A/N
Yeah boys, here's another one to throw at you. It's coming a bit out of schedule, but rest assured there will also be one of Sunday as well!
Chapter II: One Little Mistake, Part II
The damn chair creaks.
Great.
Just what the stressed Sheriff of Fabletown needed on his already destroyed vacation - a broken chair.
It's not even that the chair itself is rickety and on the verge of snapping the moment Bigby's moderately-sized body grazes the wooden surface. It's that every single chair, bed, and floorboard sounds as though they will be taking a plunge into the well just by stepping on it too hard.
Well, there is only one person to blame for all this. He's bidedal, his name begins with a 'C' and he stinks really bad.
"Colin!"
"What did I do now Bigby?" the pig sighs, resigning himself to the fate of being threatened, chastised and downright belittled by the Sheriff once more.
"You just had to do it," Bigby begins, "all I needed was a few days to sort myself out and relax and you couldn't even get us a room which has decent furniture!"
"The brochure left that bit out," Colin shrugs, looking to the Woodsman for assitance, who shrugs himself.
"Can you even read Colin!?"
The mere fact the pig takes a moment to think about this question makes Bigby's blood boil to a temperature he could probably cook Colin in.
"Moderately," Colin answers.
"Moderately," Bigby repeats, shaking his head. "Can moderately what? Moderately not be an asshole?"
"Maybe that's a bit unfair Bigby, the pig was just trying to help you out," the Woodsman finally speaks up.
"That's the thing.. he's not even a real pig," Bigby continues his tirade, much to the mild amusement of the Woodsman and the tentativeness of Colin. "Real pigs are supposed to be eaten.. and I can't even do that!"
"You did eat my brothers though, Bigby," Colin jokes, attempting to somewhat calm the Sheriff down. "Nowadays, the only thing you're huffing and puffing on are those cigarettes of yours."
"They are good though," the Woodsman comments.
"I know. Ate a full packet of them once thinking they were those things the mundies like to eat. Never again."
The brief exchange between the Woodsman and Colin does nothing but further aggravate the Sheriff, who much to the approval of Colin pulls out a packet of his favourite smokes, pulling one out for himself. It doesn't take long for him to pre-emptively succumb to Colin, and he passes a lighted one to the fable.
Despite what all the mundies say about smoking, it isn't too bad for Bigby. It gives himself something to focus on when he's angry or thinking, and when he's just feeling that little bit overwhelmed, there's no better feeling than whipping one out and lighting it.
The only thing which could surpass it at this point would be to wring the neck of everyone who slightly annoyed him, but that's what Snow White calls 'destructive behaviour' - she didn't believe that when he burnt down a very magical tree for her, but he'd never actually going to bring it up in order to simply prove a point.
Bigby ain't that kind of fable.
Colin might.
He's what the mundies call a jerk. Bigby has heard the humans describe someone as a jerk on multiple occasions. No-one who is nice has ever been called a jerk, so therefore Colin must be a jerk.
Mundies have some weird words, the Sheriff wonders to himself in astoundment.
"Okay, so I might have got the room wrong," Colin eventually admits. "But, there's still plenty of things that I, Colin the pig, has got right. Including - but not limited to - sightseeing, hookah bars, and of course hookah's of a different kind, if you know what I mean."
The Woodsman begins to happily grin, obviously quite interested in what the tour guide has to offer.
"No way, Woody. Not after what happened with the last one," Bigby snips off his excitement before the Woodsman ends up winding up on the nearest prostitute.
"I'm a changed man, Sheriff."
"Her face had changed too," Bigby retorts, much to the dismay of the Woodsman, who gives up and shakes his head in disappointment.
Of course, Bigby could give the Woodsman another chance at proving he is a relatively decent Fable nowadays, but there's no fun in giving him what he wants. The great and mighty Woodsman is going to learn who the boss is, whether he's amiable with Bigby or not.
If anything, the Sheriff is providing him with an opportunity for redemption Bigby hadn't really offered anyone else. Maybe it's the personal connection the two have - having your belly sliced open with an axe does let to a healthy friendship after all. Mother was right.
"I'll bite," Bigby sighs. "What are these 'activities' you have planned, and do they include me having to play Sheriff?"
"That's thing Bigby, we are here to just be ourselves! You won't have to play Sheriff! If you want, you can even be a criminal for a change!"
Colin's voice booms around the room with pride and anticipation, giving everyone the impression he is on the verge of exploding with excitement. Bigby is certain he even heard a quiet squeal from the pig, though it can be chalked down to Bigby's own limited imagination. Bigby doesn't want to entertain the notion Colin could squeal.
"It's settled then," the Woodsman bursts out of his chair. "Hookah And Hookah's it is!"
"Come on, Bigby, what's the worst that could happen?"
A/N
There you go again my friends, this little story I started doing for my own entertainment is officially still entertaining for me. Thought I'd give up by now, but nope, still here.
Here forever.