Crash Course

The kart was speeding sporadically through the halls, which had somehow transformed into a pinball machine. They bounced from one corner to the next, avoiding those cy-bugs thanks to luck and Calhoun's sharp-shooting skills.

Vanellope jerked the wheel left and right, trying to keep the three adults on board, but also trying to learn the mechanics of the vehicle.

"Look out!" Ralph yelled.

"Wah-!" She swerved the kart and sent all four of them into a spin. When they finally stopped, and their dizzied vision cleared up, they were in the middle of a four-way intersection.

And all four ways were blocked off.

"Come on, there's got to be a firepower ability thing here, somewhere!" Vanellope said, mashing the buttons.

Confused and horrified, Ralph looked down at her, and asked, "Kid, don't you know how to work a kart?"

"Uh..."

Calhoun sent her weapon into overdrive, blasting away as many enemies as she could, but it wasn't enough.

"Ralph, what do we do?!" Felix shouted, clutching his huge hand so tightly that Ralph almost felt it go numb.

"I don't know..." He turned his head every which way, and as he stood on the kart, he felt the ground shake underneath his weight. He's felt this kind of sensation before. The surface below was unstable. As if there was a hollow space underneath it. "I've got it."

He hopped off the kart, and before the others could ask what he was doing, he leapt as far into the air as he could, and slammed his feet against the floor.

Nothing happened.

"What in the name of Tobikomi are you-?" Calhoun spat out.

Then the ground shook a little more violently, and before Calhoun could ask more questions, all four of them fell down below. The kart decided to continue on, driving through a rough and rocky terrain. The tunnels were dark and narrow, and the way was only lighted by glowing rock candy crystals sticking dangerously out from the sides. Vanellope did her best to steady her breathing as well as her hands on the steering wheel.

"Hey, I think I'm getting the hand of it-!"

She'd spoke too soon, because the tunnels had become almost pitch black and when they cleared again, they'd seen that they were about to run straight into a wall. All four of them shouted into the tunnels before Vanellope slammed on the brakes, sending the biggest figure in the crew flying forward.

Ralph smacked against the surface hard enough to black out.

...

"...Ralph... wake up, please!"

The sounds came to him in muffled waves, almost drowned out by the ringing in his ears. He blinked his eyes open, his irises shifting from one corner to the next, and the blackness in his vision faded away.

He saw all three of the others leaning over him, with Felix holding his giant hand and Vanellope smacking his face.

"You alive, Stinkbrain?"

Calhoun was shining the flashlight attached to her weapon down at him, checking for any signs of fatal injuries. All Ralph had was a splitting headache and a sore back. He pressed his thumb and index finger against his temples and mumbled, "I'm good."

"My stars and garters, Ralph, I'm so glad you're okay!" Felix cried, nuzzling his face into Ralph's palm.

Calhoun came over and grabbed his other hand to help him up. "Good lord, Wreck-It, you pulverized that wall like a wind blowing through leaves."

He stretched his back, groaning at the pain and rolling his shoulder.

"It's like I said before, Sarge, I'm build like a rock."

Vanellope rushed over to her kart, which had suffered a bit of damage from the impact.

"Well, y-you may be built like a rock, but my poor kart isn't!" She turned to the handyman. "Hey, Hamster, d-do you think you can patch up my baby here?"

Felix patted his lover on the knee, grabbed his hammer and twirled it in his hand. "Can do!"

While he got to work, Calhoun was sitting a distance away from the crowd, sitting cross-legged, with her flashlight pointed towards the group. And earlier, Ralph had seen her looking more emotional and - in lack of a better word - human, than she did before. But right now, she was retaining that same cold, monotone exterior she had when she hunted him and Felix down.

Ralph didn't know whether it was presumptuous of him to ask what that reaction was back in the castle, or to ignore it completely. Calhoun did not look as if she wanted to talk about it right now.

But she also had questions on her mind. "You two... you two sounded like you knew who that wackjob was." She eyed them suspiciously. "You want to give me an explanation before I start coming up with my own theories?"

Felix turned his head up from his work and Ralph looked at her.

Calhoun did not look particularly pleased with the events that had just happened. And that seemed to be the understatement of the year. There was a glint of fire in her eyes.

