AN: Hello, everyone! Some people may want to give me a piece of their minds after this chapter... I hope you all enjoy, still.
Music: "Didn't I" by OneRepublic
NOTES!: "You can only move on when your heart finally understands there is no turning back."
Chapter 26: Didn't I
Jim bit down hard on his lower lip, his brow furrowed deeply as sweat gathered at his temples. He kept his eyes and focus on the blue ball of concentrated magical energy between his palms. Trying to stay in control, he very slowly began to move his hands inwards, but as the space between his palms began to shrink, the ball began to move and the energy hummed. There was a few sparks, and then the ball burst.
Jim stared for a moment, panting, and then gave a frustrated groan as he dropped his arms to his sides.
"That was better." Rapunzel nodded from where she sat across from him, observing his progress.
"It's the same exact thing that's been happening for over a week now!" Jim huffed, dropping into his own chair and looking down at his shoes.
"Jim, this is a very advanced technique. You should be proud you've come this far already! You may not be able to see it, but you are making progress. You're building better control." Rapunzel assured him as she took down a few notes in her notebook.
"Yeah, okay..." Jim muttered, but didn't look up from the floor.
"Jim." Rapunzel's voice was gentle, and Jim looked up to see her eyes on him. "I've been wanting to talk to you for a while now. I know a lot has happened recently, and none of it has been easy for you... Your mind is clouded and it seems to be getting worse."
"I know. I'm sorry! I just..." Jim sighed, pushing himself up out of his chair and walking over to the window, staring out at the gloomy day.
"You don't have to apologize. I understand. I just want you to know that I'm here, but I can't help if you won't talk to me." Rapunzel told him, and Jim turned back to look at her again.
"I'm just... Really confused right now. By everything." Jim admitted, fidgeting before he slowly went back to his seat and sat down again.
"You're conflicted."
"Yes!" Jim said, throwing his hands out.
"About what, exactly?" Rapunzel wanted to know.
"I don't know! Nothing! Everything!" Jim exclaimed, pushing up out of his chair again as Rapunzel remained seated so serenely. He sighed and turned to her. "I'm just... confused."
"Is it Merlin? Or your Trollhunter duties?" Rapunzel offered a few suggestions. "Or maybe something a little more personal? Like Emma?"
"I think it's all those things." Jim said quietly, his shoulders feeling heavy. "Merlin has all these expectations, and the Trolls have been scattered since Usurna's betrayal. Everyone is counting on me, but... I'm not what they think I am. I feel like I'm being pulled in opposite directions and then Emma..." He paused, unsure of what to say. "Emma made a choice. And I think I've made mine, too, but..."
"You're not sure it's the right choice?" Rapunzel asked.
Jim looked up at her, unable to answer without admitting to treasonous thoughts, but Rapunzel just nodded in understanding. Finally, she stood and calmly walked over to him, placing a steady hand on his shoulder.
"I have a riddle for you." Rapunzel smiled at him, and Jim looked at her in confusion. "So, tell me where should I go? To the Left where nothing is Right... Or to the Right where nothing is Left..."
"I..." Jim stared at her, his shoulders lifting in a shrug as he shook his head. Clueless.
"Forward." Rapunzel gave him the answer, and he straightened more. "Find your own path, Jim. You're too focused on left or right, you can't see the third option right in front of you."
"I... Thank you, Rapunzel." Jim murmured, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.
"It is part of my job. But I do hope you won't take this as permission to commit treason... Again." Rapunzel raised an eyebrow at him pointedly, and Jim laughed, scratching the back of his head.
"I promise, I'll try my best." He joked, and Rapunzel laughed with him.
"Take the rest of the afternoon off. It'll be our secret." Rapunzel winked, and Jim smiled up at her.
About fifteen minutes later, Jim walked into the small study hall that Blinky was given to use as his study. Blinky, AAARRRGH!, Draal, and Toby were all there, chatting. It was such a familiar scene, Jim was almost overwhelmed with the nostalgia of it all.
"Master Jim! I wasn't expecting you for several more hours." Blinky remarked in greeting.
"Hey, Jimbo! I thought you were training with Rapunzel today?" Toby waved cheerfully from where he sat on the table.
"She let me go early. Our secret." Jim smiled as he held a finger to his lips, and Toby grinned.
"Nice!" Toby jumped down from the table excitedly. "Hey, we should go try to find some tacos! We haven't gotten tacos in forever!"
