Hey y'all! Thanks SO much for all the comments on the last chapter. I was worried for that one lol, but a lot of people were so so nice in their reviews and it really brought a smile to my face! I will update again in January after all the holiday madness, but I'm also doing the 12 Days of Ficmas and my day is this upcoming Monday (the 20th) so I'm trying to get that wrapped up as well!
Anyway, here we go… lol Let me know what you think! :)
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Chapter Nine:
The last few days have felt like the longest of Claire's life.
Not talking to Jamie has been torture, while also still irritating her. It was a confusing situation to be in, knowing that he was doing it for what he assumed was her best interest, but at the same time not being given the chance to explain herself or her feelings was frustrating.
He did not own her. He did not get to make decisions about her life without her having any say in it.
Absolutely fucking not.
As she steps out of the airport and into the cab, she releases a long exhale.
This is insanity. Her body should be exhausted from the sudden back and forth of timezones, but her adrenaline is too high for that right now. Her body is used to staying up at odd hours anyway, but this feels like three long shifts back to back.
She wants this matter resolved, and she knows the only way to get that stubborn headed Fraser to actually talk is if she's in front of him.
Well. Claire can be just as stubborn as he can.
As the cab pulls onto Jamie's street, a pit grows in her stomach.
She hadn't called him and he hadn't called her since the missed call during surgery days ago.
At the time, she'd decided not to return the call to show him she could play the ignoring game, too, but now she's worried that it was all a mistake.
What if he doesn't want to see her? What if he's too busy with work? Worst yet, what if he's out with another woman?
No, no, Claire shakes her head, no matter how upset they may be with one another, Jamie would never cheat on her. That's one fear she could at least rule out.
Her hands begin to sweat as the car bounces along the gravel path that leads to Lallybroch. Claire turns the old promise ring on her finger nervously, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She can't stop fidgeting, but it's the only thing that seems to bring her any peace right about now.
Taking out her phone, she quickly shoots Julia and Joe a text letting them know she's there, and thanks Joe again for him and Gail letting Julia stay with them. And also for covering her shifts. Thank God for Joe Abernathy.
It's only noon at home, and it's a Friday, which means Julia got done early at school, so she's not surprised when they both respond back immediately. Julia sends her a handful of heart emojis, telling her to relax and just be honest with Jamie, which makes Claire smile. Joe also tells her much the same, adding that she doesn't need to worry about anything and that it'll all work out how it's supposed to.
The cab pulls to a stop, jolting Claire from her thoughts.
She locks her phone, tucking it into her back pocket. With a deep sigh, she calms her racing heart as much as possible, stepping out of the car. She takes her luggage from the driver and tips him, giving him a smile as he drives away.
Pulling her shoulders back in determination, Claire marches up to the front door.
She'll be damned if she leaves this country again with Jamie Fraser not speaking to her. One way or another.
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Before she can second guess herself, Claire lifts a hand and bangs on the front door.
It's quiet for a moment, another moment, then she pounds on it again, calling out Jamie's name. It's half past five, he should be done with work unless he had meetings or something went wrong on the farm. What if he isn't even home? She starts to doubt herself, to feel as if she's made a huge mistake. But as she goes to lift her hand again, the door swings open, forcefully enough to blow her hair back.
"Claire?" Jamie asks, blue eyes blown wide. He looks around, looking for what, she isn't sure, but the confusion on his face brings her a dark, twisted sense of satisfaction. A pang of empathy stabs her when she notices his five o'clock shadow and dark circles under his eyes, but she pushes that feeling down.
"Hello, Jamie. Mind if I come in?" she inquires sarcastically, picking up her bag and pushing her way past him and into the living room. She almost trips on a bag by his front door, but she gives it a little kick and keeps moving.
"Claire, what're ye doing here?"
He looks angry, brows cinched together and arms crossed, and it flares up her rage as well.
And now, on top of her being nervous and worried, she's back to being pissed off and unsure. She hates this feeling. Claire Beauchamp is in control. Always. And this whirlwind of emotions is tiring her out. She doesn't quite know how to handle it, and that bothers her.
She scoffs, crossing her arms right back. "I came to talk to you since you won't answer the bloody phone."
Jamie sighs, his eyes closing briefly before opening them to stare at her. His arms fall to his side, saying, "It's only been a few days, Claire," his voice goes hard, like he's the one who has a right to be annoyed, which only serves to irritate her further, "and ye ken why I was doin' it."
Claire.
He hasn't uttered a Sassenach or mo nighean donn since she walked in and it just sends her over the edge she was teetering on.
She can feel her blood boiling, ears ringing as all of her senses focus on her anger. Before she can reel herself in or think better of her words, she seethes out a, "Fuck you!"
"What?!"
"I said fuck you, James Fraser." He steps closer to her, that vein in his neck bulging. Claire jabs her pointer finger into his hard chest, and she can feel how heavy he's already breathing as she says, "You think you know what's best for me? Well you don't!"
She's in his face, teeth gritted together, and at her words, he looks ashamed. He tries to move around her, to go toward the couch, but she won't let him. Her body follows his closely as he tries to dart around her, avoiding her eyes, her shoulder pressing into his chest as they move.
"I am a grown woman who can make her own decisions. How dare you try to control the situation without even talking to me!"
"I already kent what ye'd say," he declares when he must decide he's trapped between her and the couch. His thumb taps incessantly against his thigh, his tell-tale sign that he's growing angrier. "So there was nae point in—"
"No point?" she asks dubiously, cutting off his lame excuse. "I think there was a really big fucking point in giving me a chance to explain my side of things! But I guess I see now that my feelings don't matter in this relationship."
"Ye dinna mean that, Claire," he states, exhaling harshly and running a hand over his jaw.
The backs of his knees are against the couch but he hasn't sat, they're just standing there mere inches apart, both breathing forcefully.
She stares at him, trying to make sense of this whole thing. Trying to make sense of him and what could possibly have gone through his mind all these days of ignoring her.
Her breathing calms, slightly at least, and she shakes her head, the silence filling the space between them.
