Author's Note: Hey! I posted a chapter on time! I should get myself a croissant to celebrate.

As always, reviews are appreciated and help me remember to continue posting. Enjoy!

Chapter 4: An Uninvited Guest

Bailey must have passed out quickly the night before because one minute she had hit the pillow and the next she was laying with the sunlight coming in through the window and onto her face. She grunted a little bit, shifting the pillow to try and block out the light, a futile task since she could still feel the warm sunlight on her skin, and it was making it too hot to get comfortable in bed again.

Eventually she sat up, yawning and stretching as she looked down at the crumpled clothes she was still wearing from the night before, the red blouse and black pants she had borrowed from Cici. She took a moment to process the events of the night before as they came rushing back to her and she was horrified to realize that they definitely weren't a dream. She felt a couple of hard things in the bed beside her and grabbed them. The jar of pickled garlic and the Flying Spaghetti Monster refrigerator magnet were both still there. She felt like a superstitious idiot for thinking they would do anything. Her memories of her supposed encounter with Satan were starting to feel more distant and surreal, and she was reaching the point of being able to convince herself again that she was misremembering it or that it was some kind of hallucination brought on by the stress of having barely left her one room apartment in weeks.

That pleasant delusion did not last long, however.

"Good to see you're finally up," a voice called from across the room, making Bailey's hair stand on end.

She looked over in horror to see the horned man sitting on the floor, not even twenty feet away from her, as he watched her.

"Satan…" she muttered, unable to process words properly. The Devil, the literal actual Devil, was in her room sitting beside her unpacked box of summer clothes.

"Lucifer," he corrected, staring at her curiously. Bailey noticed his long, barbed, reptilian-looking tail curled around him, and that for some reason he was wearing glasses. At least he wasn't in whatever that bestial form had been.

"L-Lucifer… what are you doing in my bedroom? What do you want?"

Bailey could feel her heart racing, internally panicking. She tried to remember if she had taken down Michael's number the night before, only to remember she had left before he could give it to her. Quietly, trying not to let Lucifer notice, she took the jar of pickled garlic into her hands and hid it under the sheets as she opened it.

"To be fair," Lucifer said, with an idle flick of his tail, "I thought this would be your living room or something. But it turns out you don't have a living room. You don't even really have a bedroom. Rebecca, you live in a box."

The Devil scrunched up his nose and looked around as though the idea repulsed him. Bailey took advantage of his distraction as she managed to get the jar of garlic open and rub some of it on her forearms.

"How have you dealt with being locked down in here for all this time?" Lucifer asked as he looked back at her. His golden eyes were every bit as intense as the night before, though somehow Bailey felt less like they were boring a hole into her soul.

"I can be resourceful when situations call for it," she said.

Lucifer seemed to notice that she was holding something under her sheets.

"What's that you've got there?" he asked.

That was when Bailey took the still mostly-full jar of pickled garlic and lobbed it as hard as she could at the Devil's face.

"BEGONE SATAN!" she yelled as she jumped to her feet and got ready to bolt from the room.

Lucifer looked shocked but managed to duck out of the way of the flying condiment before raising an eyebrow and looking back to Bailey. As the glass jar hit the wall and shattered, the smell of pickled garlic quickly filled the little room.

Bailey froze, realizing the Devil was still there between her and the only door, completely unfazed by her distraction. Her only weapon had failed her. Still, rather than retreating back, she stayed standing, glaring at Satan as she clutched the Flying Spaghetti Monster magnet close. She knew it wouldn't do anything, but for some reason just having something to hold onto made her feel better. She knew there was no way she was getting out of this alive though. Even if she had had any chance before, there was no way Satan was going to let her go now that she had attacked. Either way, if she was going down, she was determined to go down fighting.

"Did you…" The Devil looked confused, looking between Bailey and the broken garlic jar. "Do you… think I'm a vampire or something?"

"Vampire, demon, devil. Whatever you are. You can kill me if you want to but I'm done running from you, and I'm not going down without a fight!"

Satan rolled his eyes.

"I'm not here to kill you. I already told you have no interest in doing pointless things. I punish the wicked, not the innocent."

