering at the calm waters, with only the twinkling reflection of the night sky staring back at him, Hazama raised his eyebrows. "Well, that solves that, I guess." He remarked with a hint of surprise. "How deep is this, anyway?"

The ghost, who had raised his head to watch the commotion, squinted his singular eye in response. "Why the hell is there a hot spring in the middle of nowhere?" He questioned, not at all grateful that his one diversion had just disappeared into the depths.

Hazama shrugged, noticing some movement underneath the eerily quiet waters. "Uh-oh." He stepped away, but couldn't get farther enough not to be drenched by what jumped out of the lake.

It was a rather… sparkly sight.

"Ring, ring, ring the bell and here I am!" The small child declared in a proud high-pitched voice, striking a pose with the heart-shaped staff. Needless to say, it splashed even more water at Hazama's direction. "Your beautiful magical girl, the great Luna has arrived!"

There was a small silence. Which turned into a long silence. An overly elongated, awkward moment of quietness in which Hazama's only act was to tip his hat so the water pooling on the brim could fall down. The blonde little child watched them expectantly, a smile from ear to ear as if waiting for a moment like this ever since forever.

Terumi, still lying down, was the one to break the staring contest between the three of them. "Hazama, I think I'm seeing things."

His vessel nodded. "Yes, Terumi-san, that's how eyes work."

"Where are her glasses. Why is she so damn tiny."

"I was under the impression that Miss Glassfille was more… well endowed, if your remembrances from the Dark War were correct." Hazama gestured at the kid, whose smile started to falter. "She never seemed, well, lacking in assets."

"Luna has no idea what you two are mumbling about but you're pissing me off." The blonde child complained with a glare. "Ah, whatever! Let's get this show on the road, ya jerks, cuz my curfew starts in, like, five minutes! Now…!"

With a wave of the magical staff, two more shapes torpedoed out of the hot spring, making it rain warm water all over Hazama. The drops technically fell over Terumi as well, but since his current situation was a bit more on the spiritual side, it was difficult to tell whether he could become wet. Or if it bothered him at all.

Showing off a smug smile, the magical child presented them with two options. On the left stood the one of unparalleled gleam. The most powerful of warriors and most handsome of knights, a true hero amongst heroes, bathed in the most magnificent of golden hues.

The other one was Hakumen, but with a weird piss-yellow aura. "So, did you guys drop the Golden Pakumen? Or was it the Silver Hakumen?"

Hazama, currently squeezing his hat to let the excess water out (and trying to get it to fall over the spectre's excuse for a head), eyed both options suspiciously. "I thought the visual gag was having both of these things be the same? Am I missing something?"

The child pouted. "Well, you look as blind as a baby cat and that creepo over there only has one eye, so Luna tried to make it easier for you. Be grateful!" In a shift of the proud tone, Sena added in a low voice: "Also, the writer didn't remember if there were any Golden Hakumen in the story, so…"

"Right, right…" The vessel sighed, turning to the shadow. Terumi hadn't moved from the spot, still lazily lying down in the grass, resting his wobbly ghost head on his four-fingered excuse for hands. "So, Terumi-san?"

The one green eye turned slightly at him. "What?"

"Well, answer it." Hazama insisted, gesturing for the spectre to act. "If it's a trap, I'd much rather your bodiless self to take the brunt of it."

"Hey! How dare you, squinty! Magical girls don't do traps!"

Hazama continued, wilfully ignoring the offended child's complaint. "Besides, is it even safe to say we 'dropped' him? I don't want any of my comments to be liable in court. By all accounts, he fell in himself."

The shadow of a man tried a shrug. It didn't look like any gesture known to mankind, but it was a valiant effort nonetheless. "You killjoys really know how to take the magic out of anything, y'know." The kid couldn't help but remark, no longer able to keep an honest smile. "Ahh, adults are depressing."

"Well, little girl, if you had to run from Sector Seven all the way to some 'magical' hot spring with a pissed-off Susano'o Unit in your tail, just to have him fall in knee-deep water and disappear, I think you'd have the right to be a little skeptical as well." Waving his soaked hat one last time, droplets flying all over the lazy spectre, Hazama put it on again. "And that's our final answer."

The child scowled at him, as most children did, because their little child brains can't understand sarcasm. And also because Hazama is a very unlikeable bastard, all things considered. "'Kay. Whatever you say, squinty. I have to get back in like, three minutes anyway." Luna shrugged, waving the pink staff around with little enthusiasm. "Congratulations, you're an honest person or whatever the hell was it. Anyway, here's your stuff, buh-bye."

And so, with many precious sparkles, Platinum the Trinity twirled in place. Striking a pose, the kid smacked the Golden Pakumen and the Silver Hakumen like baseballs, sending them flying at the vessel. Hazama dodged the man-sized projectiles by inches, but could not avoid being splashed again as the little magical child made their exit.