Felix pulled his hat over his eyes, as if he was trying to hide his face. "Well, ma'am... it sure is an urban legend if I ever heard one."

"Was an urban legend." Ralph corrected him. "Turbo."

Calhoun released her grip on her weapon and took in several deep breaths. "Okay, then, out with it."

And so they told her the tale of the legendary Turbo, who used to rule the arcade before his demise. As the story unfolded, Calhoun's firm resolve changed drastically into that of shock. But not because the story's antagonist contradicted its ending by revealing himself to be very un-dead.

Ralph had a hard time determining what the full range of emotion was on her face, but it seemed a part of her was impressed. And why wouldn't she have been? The concept of a character from another game - a game that was a generation behind Sugar Rush - reprograming this foreign environment for his benefit was mind-bending.

It could not register in any of their minds as a possibility. That was because it wasn't.

"That thing he said..." Ralph commented. "About having a massive appetite like me. I don't know what he meant by that."

Vanellope was leaning over her kart as Felix did his job, and responded with, "I'm p-pretty sure he just called you fat, Pudge."

"Aside from that." Ralph retorted, indignantly.

Calhoun was pensive as she lowered her eyes to the ground. Then she looked over at Vanellope. "I think you were right about your king being a soul-sucking parasite."

"Huh?" Vanellope was so focused on having her property fixed that she barely noticed the conversation going on. "You mean King Candy's actually a vampire?"

Calhoun smoothed her fingertips over her guns. She had taken a moment to ponder the idea before continuing on, as if she'd been trying to convince herself of her own words. This whole entire ordeal had been a series of firsts for her.

For all of them.

Game-jumping, aiding and abetting, fighting against crossbred contaminants.

It was surprising to her that she didn't think of herself as clinically insane after all of it. She thought she'd be prepared to handle anything outside of her game, but this was uncharted territory she was walking into. A whole different playing field where the players had different levels of strengths and experiences.

"How would an 8-bit protagonist from a decades-old game have the means of reprogramming this game?" She asked herself, but at a loud enough tone for the others to hear.

None of them had an answer for her.

Vanellope shrugged in such a casual manner that surprised the sergeant. "No idea."

Calhoun squinted her eyes at the child. "You're strangely nonchalant about this."

And the little girl blinked and tilted her head to the side. "What's that mean?"

In her time of leadership, Calhoun was taught that it was a necessity to interrogate everyone. Even those too young to fully understand the situation. "Do you know something we don't?"

"Why w-would I?" Vanellope shoved her hands in her sweater pocket. "I k-know just about a-as much as you do."

Ralph didn't believe she had something to do with King Candy's sudden reappearance, but he had questions of his own.

"When were you planning on telling us you didn't know how to drive a kart?"

The girl looked down and traced circled in the ground with her shoe.

"At some point." When she heard Ralph groan and palm his face, she threw her arms up in defense. "B-but, I thought that..."

The tall man interrupted her. "You thought that you'd just somehow magically win the race just because you really wanted to?"

Felix stood up from his position beside the kart. "Ralph, let's hear her out."

But Calhoun wasn't about to back down. The entire scenario seemed too suspicious to her, and in her experience, that intuition was usually right.

"There's a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that you're not telling us the whole truth."

"I a-am! I s-swear on my icing-topped carrot cake!" She glared at Ralph. "T-this is about you not getting your dumb medal, i-isn't it?"

He shook his head. "It's not. You weren't being honest with us, little girl." Seeing her disappointed reaction to that comment made him soften up a bit. "I mean, what if you went out there to race and you didn't make it past the finish line? What would happen if Candy got to you before you had that chance?"

Vanellope lowered her head. "Gee, Ham-Hands, I n-never t-thought of it that way."

Felix bit his lip as he tried to think of the most tactful way to say his next sentence.

"Guys, I understand that you both have your own concerns, but I have a hunch that this little peach over here is being honest with us." Vanellope nodded in agreement. "She never got a chance to be a racer."

Ralph had his hands on his hips and he sighed through his nostrils, feeling the throbbing pain of all his injuries hit him at once. Ever since that conversation they'd had in Rock Candy Caves, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to go haywire.