Jamie glares at her, a shoulder shrugging up as he looks at her like she should know what he wants her to say. "I'm waiting fer ye to say something... anything," he enunciates, "that approaches an apology."
What… the fuck?
"An apology?!" she shrieks, ire flaring back up. He steps around her, her back turning so now she's the one facing the couch, eyes trailing him as he moves. "You're the one who hasn't spoken to me in six days." She scoffs, face scrunching in confusion. "Are you trying to say that that is somehow my fault?"
"Well, it is yer fault," he says dumbly, and she doubts with every fiber of her being that even he doesn't believe that. There's more to this than her just being willing to give up this promotion. "If ye'd just been honest about the promotion, we could ha' talked about it, come up with options on how to handle it." His voice rises as he clearly replays that day in his mind, his arms cross over his chest again, trying to reel in his large frame. "But why would ye listen to me? I'm no' but yer… yer manfriend," he sneers, "ye take it in yer mind to do as ye damn please, and no'one can tell ye otherwise."
Oh, that's fucking rich coming from the most stubborn man to ever walk the planet.
"I was going to tell you, goddammit!" she shouts, hands flying up in frustration and slapping onto her thighs. "I was going to tell you that same day Julia mentioned it on the phone. And I've told you that! But would you listen to me?" she asks, stepping into his space again, almost chest to chest and scoffs out a sarcastic laugh, "No!" Her eyebrows raise as if explaining something to a child. "Why should you? You think your opinion is the only one that matters. Why listen to my side of the story?" she asks redundantly, chest puffing as she continues to argue her side of things. "Once Jamie Fraser has his mind made up, that's that! There's no explaining, no defending myself, no talking through a situation like adults." She shakes her head, a stray curl falling into her eyes as she wills her frustrated tears to not come forth. "I think history has shown us that time and time again."
His nostrils flare as he leans his head in closer to hers, his breath mingling with hers as they both pant in agitation. "If I had done that, if I'd listened to ye back then, ye would've hated me ten years down th' road knowin' it was me who cost ye yer dream, and I'll be damned if I did it again."
That gives her pause, and she reels back, swallowing thickly. She's livid and confused and annoyed and a whole cacophony of different swarming emotions—with no way to express her side of things, her hand lifts without her even considering what her body is doing.
Her palm is centimeters away from his cheek when Jamie's large hand reaches up, grasping her wrist and halting her movement. It's not hard enough to hurt, just strong enough to bring her back to reality.
She twists her wrist out of his grip, pushing on his chest as she steps back, groaning. "It was my decision to make, Jamie!" she shouts once more. "This time, at least. We both know damn well you didn't give me any say in the matter back then." She huffs, pushing her curl out of her eye. "God, you're a brute and a fool! Do you think I wouldn't have gone to medical school over here?! Do you think my dreams of being a doctor could somehow not have happened outside of America?"
Claire realizes that they're no longer fighting about current circumstances, but of the past, but maybe this is needed. Maybe it had been building and coming for weeks on end. There's twenty years of pent-up, unsaid emotions and feelings and they both needed to get them out of their systems.
"Aye," he growls, stepping into her space again, almost nose to nose. They're so close she feels as if her eyes practically cross to look up at him, "I do think ye would've regretted it. Regretted me." He steps back at that, fists clenching by his sides. "Ye wouldna have been able to go to Harvard like yer parents, like ye always wanted to. Ye may have become a doctor here or there," he tells her, breath shaky, "but it wouldn't have been in the way ye wanted it tae be." He huffs, chin dipping to his chest before looking back up at her. "Who knows what wouldha happened? Ye could have started helping with the farm and yer career would have fallen by the wayside. Or, or… or my accident," he emphasizes, hand reaching out with an open palm toward her in a half shrug before it falls by his side again, "ye would've spent all yer time helpin' me recover instead of focusing on school. I wouldha' held ye back one way or another, jus' like I'm doin' now."
"Now?" she asks quizzically, her heart rate picking back up as she realizes even more clearly just how asinine he's being about all of this. Silent, angry tears well in the corner of her eyes. She understands more now why he'd done the things he did twenty years ago and even recently. He's too selfless for his own damn good, and doesn't realize she'd happily live the rest of her life with him. "What, you think because I'm willing to move here that I would stop being a doctor?" She shakes her head in disbelief, scoffing. "Christ, Jamie, nothing could stop me from being a doctor. There are hospitals everywhere!"
He nods, lips curling as he says, "Aye, but no' one here with a chance fer ye tae be the chief of surgery." He sighs, voice raising as he states, "I canna be the reason ye dinna reach yer next goal in life. I refuse tae hold ye back in any capacity."
"Well, I don't have to do what you want!" she tells him stubbornly, stepping into his space once more and jamming her finger in between his pecs. "I am a grown woman. I can make decisions for myself. And I'd like if the man I lo—" shit, fuck, shit. She stumbles briefly, breath catching in her throat as she changes her words— "the man I'm with would talk to me and figure things out together. I would appreciate the chance to get my feelings and thoughts out as well instead of being ignored!"
He shakes his head, stepping away from her. He moves around her body to walk to the couch, and as he does, she can see tears welling in his eyes.
"I spent twenty damn years making sure ye got exactly what ye wanted, Claire," he says, a snarl on his lips. She isn't sure if it's towards her or himself. "I was miserable all that time… like, like a piece of me was always missing. Do ye ken what it is to live twenty years wi'out a heart? To live half a man and accustom yourself to live in the bit that's left?"
"Do I know? Do I know how that feels?!" Her eyes brim with tears, dumbfounded that he would even ask such an outlandish question. "Yes, you bastard, I know how that feels!" She sees red, she's never been this furious in her entire life. Her vision is blurred from the tears pooling there, but she adds, "What, do you think that I went to Harvard and just miraculously forgot about the boy who'd promised me everything?"
"Sometimes I'd hoped ye did," he confesses, veins bulging in his neck as he steps closer, their nose almost touching, "And sometimes I could see it, ye on campus, happy as can be wi' new friends, new boyfriends, god, it filled me with rage!"