The calm waters and its hidden depths were a perfect reflection of the vessel's façade. "So…" Tipping his soggy hat once more, Hazama turned to behold his unexpected, ah, awards. "What do we even do with these?"

"I have a better question." Terumi declared, still not bothering to get up. "The fuck is a Pakumen?"

"Well…" Hazama kneeled down at the unidentified thing's side, poking it slightly. It was surprisingly soft to the touch, and also strangely bouncy? "I have to admit I don't have the slightest…"

The thing, that was in fact a creature, moved its head. "Zea?"

"Holy shit, it's alive."

They had little time to be surprised, as the not-quite-Silver Hakumen passed its expiration date. Promptly declaring that THE END HAS COME, it exploded beautifully, sending all three of them blasting off into the distance.

These were the circumstances that brought vessel, shadow and unidentified golden creature to take their very ungraceful first steps into the city. The climb back to civilization was an arduous one, not helped at all by the fact they were literally walking through a sewer. Although in truth, the vilest thing there was the one with the greenish glow, riding on the back of the gold Pakumen.

With very little to do while his evil mind came up with even more wicked (and now musical) schemes, Terumi's natural course of action was to try and slap Hazama's behind. The vessel dodged the spectral hand just in time, revelling in the ghost's annoyance for missing the hit. "Do you ever tire from being a nuisance, Terumi-san? Just asking."

"Not really, no."

"Great." Again moving away just in the nick of time, the vessel sighed. "So the only way I can make it stop is to dump you on somebody else, is that corr—Can you please not?"

Terumi finally got the hit. It did not make a sound or cause absolutely any hints of damage whatsoever. Still, he was very happy with himself. What did it matter that his slap couldn't even cause the littlest muffled noise at all? At least he hit his target, so there was something to be positive about.

Clearly, Terumi was not taking this bodiless issue very well.

Hazama watched the ghost's proud bright-red smile with a stern expression. "I'm starting to believe you don't want to cooperate with your dear beloved vessel to get out of this situation."

"Oh? My dear beloved vessel, you say?" The green dot on the face of pure blackness squished slightly. "Funny, I never got the news that Kazuma-chan was pulled out of the Boundary. When are we gonna celebrate? Gotta throw him a party, y'know, make him feel welcome as the precious pal that he is."

The vessel opened his mouth to reply, but could not find a profanity that could bring him as low as the level the spectre already naturally existed in. "Fine, I may have set this one up for myself." He admitted defeat, dragging his foot on the dirty floor and immediately regretting the act.

The lower levels of Kagutsuchi seemed fouler than usual, though that was probably because of the repulsive presence Hazama was stuck with more than anything else. Still, for a being as vain and tidy as the vessel, it was a truly unpleasant experience to traverse such filthy paths, and he was not above kicking some dirt at the glistening creature and the shadow on its back every other step to relieve some stress.

Dangling stretches of concentrated vileness surrounded by a sickly green aura dragged behind the golden Pakumen, as the creature was too short to hold them above the ground. "Have you really renounced walking, Terumi-san?" Hazama couldn't help but ask as he absentmindedly stepped on the spectre's legs.

"Maybe." Terumi answered in a cryptic way. He was clearly eager to say more, but the vessel didn't care enough to ask. The ghost, of course, pretended not to notice that fact. "If you really wanna know that much, Hazama-chan, I guess I could tell you…"

"I don't, actually."

"…it's because I don't know how to get up."

Hazama could not avoid the one-eyed gaze after this remark. "Excuse me?" And indeed, despite his vessel's deepest wishes, the spectre was being serious. "You were standing just fine before."

"I can stand." Terumi nodded, not even trying not to smile. The lack of effort definitely didn't help him get any sympathy for his situation, though given his nature and who he was currently talking to, it was a lost cause from the start. "But like, I think the teleport fucked me up a bit. Legs too floppy and noodle-y. Also, feet are a bit too much right now."

"I see it took a toll on your vocabulary as well." Hazama couldn't help but notice. "So what, you can't get yourself up at all?"

"Technically I could." The shadow replied, in a small moment of self-awareness. "But gravity's a bitch, is what I'm saying."

"Zea." The golden Pakumen added with a thoughtful nod.

"See, she agrees."

Hazama stopped on the precarious staircase, turning around to face them with an indecipherable expression. The creature of precious gleam stopped two steps under him, watching over the vessel with a peaceful gaze that contrasted harshly with the glare of the neon-green dot from the apparition on its back. "It's a she?"

Terumi, long arms wrapped around the strange creature of short stature, shrugged. Which, again, isn't a thing ghosts should be able to do, but here we are. "Hell if I know. I'm just hitching a ride over here."

