ELENI

Eleni lay, resigned and resolute, on the grassy floor of the Atrium. She was in one of the more secluded gardens off to the side, as the privacy spared her the comments and occasional physical items that would otherwise come her way, but even that peace couldn't calm her mind today.

Her existence caused pain and destruction. It was a fact she had long known; it was the way things were. By extension, she also knew that the best way to deal with the emotions that resulted from Madam P's sacrifice, guilt among others, was to embrace them. It was like welcoming back an old friend, one whom you accepted because you had no other choice. Once those emotions became an integral part of her, their power over her would be diminished, and she would be able to move on.

But, this time, it was proving more difficult to reach that level of numbness than it had been in the past. After some thought, Eleni had come to understand why this was: for one thing, she was hurting more people, and so many that she cared about. Further, she had no intention of stopping.

That was why, today, she moved her thoughts away from paralyzing her emotions, and turned them towards what was usually a source of too many emotions unto itself: Dave.

When she normally thought of Dave, she imagined him charming them all at law school, and passing with flying colors. She would entertain ideas of what she would say to tease him, to push him and to let him know she supported him. Not that he needed any more support: everything had always come so easily to him with that rare combination of attractiveness, charm and competence, not to mention his privilege. Everyone had loved Dave.

Then her thoughts would often turn to whether he had already met his future wife, and her heart would rebel, as much as it knew it was only the truth. Fathering a family was one of the sacred duties for men born in the fabric of the Citadel, and Dave was cut from that shroud.

Today, however, she focused on a different aspect of her lost love: his arrogance. His unbridled assumption that he would succeed, an assumption that allowed him to bypass any consideration of the cost. Eleni had in the past marveled at how, time and time again, that simple mindset had accentuated his other gifts and propelled him forward.

She needed that now, though the success she was looking for was a far cry from the accomplishments Dave had sought. There was one instance, however, that was similar: when he had fought his way back to her for the final time. She recalled the note he had given her in the hospital, and it proved a worthy starting point.

I'm sorry.

I've been terrible.

I'm coming back.

When she had originally received the note, she had hated it: every line beginning with 'I', his assumption that he could come back to her shoved in her face. Had he ever even considered, she'd asked herself, whether he should? Had he ever considered her at all in that equation?

Now, however, this attitude was what she needed, for she could write the same note, save for inverting the last line.

So, she remembered back to how, after doing the worst possible thing he could have done, he had had the audacity to come back to her. And how, despite the fact that he must have recognized that there was no future for them, he had pursued a relationship with her again. Desperate, she tried to learn from his example. After all, he was the one person she had touched and hadn't destroyed.

Unlike Dave, however, she was ultra-aware of the price the path before her demanded. She hadn't been showered with praise and adulation that allowed her to ignore it. So, what did she have to build this mental fortress upon? she asked herself. Her fingers gripped gently at the grass, pressing into the soil below as she searched for the answer.

She was better than these selfish and spiteful people of the UpMountain, there was that. But their level was so low to start with it was a pitiful measure, and in that, a weak foundation.

She wanted to say that she would protect those who had become important to her but knew that to be a lie. However, her mind whispered, while in the short term they would suffer, she would grant them security in the long run.

Yes. She unconsciously mouthed the word as the idea settled into her and found alignment, as it dovetailed with the one promise she hadn't yet broken. Eleni's fingers hit a stone into the cool bed of the soil as she reached her conclusion: she would break no more promises in achieving her dream, but she would also make no apologies and in the end those she cared about would be safe. And all it would take was a month and a half.

Peace settled into her as she turned the concept around in her mind. No apologies: she couldn't forgive but in turn forgiveness should never be granted to her. It fit. The world would be preserved and, in comparison, the damage she wreaked would be small. With that, Eleni knew she could go on.

Sighing out, and pulling her fingers out of the soil, she let it all go. The world fell away, and it was just her, the grass she was lying upon, the Atrium, and the sky above. The fragrant smells of plant life, both sweet and putrid, wafted by at intervals, identical to those of the parks at the Citadel.