"You were filled with rage? Jamie, you left me. You made me stay in Boston," her voice cracks as she reminds him, "M-my hand was forced when you wouldn't answer the fucking telephone." Claire's tears finally slip free, trickling down her cheeks.
He sinks onto the couch, seeming not to have a retort to that. So she stands there, silence filling the air with a tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Jamie is heaving from all the yelling, his chest rising and falling vigorously, and she realizes once she's come back to her senses that she is, too. Her chest almost aches from how much they've been fighting, all the while her love for him wanting to burst free.
This is all so bewildering—she's infuriated, but hurt, not just from the last week but from the last twenty years. It's a wound she thought had healed but obviously not for either of them. She wants to slap him and kiss him senseless at the same time. It's disorienting to say the least, and she isn't sure how to handle all these conflicting emotions.
It's silent for another strained, elongated moment, Claire staring at Jamie as he stares at his hands folded and resting between his open knees.
Finally, his voice calms, and he laments in defeat, "Letting ye go has always been my biggest regret in life, Claire." He chokes on her name, but he clears his throat, adding, "I lost sleep, I couldn't eat, I was angry and foul toward my family… all because I missed ye so damn much." Jamie breathes deeply, glancing up at her. His blue eyes connect with her and something pierces her heart, he looks so vulnerable that this fight suddenly seems so trivial. "But there was nothing I could do to change it." He sniffles, reaching up to wipe under his eye quickly. "I was grievin' not only my da, but ye as well." His tears spill over then, cascading down his cheeks as he tells her, "Ye were always too good fer me. I kent it then, and I ken it now."
Claire's eyebrows draw together, confused at what he means. Surely he can't think…
Her mouth falls slightly agape as she quickly moves over to him on the couch.
Inhaling deeply, Claire calms her heart rate. She sits beside him, blinking her tears back as her hand rests in the space between their legs.
Jamie's voice is shaky as he says, "The way ye're willing tae give up so much fer me, fer me… I dinna understand it." His head shakes back and forth, causing a few more tears to escape. He looks up at her, the saddest expression she's ever seen on his face. One of a man so broken that it breaks her as well. "Ye're tearing my guts out, Claire, all because I want ye to have the best in life, mo chridhe, even if that means I'm no' a part of it." He sighs, reaching for her hand which she willingly lets him pick up. "I dinna want ye to give up yer dreams," he places a kiss to her palm, "especially no' for someone like me."
How this man can be so dense… Does he really not know?
"Christ, Jamie," she whispers, squeezing his hand. "You are my dream. I'm already a surgeon." She shrugs and smiles sweetly, a little breathless laugh escaping as she tugs on his hand to try and get him to meet her eyes again. "It's you that's always been missing from the life I wanted, the life I dreamed and longed for. And I'm not saying I'm for sure moving, not yet anyway," she grins, "but I just wanted the chance to talk through it with you, to weigh the pros and cons, to really think through what it would be like. Can't you understand that?"
Her own set of tears begin to silently fall, tears of frustration but also tears of love for this stupid, big-hearted, self-sacrifcing man before her. He would give up his own happiness with her so she can have the job he thinks she desires. Idiot.
She doesn't know what to say.
She scoots closer to him, their thighs pressing together. The tension and anger from moments ago melts away as her hand slides to rest on his knee. That physical connection they've always shared calms them both immensely, so immediately that she can already feel a peace coming over them.
Jamie glances up at her and gives her a small, unsure, smile.
"Look," Claire says, wiping the tears from her cheeks, "I'm not the meek and obedient type. You know that." Jamie snorts out a soft chuckle before she adds, "If I didn't think this was a solid option for me, you know damn well, James Fraser, that I would stay in Boston."
He looks down, drawing in a long inhale. Sniffling, Jamie nods in acceptance.
"Ye're right, Sassenach." He sighs. "I just worry that I'm never going tae be good enough for you."
She looks up toward the ceiling, then back at him, pushing the frustration down. "Jamie…" The words get caught in her throat; she's nervous, but if this fight has shown her anything, it's that Jamie Fraser loves her and always has, too much it would seem. So, why wait in admitting the truth? "I…" She shakes her head, tucking a crooked finger under his chin to catch his gaze as she looks deeply into his blue orbs. Her fingers graze against the stubble under his chin and she tells him, "You will always be good enough for me… and I've spent far too long apart from you; I want this, I want us, whether that's being long distance, or me moving here, or you eventually moving there, I don't care. I just want us to be together. I… I love you."
His eyes light up as his torso twists, one arm coming to wrap around her waist, drawing her a touch closer. "Truly?"
She smiles and nods, rolling her eyes because how could he not know already? She chuckles around the lump in her throat, saying, "I always have."
"Och, Sassenach, I love ye, too," he breathes, face growing serious. "Whether I'm dead, or you, whether we're together or apart," he rasps, bringing her hand up to kiss her silver ring, "I will always love you." He leans in, pressing a gentle, lingering kiss to her lips. It's salty, both of their tears mixing together, but she wouldn't change it for anything. Jamie presses his forehead to hers and his hand cups her jaw. "I just feel guilty," he admits softly, pulling back as his thumb grazes the skin beneath it.
"Well, don't," she says bluntly. "Like I said, I'm a grown woman that can make her own decisions. And I choose you…" She can feel her face soften as she looks at Jamie. "Just promise you'll stop ignoring me when you think you know what's best for my life." She grins, eyebrows raising in a sardonic way and swatting playfully at the cheek she'd almost slapped earlier. "It's very annoying, not to mention you've been wrong both times now. Not a great track record, my love."
He snickers, asking, "Ye gonna hold that over my head forever, Sassenach?"
Her lips turn down in a dramatically exaggerated frown, head tilting to and fro as she jests, "Not forever."
Guffawing, Jamie pulls her in for another kiss. "Oh, I love you, mo ghraidh."
The return of all of her pet names warms her heart, and she beams as bright as the sun when she tells him she loves him as well. Now that they'd said it, she can't seem to quit… but she doesn't care. She loves this man, and he loves her, and now she's here, in his arms, where she's meant to be.
