Usually during her physics and math class, she'd sit next her boyfriend. (Thank goodness for no assigned seating, she often thought). Today, though, she chose to sit in the very back corner, by herself, away from everyone else. She was bent over her book, her long hair covering her face, hiding her from her boyfriend's confused eyes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him start to stand and make his way towards her. For once, she was glad when Lori got in Danny's way and insisted on sitting with him. It seemed as though Danny was still planning on coming over, but the bell rang and the teacher walked in, so he remained seated.
"Hi," his voice filled her ears.
"Hi," she responded, forcing a smile and failing.
"You sat in the back today-"
"I had a headache. The lights... aren't as harsh in the corner." That was a lie, but she couldn't tell him why she chose not to sit with him.
"Are you okay now?"
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"Linda, what's going on?"
Linda met his eye, shook her head and shrugged nonchalantly. "I told you- I've got a headache."
"Do you need to go to the nurse?"
"No! No- uh..." she cleared her throat, "it'll go away once I eat."
He cast his eyes to her food, "You're not eating."
"Can we just not talk?" She snapped at him, inwardly kicking herself. He didn't deserve her anger.
For a split second, hurt crossed his face. "Is it okay if we talk after school? Maybe at your house?"
"Sure, whatever," Linda gathered her tray and walked towards the trash cans. She dumped her lunch and made a quick exit, needing to get away from her boyfriend.
Linda only agreed to let Danny come to her house because she knew no one would be there (and she just wanted him to quit asking her questions). She hung her coat up, "why don't you head upstairs and get homework ready while I make a snack?"
"Do you need help?"
"No! No, it's... no, I can do it." She forced a smile, and reluctantly, he walked up the stairs. She threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave, standing in front of the counter as the kernels popped away. She fingered a kitchen knife handle, curling her fingers around it.
Upstairs, Danny was looking at the pictures in Linda's room. A few posters of that boyband she loved stared back at him, making him turn to the pictures on her nightstand. One was of the two of them together, smiling widely- he recognized that one as one of the photos they had taken in a dollar photo booth at the mall. She must've gotten it blown up. The other one was of her when she was maybe seven, sitting next to her grandma on Christmas morning.
Danny frowned- that meant at one point, Linda's family was like his- happy. What had happened? She didn't like talking about her family, but Jimmy did, and Danny gathered it had everything to do with cheating and lying.
"Here's the popcorn," Linda came in her room with a big bowl of popcorn and a box of M'n'Ms.
"I like your pictures."
"Thank you." Linda put the bowl on the nightstand, sat next to her boyfriend on the bed. She paused, "why did you want to come over?"
"You seem sad," he shrugged, "and I thought you maybe didn't want to be alone."
She yanked at her sweater sleeve, "thank you."
"How old were you in that one?" He pointed to the picture of her and Rosita.
"Uh... seven?"
Awkward silence hung in the air, Danny wondering what was going on with Linda. He looked at her when she started to sniffle, "Linda?"
She shook her head as a sob escaped her, waved her hand in the air, brushing him off. He touched her shoulder tentatively, which only caused her to cry harder.
"Hey, hey, hey," Danny said gently, trying to calm Linda down. "Hey, it's okay, it's okay." He tried to grab her hands, but she yanked them away. He looked at her quizzically before taking her hand and pushing her sleeve up with his free hand. "Linda..."
Across her wrist were bloody scrapes and scratches, all red and angry. He checked her other wrist- it looked the same. He didn't say anything as she started coughing and gasping, her sobs overtaking her. The only thing he could thing to do was to hug her and never let go.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she repeated over and over again, gripping the back of his shirt for dear life. "I'm sorry."
Danny kissed her head, rubbed her back. What was he supposed to say? He had never known anyone who cut themselves- not to his knowledge anyways. He waited to speak until her tears were spent- which was quite some time, he noted. "Shouldn't... shouldn't you clean the- the cuts?"
She pulled away from him, rubbed her eye like a little five year old, as she nodded.
"Do you need help?"
She shook her head, and stood up to head to the bathroom.
Should he follow her? Part of his trust for her was now completely shattered. Again, he asked himself what he should do. "Is it okay if I go with you?"
Linda only nodded again, suddenly feeling very tired and very drained. In silence, she cleaned and bandaged the cuts, then looked to Danny for instruction.
He had no idea what to do. "Uh... Wanna lie down for a little bit?"
"Will you hold me?" She sounded so scared, so broken.
"Always." He held out his hand, and she took it. He lead them back to the bedroom, let her get comfortable first, then laid down next to her. He held her in his arms while she drifted into sleep. He couldn't let himself take a nap- he needed to figure out a way to make Linda better.
Once he was sure she was asleep, he slipped out of her bed and walked downstairs. He dialed his home number, hoping that his parents were home.
"Hello?" Mary's voice filtered through the phone.
"Mom? It's Danny. Listen... Linda's parents are out of town, and she's stuck at home alone. I don't want her to be alone. Is it alright if I stay over?"
Mary got the feeling there was more to it than her son not wanting Linda to be alone in a house by herself. She wouldn't ask now though, "why don't you and Linda come home? That way, she'll be with adult super vision."
He nodded, "I'll tell her that when she wakes up."
"You're not telling me something, Danny."