Something felt like it was destined to go wrong. That it was programmed to go wrong. He'd only known Vanellope and this tough-as-nails military lady for a very short period of time, but if anything were to happen to them...

He shook his head and walked up to the now-fixed up kart. "Then let's give you that chance."

He lifted her up and placed her in the driver's seat.

"Start her up, kid."

And Vanellope pressed the button to turn on the engine. It coughed and sputtered, and shut off.

"That doesn't sound good." Vanellope said, trying a second time.

The same result occurred.

Calhoun pointed to the lollipop protruding right beside the wheel. "Try giving that a pull."

"W-what's that going to do?"

The blonde shrugged. "That's the point of this little exercise, right?"

The third time Vanellope pressed the startup button, the engine roared and stayed that way. She pulled back the lollipop gear shift back, and the kart began to speed backwards, making Ralph and Felix leap out of the way.

She was about to hit against the wall behind her, but she let go of the gas pedal and the kart jerked to a stop.

"Y-yeah!" She cheered. "How'd I do?"

"It's a start." Ralph said.

Felix came over to examine the kart for any further damage. Then he turned to his lover. "This little lady is in need of a race track!"

Ralph tilted his head, dumbfounded at first, but then his eyes widened as he realized what Felix meant. "Say no more!"

The ground was made of different flavored cake layers, soft and moist to the touch. Easier to build a racetrack on than the hardened peanut brittle surface in Vanellope's mountain.

But less stable.

The kart had gotten stuck several times and sank below a hole of raspberry filling; it had taken all three of the adults to pull it out.

"Ah!" Vanellope kicked the ground in frustration. "I-I'll never get it!"

Ralph brushed the leftover filling off the kart and pushed it over by her side. "You're doing fine, kid."

"There ain't no quitters here, shrimp." Calhoun commented.

"Don't you give up, 'Nell!" Felix told her.

Vanellope tried to hide her flushed cheeks. "Aw, g-gee, guys, h-how can I stop with you people talking like that?"

And after encouraging from Ralph, some helpful self-motivating tips from Felix, and some tough love from Calhoun, Vanellope eventually became the racer she'd wanted to be. She used her glitch to her advantage, avoiding candy crystals protruding from the walls and cream-filled holes.

"Ya-hoo!" She squealed as she sped ahead of the group, much further down the tunneled path.

"Hey, don't go to far, Vanellope!" Felix shouted after her. They could still hear the rumbling of the engine from where they stood.

Calhoun straightened up and walked ahead, her rifle on her shoulder. "Alright, pussywillows, let's get a move on before that kid runs out of steam."

And Felix happily trudged forward, walking his perky little walk. "You've been a really great mentor, Ralphie. She'll win that race for sure."

But Ralph gently grasped his hand and stopped him.

"Wait."

The handyman turned his big eyes up. "What's wrong?"

It had taken a lot of Ralph finally swallowing his pride, but if he didn't say it now, he thought he'd never get around to it. He'd been wrong the entire time, and he wanted to make it known to Felix. "Um... I just wanted to..." He thought that Felix looking up at him would be comforting, but it was only adding to his nerves. He sighed, dropping his arms to his side. "I just wanted to apologize."

Felix was confused. "For... what?"

"For being a colossal jerk to you." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I was... I don't know, I guess I was upset about Calhoun and Gene, and every single one of the Nicelanders." He sat down on an oversized rock that popping out from the ground. "I thought that you thought they were all better than me."

Suddenly, all the pieces clicked together in Felix's brain about why Ralph had been upset the entire time.

"Oh, is that it?" He gave Ralph a half-smile, to which Ralph didn't return. He approached the big man and hopped onto his lap. "No one could be better than you, my dear Ralph. You're kind, strong, sweet..." He reached up and touched the side of Ralph's face. "I should be the one asking for your forgiveness."

Ralph chuckled, clasping his hand - index finger - against Felix's hand. "Felix, you've done nothing wrong."

"But I have. I didn't invite you to the anniversary party until thirty years too late."

Ralph's grin faded. "That wasn't your fault."

Felix was unconvinced, dropping his head in shame. "I have a confession to make." He laid his cheek against the big man's chest. "I didn't come with you on this adventure just because I wanted to make sure it was safe. Well, I did want to make sure you were okay, but..." He inhaled through his teeth. "Golly, I thought that... maybe I could prove to myself that I can be strong, too. So that I could stand up for you."

