May 1920

My dear husband,

I hope you are well. Everyone here is being kept busy by the preparations of Lady Edith's wedding. Lady Mary tells me His Lordship isn't too pleased about it, because he doesn't like Lady Edith marrying a crippled and older man… He even tried to put a stop to it, but Lady Edith was so adamant about him being the right man for her that he finally gave in. I remember, a few months ago, Lady Edith asked me about being married to someone older. She asked me if I was happy with you. I said that although our situation was far from ideal, yes, I was very happy with you. She took that as a point that there is nothing wrong in marrying an older man. I must say I couldn't argue against it… If she really does love him… And he loves her… Who are we to judge. But unfortunately I don't think His Lordship is seeing things that way. Anyway he is letting it happen all the same. Lady Edith told me Mrs Levinson weighed in for her.

Amidst all this getting things ready, Lady Mary and Mr Matthew are still arguing about Mr Swire's inheritance. Mr Matthew still won't accept it, and Lady Mary wants him to take it to save Downton. So their married life isn't starting on the best of terms I'm afraid…

I am going to London two days from now, to see Mrs Bartlett. I'll be going with Johnny of course, since he still needs to nurse every three hours. Leslie will be coming with me this time, to help me with him. I hope the train journey doesn't unsettle him as much as last time, otherwise I won't get much sleep on the following night… I also hope that seeing your son might convince Mrs Bartlett to tell me the truth about Vera. Hoping there is indeed something relevant to know about her in her last days. I really need to have some good news to work on, since the mood here isn't that merry with all that business of selling Downton… While I'm in London, the family is going to go for a picnic up north, to visit one of their other, smaller houses, where they might settle after they've sold. I'm not supposed to know about all this, none of the staff is, but Lady Mary told me anyway. I'm not repeating it to anyone but you, as I know their secrets are safe with you. But I must say it does worry me. This house is farther up north, quite removed from the world. If I was to go there with them, it would make it much more difficult for me to go and visit you in Ripon. And Lady Mary and Mr Matthew still don't know where they want to live. I sometimes pray that Lady Mary will find some way to make Mr Matthew accept his inheritance, so that Downton can be saved, and things can go on as they always have. All this uncertainty is sometimes keeping me up at night…

I didn't tell you the last chapter of the Thomas vs Ms O'Brien's feud… It looks like Thomas "let it slip" to Mr Molesley that Ms O'Brien intended to leave. So since Mr Molesley had someone in his family looking for a position, he went straight to Her Ladyship to ask about the job. Of course Her Ladyship was surprised and not a little annoyed that Ms O'Brien hadn't told anything to her about leaving (and of course she wouldn't have, since she had no intention of leaving in the first place…) So after that poor Mr Molesley got berated by Ms O'Brien, until she understood that all this was Thomas's doing. Really I find those two rather pitiful… As if we don't have enough work and trouble not to try and meddle with each other's lives. And poor Mr Molesley finding himself a puppet in their childish games. Once they used to scheme together against you, now they keep scheming against each other. It's ridiculous really. I must say I wouldn't have been that sorry if Ms O'Brien had really intended to leave.

Anyway. All this has nothing to do with me and my own worries. I was only sorry for Mr Molesley to have been used like this. He might not be the brightest of people, but he is kind and of good-will.

I am babbling about all those insignificant things, when the only important thing is that our one-year wedding anniversary came and went last week. I wouldn't have imagined, a few years back, that this would be the way we would celebrate our first wedding anniversary… Still I guess that I am grateful, because at least there is an anniversary to celebrate, and you are still here to celebrate it with me. And we have our beautiful son. I am looking forward to seeing you next time so that we can celebrate this milestone together.

I'll keep you informed right away about how my interview go with Mrs Bartlett.

Johnny and I are sending you our sweetest kisses and all our love.

Yours forever,

Anna.

x x x x

My dear Anna,

I hope you are well, and Johnny too. I was a little worried when I didn't see you earlier today at visiting hours, and no words of explanation, nor any letter from you for a week. I hope everything is alright with you, or with Johnny. Have any of you been taken ill? Please send me word to tell me that you are fine. A quick note will do, only to settle my mind, if you are too busy to come or write a full letter. I asked the guards but they say they haven't had any particular news about you. I'm not mad at you for not coming, not at all, I gather you must have had a very good reason for skipping our visit. I only hope it isn't something serious. I will miss you until the next visit. I wanted to celebrate with you on the occasion of our first wedding anniversary. I can't believe it has been a year already, and I have missed on that much of our family life. If I were with you, I would have treated you with some flowers, and maybe a night out… I'm sure Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson would not have minded…

Have you managed to go to London and see Mrs Bartlett as you told me you would? Did she say anything meaningful? I hope it wasn't too much of a bother for you. I hate that you have to run to and fro for me, when you have our little one to care for and your job to do…

Did things settle regarding His Lordship and the Downton business? I wish I could write to His Lordship to give him my sympathy, but since we're not supposed to know about it, there's nothing much I can do…

Things here are much the same. Craig is proving to be less and less friendly and likeable by the day. Nothing for you to worry about, but I dearly miss Julian's companionship, even if we come across each other from time to time.

