Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. The smell of disinfectant lingered in his assigned room like a fly determined to irritate you as much as possible. Visits were rare with most of his friends being active members of the survey corps meaning they had few opportunities and spent it with their families instead.
In the past two months he had counted the amount of times he received a visit and from who. All of his friends from the cadet corps had visited at least twice with Moblit having the second most with seven visits and Rico having the most due to her current station at Trost in the garrison regiment.
Ever since meeting Rico he did not think he would ever be excited to talk to her but the lack of entertainment or anything to do made their weekly chess matches the highlight of his week. He had learned that Rico joined the garrison regiment because it was the best way to become the premier. He still didn't know why she wanted to become premier but she seemed spiteful whenever she talked about it so he decided not to ask.
He was expecting his final test to see if he was both physically and mentally healthy enough to return to active duty. The whole test was bullshit because it didn't matter what result came back you would be sent right back to your regiment because the military has been undermanned since the fall of Wall Maria. He saw a man missing a leg be cleared for return to the military and a woman who claimed to see dead people get cleared. He wondered how injured or sick you had to be to be refused return to the military.
Sure enough he passed the test and was permitted return to the military. It was once he left the hospital that he realised how much the breach of Wall Maria devastated humanity. Orphans flooded the street like plague rats, filthy and poor, scavenging and begging for crumbs of bread. Parents despairing, seeing the pain and agony their children are forced to endure, wishing for better times. A worried look seeking shelter on every single refugee, the walls were not made of stone but were made of sand.
The influx of refugees would make you think that the city of Trost would be a loud place full of shouting and conversing between people but it was dead silent. Children too scarred to formulate words, adults who had nothing to say, merchants who had nothing to sell. The silent walk of shame through the streets of Trost knowing that he could have prevented the attack had he not been so reckless. He could have helped stop the titans breaching the wall. None of the people he walked passed knew that but he felt the guilt assault him anyway.
Moblit told Kōsoku that he ran into a woman who was asking for help during the raid on Shiganshina, apparently the woman lead him straight to his room bloody unconscious form. Kōsoku didn't know why she didn't take the opportunity to save herself and instead tried to help him. Kōsoku's memory of the day was shrouded in fog that hadn't been lifted so his recount of events had been shaky.
While being at the place where the titans committed genocide against humans to the largest degree, a monumental event in humanity's history, the first time the wall had been breached, the appearance of two new breeds of titan unlike anything ever seen before, he was passed out in a stranger's living room with blunted blades, severe wounds and a shattered memory.
Moblit had told him during his visits that the scouts were planning a large scale operation to retake Wall Maria with mandatory enlistment for all adult refugees from Wall Maria. Due to this tensions had grown between the military and the people and the dislike for the scout regiment had reached a new high. Despite this Kōsoku wore his wings of freedom with pride, scornful looks came had way and he could tell he was the most disliked man in the city just because of the prideful look on his face.
Mumbles rose from the pedestrians that would be left unheard by Kōsoku if not for the immense silence.
"Murderer."
"See that man sweetie? Don't ever go near someone wearing that cursed crest."
"He dares walk through a street crowded with Shiganshina refugees being sent off to the titans as offerings next week."
"Sick Bastard."
"He probably isn't to different from the rest of the demons in the scout regiment."
"Ears probably missing because he plays with death."
To them the wings of freedom symbolised death, despair, futility and worthlessness but to him they meant more than anything else. The purposeless life that he lead before the wings of freedom rescued him, they gave him a purpose. After seeing the massacre of the last expedition he was on most of his friends called him crazy for wanting to go back to the scouts when he could have easily gotten an honourable discharge and transferred to the military police.
Flashback
"Kōsoku, why even go back to the scouts? You've seen stuff outside the walls and you also saw your regiment get massacred. A transfer to the garrison or the military police would be a simple pro-" Rico was cut off before finishing her suggestion.
Bishop D4
"I'm not transferring, I'm staying." Kōsoku responded sternly showing no crack in his resolve.
Pawn E3
"Not like I care if you go and get yourself killed, you would've brought it upon yourself." Rico responded nonchalantly.
Queen G2 Checkmate
Kōsoku packed up the pieces and the chessboard as Rico stood up and walked to the doorway before turning around.
"I brought you some extra food to eat because you need to eat well do you're going to recover properly so if I come back tomorrow and see that it's still there I'll pummel you into a wall. Also I was joking, try not to die."
'Don't worry, I'm not about to die like some farm animal. I would say I was destined for better things but it's blatantly clear that I wasn't.' Kōsoku said to himself with his resolve being clear.
"Not until I've done something to give my life meaning."
Sorry this chapter is a bit late, this chapter was a bit of a slow one, the next one will be more interesting and plot relevant. Thanks for reading, if you liked it or what like to leave a suggestion reviews are always appreciated. :)