Hi readers, so here we are, we've reached the lowest point of our story. As I said in the story's summary, I'm sticking to cannon, except for the pregnancy storyline. So, sorry, no judiciary miracle is coming. As I have now filled the gap between S2E8 and 9-10, there will be more of the show's lines included. You'll know them, and of course they belong to Uncle Fellowes and his team.

You might want to have some tissue ready for this Chapter. I know I made myself teary when I wrote and proof-read it. ^^

January 1920

Her eyes were locked into his and her heart madly hammering against her ribcage as the whole court was holding its breath, waiting for the verdict. She had never seen him more vulnerable. The fear and despair she felt flowing in her veins, she could also see in his eyes. The end of the trial had been a nightmare, with all those testimonies that made him look worse and worse, and they both knew what was to be expected, although she fought her hardest to hope a little bit longer. The split second before the First Jury talked seemed endless. She thought she was going to faint from the intensity of the adrenaline pumping in her body. She pressed her hands flat on her prominent belly, to stop them from shaking so hard. Then she heard the word, and she felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest. Guilty. A strangled shriek escaped her throat and she pressed her fist into her mouth as she saw across the Courthouse John staggering on his feet. She felt Lady Mary's hand on her right arm, and Leslie's at her left, preventing her from falling, if she ever fainted.

- Sit down Anna, whispered Lady Mary softly, but Anna did not listen.

- No, but this is wrong, this is terribly terribly wrong!, she yelled in despair, as if anything she could say could still change something.

She saw the tears on his cheeks, and an ice-cold chill ran down her spine when he called out to her in that small and broken voice, as the guards manhandled him away:

- Anna! Anna…

And he was gone, and she crumbled down on the bench, sobbing in Lady Mary's arms. Then the sobbing turned into a deep moan as she felt the first pains in her lower belly. But it was too soon…

x x x x

My John, my one and only

I am here, sitting in this large bed, in this dimly lit room, and I can't quite believe how one can live through the most horrific and the happiest moments of one's life in less than twelve hours. This afternoon I thought I was going to die from grief when I heard the judge saying those words sending you to death for a crime you did not commit, and now, it is four o'clock in the morning, and I am watching our beautiful baby boy sleeping in his crib next to me, and I'm so happy for his existence, and so devastated that you're away from us. John William Bates Jr was born just three hours ago, in the very same room where he was conceived on that golden night of our wedding. (It is Lady Mary who insisted I was brought in here when it became obvious, as we came back from York, that I was going into labour). I haven't quite stopped crying since the moment he was born. I feel so blessed to have him, and he's so beautiful, and healthy, according to Dr Clarkson, despite his being born almost three weeks early. He looks just like you. I keep wondering why the world has to be so unfair as to deprive an innocent child of his loving father, and a wife of her loving husband, and an innocent man of his rightful life and family. We could be so happy if they only let us be. I don't know when I'll be allowed to visit you next, but I'll bring him with me. I can't think that they'll prevent you from meeting your son before

She shuddered and another sob escaped her lips as she stopped writing, unable to go on with her sentence and actually write the words "before they take you to execution". She scribbled on the word "before", and started another sentence.

After the end of the trial we met with Mr Murray in a pub, and Mr Matthew and Mr Murray agreed to send a letter to the Home Secretary asking for a reprieve for you. Mr Murray promised his Lordship to go and deliver that letter himself. I'm holding on to that crazy hope that all is not over.

As she wiped her eyes with her nightgown sleeve, the newborn baby made a little fussing noise.

Your son agrees with me. He's hoping too. I'm going to try and sleep a little bit now. I think it has been the longest day of my life. I hope that the news that you are finally a father, and that you have a son can bring you a little flicker of joy in this darkest of time. I hope you'll get that letter later today or tomorrow at best, but I'll ask Mr Carson to telephone the prison to give you the news right away later this morning. I want you to know as soon as possible. Don't worry about me. The labour was hard and I am tired, but I am fine and healthy, as is your son. I can't wait to see you again. We both love you very very much.

Anna.

x x x x

My Anna, my one and only,

You cannot know how happy your letter has made me. I received it just a few hours after Mr Carson's phone call. I've been crying both from joy and grief since. I can never thank you enough for giving me this blessing to know that we have a son before I die. I know he must be perfect, as you are, and I am so filled with grief at the thought that I will have to leave you both behind very soon, and that you will have to raise him without me. That I won't be there to see his first smile, hear his first word, see him take his first steps, and take him to his first day of school. I know you don't want me saying I'm sorry, but I am. I am so, so deeply sorry for how our life has turned out. I only wanted you to be happy. If I knew my death would bring you peace and happiness, I would face my fate gladly, but I know it is quite the opposite, so I am devastated you'll have to live through this heartbreak and sorrow. I am torn between the thought that at least you'll have something left of me in our son, and the wish that we had never met, because it would have spared you all this suffering. I know Mr Murray is pleading for me to the Home Secretary, but I can't say I'm feeling very hopeful, as everything until now has turned against us. I know you'll be visiting the day after next, and I can't wait to see you and meet our baby, but I can't help dread the fact that it will probably be our last meeting.

I love you, and I love our son John William Bates Jr, for ever. I'm so sorry for everything Anna. I hope you can forgive me.

