The next few weeks went by in a blur. Jessica got released from the infirmary after another day, though wasn't happy about the fact that Major Lorne insisted on pushing her wheelchair to her room since she wasn't allowed to walk for a few more days. Reed successfully came out of his coma later that week but was, to his distaste, confined to the infirmary for at least an extra week.
Jessica had been allowed to return to light duties while she waited for her feet to finish healing. She loved being back at work but had started to get frustrated with light duties, no sparring, and no off world.
She sat down in the mess hall for breakfast. The Daedalus was due in a day so cereal was made from an odd grain they'd managed to trade for. Unfortunately it tasted a bit like cardboard and the coffee wasn't much better. It wasn't proper Earth coffee, the scientists had apparently been pulling all nighters and worked their way through the supply. The pegasus equivalent just didn't compare and it made for one cranky base. Jessica's face screwed up as she took a sip of the bitter, dirt tasting drink.
"I think that face says it all." Cadman commented, sitting across from her.
"That it tastes like crap? Yeah." Jessica muttered.
Laura snorted, "I forgot you're not a morning person, especially when you miss your run."
Jessica was tempted to hold her nose as she finished her fake coffee, "Don't remind me. Though, I'm hoping Carson will put me back to full duties today. Hey maybe you can do some sweet talking in his ear."
"You'd have better luck getting blood from a rock than me trying to sway his decision." Laura commented, scrunching her own face at the coffee and dumping in a few tablespoons of sugar, "This is worse than normal."
Dr. Emily Garcia joined them at the table, grinning at Cadman, "Gonna take a whole lot more sugar than that to sweeten you up."
Jessica smiled at the banter, it was good to be home. She had definitely missed this and couldn't imagine living anywhere else now. Asking for that transfer and being sent to Atlantis had certainly one of her better ideas, even with the spanner that Major Lorne threw in the works. Oh and look, there he was.
Catching Jessica's eyes he gave a little smile before heading to get his breakfast. Jessica couldn't help but watch him. So self assured and friendly with, well, virtually everyone on base. He paused as a scientist stopped to talk to him. A grin forming on his face at something she said. Jessica's brow furrowed a little as she watched the scientist put a hand on his arm and laugh.
A hand waved in front of her face, distracting her from the uncomfortable emotions that had started to waken again. Blinking she turned back to see Emily trying to get her attention.
She grabbed the hand out of her face, "Ah what?"
"You completely zoned out." Emily commented before Cadman snickered, "Pretty sure someone walking this way caught your attention."
Jessica's head whipped around, catching sight of the Major now heading towards their table. Feeling her face redden at being caught she climbed to her feet, making the excuse of needing to see Carson for her check up before hurrying out of the mess hall.
Behind her Cadman exchanged looks with Emily, muttering, "She's doing it again."
Major Lorne sat at the table, eyeing the two women suspiciously. He hadn't failed to notice Jessica's quick exit from the table and wondered if she was avoiding him again. Cadman sat staring at him with a scrutinizing gaze.
"Something you'd like to say, Lieutenant?" He asked calmly, having a suspicion it was something either he wouldn't like or just straight up inappropriate, though that rarely mattered to Cadman.
"When are you gonna do something about that?" She thrust her chin towards the door, pausing before adding, "Sir."
Lorne didn't miss a beat, "Don't know what you're talking about."
Cadman shook her head as she stood, muttering, "Sure you don't."
Lorne watched her go before looking back at Emily, noticing the slight grin on her face, and sent a questioning look her way.
Emily didn't even look up as she said casually with a straight face, "She thinks you and the doc should just sleep together already."
The food caught in Lorne's throat and a hand knocked him on the back as he started to cough. He wasn't sure if the heat in his red face was due to the comment or food going down the wrong hole.
"You alright there, sir?" Corporal Wright asked, sitting across from Emily.
"Fine." He spluttered before excusing himself.
Wright turned to Emily, who failed miserably to hide the grin, "What'd you do to him?"
Looking up innocently she replied, "Who? Me? Nothing."
Jessica meandered through the empty corridors, the lights dim. Once again she struggled to sleep. Getting to sleep was fine, staying asleep was a little more difficult. Every night without fail the dreams came, waking her and preventing her from sleeping again that night.
