Without Guilt

Take the joke and...

Chapter XX: Run With It

This chapter contains mature sexual themes (M/F).

"You like making him uncomfortable." Tess accused quietly.

"I do not." Joel replied in light defence.

"You do." She insisted, casting a cautious glance towards the door in case their unexpected company returned. "What is with you and him anyway?"

"Nothin'." Joel denied, able to hold her gaze though they lacked seriousness, both of them.

"You don't have to tell me," She shrugged lightly. "It's what you're good at after all."

Joel clicked his tongue. "Don't you start that now- Tess." He complained as she moved away.

"No, it's fine." She moved to check on the bean cans.

Joel's gaze fixed on her back as he sighed, knowing that she was purposely trying to make him guilty for not sharing. "He's a Hunter, Tess." He told her.

She kept her focus on the food, using the tongs to move them off the heat as they began to bubble. "So what? You were a Hunter too." She dismissed, perhaps not believing that was the real reason, or maybe she was pushing him for more.

Joel shifted to sit properly. "You don't know the things he's done."

At this, she turned her head to look at him, her eyes moving over his form for a quiet moment before she sighed. "We've all done things."

"We did it to survive, Tess. But I've seen people who do too much, and Meyer's done too much." Joel expressed, scoffing as he leaned back on his bag. "The way he's killed people, made it look like an accident… he's made people disappear." His dark eyes looked haunted as he stared into the flames. "I just wonder how Tommy took a shine to someone like that. That's all." He added more quietly.

Tess took a moment before she moved closer to him, sinking down the wall to sit beside him and gently laying a hand on his. "I know Tommy was angry with you because of the things you've done, Joel," She said in delicate understanding. "But it's not the reason he idolised Otis and you know it." She comforted.

Joel looked across to her in silence, his free hand coming up to lightly pat her smaller one in silent appreciation of the gesture.

"We're not better than the Fireflies. And they're not better than us." She went on, gently squeezing his hand as she lay her head against his shoulder, finding her own comfort in his strength. "We're just what's left. All the nice guys died a long time ago, probably tryna help other people."

Joel exhaled a short chuckle, the mirthless kind that agreed with her words.

Tess smiled lightly. "Tommy did bad things too. Isn't that what Otis said? He left because of the shit in Denver. Bombing civilians, really?" Her tone was soft but drew out her disbelief as she squinted at something she couldn't quite fathom the thought of.

"The Fireflies are getting desperate. They're a dying breed." Joel pointed out.

"Yeah. Still, we've seen that shit in Boston too." She reminded. "Tommy left 'cause he wanted to see the best in humanity, but he just found more of the same. He wasn't angry at you, he was just… angry at himself." She understood that to some degree. She'd done bad things to survive, they both had.

She wasn't quite sure how to redeem herself or if she was even ready to do so yet. She wasn't done surviving.

"You two sure get along though." Joel hummed, teasing her just to lighten the mood a little. "You're good at that. Playing nice."

"Wha-" She sat up, lightly smacking his shoulder. "Who said I was playing nice? I am nice." She insisted jokingly.

"Mhm. Sure." He agreed with sarcasm, earning himself another hit to the shoulder. "Seen the way you done grabbed his face in the lobby." He accused playfully.

"Okay, so it helps that he's good looking-"

Joel laughed. "Sure."

"And younger." She added just to tease him.

"Oh yeah, no, of course." Joel agreed again, rolling his eyes.

"And his abs haven't become a beer gut." She pinched Joel's stomach, laughing as he fought her off.

"How would you know that under all them clothes anyway?" He questioned defensively, smoothing out his wrinkled shirt.

"I just know." She claimed with a foxy grin.

"Let me guess, women's intuition?" He shook his head at her antics. "Man without a gut, ain't worth a buck - you know that right?"

She laughed. "Did you just make that up?"

"No, no, it's a thing they say." He insisted.

"Sure." She giggled at the silliness of it all, a comfortable silence falling between them as they looked each other over.

The casino was quiet save for the creaking of the old building and the distant sound of the storm whining outside. It had been a long day, tiring and nerve wracking.

Tess moved first, setting a hand on his chest lightly.

Joel's hands moved to her hips as she climbed over him, uncertainty in both of their movement. "Tess, I, uh…" He began to mumble, any protest dying out as she leaned down to kiss him.

It was little more than a gentle peck to the lips, lasting barely some seconds.

She smiled at him delicately, her haughty features softened by unspoken desires, but not her eyes - they still carried that glint of mischief in them, and the smile soon pulled into a broad grin. "You scared, Texas?" She mocked.

"You wish." He replied, his eyes narrowing at her in challenge. His hand took a firm hold of her, cradling the back of her head as he shifted to kiss her again with more confidence.

Tess hummed against his lips, pleased with this development if it weren't for her giggles.

"What?" He questioned in an exasperated breath.

"Nothing." She claimed, rubbing her face in an attempt to quell her laughter.

"Seriously? Get off." He gave her a light tap as he motioned for her to move.

"No, no, come on, it's been a while." She protested but moved off him to let him sit up right.

"We're still on a job." He reminded her. "And those two might come back any minute." He added, having nearly completely forgotten they had company with Tess occupying his mind.

"We're not getting anywhere with this storm," Tess countered. "They won't come back; we'll make it quick."

"'We'll make it quick.'" Joel parroted in frustration. "Why were you laughing then?"