John didn't mention to Anna the failed set-up Craig had attempted against him. He didn't want her to worry for something she couldn't do anything about. She had enough on her plate as it was. He tried to push away the gnawing worry that gripped his heart. In more than a year he had spent in prison (a year already for God's sake…, he thought), she had never missed one visit, except that one time when she had been in London with the ladies, and if she had to, surely she would have told him why in advance. And never had he spent a whole week without receiving at least one letter from her. He couldn't help but fear that something was wrong with her or the baby.

Please my love, give me some news shortly, I am worried. I love you and I long to hear from you. See you soon, hopefully.

Your loving husband,

John Bates.

x x x x

My beloved John,

I came to visit you yesterday as usual, and they turned me away, without telling me why… Has something happened? Are you alright? I hope you're not ill or anything?Have you had some troubles, so that they suspended your visits? No other visitor has been turned away like me, or none that I was able to see anyway… Please tell me what's going on, I am worrying.

Had I been able to see you, I was going to tell you about my interview with Mrs Bartlett. As you foresaw, she was not overly friendly towards me, as she seemed to really care for Vera… (maybe Vera managed to be agreeable to some people other than us, who knows…). Anyway, I managed to have her talk a bit after the grumbling and letting her call me names. Unfortunately she had nothing very new to tell me. She said she saw Vera on her last day, the same day you came to see her, and that she seemed fearful and disturbed. I don't know if she really was or if she was acting, but apparently she put on a good show to her friend. Anyway, I didn't learn anything new. Vera was cooking, and she talked to Mrs Bartlett about your visit and how she was afraid of you, and they walked together to the mailbox because Vera had a letter to post (presumably the very same letter Mrs Bartlett received the next day telling all the same things…), and then she walked back home. I don't know what more we can do with that. I must admit that I am a bit disappointed. I hope I will get other responses to my letters.

Johnny has once again been a doll during the train journey, but has kept me awake for a good part of the following night. He definitely doesn't like travelling with the train. There was a man in our carriage who kept coughing all through the journey, so I hope none of us will have caught anything…

Lady Mary and Mr Matthew are still arguing over Mr Swire's inheritance… Lady Mary told me that Mr Swire has left a letter for all his three potential heirs, and Mr Matthew's has just been delivered, but apparently he refuses to read it, and to change his mind over accepting the fortune… I know it is not my place to have an opinion on all this, but I really wish he would take it, on one hand because it would ease my worries about having to leave Downton, and on the other hand because I don't like seeing Lady Mary unhappy and fighting with her husband… Anyway, there's nothing I can do about it, this is something they'll have to sort out between themselves.

Lady Edith is getting married tomorrow, so at least there'll be a little joy in the house for a while.

I hope to get a letter from you soon, please, tell me that you are alright and in good health at least. Don't leave me in the dark, I'm begging you.

Meanwhile, please receive my loving thoughts and prayers.

Your wife,

Anna Bates.

x x x x

My beloved Anna,

Another week has come and gone, and still no word from you. Every day the guards give out the mail, and shake their head when my turn comes. No one will tell me anything. Please my love, will you at least tell me what is going on? I assume that if you were ill enough so that you wouldn't be able to write to me for a fortnight, Mrs Hughes or Mr Carson would have let me know… I am worried about you my darling, please tell me something. If you need to take some time to rest, some distance from all this gloomy prison business, I'd understand, I would leave you in peace for as long as you'd like, if only I knew that you were alright. I miss you even more than usual, not knowing what to expect from this unusual silence. Should I wait for you next Monday for the visits? Will you come?

Until I hear from you again, I will read and re-read all your previous letters, trying to find something that could explain why you've so suddenly disappeared.

He sighed, and tears sprang to his eyes. Only a few weeks before, she was swearing to him that she would wait for him for a lifetime if she had to. Could she have changed her mind so quickly, and unexpectedly? Had she met someone? His heart broke at the thought. He brushed the tears away, and berated himself for drawing hasty conclusions. There had to be a reasonable explanation to her silence. He would soon find it out.

Have you managed to make it to Mrs Bartlett, has she told you anything relevant? How is Johnny going?

I hope things are settling regarding the business of Downton.

Once again, I'm asking you please to send me a word, so that I can stop worrying. I love you as much as ever, and I'm missing you.