He looks at her for a moment, staring into her eyes as if he's searching her glass face for something. "Do ye forgive me, Claire?"
Her smile is soft as she takes a moment to think over everything that's just transpired, then assures, "Forgiven… And do you forgive me?"
Shaking his head, Jamie tells her, "There wasna anything ye needed forgiving for, Sassenach." He presses a light peck to her forehead, adding, "It was me who was being a clotheid."
She laughs, leaning in to cup his jaw. "Mmhmm, you were," she states with a grin. She brings him in for a kiss, this one more heated.
Jamie deepens it, head tilting as he draws a moan from her.
"Jamie?" she asks, breaking apart from him. "Why is there luggage by the door?"
She points behind her at the black suit case she'd tripped over when she barreled in earlier.
Jamie laughs softly, rubbing the back of his neck. His ears are slightly pink as he looks up from behind long lashes and admits, "I was on my way out th' door tae the airport."
"Wha—"
"I was flying tae Boston to tell ye what an eejit I've been and how in love with you I am."
Her eyes mist over as she fights back a smile, saying, "Well at least we can agree on that."
He guffaws, tightening his grip around her waist. "It's been plaguing me e're since ye left. It took me a few days to realize I was actin' like a fool, but I kent I needed tae see ye. To be wi' ye."
"When is your flight?"
"An hour ago."
"Jamie! You lost all that money on the flight."
She knows it isn't any dent in his pockets with the amount he makes owning the farm, but she also knows even if he was a pauper on the streets, he wouldn't care about losing the money for her.
"I dinna care about that. I'm jus happy ye're here wi' me."
He leans in, one hand cupping her cheek, Their lips meet again, and this time it's she who deepens it, needing him more than she's ever needed him before.
Pulling apart and panting, and Jamie whispers huskily, "Let me take ye tae bed, Sassenach. I want to show ye just how much I love you."
Grinning wickedly, she stands, tugging his hand and pulling him from the couch.
They make it up the stairs and into his room faster than she ever thought possible, hands roaming each other's bodies as they go.
They are together now, and nothing can stop them from reuniting in this way, too.
{*************************}
The lights are off in his room, save for the two lamps on each bedside table. His bathroom light is also still on for some reason, he must have forgotten to turn it off earlier, but she's thankful now because it cast a warm glow into the room, illuminating Jamie's face perfectly.
There seems to be no time to make love, no time to take their time. It's frantic, and wild, passionate, and exactly what they both need after days of being angry with one another, and especially after their fight moments ago.
Jamie reaches up, pulling at the straps of her blue sun dress, her arms maneuvering out of them as he pulls it down her chest. She places her hands on his shoulders to help her balance, then bounces a bit to shake the dress off completely.
She makes quick work of his shirt, then fumbles with his belt buckle as his lips attach to her neck, sucking delectably on her pulse point.
His pants pool around his ankles, but he doesn't seem to have it in mind to break apart from her skin long enough to kick them off. They're too caught up in one another to even care.
Suddenly, Jamie reaches for her hips, spinning her around. Her hands find purchase on his large, wooden dresser as Jamie's lips find their way back to her neck. He wraps one hand around her loose curls, pushing them to one side so his tongue can trail a path up her neck and to her ear.
He's breathing heavily, and so is she, as her hands grip the edge of the dresser, her hips grinding against his hard length.
With a feral growl, Jamie takes his cock and thrusts into her from behind, causing her head to fall back against his shoulder as she cries out. Jamie's hand grips her waist, grounding himself, while the other reaches around to pinch at her nipples.
God, she fucking loves this man. Loves his touch, loves everything about him.
"Yes," she hisses, hips bouncing against his as they move together.
"Look at yourself," Jamie grunts, pounding into her with more force, causing a picture frame to fall over and a loud moan to escape her throat. "Watch as I take ye." His eyes flick up toward the mirror in front of her. It's attached to the dresser, and her eyes find his in the reflection.
"I love ye, Sassenach," he punctuates between thrusts. "I... love... ye."
Oh, god, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, she loves him, her body is tingling with pent up tension from the past week and she wants nothing more than to have his hands all over her body. Claire removes one hand from it's deathgrip on the dresser, reaching behind her to tangle her fingers in the hair at the base of his neck. "Oh, god, Jam—mm," she groans, her grasp on his curls tightening. She watches in the mirror as he bites down on her neck and moans from the sensation of his hair being pulled.
His cock is hard, and long, but somehow from this angle it feels even bigger, like it's going deeper than ever before. It's so hot, and she's so wet, she's not sure she's ever been this wet before.
Jamie must know it, too, because his hand leaves her breasts and travels down to her wet heat, two fingers sliding against her clit, rubbing in those circular motions she loved so much. Christ, he knows her body so well, just as she knows his.
"Fuck," Jamie growls, thrusting deeper inside, "ye're sae wet, Claire, is this good?"
All she can do is nod, her lips sealed tightly as she moans in pleasure. Her eyes are squeezed shut from the sensation, but when he chuckles into the crook of her neck, his tongue peeking out to lick up to her jaw, she opens them, watching him in the reflection as he thrusts up into her.
Christ, this is the hottest thing Claire has ever done, and she's convinced they will forever need to fuck in front of a mirror so she can watch the pure rapture exploding across Jamie's face each time he rocks into her and she grinds against his length. The way his eyes close, the way he lets out those little grunts with each thrust, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip… fuck.
His balls slap against her ass, and the feeling makes her clench tighter around him. He moans at the sensation, driving into her even deeper, breath hot against her skin.
"M'g-gonna come, Sassenach," he pants, his movements becoming jerky as both of his hands now grip her waist, tugging her back onto his cock over and over again.
She cries out, nodding frantically and tells him, "Me too… don't… don't stop!"
"Never," Jamie growls, thrusting one, two, three more times, before he's coming hard inside her, seed spilling out and a strangled groan coming from him as he buries his mouth onto her neck.