"That sounds like the best idea I've heard all week." Jim grinned in reply.
"As much as I hate to interrupt," Douxie's voice brought their attention to the door as the young mage walked in. "I'm afraid tacos will have to wait. The Royal Council has a quest for you."
"Aw, what? But we just got back from the last one Merlin sent us on! What the heck does that guy need lightning in a bottle for?" Toby groaned in frustration.
"I honestly don't have a clue. But Merlin also wishes to speak with you after you report to the Council, Jim." Douxie informed him with an apologetic wince.
"And this day just keeps getting better and better." Jim muttered, rolling his eyes, but then he sighed. "Thanks for letting us know, Doux. Lead the way."
Despite just arriving, Jim said goodbye to his friends and followed Douxie from the room. The Great Hall was as busy as ever, though the Royals stopped talking and turned to face Jim as he and Douxie approached the dais. It was Prince Lars of the Southern Isles who rose to address them.
"Trollhunter, we have a quest for you and the wizarding team you were assigned to." Prince Lars told him simply, and Jim had to admit that caught his interest. Most of his recent quests had been Trollhunter business, it had been weeks since he was asked to lead the small team of Fourth and Fifth years. "The Pirate King believes she may have information for you." The Prince sneered at Talia Eagle, who smiled at him in return.
"I do, in fact. With enough evidence to convince the majority of this Council to approve a quest looking into it." Talia said rising from her own seat with a sharp, pointed look at Lars. She looked back at Jim and he nodded, waiting for her to continue. "There are a number of small islands around the Archipelago territories of the Southern Isles. These islands are marked as uninhabited, and that makes them the perfect place to... Ahem, avoid certain aspects of society. There was once a Pirate Haven on one of these Islands, before it was raided over the summer. Despite the loss, I still have a few people in the area, and one of them was able to inform me that the old Haven is now being used as a Night Club. Specifically for people of Neutral Leanings in the war."
"You think someone is selling information?" Jim asked.
"Either that, or we have a full blown traitor on our hands. In either case, we need to find out if this is really where the gap in our defense is." Talia shrugged. "Somehow, the enemy always seems to know where you'll be and when. I think this Night Club is the most likely place to find out why, or even who. Especially while both our forces are focused on the conflict at Arendelle."
"So that's the quest? Go check out this Night Club and see if we can find whoever is selling Allied Forces intelligence?" Jim wanted to know.
"Precisely. You may chose which members of your team you wish to take for the quest. Smaller numbers may work to your benefit in this particular case." Prince Proteus nodded as the official document was brought to Jim by one of the servants. "You'll leave tomorrow morning."
"As you wish, your Majesties." Jim bowed low, taking the dismissal as his chance to get away, he turned and walked out of the Hall. Douxie followed him. Once out in the corridor, Jim turned to him. "Well, that was relatively quick and painless. Let's hope I can get two for two. Where's Merlin?"
Douxie actually chuckled at that. "In his quarters. He wishes to speak to you privately, so if you know the way, I promised Claire we could study together..."
"Yeah, I'm good. Don't worry about it." Jim smiled and nodded to him.
Douxie smiled back and then turned to go. As he walked, he threw one last remark over his shoulder. "Good luck with the old man!"
Jim snickered, shaking his head. He turned towards the grand staircase and made his way up towards the individual quarters. Walking up the stairs and looking around at the moving paintings, Jim couldn't help but reminisce on when he'd first seen the magnificent sight over a year ago now. He'd been starstruck by how incredible Hogwarts was, and that was probably one of the reasons he and Toby kept getting lost. But Emma was right, after a year he didn't have any trouble navigating his way around.
He shook his head to break that train of thought. Going down that road would only dampen his good mood. Even though his afternoon wasn't as free as he thought it was going to be, he still had a good conversation with Rapunzel that helped him to find perspective. And he didn't get yelled at or have to endure any sharp comments from the Royal Council. If he could just get through this meeting with Merlin, he could go back to getting tacos with Toby.
"Hello? Merlin? Douxie said you wanted to speak to me." Jim called out as he knocked and opened the door at the same time. The main room was a plain sitting area that had been altered to create extra space for studies. Jim stepped into the room, looking around for the old man, but he didn't seem to be anywhere.
Then the door shut behind him.
Jim whirled around to see Merlin standing in front of the door, blocking it. Jim took a slow step back, easing into a more guarded position while reaching into his pocket for the amulet. Merlin regarded him with a cool expression and furrowed brow, but mostly unreadable.
