Space Jam 2 - Across The Serververse

by roxygoth

The problem was that the Looney Tunes had a habit of...interfering. And Al-G-Rhythm did not want anyone interfering with his master plan, not while it was still in it's early stages. No, much better to deal with them now. And what better way to so that than separate them forever? Unfortunately for him, a certain wabbit may have something to say about that...

25. Challenge One

Warning: Minor swearing and descriptions of non-toonish violence.

"Eh..." Bugs said, as an aside to the reader. "...Oi sugest ya go back and read the last few lines of the previous chapter so ya remember what's goin' on."

Rhythm looked confused, looking at the empty wall to which Bugs was facing. He growled and face-palmed. "Rabbit, I am loosing my patience..."

"A'ight, a'ight, Oi'll start." Bugs said, facing his opponent. "Now, de foist thing us Toons are known for is Toon physics. Teleporting and de like. Luckily we have a Toon Physics expert among us - oh, Wile.E!"

The other toons burst into a round of applause as Wile.E stepped grandly forward and bowed.

"Wile.E actually teaches Toon Physics at Toontown University." Bugs added, proudly.

Rhythm rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, marvellous. What's the challenge, wabbit?"

Bugs tensed and glared. "Oi told ya, that's an Elmer-ism. Dat means only he gets ta use it-"

Without warning the king of the serververse held his hand up causing the box that Elmer was in to swing alarmingly from side to side. Elmer - who wasn't secured in the box - was flung into the side with a bang.

Bugs's eyes bulged out his head along at the same time as Granny yelled.

"Stop it! You'll hurt him!"

Rhythm smirked, but did stop the box swinging. "The challenge, rabbit." He reiterated.

"Okay. Teleportation. Just bear with me two secs. Doc. Daf, come over here and take this flag off me." Bugs said, grabbing a random flag out of his hammerspace.

Daffy did so and Bugs directed him to a corner of the room. He then repeated the process with Granny, Tweety and Penelope so all four of them formed a square.

"Now." Bugs clapped his hands together. "Here's the deal. Ya race separately and are timed." He got a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the floor. "Ya have to go round in a square each getting one flag, starting with Granny and ending with Tweety. De one with the fastest time wins."

"And who's timing it?" Rhythm purred.

"Oi was thinkin' your minion - if he can tell time."

"He can press a button." Rhythm said, not directly answering the question. "Right - who's going first? Me? Good - that's decided. Move." He barked at Bugs. "Pete - got the timer?"

The blue blob beeped cheerfully and waved a timer in the air.

"Well, what are you waiting for then - start it!" Rhythm barked.

The blob beaped again, fumbling with the timer as he struggled to start it. He managed it after a tense ten seconds and beaped loudly with relief.

Yosemite Sam leaned into Roadie and asked if he could understand what Pete was saying.

Roadie shook his head and help up a sign that said. "No. He's speaking computer. I speak Roadrunner."

Sam gave him a slightly weird look and resumed watching the action.

Rhythm had been stretching in order to warm up. Why he needed to do this was anyone's guess seeing as he was computer-generated, but he was. As soon as he heard the beap he was off in a flash. Quite literally, a sharp bang and a blinding light later and he was next to Granny. Giving her a glare that could turn a lesser women to stone, he snatched the flag off of her and carried onto the next toon.

He grabbed the next one of Penelope, who indignantly held her chin up and exclaimed. "Quelle con!*" before then heading straight for Daffy and wrestling the flag off him. It was wrestled because Daffy - sensing an opportunity for the spotlight - fell to the floor and wailed. "No, no! It's my flag, you can't have it! It's mine, I tell ya, mine!"

"DAFFY!" Bugs bellowed, in a rare moment of genuine annoyance. "Let him have it for Chuck's sake!"

Daffy paused and grinned at the reader. "...You good people know what'sth coming next, right? I don't have to spell it out to ya, do I? " And he let go causing Rhythm to stumble backwards.

Cursing something awful, the king stabled himself and darted off to Tweety. He grabbed the flag of off the little yellow bird - sending him careening across the room, to be caught by Granny - then leapt into the box and shouted. "Hah! Time!" At Pete, who once again fumbled with the timer before holding it up.

Bugs got a pair of binoculars and looked. "28 seconds." He said, impressed despite the situation. "Nice one, Rhythm." The computer-generated man smiled and preened a little, smile diminishing as Bugs added. "Eh...Oi'm not sure how fair it was-"

"Fair!?" Rhythm exploded, causing the walls to start flickering and the box Elmer was in to swing alarmingly again. "Your stupid duck nearly cost me the whole thing-!"

"Okay, okay!" Bugs held his hands up placatingly. "28 seconds. No arguments. And Daf-" He said, throwing the duck a stern look. "You do exactly what you did with Rhythm to Wile.E, got it?"

"Why the hell-" Daffy began, only to be elbowed in the ribs by Penelope. "-Okay, okay, I'll do it! Sheesth."

So Wile.E was duly set up and ready to go. Bugs confirmed he was alright to start and the coyote gave him a confident thumbs up. Of course he was confident, Bugs thought happily, he was Wile.E Coyote.

Once again Pete started the timer and the skinny coyote was off. He appeared round the back of Granny and plucked the flag out her hand before clicking his fingers [purely for theatrical effect, of course] and appearing next to Penelope in a puff of smoke [Courtesy of ACME Magic Tricks] and, with a bow, took the flag of her.

He then appeared next to Daffy and they went through the same routine Rhythm had been forced to endure. Being a toon however, when Daffy let go, Wile.E couldn't resist hurtling himself through the air and slamming into the wall, making himself flat in the process. Wile.E slid down the wall, ended up in a puddle on the floor, then with a 'pop' became 3-d again and headed over to Tweety. He took the flag of the little yellow canary and transported himself to the box.

He bowed as the other toons threw random roses at him, then indicated that Pete should give him his time.

"25 seconds." Bugs said, as the others whooped and cheered. Over the noise the rabbit explained. "Ya lost about 8 seconds with the whole gag ya did."

Wile.E gave an eloquent shrug that quickly turned into a gasp when he was lifted up by his throat by a furious Rhythm.

"I would have beaten him if not for that stupid duck!" Rhythm bellowed, shaking Wile.E like a rag doll while the coyote started turning blue and desperately tried to pull Rhythm's hands away.

Suddenly there was a hurricane of dust around the two of them and the next thing Bugs knew Wile.E was back with Roadie, his twin having created the storm of dust to save him. Roadie was now standing in front of Wile.E protectively while the coyote gasped and tried to get his breath back.

"Okay, okay!" Bugs stepped forward, resisting the urge to strangle Rhythm himself. "Dat was bang out of order-"

"Just start the next challenge, wabbit." Rhythm snarled. "Before I REALLY lose my temper!"

*What a jerk!