Without Guilt
Character Note:
Marc and Andrea were the Fireflies on the sniper's nest log in the University chapter of TLOU.
Doctor Gerald Anderson (Jerry) is the father of Abby Anderson and the head surgeon employed by the Fireflies at Saint Mary's Hospital in Salt Lake City.
Chapter XII: Compassion
:/ 11 years earlier, January 2023.
:/ Sniper's Nest, University of Eastern Colorado.
Click. Click. Click.
Nothing.
Click. Click. Click.
Still nothing.
"Fuck's sake, Meyer, give up on that old thing already." Joe complained, easily ticked off thanks to the cold.
"'less you got 'nother one, I don't think I will." Otis replied, continuing to click his lighter until finally a flame sprang forth. He drew a long inhalation from his cigarette as he lit it, the smoke curing his temporary restlessness.
Joe groaned. "That's your fifth one. I'd take bets on that killing you before anything else gets your ass."
"Maybe you should try it, Warren." He quipped. "All you seem to be doin' is mindin' my business." He offered him the cigarette, smoke flowing from his lips as he spoke.
Joe grimaced but seemed to be thinking about it. "What you going to do when you run out?" He asked uncertainly, drawing his coat more tightly around him to fight off the cold.
It had started snowing some time in the late hours of the night and hadn't stopped since, the lampposts dotting the University campus looking like whimsical fairies through the white blanket smothering everything.
"I'll think about it when I do." Otis shrugged, replacing the cigarette in his mouth, and focusing back on cleaning his rifle. "'though you're saying I'll catch my death 'fore anythin' else so maybe I don't have to." He added.
"Remind me to change my shift with Marc. At least Andrea is good company." The younger man claimed.
Otis paused, eyeing him. "'s that right?"
"What?" Joe shifted under his scrutiny.
"Nothin'." Otis claimed. "Didn't know you had a thing for Andrea."
Joe's face turned three shades of red darker. "I never said that!"
Otis hummed in mock contemplation before clicking his tongue. "Pretty sure you just did."
"All I said was that she was good company!" Joe claimed, drawing a chuckle from his companion.
"Relax, Joey. You should switch with her though, I heard Marc loves bitchin' as much as you do." Otis remarked, setting the cleaning rag aside and moving to stand up with a big stretch. "I'm headin' in. I'm freezing my ass off." He sighed, shouldering his rifle.
Joe was too busy sharking him to notice the time and looked confused at the announcement. "Ah, hell- wait, I gotta log." He remembered, scrambling for the pen to quickly scroll down some observation notes. "Man, I don't know if I'd rather be out here in this cold or dying of boredom on lab duty."
"I'd take out here any day. Them smart folks give me a headache." Otis joked. "And I can't smoke indoors."
"I think you've got a serious problem." Joe sighed, setting the log aside and retrieving his gun before joining him inside.
They were halfway down the hall when Marc and Andrea appeared at the other end, Marc giving them a middle finger in mock salute.
"Fuck you too, Marc." Otis replied, clapping him on the shoulder.
"Meyer." Andrea reached over to snatch his cigarette, her tone a playful warning. "No smoking indoors." She mocked, sliding her prize into her mouth.
"You smoke too?" Joe stared at her in bafflement as she passed, earning a laugh. His head followed her around until he had to physically turn and walk backwards to keep looking at her.
"What can I say? I'm a social smoker." She winked, laughing as Otis grabbed Joe by the back of his jacket to stop him from walking into a water dispenser. She'd pause just before the door leading out into the balcony post. "Meyer, your brother's worked himself up into a mood again. Couldn't get up from down with him, you know them lot don't tell us nothing." She added towards Otis.
Otis paused to look back at her. "I'll talk to him." He promised.
"You'll tell us what he said though, right?" Marc stuck his head back inside.
"Can't promise that." Otis replied, heading further into the building with Joe.
"Otto, please." Mary knocked the door, trying to peer in from behind the reinforced glass. She must have been standing out there for at least 15 minutes.
"Mary." Otis called her.
"Otis, thank God," She exhaled a breath of relief as she turned to him, setting a hand on his arm. "He's been in there for two hours and he won't come out or talk to me." She expressed in frustration though he could see from her face that she was more upset than anything else.
"What happened?" Otis asked, shifting his coffee cup and food onto the tray she was carrying to free his hands. He'd knock on the door.
Mary shifted the items to better balance them on the tray as she moved to let him take over. "I don't even know. I was bringing him dinner since Miles said he hadn't come down to the canteen since yesterday." She told him. "I don't know how much longer I can take this, Otis. I don't know where I'm going wrong."