She rocks and grinds, searching for her release, and thank god Jamie knows her, knows her body, because before his orgasm is even over, he's reaching down, a finger flicking over her swollen clit. Fuck, yes, that's exactly what she needs.
He rubs it, taking it between his thumb and forefinger and pinching lightly, giving her the pressure she needs.
Her muscles tighten around him and she explodes around his fingers and cock, crying out louder than she thinks she's ever done before. She knows she's loud, likes to pretend she's not, but this is on a whole other level.
Holy shit.
That was… wow.
They stand there, his cock sliding out of her, glistening from her slickness. He wraps his arms around her shaking form, pulling her close so her back is pressed against his warm chest. Jamie kisses her cheek, then glances up at her in the reflection.
He gives her a wicked grin with a gleam in his eye, and her eyes narrow. But before she can ask what he's up to, Jamie has kicked his pants off from his ankles and taken her hips in his hands to turn her around.
Her back against the dresser now, she has to reach around to hold onto the wood as Jamie drops to his knees.
Oh god, oh god.
Looking down, she breathes helplessly, "I don't think I can come again, not this soon."
"Och," he grunts, swiping two fingers through her wet folds, still dripping with his seed. It makes her knees shake, and she's unsure if she can even stand at this point. "I think ye can, Sassenach."
With that, he grasps her thighs and spreads her legs, giving her no choice but to open up to him, but fuck, she doesn't mind one bit. Especially when his tongue swipes from back to front, sucking her swollen clit into his mouth.
She won't last long at all. She's already weak, right there on the precipice and he knows exactly how to bring her to her release.
Jamie's tongue laps at her wetness, then sucks her clit. His hands are holding her thighs open, but one hand leaves her leg to join his mouth.
Inserting two fingers, he finds her best spot, his tongue and fingers working together to send her spiraling into another orgasm.
Claire's one hand leaves the dresser, where her knuckles have gone white, and grabs onto his red curls, holding him in place, sinking her weight onto his face to get that added pressure her body is aching for.
He groans at the move, and it vibrates against her skin, sending a jolt of pleasure straight to her core. She's squirming with licentiousness against his mouth, seeking out the release she knows is seconds away.
She rides his face, her other hand going to his shoulder as she cries out, coming undone again.
"You fucking bastard," she pants, grinning as Jamie licks her clean and kisses his way up her body. "My legs feel like Jell-o."
He snickers before his lips meet hers, and the taste of her climax mingled with his almost makes her come for a third time in a row.
"Did you like the taste of yourself down there?" she purrs, eyebrows raising seductively.
Groaning huskily, he nods with a grin. "You wee foul mouthed vixen," he chuckles, kissing her again and pulling her tightly against his body. "I loved it. Getting to taste us together," he murmurs against her mouth, "verra sexy."
She giggles at his ridiculousness, cheeks heating from the thought of it though.
Sighing happily, she pulls his mouth down to hers, deepening the kiss a bit.
Pulling apart, she wipes at her mouth, tongue peeking out to lick her lips. She turns to face the mirror again, picking up the objects she'd knocked over. "Whoops," she mumbles, glancing up at his reflection.
He gives her a sheepish grin, and she smiles back. Her curls are damp and sticking to her forehead, so she brushes them back, laughing breathlessly at what a sweaty mess they've become in such a short amount of time.
Stepping back, Jamie gives her space to turn around. Now that they're not in the throws of passion, she feels vulnerable standing there stark naked, the cool air making her nipples form stiff peaks. Her back presses against the dresser, and her arms cross over her chest, smiling shyly at Jamie.
He smiles back and reaches out to take her hand. Leading her to the other side of the room, he pulls back the covers and gestures for her to climb in first.
Settling in, Jamie sits against the headboard and pulls Claire closer to him. "I love hearin' ye make those wee squeaky noises," he murmurs.
She gasps indignantly, swatting at his chest. "I do not make squeaky noises."
"Aye, ye do," he laughs, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "But I wouldna have ye any other way."
She rolls her eyes playfully, giving him a shrug. "Well, if I do, and I'm not saying I do," she confirms, giving him a pecking kiss, "then it's your fault for being so damn sexy."
"Oh, aye," his lips draw up into a lopsided smirk, and he pulls the covers down off her chest. Sliding down to get better access, Jamie takes a nipple into his mouth. He sucks gingerly, his tongue swirling around before he moves over to the next one, giving it the same attention. "I am, am I?"
Claire laughs breathlessly, sighing at the feel of his tongue on her skin. One hand is gripping his hair as she leans back, giving him better access. His lips leave her breasts, kissing his way up to her exposed neck. He plants several kisses there, his scruff tickling her skin.
He moves so that his body hovers above hers, and she grips his biceps, squeezing gently as she stares into his deep, blue eyes, following the path of his body as he slowly kisses his way down her chest, to her torso, and back again.
Sighing contentedly, she closes her eyes, soaking up the pleasure while she can.
He eventually rolls off, his body flopping onto the mattress next to her.
They lay there for a moment, both enjoying the silence, the only sound in the room is their deep breathing.
"I love you, Claire," he says softly.
She turns her head to look at him, and she smiles at how innocent he looks like this. "I love you, too, Jamie."
They roll onto their sides, hands lazily exploring each other's bodies.
It's only been a week since they last were intimate, but something about this, here, tonight, feels different. It feels special.
Now that the frenzied fucking is out of the way, they seem to both understand that they have the rest of the night to just enjoy one another and their new found freedom in actually saying those three little words they'd both been too scared to verbalize before, in fear of it being too soon for the other.
Claire's hands move from his chest to his stomach, finger trailing around his belly button before reaching up to his shoulders and pulling him closer.
His calloused hands roam over her back, then her ass, cupping it in his hands. She really does love the feel of his rough hands against her smooth skin. She smiles, and Jamie murmurs something about loving her ass that makes her giggle.
