The loud, steam-belching parade continued roaring towards the cliffside tunnels, sparks and flame bellowing from its now crooked, warped funnel, its pace still sickeningly fast considering what loomed ahead of them. Ford desperately tried to work out if it was better to stop as hard as they could or to let the entire cavalcade continue unabated - which was more likely to get them over the bridge and back onto solid ground.
"I was a fool not to go into railroad studies!" He yelled in anguish. "I don't know what to do!"
"Always preferred ships." Stanley agreed. Least ya can't fall off of the ocean."
"Save for that little escapade on the equator."
"Extenuatin' circumstances." The old grifter shrugged. "Soos, how good's the braking on this thing?"
"Mr. Pines, the drums on this thing haven't been opened up in like eight years. I think there's probably a possum in one of 'em."
"...Great. You think you can stop the train before we hit the bridge?"
"Consider it done." Soos nodded - though there was a slight rattle in his voice. "W-we jus'gotta drive straight, right?"
"Glad I ain't got a fear of heights anymore." Stan snorted confidently, utterly convinced he was basically invincible despite the obvious chance calamity ahead of them.
"Y-y-yeah, that'- that'd be pretty bad, Mr. Pines." Soos gibbered uncomfortably. "Y-you think the bridge is gonna have space for us, right?"
"I'm sure it'll be fine." Ford smiled. "Don't panic, just keep your cool."
"S-sure, I'm cool, dawg. I'm - I'm cool as a cucumber. I'm as cool as ranch." Soos smiled uneasily as he began braking - trying to maintain a facade, desperately. "S'not like we're gonna plummet to our deaths, it'll be fine, I just- just keep brakin' and drivin' straight and- and the tunnel's comin' up, Mr. Pineses."
Right enough, the mouth of the tunnel loomed ahead of them. That dark, shadow-laden brick arch looked fairly proportionate from the footplate of a locomotive. To Soos, however, already panicked - from the much lower vantage point of a pickup's cab - it was like a terrible, dust-dripping mouth that threatened to swallow them whole.
Soos clenched his eyes shut and tried to stay calm. Wendy gave a supportive toot from the engine's whistle, but it did little besides make him flinch. The tunnel was dark, already stained with soot from the engine's earlier tirade through the cliffs - but the thing that Soos dreaded most of all was coming back into the sunlight. He had felt the gentle climb out to the dizzying heights of the bridge, knew they were towering hundreds of feet above the sleepy little town centre - knew that they were still travelling far too quickly.
"He's not gonna make it," Wendy said, hurriedly grabbing ropes from the pickup. "Guys, I need that truck tied to this train. And I need it yesterday."
Dipper nodded and climbed over, clumsily, trying to ignore his nerves and failing miserably. "We'll get it done."
"You think he's gonna accidentally drive off?" Mabel asked, joining her brother in looping the sturdy ropes from the pickup's tie-bars and handing them back.
"I'm not saying Soos is scared of heights, but I've seen him freak out from the top of a Ferret Wheel."
"You mean a Ferris Wheel?"
"No. It was a wheel for ferrets. Like, a hamster wheel, but a big wooden one for ferrets."
The kids glanced at eachother in confusion as they passed the ropes back to the lanky teenager, but decided not to go further into the matter, considering the locomotive was still putting up a worryingly brisk pace.
"If I know Soos," Wendy said firmly, tying her best lumber knots, "He'll panic and jam on the brakes, the engine'll hit the pickup, then kaboom - the truck goes over the bridge. We're just being proactive."
"I'd rather the truck didn't go over at all." Pacifica replied. "Sheesh, poor Soos."
"He'll be fine as long as we take him to the arcade. Soos is, like, the only person I know who's just as resilient as Mabel."
They both glanced at Mabel, who had innocently tied a length of rope into a sculpture of a cat, sitting on board the pick-up as if there wasn't a chance of the vehicle flying off of the bridge into a fiery death of fire and gasoline.
"Well… let's hope he stays resilient until we get across." The Northwest heir winced.
"Hard to blame him for getting scared." Candy said, climbing into Grenda's escape backpack. "Do we have a parachute?"
"NA, IF WE GO OVER, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Grenda spouted in reply.
The locomotive slipped through the tunnel noisily, still faster they'd like, still rattling by with nothing more than momentum. Inside the pickup, the driver was looking increasingly frantic. Sweat trickled down his brow, and he could barely hold his mega-duper-gulp soda straight.
Already, in front of him, the mouth of the tunnel was making an appearance - leading to what seemed like a ribbon of wood and steel across the clouds; a horrific sky bridge with scant little space on either side of the vehicle's steel axles.
Soos breathed heavily as they rolled out over the slim decks of the bridge.
"I know the temptation to jam on the brakes, Zeus, but you have to keep it gentle!"
"I'm trying, dude, but it don't seem to be helping! I don't wanna screw this up, bros, you're like my folks! Except without it being weird. I'm not sure how smart was plan was in the first place-"
"It is, Soos, you're uh - you're doin' great!" Stan interrupted. "You just gotta keep your moxy about ya, we got miles ta stop - don't rush it!"
Soos took a deep breath and tried to do as the Grunkles instructed - and steeled himself, still only gently applying the brakes here and there; still working to stop the engine as he had been told.
The bridge, despite its advanced age and exposed position, was perfectly flat. That was a testament to Wentworth Family engineering. The straight, beautifully restored structure didn't provide the slightest bit of encouragement to the runaway train, and, with cold winds blowing through the engine's wheels, Soos's careful, terrified braking, the cooling boiler…
The locomotive trundled along slower, and slower. The pressure fell away, and then, with a simple squeak from Soos's braking gear, the momentum finally ran out. With a groaning, creaking hiss…
The locomotive came to a halt, at last.
Several hundred feet above Gravity Falls.
With barely four inches of walking space either side of her chassis.
Dead-centre, in the middle of the Wentworth bridge.
The kids froze. Wendy froze. Soos froze. The Grunkles froze. They were, for all extents and purposes, stranded. After all, Soos's pickup may have managed to stop the thing - but perched precariously here, over the top of railroad ties, there was little chance of it being able to start them up again.
"Damn." Stan muttered as he looked out of the window. "What now? They ain't no crane in town high enough to us lift outta this one."
Soos was as white as a vanilla milkshake and sweating profusely as he tried, desperately, to avoid looking out of the windows. "I-i-i-if I start the engine w-w-we could c-c-ome right off."
"Alright. You two stay still." Ford said, arming his magnet gun. "I'll check on the kids."
"Are you crazy?! We're like a thousand feet up!"
"I've jumped through entire dimensions headfirst," Ford replied. "This is nothing, especially with this baby in my hands. Just remember to stay still."
Stan and Soos watched as Ford used his magnet gun to climb over the bizarre cavalcade of road and rail, climbing into the locomotive cab to inspect the damage.
Soos blinked and looked at Stan with a dorky smile on his face. "S-s-so how'd I d-d-do?"
"You did freakin' great, Soos." Stan beamed sincerely as he patted the handyman on the back."Could've gone badly, but you did great."
The jovial janitor seemed to calm somewhat at his surrogate father's approval. "Th-thanks Mr. Pines. Y-you wanna share my Mountain Pitt? I-It's like, energy drink mixed with Pitt Cola with a li'l bit of Churro sugar."
"I'll uh… I'll pass." Stan replied as a cold breeze flew through the vehicle's leaking seals. Maybe falling off of the bridge wasn't that bad a way to go.