Otis looked to her. "Mary, you're a darn good wife. My brother's just stubborn as hell, ain't the first time he's done this." He reminded her, rapping his knuckles on the door. "Otto! Open up."
Mary stood aside anxiously as she heard the lock turn.
"You go on and eat somethin'. I'll talk to him." Otis told her, taking the tray from her as she gave him a grateful smile. He'd wait for her to start walking before he pushed the door open to step inside.
The room was dark, all the blinds drawn shut, though a wind-up lamp sat on the table nearby.
Otis sighed at the mess in the room, papers and files scattered across the floor from what he could only assume was one of his brother's tantrums. He set the tray aside on the table, cranking up the lamp to illuminate the room before squatting down to collect the papers.
Otto was sitting quietly facing the wall where a wall-mounted light box held the x-rays of a patient's head. Fungal growths were visible blooming from the skeleton's brain, distorting its facial structure. "Are you going to scold me too?" He asked in a bitter tone.
Otis paused in his self-appointed task, letting out a sigh. "No, Otto. I'm not." He replied, picking up the last of the sheets before setting them in a semi-neat pile on the table. "Mary's real worried 'bout you."
Otto clicked his tongue, rotating his wheelchair to face his brother. "She doesn't understand." He claimed.
"Yeah, well…" Otis brushed his fingers back through his dark curls. "She won't if you don't talk to her."
"What's the point? She wouldn't understand even if I told her." Otto frowned, his lighter hair a neatly combed contrast to his older brother. He kept it neat and short while Otis let his grow out. "She barely got through High School."
"I didn't even make it through High School. What's your point? Is it some Science thing?" Otis questioned. He couldn't even properly read most of the words at the top of the papers he'd just picked up, let alone set them in an order that made sense.
Otto just stared at him as though to prove his point.
Otis moved his own food and drink from the tray before bringing the rest over to Otto. "If you're gonna keep that big brain of yours thinkin' good, you gotta eat somethin' at least." He encouraged.
Otto seemed to be contemplating throwing the tray, but one look at his brother dissuaded him. "It's not exactly a 'Science thing'." He mocked, taking the coffee first.
"Yeah? So, what is it then?" Otis asked, perching himself on the bench to the side. "How do you know we won't understand if you don't say nothin'? Come on, just try me."
Otto stared at him for the longest time before finally relenting. "They want to put down the rhesus macaque…" He removed his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose.
"The what now?" Otis blinked in confusion, holding a hand up. "Look, I understood everything except that." He protested when Otto glared at him.
"The monkeys, Otis. The monkeys."
"Right, yeah, Rhesus monkeys."
Otto contemplated whether to carry on or give up trying to explain. His brother had never been smart, mostly because their father had insisted that the only education he needed was either on the farm or in the garage.
Little wonder that Otis had then spent most of his teenage years in trouble, though he ended up convicted after a big fight with their father landed the man in hospital. The fight had been over Otto wanting to pursue Biology at University – a subject that wasn't quite welcome in such an Orthodox backwater household. It was bad enough, as far as their father was concerned, that he had half a son since Otto couldn't walk.
This reminder softened Otto's misdirected frustration and he slowly sipped from his coffee before continuing. "We haven't seen a breakthrough since five years ago. Things are getting difficult out there too."
"Yeah… I heard. They're sending out more personnel every time they need to bring something in." Otis reflected. He'd been at the Chicago QZ about 4 months ago to bring in new recruits. They'd been less successful in the past, but he'd managed to get 5 in September. The people were getting desperate.
"I'm starting to wonder if all I've been doing here is for nothing." Otto confessed, his tone sombre.
Otis had never heard him speak that way. There were times when he was angry or frustrated but it was always because he wanted to keep moving forward. Now it seemed like hopelessness. "So… what now?" He asked, unwrapping his burrito. Rice and beans were the easiest thing to come by.
"I don't fucking know." Otto shrugged, the smell of food prompting him to open the foil Tupperware that Mary had brought for him.
She'd placed a note on the lid. It read:
'Got an extra sausage for you. Love, M.' Followed by a lopsided heart.
"… I don't even know if there is a country to be saved anymore." He muttered as he set the note aside delicately.
Otis watched him quietly as he ate. "Listen, Otto… you're doing good things here. But you don't gotta be here to do it. You can do it anywhere. Fuck the Fireflies, if you want to leave or find somewhere else, we'll do it."
"There is nowhere else." Otto countered, lifting his gaze to him. "Besides, it's not a one-man job, I need equipment, test subjects, samples..." He listed, trailing off. He knew his brother was only here for him, and truthfully, he'd been angry at him at first because he hated being reminded that he couldn't survive alone. Not with him being wheelchair bound.