She felt her body fade away as she returned to the bones that made up their world leaving behind of those of an actor who moved within them. For a moment everything stopped. She knew it would only start again at her command.

Laughing softly at her fantasy, she let it go as well. Matthew was approaching.

MATTHEW

Matthew made his way through the Atrium, narrowing in on the spot where Eleni was. While her message had indicated the garden where she would wait, he knew that he would have been able to find her without that information. The bond, which he was now certain had weakened during their time apart, had regained and surpassed its previous strength.

Of course, that meant he was even more witness to Eleni's mental state, and right now she was…suspended. Almost not-there, and it worried Matthew. He picked up his pace, held his breath and willed her to stay.

Crossing the threshold of the garden, relief flooded him as Eleni spotted him and sat up on the grass. She smiled as he reached her. Drawing her to her feet he kissed her gently and held her tightly. She did the same in return, and he felt the uncomfortable feelings recede.

"Any comments today?" she asked, giving him an opening to talk about the verbal abuse he suffered daily. He just shrugged.

"They don't matter," was all he said. Then, with Eleni's hand firmly in his, he moved them towards the exit. "How are you doing?" he asked before he thought.

"Fine."

"I mean, how…I know this stuff with Madam P isn't pleasant, but we should talk about it." He'd rather they not talk about these things in public but didn't want to miss another opportunity.

Eleni sighed and glanced over at the Throne, which had just become visible in the distance.

"I'm accepting it, Matthew. I don't see any other way. I don't want to let it get in the way of our performance."

"But, Elle, accepting it or not, it is affecting you." Matthew said these words carefully, not wanting to be seen as taking advantage of what he could sense through the bond, but still trying to get to the bottom of her emotional state. "You're feeling it. That matters, and maybe talking about it will make it…have less of an impact."

"It already has less of an impact because I've accepted it. Accepted it and moved on. And that's how I want it." It's in the past. The words whispered through Matthew's memory, and he felt a chill. Eleni peered at him, her gaze hard. "Do you really think it's better to dwell on that? To wallow in what is denied us? How is that going to help our performance?"

Matthew bowed his head slightly at that truth, and realized he was defeated. For the moment.

"That's true." But… he didn't pursue it. "So. Let's go dance, then."

Today, Matthew began rehearsal with another run through with the princesses before they moved onto other parts of the ballet. It was in the auditorium, which he found he could manage now given that there were usually observers in the audience. Chill silence met him as he went joined his fellow dancers.

"Cordelia, you go first. Do a run through while I work with the others. I want to get this done as quickly as possible. We should not be doing it again at this point, anyway," Master Trenaw instructed, with a glare in Matthew's direction. The previous rehearsal in the trisected studio had apparently been lacking. Matthew did his best to let the comment flow off him like water.

Cordelia approached Matthew, and he steeled himself. During practices, she 'accidently' pricked him with her claws whenever she got the chance. The other two dancers were preferable; they simply refused to speak with him, which he found had a positive side: their behavior made it all the easier to play the disinterested prince.

"Hi Mattie," Cordelia said snidely as she stepped up beside him prior to the start.

"Cordelia," he returned.

"Selene has Jenna over at the club this afternoon," she exhaled in jealous disgust, "I don't know why I'm still here."

"No one is making you stay," he pointed out, then chided himself for encouraging her. The last thing the ballet needed was to lose any more dancers, though the hemorrhaging had stopped after Madam P's announcement. A couple of dancers had even asked to come back.

The woman glared up at him.

"I can't wait until you get your brain out of that bitch's—," Matthew walked over to Tuli halfway through this comment, again turning things around in his head: he had to suffer through this abuse, but he never had to see Jenna.

When Master Trenaw returned, he said their performance only barely passed muster, but nonetheless he moved Matthew on to the hunting scene. That went marginally better. When the ensemble practice came to an end, Matthew made to seek Eleni out, but was waylaid by Madam P.