He sighed, "I'll tell you when we get there."
"Please."
At first, Linda protested greatly. She did not want to go over to the Reagans', fearing they would see through her lies, and insist on getting answers about her state of mind and being.
"They won't, I promise," Danny had told her. It took another ten minutes to convince her to pack an overnight bag, and another five to convince her to come with him.
They walked into the house, Linda feeling a lot like she was getting sent to the principal's office for misbehaving. She felt a little better when Danny grabbed her hand and smiled at her. "It's going to be okay," he said.
Both Mary and Frank greeted them at the door, the mother taking Linda's bag from her. Mary spoke first, "we're having beef stroganoff for dinner tonight."
"That sounds... really nice." Linda stopped herself from saying 'comforting'.
"Where would you like to sleep, so I can tell Erin or Joe to get the sheets," Frank asked, not knowing that was a loaded question.
"Well..." Linda looked from Mary to Frank to Danny, and back again. "I..." she cast her eyes to the floor. "I was kinda hoping I could... stay with Danny?"
Danny gave his parents an urgent look while he nodded vigorously.
The married couple glanced at each other, deciding what to say. They didn't exactly want two teenagers in a closed room together at night, but they also knew if anything should happen, the young couple would be respectful. Frank lifted his hand to rub his neck, but stopped mid-motion when Linda ducked behind Danny. "What..."
Danny turned around, put his hands on Linda's upper arms. "What was that all about?" He whispered.
"I.. I.. thought he was gonna hit me," she mumbled, hoping Frank and Mary hadn't heard that; they had.
"He doesn't hit us. Only on the butt, but that's just when we've been really bad."
Linda peeked at Frank; he looked so intimidating, like he could lose his temper any minute and slap someone. She bit her lip, stepped next to her boyfriend. "Sorry," she mumbled, gasping when Mary's arms were suddenly around her.
"It's okay, sweetie," in that one small moment, Mary vowed to look after Linda, no matter what would happen. "Why don't you go upstairs and say hi to Jamie? Erin and Joe are still at basketball practice."
"But not Danny?"
"Coach cancelled today. Got sick or somethin'," Danny explained.
"Oh." Linda let Mary lead her to the stairs; maybe Jamie would end up cheering her spirits. He was enthusiastic and funny, after all.
Mary waited until she heard a knock and Jamie's voice exclaim Linda's name, before leading her eldest into the kitchen, Frank on their heels. They looked at their son expectantly.
"I guess you want an explanation?"
They both nodded silently.
Danny sighed- where to begin? "I guess I'll start at the beginning, huh? Okay... Linda's parents are assholes. I'm sorry, but that's what they are. Her mother drinks and doesn't care about her, and her father drinks and does drugs and hits her and slaps her and is just generally really, really shitty to her..." He looked at his parents, sorrow and a trace of fear in his eyes. "She cuts herself."
Mary gasped, "oh my gosh. W-why?"
"I don't know. I only found out today- that's why I wanted to stay with her. I didn't.. didn't want- didn't know..." he stumbled over his words. He didn't want her to cut herself again, and he didn't know how much she would do it if left alone at her house.
"That's why she's acting like a scared puppy," Frank mused.
"Yeah... What're we gonna do?"
Mary set her jaw, "we're going to love her, treat her like a member of the family."
Linda laid in Danny's bed that night, trying to keep the tears at bay. Her emotions were running high that day, and the only ways she knew how to deal with that, were cutting herself or crying until she got a headache. She felt Danny get in next to her, wishing he wouldn't be a gentleman tonight. She wanted him to hold her, to kiss her, to make her forget what's been going on in her life.
"I'm sorry," his voice was just above a whisper.
"For what?"
"About what you're going through. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel."
"Empty. Useless, worthless, unloved." It was easier to tell him all this in the dark and facing away from him. She wouldn't be able to stand the look of sorrow in his eyes. "A pain. Numb," her tears were coming fast now, leaving hot tracks down her cheeks. "Stupid, a failure."
Danny put his hand on her shoulder as she rambled on; he gently pushed her to her back, and she immediately stopped talking. "You could never be worthless and useless, a stupid failure who's a pain. Who's making you think those things? Tony, Marni?"
She nodded, "yes."
"You are not the opinion of somebody else. You're not worthless, you're not useless. You're not stupid, and you're not a failure and a pain. But most of all, you're not unloved."
"Who loves me? Who!?" Her voice was getting louder. "Tony doesn't, Marni doesn't! Wendy and Jimmy don't!"
"Your Nonna loves you. My mom loves you. Hell, my whole family loves you." He moved his hand to stroke her cheek, "I love you."
Linda cried harder, "I love you, too." She didn't flinch when Danny wrapped his arms around her. She didn't shy away when his lips found hers. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her chest, and the sun had come out after a week and a half of rain. Was this how it felt like to be in love, to be loved? She fell asleep in Danny's arms that night, feeling better than she had in years. She didn't know it that night, but in the future, whenever she would feel this low, a pair of strong arms would hug her. A soft, caring voice filled with love and concern would tell her demons to shut up. Her tears would be kissed away, and she would be held all though the night. She had no idea that those arms, those kisses, that voice... they all belonged to the young man who was holding right now.
Linda smiled, kissed Danny's shoulder. "I love you, Danny. I love you."