"Then what the hell are you doing in my house?"

Lucifer sighed and ran a hand through his long black hair. He didn't stand up though, lest he frighten Bailey again.

"You didn't leave me your number last night or take mine and I wanted to follow up on something."

"You wanted to what?" Bailey glared at him. "I watched you kill three men like they were nothing. Right in front of me. At what point did you think I'd be willing to swap contact info with you like we were friends?"

"No. No. Not in the woods," he said, tilting his head a little and looking up at her. "Later on in the coffee shop."

"Wait you were in the—" Bailey stopped, regarded the Devil a moment longer before taking a seat back down on her mattress. "You were in the coffee shop with Michael and the others."

"That's right." He nodded, studying her carefully.

"You were there the whole time. Lucifer. Lu-cici-fer."

"Bingo. I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out. I thought I was making myself too obvious."

"But…" Bailey paused to think. "Cici's a woman. You're a man."

"I'm not a man," Lucifer said.

"So, are you actually a woman?"

"No."

"Oh. Then what are you exactly?"

"I'm a sexless shapeshifter," the Devil said.

"I see. Um… if it's okay to ask this, what was your original form?" As soon as the words left her mouth, Bailey realized she was probably being rude. Then again, this was Satan so it seemed like a legitimate thing to ask.

"A flaming ball of light." Lucifer chuckled. "I was the spitting image of my Old Man. Albeit smaller. Much smaller."

Bailey had to take a moment to process all of that. This had all been too much information to take in at once.

"And I take it your Old Man is…"

Lucifer responded by pointing upward. "Fun fact. They're also not technically a man. We all sort of predate the concept of gender."

"That actually makes a lot of sense." Bailey could feel herself becoming less tense, though she was still fiddling with the Flying Spaghetti Monster magnet. "So, is this like your default form now?"

Lucifer nodded. "More or less. It's my preferred form of the century so far. Either this form or the one you met at the coffee shop. Miss Lucy Bringer, owner and proprietor of Bringer Brews coffee shop." He seemed proud of that last part.

"I see… So, should I still call you 'he?' Or do you prefer 'she?'"

"Feel free to call me whatever you like. I don't care. Just please avoid calling me Satan. I detest that title. My name is Lucifer. Or Lucy if you insist on a nickname."

"Is Cici okay?"

"…and we're adding that to the list right next to 'Satan.' No. It's Lucifer or Lucy. Period. Think you can handle that?"

"I can handle that." Bailey fidgeted uncomfortably. "I still have a feeling you didn't just come here to socialize."

Lucifer shook his head. "No. I wanted to let you know I took care of the bodies from last night. I made sure there wasn't a shred of evidence tying you to the scene. So, going forward, you don't have to worry about that."

That was actually a big relief. Bailey hadn't even realized just how much that anxiety had been eating away at her. She sat up straighter.

"Thank you, Lucifer. That was very generous."

"No, it wasn't. It doesn't just serve me at all for you to end up in prison, and I'm very proud of my work. I want to make sure it's clearly beyond what any mere human could accomplish."

"Wait, what did you—"

"Don't worry about it." The Devil smiled. "Now, I did you a favor last night when I saved you and disposed of the evidence. So, I think it's only fair that I be able to use you for one in the future, and you would be useless to me in prison. This is a win-win."

Bailey wasn't sure how the fact that Satan considered her in his debt could be any kind of a win for her, but she just nodded silently.

"So, what are you thinking of asking me for?" she asked, hoping the Devil wouldn't name too steep of a price. Not that she had much in the way of hope.

"Hmmm…" Lucifer adjusted his glasses and thought for a moment. "I'm sure something will reveal itself in time."

Somehow, Bailey figured, this was worse than him just flat out asking her for something. How long was she going to have to live knowing the Devil could show up in her life at any time to collect on some favor he apparently thought she owed him?

"There is one other thing I came to tell you about," Lucifer continued. "I don't want to bring it up in front of Michael and the others. Especially not Gabriel. But there's the issue of the other demon running around."