Matthew looked at his dance teacher questioningly as she pulled him aside. Picking up on his concern she spoke quietly.

"Nothing to do with the ballet, Matthew. I just," she cleared her throat, "well, with everything else that's going on, the one good thing has fallen to the wayside and I wanted to recognize it. I am happy that you and Eleni are back together."

Matthew blinked in surprise, though he appreciated the expression of support.

"I also took the time to…understand Eleni's position on the topic of presents. As she seems to have a sensitivity there." Madam P laid a conspiratorial hand on his arm and held his eyes with hers. "Stick to her birthday. She revealed to me that is the only time she and her mother ever exchanged gifts. To celebrate the other on one day of the year." Madam P nodded as if seeing the wisdom of the tradition "It makes the gifts, and the feeling behind them, all that much more meaningful." The teacher smiled and patted his arm. "And hers is coming up in March."

That birthday was actually Tara's, Matthew recalled, and he realized he didn't know when Eleni's real birthday was.

"Thank you, Madam P," he said out loud and received a pleased nod in return.

Matthew watched the dance teacher walk away and marveled at how the disaster around her hadn't affected her motivation in life. It seemed that she had firmly put her decision, made four days ago now, aside and just kept going. His own frustration and guilt, on top of everything else, made it difficult for him to achieve the same poise, but as the diminutive woman, squared and unflappable, ascended to the stage and disappeared behind a curtain, he vowed to do his best.

Turning away his eyes landed on Eleni who had just entered the auditorium. As soon as he saw her, it was like a weight lifted from his shoulders. A relieve smile lit her face as well as she joined him.

"This is going to be the first version of Swan Lake where the other swans and cygnets are planning to do off with Odette. I feel like I'm dancing surrounded by knives," she murmured under her breath.

Matthew grimaced in sympathy.

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling how meaningless those words could be. She just nodded, her eyes going distant, and in that moment, Matthew felt it again: the stillness, and suspension. Mentally, she was poised again. His throat closed. He reached out and took her hand gently in his.

"I'm here," he managed to say. She looked back at him from where her eyes had drifted to nothing and gave the ghost of a smile.

"I know. That's what makes it all bearable. That, and the dancing."

Matthew pulled her to him, as if to ground her, and they stood like that until Madam P called them.

"Matthew, Eleni, back to practice," the gentle chide came, and they parted to dance the meeting of Seigfried and Odette.

As they danced, Eleni remained suspended, but it enhanced her performance. Madam P commented on it after, though Matthew almost wished she hadn't.

"Eleni, there was a tremulous quality to your Odette that was simply sublime. Keep doing that." As Eleni nodded her acceptance of the compliment, with a hint of aloofness, Matthew experienced a fleeting sensation, as if of something caught and then immediately lost again. Lost, and eternally mourned.

As they returned to rehearse the piece again, he vowed he wouldn't let that happen.

The day of Hulio's first release came, and the single was an instant hit.

Two days later, Matthew got a desperate text from the man: he had been invited to a luncheon, and knew next to no one at the event, which was scheduled to start in a half hour. He asked if Matthew could join him there.

It was a Holday, but Matthew and Eleni were again at the studio rehearsing. After checking in with Madam P, he replied to Hulio that they couldn't stay long, but would stop by during their lunch break.

"I am so relieved you are here," Hulio said as they walked up.

"No problem," Matthew reassured him. They entered the venue, a small restaurant located in the business district in the north-eastern area of the UpMountain.

Matthew knew a good portion of the guests and made several introductions for Hulio. People were cordial to the dancer through the greetings, but then focused solely on the singer. If it was a lukewarm reception for Matthew, then it was positively frosty for Eleni. They acted like she wasn't there at all. After a half hour, Matthew signaled across the room to Hulio that he and Eleni were leaving. The man smiled his thanks and quickly went back to his conversation.