"Because," She had to catch herself not to start again, taking his hand to guide it under her shirt. "If I knew talking about Meyer got you this worked up, I would've done it sooner."

Joel squeezed her chest with his cold hand, drawing out a soft wince from her at the temperature difference. "You fixin' to piss me off?"

"What can I say? Every girl likes it when a man shows he wants her." She reasoned, her words a breathy exhalation as he pinned her to the wall. "See? That's more like it, cowboy." She purred, draping her arms over his shoulders as she leaned up to kiss him.

They were enraptured in each other, clothes being hastily shoved aside, buttons undone, zippers pulled open, fastens unbuckled.

The high of survival was a different kind. You had no time to think about anything, but you were alive, the blood in your veins so real, the sound of your heartbeat so loud – and then the person who was with you through the entire journey.

For Joel, it was Tess. She grounded him. She gave him objectives, things to do, to think about.

For Tess, it was Joel. He reminded her what it was to be alive. That she could walk with her head held high, do things without being afraid, to go for it and know he would have her back the whole way.

There was no name for this kind of thing. A friend with benefits was too crass, and it wasn't quite a lover or a fling. It wasn't in between, too far leaning to one side than the other.

"Tess," Joel grunted out her name as he hoisted her up, her legs fitting snuggly around him. "What about we lay low for some time after we deliver this stuff?" He suggested, his mouth at her throat, warming the frigid skin with kisses.

Tess let out a shuddering sigh as he entered her, dropping her head back against the wall and mouthing her silent pleasure to the ceiling. "Yeah… that might be a good idea, but…"

These old rotten walls would keep their secrets.

"But what?" He questioned, his impatience matching her own as he gave a rough thrust.

"Oh!" She gasped with pleasant surprise, squeezing him against her. "After we get this lot to Bill- I got a deal for the Fireflies in mind." She confessed, her fingers curling into the fabric of his clothes.

It was just like them to choose business over pillow talk, but the words were exchanged for short and harsh breaths, each thrust making Tess squirm and wince with the aching desire for fulfilment. "Right there, cowboy." She panted, all talk about Fireflies out the window.

Joel had already turned his brain off for the moment, whetting his appetite on the only thing he cared about right now. "Tess." He groaned her name.

"Yeah- me too." She barely remembered to breathe, lightheaded with the pleasure brimming to the top.

The sound of approaching footsteps was lost on the two, Kumi slowly pushing the door open to venture in only to pause like a deer caught in the headlights. "Dude, what the fuck?" He complained, embarrassment overcoming his annoyance as Tess scrambled to lower her shirt and pull up her jeans.

Joel let out a heavy sigh of irritation at the interruption, taking his time with righting his jeans.

"Sorry, but seriously, get a fucking room." Kumi grumbled, stomping in to reclaim his burner before turning right back around and making a swift exit, face challenging his jacket in its redness.

Tess and Joel listened to his retreating footsteps while they finished redressing, the woman wearing a cheeky smile as she finished rebuttoning her shirt.

"They won't come back." Joel mocked, masking his embarrassment with frustration as he eyed her.

"They didn't. Only one came back." Tess countered, finding humour in the situation. "Did you have to finish inside?" She half complained, wriggling awkwardly as she tried to get her jeans to sit comfortably without friction.

"What did you want me to do? He walked in right then." Joel protested. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you wanted to be caught."

Tess smacked his arm. "I'm gonna have to walk all the way to QZ like this, you know." She pointed out, huffing as she picked up a can of beans for herself.

"Why don't you ask Meyer where they're staying? We could use some supplies for the road." Joel took the other can. He was pretty hungry after all that walking and their quickie just now.

Tess sharked him half-heartedly. "You serious? I just about bummed this off them." She pointed out, sinking her spoon into the tomato sauce to scoop out the beans. "Besides, that's like… end-of-the-world equivalent of a walk of shame. What are we? Teenagers?" She winced at the idea.

Joel shrugged, deciding to drink his beans instead of making the effort to find the travel kit in his bag. "Think Berko said anything to Meyer?"

"About what?" She asked absently, too busy stuffing her mouth. It was the first solid food they'd had for three days. The road had been hard to move through safely with all the Hunters patrolling the main roads, without the need to detour for supplies.

"What do you think?" Joel questioned, maybe unable to put a label on the arrangement.

"I dunno- how would you even bring that up in a conversation without sounding like a voyeur?" She shrugged. The day walk back to Lincoln sounded exhausting already and she was starting to consider whether she preferred a detour or showering at Bill's smelly little bathroom after he'd eaten tinned spam for 3 meals.

Joel looked over when she stood up, slurping the last of her can. "Where you going?" He questioned.

"To perform the walk of shame," She replied easily, shouldering her backpack. "You coming?"

"Tess, I wasn't being serious." He stared at her.

"I know. But you know what? Who knows, maybe we can get a sweet deal. We got more stuff than Bill asked for anyway."

"That we were going to sell to another buyer." Joel reminded.

"Hey, it's a free market. You know how Bill gets when you try to sell him stuff not on his list." Tess was already making for the door. "He gets all paranoid and angry like you're cheating him somehow."

Joel sighed. "Yeah, well… that's Bill."

Tess smiled as he joined her in the hallway. "Now you know why I liked trading with Meyer better."

"When you put it like that…" Joel could understand.

Please R&R!