"What's going on here?" Jim demanded quietly, curling his fingers around the amulet.
"We need to talk about Gunmar." Merlin stated, stepping forward with a presence that seemed to loom over Jim.
"If you wanna tell me that I screwed up, again, you're going to have to take a number." Jim quipped back, shuffling back a bit more, but a chair behind him prevented him from putting much more space between them.
"On the contrary, I believe releasing Gunmar from the Darklands was the ideal choice, however I knew the Troll Tribunal would never agree to it." Merlin told him.
"What?"
"Better to liberate Gunmar now, so we can defeat him." Merlin stated as though it were obvious.
"Have you not heard or seen any of the damage Gunmar has been doing? Almost all of the Trolls have gone into hiding! Blinky thinks Gunmar is trying to find a way to bring the Eternal Night!" Jim exclaimed.
"Yes, and with Pitch Black and Emma Frost, he may well succeed." Merlin nodded.
Jim froze. Merlin noticed.
"Miss Frost stole the Moonstone and is now missing. We have to assume she is under Pitch Black's control and will bring the Moonstone to him. With it, and his dark sand, Pitch will have everything he needs to offer Gunmar the Eternal Night." He pointed out, and though it was harsh, Jim couldn't deny it was a possibility.
"So what do you want from me?" Jim questioned cautiously.
"As Trollhunter it is your duty to stop Gunmar and the Eternal Night by any means necessary. Our first priority should be to locate Emma Frost and, if need be, eliminate her." Merlin said.
"You want me to kill Emma?" Jim repeated in disbelief as his hands curled into fists at his sides. "Are you insane? Even if Emma is under Pitch's control, it's not her fault! We have to help her!"
"To what end?" Merlin demanded, taking another step forward. "You are as well aware as I that there is no cure. Stopping her before she finds her way to Pitch would be the merciful thing to do."
"No! You just want me to defeat Gunmar so your prison spell on Killahead Bridge will be released. You want all your magic back, that's all you care about!" Jim threw the words at him, pulling the amulet from his pocket and holding it at his side. "I won't do it. I won't hurt her!"
"Are you really willing to throw away the survival of the whole world for one girl who may as well already be dead?" Merlin questioned incredulously, raising one eyebrow at him.
"I'll find another way!" Jim spat.
"Are you really -!... Oh," Merlin sighed, shaking his head. "You Love her."
The familiar 'ting!' and flash of light brought the armor from the amulet, and the sword of Daylight flourished into his hand on command. Jim pointed the mighty blade at it's creator, clenching his teeth in his determination.
"Step away from the door, old man."
Merlin took a moment to look at Jim, and then with a grand flourish of green light, provided himself with his own blade. He held it up at guard and smirked at him. "Who you calling old?"
Jim launched himself forward. Merlin parried his attacks, meeting him strike for strike. Jim lunged inward, trying to break through his defenses, but he merely stepped aside and held out one leg to trip him. Jim fell forward and hit the ground hard. Daylight vanished and Jim tossed a look back at Merlin before making a break for the door.
Merlin threw his sword, and just as Jim opened the door, the blade embedded itself in the crack between the wall and door, jamming it closed. Merlin grabbed Jim and threw him back into the room, but the Trollhunter caught himself and lunged back at him, calling Daylight to his hand again. Merlin grabbed his sword arm and twisted it behind his back, causing Daylight to fall a second time.
"You aren't old enough to understand." Merlin barked at him, one hand holding his arm and the other pressing into his shoulder. "I was battling evil when the world was still young." He gave Jim a shove, and the boy fell forward, crashing into a coffee table.
Jim summoned one of his glaives and threw it at the mage, but Merlin caught it and threw it aside as he walk forward. He slammed his foot against Jim's armored chest, shoving him back onto the ground.
"If you can't defeat me, what hope do you have of defeating Gunmar?" Merlin pressed in harder as he leaned over Jim.
"I thought you said I had a choice." Jim growled back up at him.
"Not a choice whether to fight, but how to fight." Merlin instructed as he reached down and grabbed Jim by the throat. For being an old man, he pulled off quite the feat of strength by lifting Jim into the air and then tossing him aside like a rag-doll. It was that moment, when he was using a table to pull himself up off the ground, that Jim realized Merlin was using what magic he did have to fight. It left Jim at a major disadvantage because he couldn't so easily manipulate his magic in human form.