The dancers were silent as they walked away from the restaurant until Eleni spoke just after they disembarked from the closed car. The road around them was deserted.

"Sometimes, I think it was better at the Citadel." The quiet comment didn't shock Matthew as it might once have, but he didn't understand it either.

"How so?"

"I was simply never in situations like that. I never realized how…nasty they could feel."

Matthew had nothing to say to that. There was an uncomfortable lump in his own stomach from the experience, even though nothing about it was a surprise.

"You can go back to that, you know," Eleni looked at him earnestly as she said this, and he understood that she wasn't trying to push him away. She was stating a fact. He thought as they walked, then squeezed her hand.

"I don't see why we can't be together and have happy lives as well. We just haven't found the right place." Or the right people. The Montagne had a population of close to 300,000 with somewhere between a quarter and a third of those living UpMountain. There had to be some reasonable people out there.

When G next came Up, a few days later, Matthew found the man similarly subdued by Hulio's success.

"He's up here nearly every day you know," the large man informed him. Matthew hadn't known. Hulio hadn't contacted him since that first event. "It's ok, though. I've been training some of the older kids at the Towers for a while now and was able to hire one of them. They seem to be working out well." G stared around the auditorium at random. "He'll have a good life here," G finished. Matthew nodded and found he had nothing to say to that. They were sitting together, just the two of them, far up in the seats of the auditorium. Matthew found he had little motivation to return to rehearsal and knew one of the directors would seek him out when they missed him.

G glanced in his direction, a glint in his eye.

"Natalya is tickled pink that you and Eleni are back together."

"Wha-? Since when are you on a first name basis with Madam P?" The large man shrugged. It was not a humble gesture.

"What can I say? We have a connection."

"Forget all that stuff you say about me…," G laughed deep in his throat, then went on with his original subject. "Is Adam as excited?" It was Matthew's turn to shrug.

"He's fine with it," he said, and stopped there as G didn't know Adam's history. The truth was he and Eleni hadn't spent a lot of time with the man since getting back together. Adam had asked the other night when Matthew was going to have Eleni over for dinner. Matthew wasn't avoiding it for any reason other than with their busy schedules, and both of them at the dance studio so much, it was simply easier to eat at Madam Ps.

That thought triggered another, and it was his turn to look at his friend.

"You staying for dinner tonight?" G gave him a sideways look but smiled.

"I will, when I can fit it in. I'm a busy man you know."

"Everyday? I know you eat at the cafeteria most of the time."

"Dinner is a good time to get to know the people. The ones that aren't working the distant production units at least. I take advantage of that."

Matthew nodded.

"You give a lot of yourself to them." G waved his hand, dismissing the compliment.

"I just try to lend them a bit of strength. If you can give me a week's notice, I can probably make something happen."

Matthew brought it up later with Eleni and Madam P while they were preparing dinner in Madam P's kitchen. Matthew was cutting mushrooms and Eleni warming a broth, while Madam P sliced some squash from the hydroponic fields.

"That young man is welcome here anytime," Madam P said, clearly pleased with the suggestion, "And I've been thinking that the two of you also deserve an evening off. So why don't we go out? And you could see if Adam would like to join us."

Matthew sensed it was some sort of olive branch, and started to speak his enthusiasm for the idea, but then picked up on tones of reluctance from Eleni. Looking at her, he recalled their experience at Hulio's luncheon.

"We could just get something nice, and eat it here," he said instead, not sure how he felt about that. Was he giving up?

"Nonsense," Madam P said firmly. Matthew saw her eyes shift to Eleni for a moment, "I will make the reservations later tonight. And young James is invited as well."

Matthew found he agreed that that was the better option.

"Here, let me 'mote G to see when he can come."

So it was, several days later the five of them were walking into The Trivet, a small, but very much upscale restaurant just off the theater district. The host blanched when he saw who Madam P had brought to the restaurant, but the woman simply walked by.

"Ah, I see you've prepared a table in the corner, just like I asked. Thank you, Tedos."