"Wait, there's another—" Bailey paused and thought for a moment. "You mean you think that whoever told those cult guys to sacrifice people to him was some other demon pretending to be you?"

The Devil nodded, his tail thumping on the floor a couple of times.

"Yes. I believe that whatever being was inciting those men to the violence they committed is indeed another of Hell's denizens. Perhaps another shapeshifter. And it's posing as me for some reason."

The raised a couple of red flags for Bailey, and she was starting to wonder how much stock she should put into the Devil's words, if that's who this demon even was now that she thought about it.

"So how do I know they aren't the real Lucifer and you're the imposter? I mean, the angel-types last night seemed pretty concerned about Satan running around and you're… I don't know. You're creepy, but you did save my life. And if you really are who you say you are, then you're claiming to be on good terms with Michael, the…"

Bailey paused. She really didn't know much about angels aside from what she had seen in movies and advertisements. She knew Michael was a significant one though.

"You know… Michael the stabby angel. The one who's always like… stabbing you in art or whatever."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow, looking genuinely amused.

"You mean Michael the Archangel? The one who is often depicted defeating me during the Fall?"

"Yeah. That's the word I was looking for." Bailey felt a little embarrassed for forgetting what she supposed should have been a very basic piece of knowledge. While part of her was still trying to figure out if there was a way to distract Satan and get out of there, she found that she was growing progressively more curious with each exchange. "So, I've got a question. The whole falling from Heaven and getting stabbed by Michael thing. How true is it?"

Lucifer looked off to the side, his face growing more serious as he considered something. After a moment of silence, Bailey wondered if she had offended him.

"It's true," Lucifer said, carefully putting his words together. "I did rebel. And I did fall. And Michael was the one who stabbed me. I don't know what details you've heard, but… well, it was all a very long time ago. People grow and life happens, and sometimes you lay old animosities to rest when they no longer serve you."

"I see…" Bailey wasn't sure what to say. She supposed that the creation of the universe—or whenever all that had supposedly happened—had been a long time ago. "And you just don't hold it against him anymore? Even though he stabbed you?"

"Michael is a good man," Lucifer said with a strange reverence that surprised Bailey. "He had reasons for doing what he did, and I'm not blameless."

"That's really not something I would expect Satan to say," Bailey said, not looking to be confrontational. She was simply curious about the Devil's unexpected admission.

"And for most of my existence I never would have said it. And if I thought anyone would actually believe you if you told them what I said, I probably wouldn't have said it either. I do have an image to maintain, after all."

"The Satan image?"

"Mmmm."

"And you don't think living as a barista at an old coffee shop tarnishes all that?"

Lucifer shrugged. "I don't really care about that. What's the point of being the ruler of Hell if you can't go off and do what you want from time to time?"

Bailey wanted to respond to that but decided it was better to just hold her tongue. She had always assumed that the ruler of Hell didn't have very flexible hours. Well, she had assumed that in as much as she had ever bothered thinking about the personal life of the ruler of Hell, which she never had until now.

"So, you're not evil?" she asked.

"I never said that. I suppose it depends on your definition of evil, but that's a whole other conversation."

Lucifer stood up and shook his head.

"I would like to think I'm not as bad as Gabriel makes me out to be. At the very least, I wouldn't try to start a cult that sacrifices random humans to me. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a huge fan of human suffering, particularly not when it's caused by other humans. Whatever demon is going around trying to pass themself off as me clearly is. I don't know if they genuinely enjoy causing suffering or if they are trying to call my attention to them. Either way, they certainly succeeded."

Running a hand through his hair, Lucifer looked agitated. His golden eyes had flicked away from Bailey. He was clearly lost in thought.

Bailey took a minute to look over the Devil, focusing her attention on his horns and then gazing over to his long dragon-like tail. She had to wonder why he had bothered with the horns and tail in this form when it was clear that he was perfectly capable of taking on a fully-human looking form.

Following Lucifer's lead, Bailey slowly got to her feet as well, carefully eyeing the Devil to see if he reacted at all, but he seemed distracted by whatever he was thinking about.