Claire swings a leg over his, their bodies only millimeters apart from one another. Their eyes are locked into each other's gazes, and she realizes their breathing has slowed and now matches the other's, their chests moving in tandem. There's a tear in the corner of Jamie's eye as he watches her so closely, both silently taking the other in as if trying to memorize their every last detail. One of her hands lightly traces the lines of his face, while the other reaches around to his back.
Her hands delicately graze the scarred skin, finger tips trailing along the path of each one. Her eyes mist over as she thinks of what he went through, but now that he's healed, these scars are like a painting of his past, an insight to what she's missed these last two decades.
Overcome with emotion, she swallows thickly, and slides her eyes up from his chest to his face.
His eyes are still on hers, one hand resting lazily on her hip, the other holding her rear.
Jamie rolls onto his back, pulling her with him so that she's laying across his chest, an arm bent underneath her chin to prop her up.
It's silent, but he breaks it by murmuring, "I will never ignore ye again."
"Good," she smirks, kissing his chest and swirling her fingers gently over his smattering of chest hair. "That's all I can ask. We are adults, we can talk through issues."
He sighs, his grip around her tightening. "Ye're right, mo chridhe. I'm sorry." He pauses, looking contemplative. "'Tis just how I was raised, ken, the example I always had."
She gives him a questioning look, and he elaborates. "My mam and da were both thinkers. If there was e're an issue or an argument, they both needed space to cool off and collect themselves before they would talk about it together."
Claire nods, knowing not everyone handles disagreements by instantly discussing them like she does.
"But ye're no' like that," he adds, kissing the tip of her nose, "and I jus' have tae learn to talk through things right away."
Shaking her head, she props herself up on an elbow and looks into his eyes. "This is a relationship," she smiles softly. "Relationships are about compromise. I can let you take some time to collect your thoughts if and when there's another disagreement." She leans in, pecking a kiss to his cheek. "Just don't make it a week— a few hours, maybe a day," she chuckles, "but give us the chance to talk through things together."
Jamie nods, giving her a soft smile. "I ken, I ken… and like I said, I'm verra sorry, Sassenach. I'll work on it."
She won't reiterate the fact that she needs to learn to let him collect his thoughts first, because they'll just talk in circles and keep apologizing to one another all night. She's well aware love is a two way street; she has to learn to let him cool off while he learns that she wants things resolved quickly. Shaking her head, she scoots closer and looks him in the eye, telling him, "It's alright, Jamie."
Smiling, Claire leans down to press a kiss to his lips. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner about the chief of surgery position." She tells him again—now that he's finally listening to what she has to say—how it's not guaranteed, there are a dozen other doctors in the running. She tells him all the details about it that he didn't give her a chance to last week, and he listens intently.
Jamie shakes his head, and she settles back into his chest. "'Tis all over now, aye? Let's just move on and figure things out together."
"I like the sound of that," she states, punctuating it with a grin and a kiss. "Now let's get some sleep." She gently runs her fingers along his scruff, saying, "You look like hell."
Jamie's chest shakes with his quiet laughter, telling her, "Aye, sleep sounds nice. I havena slept much o'er the last few days… been beating myself up trying to decide what tae do."
She can see the guilt starting to cloud his blue eyes again, so she shakes her head and settles against his chest. "Shh," she whispers, kissing his chest before placing her hand there to feel his heart beat beneath her palm, "I'm here now."
Closing her eyes, Claire feels Jamie's lips press against the top of her head and she smiles as the heat from his body lulls her into slumber.
{******************************}
Claire wakes an hour later, still wrapped in Jamie's arms. She'd thought after their lazy exploration and deep talk with one another that she'd be too exhausted to wake until morning, but she had been wrong. Her body craves him like a drug.
She tilts her head up and notices that he's awake, too.
His eyes are fixed on the ceiling, his hand that's around her shoulder caressing the skin there softly.
She sits up, climbing atop him and grinning down into his eyes. Jamie leans up slowly, and she meets him halfway, their lips molding together as Jamie rolls them onto their sides.
Their kisses are lazy and unhurried, both enjoying the feel of the other. But before long, they heat up, hands beginning to roam one another, and Jamie pulls her hair to the side, nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck.
"Oh, god, I want ye, Claire," he whispers, breath hot against her flushed skin, "Will ye have me, again?"
He nips at her neck before she answers with a heated, "Yes, yes, I'll have you."
They roll once more, Jamie on top of Claire this time. Their lips find each other's, hands excitedly meandering about, neither able to decide quite where to touch first.
"God, I want ye so badly," he rasps into her ear, his hand reaching down. His finger slips inside, making sure she's ready for him.
She nods and grins, assuring him that she is.
Claire reaches between them as well, grasping his cock in her hands. She strokes up and down, up and down, smiling in gratification when he grows hard in her palm.
She sits up, his body moving easily with hers, but not realizing how close they were to the edge of the mattress, they begin to fall when she tries to flip them again.
Jamie, thankfully, catches her, and they land in a jumble of tangled limbs on the large area rug. She's on top of him, and when she sits up, they burst into laughter.
"Oh my god," she wheezes, "I thought we had more room!"
Jamie guffaws, wrapping his arms around her waist as he scoots back further from the bedframe. "Dinna fash, Sassenach," he states, grinning seductively. His eyebrows lift and fall in that sexy way he does before he says, "'Tis kind of nice down here, no?"
Grinning, she leans into him, lips trailing along his jaw, neck, and to his pecs. She repays his ministrations from earlier, sucking on his nipple before licking her way back up.
Their tumble didn't seem to kill the mood for either one, because Jamie is still just as hard. She can feel it pressing against her thigh.
His hands settle on her hips, squeezing gently, as his mouth meets with hers. They're taking their time, enjoying the feel of one another again.
After a few minutes of languidly sucking, biting and kissing, Claire finds that she needs more. She needs this man inside of her now.
"I want you, Jamie," she growls, sitting up. She maneuvers them so she can straddle his lap and lifts up her hips, adjusting her position as she reaches between their bodies. She takes his cock in her hand, lining it up with her slick entrance and sinks down slowly.
Jamie moans at the feel of her heat clenching around him, and he thrusts up into her.