They were seated and started perusing the menu. Madam P asked Adam to order a bottle of wine for the table. G offered to help and proceeded to pick Adam's brain about the selection. Waves of hesitation and tentative enjoyment radiated from Eleni. Matthew didn't realize he was staring at her, focusing on her reaction, until she met his eyes and made a face.

"Matthew, what have you done to irritate your better half?" G laughed appreciatively and tipped his head to Madam P before learning more about cabernets.

"He's making fun of the fact that I have never eaten in a setting like this before," Eleni responded flatly.

"But we've eaten out before," Madam P pointed out to her charge. "As have you and Matthew."

"Yes, but it was more casual." That was true. This restaurant was far nicer than the ones Matthew usually frequented unless his was with his father. "This is…exciting," Eleni seemed embarrassed. Madam P beamed and reached over to squeeze her charge's hand.

"It is good to see you start to relax, Eleni." Matthew agreed.

Their waiter, however, was not happy with their presence, and looked ill when G put in the order for the wine. Then he was gone, save to return to grudgingly provide the wine, and the mood was upbeat until the food came.

"Um, Elle, you got fish, no? And G, you didn't have any meat, did you?"

"It's no problem," Eleni murmured. "It's still food."

"And it actually looks like food," G added appreciatively, pushing through the thick sauce for chunks that were not meat.

"No, wait," Madam P said, as Adam motioned the waiter over.

"There's been a mistake," Madam P pointed out the errors of G and Eleni's orders and asked for them to prepare the correct dishes immediately. The waiter nodded and walked away.

Matthew saw Eleni and G share a look.

"Here, G, I think there are more veggies on this one."

"Mmm-mm-mmmm," G said as he took her plate and handed his to Madam P to pass to Eleni, "fresh vegetables. Don't know that I've ever seen real ones before." But he grinned as he made the comment.

Their new food didn't come for nearly an hour, but Matthew barely noticed as G took control of the conversation. He smiled at his friend's antics, and it occurred to him that G kept talking on purpose to distract them from dwelling on the mistreatment he and Eleni were receiving.

"So, Matthew," the large man said the name with particular emphasis. "Studying hard I hope?"

"Of course! When I do something, I do it right." He didn't really want to think about school.

"Well, we would really need Elle's opinion to know if that is true, but I'll take your word on it for now." Madam P nearly snarfed her wine, and Adam coughed, clearly not used to G's taste in humor, especially when it came to Matthew. Eleni blushed, but simply sipped her wine as her eyes slid sideways to meet Matthew's. In spite of her embarrassment, she gave the suggestion of complete satisfaction. He returned a half grin. Adam cleared his throat again.

"I understand from Matthew that you also have an interest in civil work, G."

"Ah yes, I do. It has such a direct impact on all our lives yet goes unseen for the most part. But, were I to pursue an education, it would be in psychology."

"Psychology, James?" Madam P interjected, surprised. "The art of discerning people's personalities?"

"And so much more. The art of understanding why they do what they do. And why different people do different things in the same situation. Not just personality, motives, incentives, all of it."

"Then that's not strictly psychology. You're on the edge of philosophy, or politics, even economics there."

"Very true. You could say I am a student of them all. And how they come together. You must understand the whole…"

"…as a sum of its parts," Eleni finished, in a sardonic tone. "Madam P and Adam, I should warn you that G has been banned from talking about these topics at the Towers. There is some debate about whether his mutant power is the ability to bore people to death with his ravings on psychology."

For once, they shared a laugh at G's expense, as the man gave his 'sister' an appraising look. The conversation turned to the more mundane.

A short while later, with no sign of the correct dishes, Eleni suggested the three UpMountainer's go ahead and order dessert so that they could all eat together when the food did come.

"But then what about you?" Adam asked. Eleni shook her head.

"I try not to eat too many sweet things, anyway."

"And yet, you love cake," Madam P said smugly. Eleni ducked her head, though she was smiling.

"Really?" Matthew said. Madam P nodded, smug.