John Bates.

x x x x

John,

Please my love, tell me what in the name of God is going on! Still no letter from you, and I telephoned the prison today, asking if I could come see you next Monday, because I didn't want to make the trip for nothing, and they turned me away again, without explaining any more than they did last time. They told me not to come anymore, until told otherwise. Have you been punished for something? I assume that if you were ill, or worse, dead, they would have told me so, so what has happened? Is this your way of telling me that I should move on with my life without you? Because you have to know that this is not going to work! I am not giving up on you because you're shutting me out. You cannot give up on us, on our life, and even less on your son! I will keep writing to you until you tell me something.

Speaking of your son, the poor lamb seems to have caught whatever that man on the train had, because he started having a fever a few days ago, and now he is coughing quite badly. I will take him to Dr Clarkson tomorrow, this is worrying me. Mrs Hughes heard his cough and said she thought maybe it was the croup, or the whooping cough. I hope Dr Clarkson can put my mind at ease that it won't be too serious.

There has been quite a few developments regarding the family too. First with lady Edith's wedding. The poor creature has suffered the worst public humiliation when Lord Strallan left her, standing at the altar… Poor thing. She was devastated obviously. We had to hastily put away all the wedding things while she was hiding in her room. She kept herself hidden and didn't eat anything for two days. I felt very sorry for her. The only good side was that we got to eat the wedding dinner down in the Servants' hall. However I didn't manage to enjoy it that much, so worried was I with both Johnny being ill and you being inexplicably silent.

On the other hand, there has finally been some good news, regarding the future of Downton. Lady Mary forced Mr Matthew to read Mr Swire's letter, and apparently, it convinced him to change his mind! So he has decided to accept the inheritance after all, and invest it in Downton so that the estate could be saved. Since he has invested his money, he and Lady Mary will stay and live here. I am very relieved and grateful for this turn of event. At least that's one thing settled, and one less worry on my mind.

I am eagerly waiting for a word from you, hoping you are alright. I will write again as soon as I get back from Dr Clarkson for Johnny.

I love you, and I am not letting go of you, not now, and not ever.

Anna.

x x x x

Anna my darling,

I am despairing to have some news from you. I am trying to reassure myself, that if something serious had happened to you, someone from Downton would have brought me the news. So, I can only conclude that it is you who have decided to stop writing and visiting… Have you really? The guards keep telling me day after day that no letter has come for me. They keep telling me every two Mondays that no one has showed up for me. I'm begging you my darling, tell me something. Being kept in the dark like this, without even an explanation, is unbearable.

I know I have been offering you a miserable life, and if you have changed your mind, and want to move on with your life, this is something I could understand, however heartbroken I would feel. Is this what you want? If this is the case, I wish we could talk it through face to face. This silence is killing me. I really don't want to lose you, but if I know that you will be happier without me, then I'll let you go. Your happiness is what matters most to me. I will not be like Vera, and will not tie you up in a loveless marriage. But we have a son, Anna. And if I'm prepared to set you free if you so wish, despite the pain it would bring me, you cannot cut me out from him. I need to hear from him, to know that he is doing alright. So please, for his sake at least, tell me something.

I still hope there is a sensible explanation to your silence, one that doesn't include you drifting away from me. And I'll be waiting for it for as long as it takes. I miss you so dearly. I love you and our son more than ever.

Yours faithfully,

John Bates.

x x x x

John, my love,

Another day has come, and once again Mr Carson handed letters to virtually everyone around the table at breakfast, but me. The look of pity that passed between him and Mrs Hughes hurt almost as much as your continued silence. Do you not care about me anymore? About Johnny? Then later it was Mr Matthew who asked me about you, and I had to tell him and Lady Mary that I had no news from you, nor had I been able to visit you for weeks. The sorry look on their faces didn't cheer me up.

As I told you, I went to see Dr Clarkson with Johnny, and he suspects a whooping cough. From what I understood, though he tried to be reassuring, it can be very serious on infants, and Johnny is but five months old… I am so dreadfully worried about him. We almost didn't sleep for the last two nights, as he spends so much time in those awful coughing fits. He's having difficulties to nurse, because he is so exhausted and breathless. I am trying to give him some of my milk with a teaspoon, but he won't take a lot.

Fat tears started falling on the paper. That gripping fear for Johnny's health on top of not having heard from nor seen John for more than a month was too much on an exhausted Anna. She could not bear the thought of losing them both.

John, please I'm begging you to write to me. I can't go through this alone. I am doing my best, but I need you. We used to feel that letters and seeing each other every two weeks wasn't much, wasn't enough, but it was my lifeline. Without it I am drowning in sorrow. I can't go on without your support, even if it's only in words. You cannot turn your back on me, on your son, when his health is so precarious right now.

Earlier today I talked to Mrs Hughes, and she was confident that there had to be a good reason for your silence. She didn't believe that you would abandon us like this. I very much hope she is right, but it is getting harder and harder to believe with each day that passes. I am still hanging on, but I don't know how much longer I can. I love you still, despite everything.

Anna.