She rides his cock, asking huskily, "Do you like it like this? With me on top?"
"Fuck," he hisses, rolling his hips. His hands haven't left her hips, but she's not complaining, the way he's grasping her, tighter than he probably means to, does something to her body. She'll more than likely have bruises there come morning, but the thought sends a naughty thrill through her. "Yes, feels s-so good."
Claire rolls her hips, deepening their connection. Her hands are on his chest as she rocks against him, her breath growing ragged.
She won't last long, and she figures he won't either by the way his head is thrown back, hands still grasping her thighs and his teeth sunken into his bottom lip as he tries to quell his cries.
God, he's so fucking sexy. She can't believe he's all hers.
He fucks into her, causing her to cry out loudly. She rocks against him, willing her orgasm to hold off just a bit longer so that she can enjoy this, soak up every bit of him.
One of his hands squeezes her thigh before moving up to hold her hip, while the other cups her ass in his palm. "Christ, Sassenach," he grunts, thrusting up again.
Her core tightens, her breath coming out in desperate gasps.
Claire's orgasm crashes over her at the same time Jamie's does for him. As she's milking his hard cock for all it's worth, she can feel him spill inside of her, filling her completely.
He lets out a strangled grunt as he finds release, and he stays there inside of her, cock pulsing as it recovers. His body slumps gradually against her chest, her hands caressing over his back as he settles half on her, half beside her. His nose is buried in her neck, his breath ghosting over her heated skin.
Her lips are parted, eyes blown wide as if she's been stunned, unable to believe this is actually her life, that she's actually back in this man's arms, able to love him the way she's wanted to all this time.
The thought alone turns her on, and if she really tried, she could go another round already.
She loves him, loves being with him in every way. He knows her body better than any other man ever has, and she never wants this feeling to go away.
They lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, breaths still puffing out raggedly. He's so close to her, she can barely see him, but she can feel him. Jamie reaches down, taking her hand in his and brings it up, fingers locking together. She lets go after a second, letting her hand drop to his jaw, scratching at his stubble. His hand slowly caresses down the length of her body, tweaking a nipple before resting on her stomach.
Everything feels like it's moving in slow motion, like their limbs are trudging through molasses, allowing her to embrace each and every move he makes. She inhales deeply, never wanting this connection of theirs to end.
She finds his mouth in a measured kiss, and Jamie smiles into it, causing her to do the same. He pulls back, staring into her whisky eyes as if she's a miracle he's witnessing and can't believe it.
He softly places his forehead against hers, letting them breathe one another in completely.
"Ye're mine, Claire," he says quietly, and she nods with a dopey, sleepy smile on her face, breath still heavy. "This is all I've e'er wanted, and I'm sae glad we found each other again."
She can't help it—his words make her melt; they match how she's been feeling since this whole relationship began—so she kisses him once again, her tongue peeking out to tease his lips.
They stay there, curled into one another's bodies until Jamie starts to grow soft inside her. He slips out, kissing her lips and rolling off of her. They're both still clearly affected by what just transpired, but he pecks a kiss to her forehead, asking her, "Do ye want tae shower? Get ourselves cleaned up."
She giggles but acquiesces, taking his outstretched hand as he pulls her to her feet.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulls him close. She presses a kiss to his lips, then smiles brightly. "I love you, James Fraser."
His reply is a beaming smile, and he reaches up to take her hands from around his neck. Linking their fingers together, he leads her to the bathroom.
{***************************}
After their shower, they get dressed in comfortable clothes—cotton shorts and her Cairo University t-shirt for Claire, while Jamie chooses to go shirtless, his tartan pajama pants sitting low on his hips so she can see his defined V.
She stays behind to apply moisturizer to her skin and go through her nightly routine, while Jamie meanders down to the kitchen.
It's just after eleven at night, and they haven't eaten dinner yet. She's especially hungry, having not had anything since right before her flight.
The kitchen smells devine as she walks in, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. She stands on her tiptoes to peer over his shoulder, asking, "What're you making?"
Jamie smiles, twisting to bring her under his arm. He kisses the top of her head, saying, "Turtle soup."
"What?" she laughs, scrunching her nose. She's heard of it before, but thought it was a delicacy in Asian cultures. She'd tried it once as a teenager when she and Uncle Lamb were in Malaysia. "I didn't take you as a daring enough eater to try turtle." She lifts the lid of the pot finally, and the aroma hits her, and she is very much aware that this, in fact, is nowhere near turtle soup. "That's… tortilla soup, Jamie," she deadpans, looking up at him. Playfully, she feels around his head, saying, "Let me check for lumps, seems you've gone a bit daft. You might need Dr. Beauchamp to perform surgery."
He laughs, "We can play doctor, patient later, Sassenach, I quite like the sound o'that, but no, I'm no' crazy." Smiling, he explains, "When Fergus first came tae live wi' me, he had a hard time understandin' my accent, ye ken? Jenny and Ian and all their bairns were over for dinner, an' I was makin' tortilla soup, but Fergus thought I said 'turtle' instead. He was verra skeptical at first." Jamie's smile goes soft at the memory, and it makes her smile, too. "It was sae funny, Jenny's bairns got a kick out o' it, and I ken the lad was embarrassed at first fer no' understanding, but I brought him in here to the stove and let him look inside. Once he understood, he had a good laugh over it too." Jamie shrugs, stirring the contents of the pot around. "It just kind of stuck, ken, and we've called it Turtle Soup e'er since."
Claire giggles, gently rubbing Jamie's back. "I love that," she says, stepping away and grabbing two bowls from the cabinet. "There's a cereal, I'm not sure if they have it here or call it the same name, but in America it's called Frosted Flakes. The mascot on the front is a tiger for some reason." She chuckles at the memory, walking back to the stove. "When Julia was little, she called it 'Tiger Cereal' for the longest time, and it was so cute that I couldn't correct her."
Jamie grins from one corner of his mouth, kissing her cheek and motioning for her to take the wine to the table. He ladles the soup into their bowls as Claire finishes her story. "She obviously learned the real name once she could read, but by then, it was ingrained in both of us," she explains with a fond smile. "So, even now if we ever see it at the store, we'll call it Tiger Cereal instead."