"I got a fruit cake from a student around the Solstice, and I think I only ate about one slice. Yet, the rest disappeared." The woman was clearly delighted when Eleni flushed, and Matthew tucked his girlfriend's preference for the rare treat away in his memory.

"That reminds me," Madam P continued, "we have your birthday to celebrate."

Matthew registered surprise and confusion through the bond, though Eleni kept her face still.

"That's right!" G exclaimed, saving her, "March 21st. And you are going to be an adult, the big 18. We need to do something special."

"No, please don't. I had forgotten about it," Eleni objected, but G and Madam P caught Matthew's eye across the table, and he knew there was no way it would be forgotten.

"Your birthday's coming up, too, Mattie," Adam added unnecessarily. Matthew glared at him.

"When is that?" Eleni chirped up.

"April. Just after the performance." The ballet opened on April 22nd.

The dinners and desserts finally came. As they finished, Adam got up from the table and spoke briefly to the host. He was in conversation with a woman Matthew believed was the manger when himself, Eleni, G and Madam P walked out the door. They waited and he caught up a moment later.

"What was that about?" Matthew asked quietly.

"I just recalled something about their usual shipment. Thought I'd let them know while I was there." Matthew looked at his father, but the man didn't provide any further detail.

They rode the closed car to the train station, where they said goodbye to G. Adam went straight home from there, but Matthew walked back to the dance school with Madam P and Eleni, and even though it was late, her about the incident at dinner.

"It wasn't surprising," she said. "I…I'm kind of mad at myself, because I had started to get comfortable."

"But, you should be comfortable." She looked down.

"It just makes it easier for them to hurt you," she said. He found he understood what she meant.

"We should try some other places. There must be somewhere that is not so stuck up," he said quietly. She nodded, pensive.

She took his left hand and unwound it from around her shoulders. Holding it in front of her, she traced the bones from his wrist to his fingers, the tips of her fingers gently playing across his skin. He couldn't help but laughing.

"That tickles." She smiled and stopped.

"You enjoy jewelry," she observed, touching the rings he wore. He shrugged. The hand she was holding had a small, stacked collection, each a different design and metal: one was red-gold, one was silver and one was black. Matthew had selected them because he liked the way the colors looked together. His memory whispered that Jenna would have scolded him for not wearing a matching set. He set that thought aside.

On his right hand, there was a single gold ring, and while he wore no chain that night, he did have on a pair of earrings.

Eleni traced up and down the ring finger of his left hand.

"You know, where I came from, people only wore rings on this finger if they were married." Matthew had all three rings on that finger.

"Hmmm? You hear about that in ancient tales. People exchange special gifts here; they're called marriage pacts. They usually match in some way."

"I like that," she said, as she slowly maneuvered the three rings off his finger.

"Do they bother you?" he asked, as Eleni inspected the rings. She looked up at him, surprised.

"No! I like them." She held up the silver one. "I think I'll borrow this one."

"You can keep it," he said, amused, as she returned the other two to his hand. Trying the silver one on her hand, she found that there was no finger upon which it fit well.

"I'll have to get a chain," she murmured, as she turned to kiss him. "Thank you." He smiled as her lips met his. He found he liked the idea of her having the ring, even though there was nothing special about it. Well, he supposed, now there was. He pulled her close.

Some indeterminate amount of time later, the sound of a throat clearing made them pull apart in surprise. Madam P stood in the entryway to the room, looking at them with a mixture of limited tolerance and amusement on her face.

"It is late," she noted. Indeed, she was wearing a robe and seemed on her way to bed herself, "and you both need your sleep." With that she bid them goodnight and went up the stairs.

Matthew looked back at Eleni, and they burst out in quiet laughter at their embarrassment. They had only been kissing. He said good night, kissing her one more time, and left. As he walked home, he mused that it was the first time that it hadn't been Eleni who ended their intimacy.

He didn't know what to make of the spike of anxiety that followed that realization.