Her feet carried her to the Mess hall. A bit of comfort food never went astray. Grabbing a cookie off the overnight table, she poured herself a hot cocoa and looked around the empty room. Her eyes locked on the balcony door and she decided fresh air would probably do her some good.
The cool night air washed over her and she took a depth breath. Turning, her foot hit something on the floor. As she started to fall a hand grabbed her arm while another landed in front of her chest. A scream escaped her before she could stop it and the balcony lights suddenly turned on, half blinding her.
"Hey, Doc. It's me. You're alright." A voice said hurriedly.
Her eyes slowly adjusted to the light and she saw who had caught her. Pressing a hand to her thumping chest she replied, "Shit. Reed. You scared the living daylights out me."
Making sure she had regained her balance he let go of her, settling back down leaning against the wall with his legs outstretched, "Yeah, I think you half deafened me."
"Sorry." She muttered, rescuing her cookie from where it fell before she sat beside him, an almost sad glance towards the spilled drink, telling herself she'd clean it up soon.
"Trouble sleeping?" Reed asked, watching the stars as the balcony lights turned off again.
"Well you know, sleep is for the weak." She bluffed, knowing full well he probably wouldn't buy it. Which he didn't, he just turned to look at her, giving her that look that said he knew she was full of it. Sighing she relented, "Or, you know, sleep is for the strong, un scared people..."
He gave a soft smile, "You know, it's normal to not be completely ok after being held captive."
She rested her head back against the wall, rubbing her hands over her face as she took a breath. "It's not even the being captive which is an issue." She admitted, "It's not the first time and as far as captivity goes, it wasn't too bad, until, until-"
Reed turned back to look over the ocean, "Until we actually tried to escape." He said knowingly.
"Yeah." She sighed, "When you, when he," She couldn't say it outright, it made it all too real again, "I was helpless, you just, you just fell, and I couldn't do anything. I, I thought you were... and I was powerless. Then they put you back in the cell. I was still useless then. All my training, all my experience, and I couldn't do a bloody thing to help you." She pulled her knees up to her chin wrapping her arms around them, a shudder running through her.
Reed shuffled closer to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him. "You know, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."
"And you wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for me either." She shot back quickly.
"Jess, you can't think like that. Trust me. It leads you down a dark path. I was there because of their actions, not yours." He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze, hoping she'd take his advice.
She gave a slight nod, resting her head on his shoulder. Quietly they watched the night go on, the stars slowly moving past. They didn't move as the night gave way to day. Sleep had finally won out. The sun, slowly lighting up the sky as people began to file into the mess for breakfast. They were still there even, when Colonel Sheppard stepped onto the balcony for his morning coffee. Smiling at the sight he turned back into the Mess, locking the door so it could only be opened from the outside, hoping they could have some more peace and quiet. It was obviously needed, he thought, mentally making a note to enquire about their progress with Dr. Heightmeyer.
Jessica settled herself into a corner of the gym with a punch bag. Ignoring the others training around her as she launched into a full out assault on the bag. She had gotten news that morning in an email from a friend on Earth. Robert was dead. She should have been happy about it, overjoyed even. The man who caused her so much pain and misery was gone, permanently. He was as gone as he could ever be. That should have been a good thing. So she hated the fact that she didn't feel that way.
Breathing hard she pounded her fists into the punching bag. Sure, part of her was a little happy about it. But there was a part of her that still felt like it was under his thumb. Part of her that still cared, still felt something for him. That part was sad. And that scared her as much as it made her angry. It scared her how she could feel anything except hatred towards that manipulative, abusive, son of a bitch.
Her face burning she stripped off her jacket before pummelling the bag again. She'd worn a t-shirt today rather than her normal long sleeve top. Consciously trying to rid that control he still seemed to hold over her. She'd always felt she had to hide what he did to her, she was ashamed of it, there was no denying that. But he was gone. She should be able to do what she wanted without his control over her. So putting aside her reservations she'd put on the t-shirt, then as a second thought, still put the jacket over the top all while hating that she felt she had to do it.
She was too angry now to care though, even though she could hear the whispers and feel the eyes flicking to her as she continued trying to pulverize the bag. The emotions raged inside her. Each part of her fighting the other, trying to win. And it all felt like it was tearing her apart inside. She couldn't stop though, if she stopped, she thought she may fall apart.
A/N Sorry for the short chapter. it was just a really good place to break it. Can't believe we're almost done. Hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for the reviews so far!