He laughs, "That's braw," and brings their bowls over to the table.
"Thank you," she says, looking up and pucking her lips to draw him in for a kiss before digging into the soup. She hadn't realized how hungry she was. She'd eaten breakfast before flying out, but with the time zones and their fight and the glorious make up they'd had for the last few hours, food had been the last thing on her mind.
The soup is actually delicious, Jamie grabs them some tortilla chips to dip into it, and they have a lovely dinner talking and laughing about things they'd missed in each other's lives over the last week.
She tells Jamie about the tumor removal she and Joe had performed and how successful it was. He tells her about how he had a team out at his new piece of land, working on the still to create a whisky. Old Mackenzie was nice enough to give Jamie a good deal. He was retiring and had no children to pass the land along to. Jamie had always been a good friend to him, so he was more than happy to sell him the land.
"The still will be up and running within the next few days," he beams. "Ian and I will have to work for a while to get the right flavor down before we start selling it, o'course, but it'll be a fun endeavor nonetheless."
"And you'll have plenty of whisky to try out until you do find the right one," she laughs.
Once dinner is all said and done, they make quick work of cleaning up the kitchen. Jamie rinses out the pot he'd heated the soup in, while Claire loads the dishwasher.
They make their way back upstairs, not willing to leave the comfort of the house, at least for tonight. She does want to go back to that bakery she loves so much, but it can wait until morning.
The room has grown even darker, the moon light now shining through his window, making the room feel extra cozy.
Claire and Jamie ready themselves for bed, Claire braiding her hair and tying it off before brushing her teeth while Jamie washes his face in the other sink.
She smiles inwardly at how natural this feels, how at home she is in his space.
Climbing into bed, Claire snuggles down into the covers, warming her feet. Jamie is still in the bathroom, and she can hear him gargling his mouthwash.
He finishes, clicking the light of the bathroom off. As he moves around the room, putting their clothes that are still in a pile from earlier into the hamper in his closet, Claire calls out to him softly, "Come to bed, Jamie."
Smiling, he walks out of the closet, closing it behind himself and joining her under the covers.
It's chilly out, despite it being the second week of May, the Scottish highlands are clinging on to that last cold snap of winter far longer than anywhere else. It's not uncomfortably cold, but enough to need a thin jacket outside, and his house seems to be reflecting the temperature outside.
"Christ," he hisses, "yer feet are like wee icicles."
Laughing, she looks up at him with big, rounded eyes. "The house is cold."
"It is not!" he protests, "Ye're just so heckin' cold natured. It feels nice under the covers, and besides," his voice grows low, sexy, as he slinks down beside her, wrapping her in his arms, "I'll be here all night tae keep ye warm."
"Mm," she purrs, "that sounds like a good plan to me."
They stay like that for a while, Claire wrapped in his warm embrace, head tucked just below his chin. His head rests against the crown of her head, and she watches her hand that's on his chest rise and fall with each of his breaths.
"Bad things tend to happen when we're apart," she admits quietly, breaking the silence. She's scratching lightly at his chest, but she stops, flattening her palm against it.
Jamie huffs out a small laugh, her head bouncing with the motion. "Aye, but we always find our way back to each other."
She beams, breathing out a little laugh and tucking her head into his chest to place a kiss on his skin.
Sighing contentedly, Claire wraps her arm around his stomach, her leg tangling between his underneath the blankets. "I know it's only been a little over two months, Jamie, but I feel like we've been together forever." She pauses, snickering softly as she plays with a patch of his chest hair. "Not that that's a bad thing."
Jamie cups her cheek, drawing her attention up to his blue eyes. His face is soft, so genuinely sincere looking that it makes her sit up a bit more. His thumb is grazing her jawline, her cheek resting in his palm when he tells her lovingly, "It's always been forever for me, Sassenach."
Her eyes water, but she blinks it away, not wanting to lose focus of this man for a single second. She nods, knowing he's completely right. No matter what, no matter how much time they may have been apart, they were always connected, always together in some way. It's why no other relationship of theirs ever had a chance of surviving, why neither could ever feel settled with someone else.
They were waiting for each other.
Slowly, they make love one more time. It's unhurried this time, rhythmic as they move together, soaking each other in. Her hips move sensually with his, their eyes locked on the other. It's different from everything else tonight, it's them coming together and showing one another how deep their love is.
Claire's eyes sting, tears forming in the corner as she watches him, feels him, connects with him. He's watching her with a look of awe, of wonder, on his face, and she knows hers looks just the same.
As she tightens around his cock, coming once more tonight, she keeps her eyes on him. She's soaking up every last detail of him, of this man she loves with all of her heart.
They settle back into each other's arms, Jamie's wrapped protectively around her shoulders, both steadying their breath.
She twists, resting her chin on her bent arm to watch him. She can't seem to take her eyes off of him, but Jamie must feel the same because his gaze is already on her when she looks up. He's smiling softly, in that innocent way he does. The way that makes her stomach flip-flop.
He cups her jaw, drawing her closer. She goes easily, tears still pooled in her eyes.
A tear slips free, landing on the tip of his thumb, and Claire presses her lips to his. She sighs into the embrace, twisting so she can get a better angle on the kiss.
Jamie's hand moves from her jaw to the back of her head, holding her sweetly in place as they kiss, her head tilting to deepen it.
Breaking apart, she sees that Jamie is crying as well. She reaches up, wiping his tears away and snuggling back into his body.
His arm is warm and protective around her, and she knows that this, right here with him, is exactly where she's meant to be. Forever.
{**********************}
All made up and ready to figure things out *together* this time! Lol
I know a lot of people were upset with Jamie after the last few chapters, but to me, canon Jamie is self sacrificing when it comes to Claire/her happiness, too, and they're also both hot tempered lol… so hopefully this still felt like them. They definitely have to learn to compromise, as do any two people in a committed relationship, but they're on the right track now… Please let me know what you thought!