The chubby Pakumen tenderly patted the spectre's arms, very accepting of its role in this one-sided relationship. It was plain for all to see that this strange creature's golden heart shone just as beautifully as the rest of its being. Truly, love and kindness know no shape.

Watching this, Hazama's eyes reflected a glimmer that did not match the polished surface of the creature's body. "I'm very glad you two are getting along, Terumi-san…" He remarked with a perilous smile.

"Why do I feel a shiver up the spine I don't have when you say this—"

"…Because you'll get to enjoy each other's company for a very long time." Fangs showing, the traitorous snake striked. The blade glinted, quick to draw blood (or whatever the hell was running through the golden Pakumen's veins) as it hit its target. With a swift kick, Hazama threw the ghost and the innocent creature carrying him off the precarious railing, right into the pit. "Have fun, you two!"

"HAZAMAAAAA YOu BASTAaaaard!" He could hear the vile spectre's words echoing as the two fell beyond view. The sound was soon muted by the loud thud of the body hitting the floor far below. There was still a faint noise, an annoying voice, whose words were very easy to make out. "What the FUCK was THAT for!?"

Pulling out a handkerchief from his very battered coat, Hazama cleaned the blade before snapping it back into the sole of his shoe. "Sorry, Terumi-san, but the last thing I need is more sleepless nights because of your terrible singing." He said, not apologetic at all. It was just a force of habit.

The vessel hummed to himself, turning his back on scene of the crime to climb up the stairs. Finally, he was on his way to the actual city. All by himself. Truly, nothing could go wrong from here. Or so he wanted to believe.

His first step, however, got a black mucous substance stuck on his shoes, immediately dashing his hopes.

"Ew." Hazama winced in disgust, dragging his foot on the wall. "God, I hate this place." Little did he know, more and more viscous, foul-smelling black sludge quickly gathered on the steps right behind him. "No better place to drop him off, though. It's just the perfect home for a disgusting self-entitled idiot like…" Hazama noticed a shadow. "Uh-oh."

"Yo… , Az…e! So mu… power! Seem del…ious! Kihehehee…!"

The scream that echoed in the lower levels of the 13th Hierarchical City that night was of a vessel's loss of innocence.

In a dark pit down below, resting among many other kinds of foul matter, a vile spectre of pure hatred listened to the struggle with a broad smile. "Yeah, karma, bitch." Having been shielded from the fall by the golden Pakumen's bounciness (and also being a hardly physical apparition), Terumi was utterly unharmed.

The same couldn't be said for the poor creature, however, as it lied deflated in the floor, much like the world's strangest balloon animal. The spectre was somewhat sitting down by its side, somewhat moving his legs. Somewhat trying to get himself up.

Somewhat.

It goes without saying that he lacked motivation more than anything. "C'mon, get up already." He spoke, not to himself, but to the wounded Pakumen beside him. "Don't tell me you're dying from this, you pathetic excuse for a ride."

"Z…ea…"

The low dying whispers did not appease the evil shade at all, for Terumi still needed to get back home and get back at Hazama for that little lapse. "Get your ass up, you ugly mascot, and get me back up there!"

Out of options (or at least options that didn't involve him having to do something himself), the ghost tried to kick the fallen creature. Tried, indeed, for all he managed to do was to lose his balance and fall on his back.

"God.fucking.damnit." He sighed. "What am I supposed to do with these floppy things!?"

The floppy things, as he so succinctly described, were Terumi's very simplistic ghost feet. Barely physical, they were more of a suggestion, merely a way to complete his human-like shape. Lacking in elegance and details just like the rest of his current form, most of the time they could be disregarded completely, but right now the spectre was keen on blaming them for his shortcomings.

"Ah, I give up." Without anyone to bother, the ghost couldn't stop himself from thinking about his situation. That made him quite depressed, as Yuuki Terumi was not a being made for self-reflection. "It's over. This is the end of me. I've fallen and I can't get u—whoa!"

As if to answer his prayers (though of course the only God the spectre would ever consider praying to was Himself), the jaws of a creature of darkness raised up from the ground all around him.

It was a rather unorthodox way of getting someone up, but life always finds a way. This particular one just happened to be vore. "What the shit!"

Proving without a shadow of a doubt that he was just being a lazy bitch, Terumi quickly got to his feet. The same feet he'd been badmouthing mere seconds ago.

And it was these very spectral feet that got caught in a small indentation, tripping the lanky ghost as he tried to run away and making him fall on his face with a soundly *splat*.

"Fuck's sake." The creature of darkest spikes grew behind him as it opened its maw, sharp teeth quickly closing around his legs… and it began happily gnawing on him. "Get off me, you stupid thing!" Nibble by nibble, munch by munch. "Off!"

Very proud with itself, Dead Spike dragged the golden Pakumen and the pickle person back to the Kaka village, eager to show its owner what it managed to find.