"The Changeling tried to teach you, but you're too young and foolish to learn. The Eclipse Blade is not enough to vanquish Gunmar!" Merlin snapped, lifting his arms to reveal retractable blades on his arm-guards. He started at Jim again, and he called on Daylight. Jim was able to block two of his attacks, but then Merlin's leg shot out and kicked him in the stomach, sending him flying into a bookshelf. He lunged forward and bared down until Jim dropped his sword and was forced to summon his shield as his last defense. Merlin bared down on that as well, striking it over and over. "Your humanity is not enough! You are not enough! No one will survive this war unscathed!"
"You're a real jerk, you know that?" Jim retorted after being pushed back again. He rushed to throw his hands up and catch Merlin's arm when he threw it at him for another attack.
"Yes, but that doesn't make me wrong." Merlin growled, pushing him back as his feet slid across the floorboards. "Forgive me. You leave me no choice."
Before Jim could really process what was happening, Merlin grabbed the amulet and ripped it away from him. His armor vanished along with all of the breath in his lungs. Jim gasped and dropped to his knees, falling forward onto his belly as everything went dark...
Jim didn't know how long it was before he came to, but he found himself in that same room. Evidence of his fight with Merlin lay scattered about, and the old man himself was standing at the table, working on something. Jim tried to move, to get up, but he found he couldn't move his hands from behind the chair.
"You were supposed to be my Champion." Merlin said casually.
"You tied me up?" Jim accused him, but Merlin didn't turn around.
"I'm opening your eyes."
"You're worse than Gunmar. At least he doesn't pretend to care about the world." Jim spat.
"I care. I do. I just see the bigger picture. For instance; that wasn't a wild goose chase I sent you on the other day. These ingredients hold a greater purpose." Merlin informed, holding up the jar of lightning for Jim to see before adding it into the rest of whatever he was mixing together.
"What purpose?" Jim wanted to know.
"To turn you into a troll." Merlin said simply.
Jim was positive his brain almost stopped working. "You... want to turn me into a troll?"
"Actually, half-troll. Consider this recipe my way of evening the odds." Merlin finally turned around and held up a jar of acid-green liquid.
"I'm not drinking that." Jim told him immediately.
"Oh, you won't be consuming it." Merlin chuckled as he moved over and took a seat directly in front of Jim. "If this old man could overpower you with some simple parlor magic, what do you think Gunmar will do? You must pour the elixir into water. Submerge yourself in said water and, presto! You will be born anew."
"But why me?" Jim asked.
Merlin actually paused, and then sighed. "Your heart." He answered, and Jim would be lying if he said his mind didn't instantly go to the horrifying worst case scenario in which Merlin meant his Literal Physical Heart. "I once had a heart as pure as yours, I believe. In my rest, I saw a way to finally end this stalemate. To win this war, we must have a Champion with a foot in both worlds. Human and Wilder."
Calming himself as he realized the mage was speaking metaphorically, Jim was slightly relieved, but still confused and frustrated by it all. "I thought you said I had a choice!"
"You do. The Amulet chose you to become the first human Trollhunter, but you were never destined to remain so. To protect the world you love, to be the Champion of both humans and trolls, you need to be more than human. You need to become both Troll and Hunter." Merlin spoke enthusiastically, passionately, and maybe if Jim wasn't what he was, he would believe him. But Merlin didn't know the truth, and from his point of view, maybe there really was no other choice.
"You're asking me to leave it all behind." Jim countered his argument.
"James, I know this is the greatest call anyone has ever asked of you." Merlin admitted solemnly, turning to set the elixir down next to the Amulet of Daylight. Jim stared at it with him.
"Huh? You untied me?" Jim said, looking at his hands in surprise.
"I never tied you." Merlin corrected. "I was opening your eyes. I said the choice was yours. And there it lies..." Merlin gestured to the potion and amulet again. Jim looked over at it as the green glow of the elixir began to dim.
Jim looked back up to argue with Merlin again, but the old man was no where to be found. Just a quiet voice echoing in his mind as the acid-green gave way to inky blackness.
"This is that choice..."
Jim stood and walked over to the amulet. He picked it up, looking at the glowing blue heart as if he could find the guidance of his people hidden underneath generations of Merlin's magic and past Trollhunters. Glancing at the blackened elixir, Jim shook his head and left.
It had gotten late, and he had a quest to prepare for.