The wrecker was astonished, and he didn't know what to say. He just looked down at his tiny lover and tucked a small strand of honey-blonde hair behind his ear.

"Everyone expects me to play it safe, and to agree with them on everything." Felix continued, nuzzling his cheek against the warm, firm surface. "It's not in my nature to fuss about things, 'cept when they go against the code. But for you, Ralph? Jiminy sprinkles, I'd go Turbo. No flex on that one."

On any other occasion, Ralph would have protested, arguing that he wasn't worth the trouble. Before this - before Felix - he probably thought less of himself than everyone else in the arcade.

But this time, he only sighed contentedly and gently lifted Felix's chin up.

"You're too good for this world, Fix-It." He murmured.

And they were about to share another tender kiss, forgetting about the rest of the world for a moment. Until Calhoun's near-frantic yelling several miles ahead of the path caught their attention.

"Front and center, boys! You need to see this!"

Both of them shared a look and hurried on over.

And the scene that displayed before them almost made Ralph soil himself.

Hundreds of meters below them, the cybugs were feeding on the environment, but not in the same way any animal would. Not like a deer grazing, or a honeybee gathering nectar.

They were consuming the actual code that defined the surface below them.

Eggs scattered around them, glowing dangerously green in undesirable numbers. Each one of the matured creatures were connected to each other with a wire attached to its head.

And at the center where all the wires met was an enormous purple block with the name "KING CANDY".

"Mother of God..." Calhoun muttered, standing back with a whitened face.

Several smaller codes were floating in the abyss, seemingly out of commission with names of racers Vanellope had never heard of before. Vanellope was too afraid to look for her own, but she didn't have to. She knew it was there, and why her code had been malfunctioning since the beginning.

King Candy was absorbing the entire game. The whole entire landscape, every aspect of the map, and the racers.

And Vanellope had been the luckiest racer in the world to have only been an outcast. Somehow, she had managed to escape King Candy's carnivorous clutches. Her memories, though jagged, had always resurfaced no matter how many times he'd erased them.

But the other racers did not have a clue who the real ruler was. Or perhaps they did and played the part of the loyal subjects. Vanellope couldn't have blamed them, especially after seeing what would happen if they didn't.

"S-sweet jelly beans..." She murmured, almost losing her balance. "I was r-right... He is a vampire..."

"The Decoder..." Calhoun said, in a low voice. "That's how he did it..."

The others looked at her, asking the same questions with their eyes. Calhoun wiped the horrified look off her face like she'd just slapped herself and instinctively reached for her grenades.

But Ralph grasped her arm. "Sarge, don't!"

Calhoun shot a look at him, but did as he suggested. Steadying her breathing, she looked at each of them. They were all older programs without an extensive list of features and weapons. They were in over their heads.

She was in over her head.

"We need a beacon." She concluded. "Without it, there's no hope of stopping those things."

"Oh, land..." Felix moaned, wiping the sweat off his brow. "Where are we going to find a beacon here?"

While they were thinking, Ralph had an idea. He thought about the mentos falling into the Diet Cola hot springs and how explosive it had been with just one.

If the entire roof of the cavern would fall, that could have been the answer. And all it took was a lot of wrecking and perfect timing.

"What are you thinking, Ralph?" Felix asked, quietly.

Using Diet Cola Mountain as a makeshift beacon could have been dangerous, and if he told Felix, there was a chance that he wouldn't have agreed to it. Because it might have cost Ralph his life.

But there was no other option. It was either risk his own life, or that of thousands of innocent civilians.

"I've got an idea." Ralph finally said.

And Vanellope didn't wait until he laid out the plan. They were running on borrowed time and that time was about to reach its end. She hopped into her kart and motioned for them to follow. "Well, don't just s-stand there l-like a bunch of s-stale pretzel sticks! Move your molasses!"

AN: Things are about to get bumpy.

You know what I don't understand in the WIR category? The whole Ralph/Elsa pairing. It's not the weirdest pairing I've heard of, but it is pretty up there.

I guess it just goes along with everyone having different shipping preferences.