Your devoted husband, John Bates.

x x x x

His heart was beating madly as he was waiting for her in the empty visiting room. Since their situation, they had been allowed one special visit, outside of regular visiting hours. A surge of love and longing rushed through him as he saw her silhouette approaching in the corridor. She looked pale, and tired, and held her tiny baby tight against her chest. Tears were already running on her cheeks as she sat down opposite him. He felt his eyes filling up too as she winced and shifted on the stool.

- Good morning my darling, he whispered. Thank you so much for coming all the way down here. Are you alright?

- I'm alright. Tired, and sore, too, but overall alright.

She saw his eyes hungrily studying the sleeping infant's face, so she turned him a little so he could get a better look at him.

- So. Here is your son. John William Bates Jr.

- He is so beautiful. Thank you so much. Is he doing alright?

- Pretty much, yes. He kept Leslie and I up for a good part of last night…

- Oh sorry to hear that… How did you get here? You must be so tired, I hate to think of you riding the bus all the way here with him.

- Don't worry, his Lordship lent me a motor.

- Oh. I'm glad to hear that. He looks like a bonny lad. Is he nursing alright?

- Yes, he is. Dr Clarkson said he weighed seven pounds at birth, and it was a good thing for me that he came early, because he thinks he would have been quite a big baby if he had come at the due date.

- Well good thing then. I'm glad to know that you two will be able to stay at Downton.

- They're kind to let me.

- And you have some money. Mr Murray thinks you can keep it.

Anna made a face, clearly stating her opinion that money was the least of her concerns at that moment.

- I want you to thank his Lordship for trying to help me.

- Yes but what he said…

- He didn't want to say it. And I won't blame him for not lying. Give him my best wishes for the future. And wish all of them well. I don't want you to hold it against Mrs Hughes, or Miss O'Brien.

New tears were coming to Anna's eyes, as anger surged through her at the memories of the devastating testimonies that had sealed John's fate.

- If you think I can ever…

- Even Miss O'Brien, he insisted. We've not been friends, but she doesn't want me here. Please forgive them.

Anna shook her head, as if that was too much to ask. When her gaze met his again, he found love and determination in it:

- I'm not sorry you know, she said forcefully. Not a bit. I would marry you right now if I wasn't already your wife. I would.

John smiled. That was his wife. His stubborn and wonderful wife.

- God knows I'm not sorry either. I know I wrote the contrary a lot but… no man can regret loving as I have loved you. No man can regret having such a beautiful child. I'll be eternally grateful for everything you gave me Anna.

There was a smile on Anna's face, behind the tears, as she held out the baby towards him and said softly:

- Maybe you'd like to hold him for a bit?

As John moved to take hold of his son, the guard posted nearby exclaimed:

-No touching!

John sank back down on his chair, and turned to him:

- For God's sake man, you know where I am bound! How dangerous can this be?

After a second's hesitation, the guard nodded and pointedly looked the other way. Anna gave the baby to his father, and John held his newborn son in front of him, studying his face intently.

- I decided I'll call him Johnny, said Anna.

A crooked smile warmed John's face, as he bent over his son and softly kissed his forehead.

- Hello, Johnny, my son. I need you to know that I love you very very much, as I love your mummy. I know you'll be a good boy and you'll look after her when I'm gone. I trust you.

He settled the baby against his chest and inhaled the sweet baby-scent from his hair. His eyes shone as he looked back to Anna:

- You'll tell him about me, please? Tell him how much I loved him?

- Of course I will, replied Anna in a strangled voice.

- Thank you. And, Anna. There's one more thing I must ask you. I know you won't like it but it's really important to me. I don't want you to grow old alone, and I want him to have a father, so in a while, when the time is right…

- John, no, don't, please, she protested. He has a father. You're his father.

- But a living father, one who can raise him with you. So, please, listen to me. When the time is right, and you find someone who you think is worthy of the both of you, please, get married again.

- No, I won't. I can't, she repeated, stubbornly shaking her head. There will never be anyone else but you John.

- But there will be Anna. You've still got a long life ahead of you.

A small sob escaped her lips. The prospect of a long life without him was daunting.

- You don't know what you're asking.

- I'm not asking you to forget me my darling. I'm asking you to live. To be happy. You promised me you'd try, remember? For you, and for him?, he added, handing the child back to her.

- Yes, I did, she admitted. But I don't know that I can.

- I trust you. You are strong. You're the strongest person I've ever met.

- But I don't want to be strong…, she pleaded. I want you back…

Her voice broke as she finished her sentence.

- I know, he said in a hollow voice. I want that too, so very much.

She sniffed, trying to hold her tears back.

- Well. At least I'll have something left of you, she said, shifting Johnny's weight in her arms.

John put his hand on the infant's head, and whispered:

- Goodbye, son. I've been so glad and honoured to meet you. I wish you a long and happy life. And to you too, my love. I've been very proud to call myself your husband. One kiss, to take with me?

They dived into each other's eyes, as John gently cupped her cheeks with his hands. They tried to enjoy every tiny sensation of the kiss, etching them into their memory, knowing it would be the last. Then Anna wrapped her free arm around John's shoulders and buried her face into his neck, inhaling him, as if trying to store enough of him to sustain herself for the rest of her lifetime.