Otto inhaled deeply before sighing. "They're clearing the lab… they're heading for Salt Lake City."
"What's in Salt Lake?" Otis asked.
"Another Hospital." Otto gestured vaguely. "Marlene is heading for Boston, Jerry's taking over the research from there."
"They're laying you off?" Otis frowned.
"No."
"Then why's Gerald Anderson taking over your research?" He questioned.
"Because Doctor Anderson is a doctor and I'm just a guy who works with monkeys." Otto failed to hide his bitterness about the arrangement. "I'm a Wildlife Biologist, and he's a doctor. So, he can make a vaccine, and I can't."
Otis processed this information with mild contempt.
"Anyway," Otto retrieved a sausage roll to eat despite his lack of appetite. "I'm just going to clear up here. Then I guess… we can go somewhere else. I heard Denver's still going strong."
"Denver's a Military Zone." Otis pointed out.
"I know. But there's plenty Fireflies inside. Tommy Miller and Eugene Linden are there. God knows what they're doing, but if they can get me and Mary in then it's fine by me." He explained.
"That sounds like Mary's idea." Otis squinted at him.
Otto managed a laugh. "It is." He confirmed.
For a moment they shared a smile, content to eat in the quiet. Until Otis' radio went off.
'Meyer, we need you down at the Dorms. The generator's acting up again.' The voice on the other end crackled.
Otis sighed, unhooking the radio from his belt, and holding the receiver. "I hear you, Vlahos. I'm on my way over." He replied. "Alright, Otto, I gotta go." He told his brother as he began to pack. "I'll tell Mary that your temper tantrum has passed-"
"Don't." Otto interrupted quickly, making him take pause. "I'll tell her myself. I just want to clear all this stuff out and… give her the good news myself."
Otis gave him a dimpled smile and a nod. "Gotcha. See ya later, Otto." He'd head for the door and shut it behind him.
Otto's expression sobered as soon as he left, slowly throwing the tray from his lap, and watching as the coffee seeped between the tiles. He'd linger for a moment before wheeling himself over to the cabinet to retrieve his lab recorder and the key to the adjoining room.
His office room was connected directly to the lab for easy access on his part.
He'd head inside, taking several deep breaths as he looked over the cages where the Rhesus monkeys were peering at him with reddened eyes.
Otto set the lab recorder on the nearby bench, struggling to reach over to open the windows. It took him at least 5 painful minutes but he managed to get two open.
"That's four pallets of lab equipment all packed up and ready to go. Now - big question is what do we do with all you guys..." Otto narrated to the recorder as he slowly moved towards the cages to look over the animals inside. Some were calm because of sedation. "They say the tainted batch needs to be put down." He exhaled a heavy breath at the realisation that these intelligent creatures would be disposed of after everything they had done to further the Fireflies' research.
Otto squeezed his hand around the keys. "You know what I say? I say screw that. Who made a bigger sacrifice than you, right?" He questioned, jamming the key into the first lock and throwing it open before moving along to the second and third.
The monkeys in the first two cells lingered, not seeming sure of the events currently taking place.
"If anyone deserves to run free out there it's—" Otto had to pause, the elation in his chest at the thought of releasing these creatures to carry on their lives dampening as the third monkey gave a jerking motion forward. "Hey, easy." He continued, driven as he touched the lock to no reaction this time. He held it firmly as he pushed the key in, but in the same instance the creature grabbed at him, sinking its teeth into his hand viciously.
"Agh… Shit." Otto cursed, struggling to tear free before lurching back and tipping his wheelchair over as he managed to break away. A large teeth mark had been left on his hand, blood oozing to the surface from the rapidly bruising skin. The damned thing had almost broken his hand with the aggression and now hissed at him from behind bars as it moved restlessly in its cage.
Otto's pale eyes met the leering red irises, and the realisation slowly began to warp in the pit of his stomach. "Oh no. It bit me. Oh my god..."
The door to the lab opened, Joe Warren strolling in with a clipboard. "Hey, Otto, your brother and I are on lab duty, but he's gonna be late." He spoke, the door swinging shut behind him.
Otto looked towards him while cradling his hand, shock paralysing him and preventing him from speaking.
Joe looked over in confusion. "Hey, you okay?" He rushed over once he noticed that Otto had fallen from his wheelchair, but his steps came to a slowing halt as he noted the open cages. "Otto… what have you done?"
Character Note:
Joe Warren is the only named Bloater to appear in the Last of Us. You can pick up his Firefly pendant if you kill the Bloater in the University.
Dialogue Note:
The dialogue at the end of this chapter is borrowed from the lab recorder picked up by Joel and Ellie in the University lab.
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