"What are you planning to do when you find the demon impersonating you?" Bailey asked, remembering all too clearly the way he had destroyed the three cultists. It was an image she would never be able to forget.

Bailey felt a cold dread shoot through her as Lucifer's eyes gleamed maniacally in her direction. The Devil's visage had taken on a very different mood, almost gleefully sadistic.

"What do you think I'm going to do?" he asked. "You of all people should be familiar enough by now with how I dispose of my enemies."

Taking a step back, Bailey shuddered. This was the most demonic Lucifer had looked since the moment she had first encountered him, and she found it terrifying. She thought for a moment that she was going to end up falling backwards onto her mattress, but she stayed on her feet, carefully studying the Devil.

"I suppose I am…"

Little by little, Lucifer's face returned to a more neutral expression, and he seemed lost in thought once more as he adjusted his glasses. Bailey wondered if it was a habit he had picked up in his time posing as Lucy Bringer since she couldn't imagine why a former celestial being would need to wear glasses. It gave him an odd look. There was a stark contrast between his strangely, almost other-worldly beauty with all of its demonic attributes and the glasses he wore. They made him look a bit less intimidating than the night before, and there was an oddly human quality about him that there hadn't been last time he was in this form.

"I'm going to head back to my shop," Lucifer said, any hint of his earlier sadistic glee gone from his visage and tone. "You're welcome to join me. Michael is probably at work, and hopefully Gabriel and Raphael don't return. If they do, that might be an issue."

Bailey hesitated for a second, unsure what he had meant by that.

"What would they do to you if they found you?"

Lucifer shrugged. "I just don't want them to find out Michael and I have been fraternizing. They might give him a hard time."

"But would they do anything to you? Throw you back into Hell? Kill you?"

"Probably not," Lucifer said, "but who knows? I don't think I can die, but the only basis I have for saying that is that I haven't died yet. I don't care at this point."

Bailey wasn't sure what to say about that. There was almost a note of resignation in his voice, and in spite of her better judgment, she couldn't help but feel a little sad to hear it. Yes, this was the Devil themself, but she felt a slight sympathy for him. Probably because he had saved her life and she was starved for any kind of real human contact. Though, she wasn't sure whether or not this even counted as human contact given that being human was likely a prerequisite for that.

She was about to say something when the Devil's form began to distort, and he seemed to shrink a bit, being obscured by some kind of darkness before coming back into focus. Instead of the demonic horned Lucifer, "Cici" was standing before Bailey once more. Though she figured she should probably stop thinking of the woman as Cici and start thinking of her as Lucy Bringer.

Lucy was staring curiously at Bailey, a bit of a devilish gleam in her eye. It seemed Bailey's confusion amused her.

"What? You've seen me transform before," Lucy said in the much more familiar voice of the woman from the coffee shop.

"I have," Bailey said, taking a step closer. Despite knowing they were the same person, Bailey was much more comfortable seeing the Devil in her Lucy form. "But that doesn't mean I'm used to it yet. Plus, this time, you turned into someone who actually looks human."

"Mmm. I guess I can see how that might be a bit more jarring for you."

"If passing for a human matters so much to you, why did you have horns and a tail in that other form?"

"Oh that?" Lucy laughed lightly. "When they aren't visible, my head kind of itches. But also, I just like them. It feels more comfortable for me. Michael likes having wings when he can. I like my horns. Or at least I like them now. I wasn't so crazy about them when they first appeared."

Bailey wanted to ask more about that, but Lucy was already on her way out the door.

"Hey wait!" she called after the Devil. "At least give me a minute to put on some real clothes and run a brush through my hair."

Lucy turned back and raised an eyebrow. "Oh? First you throw a jar of garlic at my head and shout for me to begone. Now you want me to hang around longer so we can walk to my coffee shop together?"

"Well for one thing, when I woke up and saw you in my bedroom, I thought you were here to murder me, and for another thing, hell yeah I want to go back to the coffee shop. I'm so sick of this place."

Lucy looked around, nodding as she adjusted her glasses. "It is truly a depressing box filled with boxes. Seriously. There are better looking places in Hell."

Bailey frowned as she grabbed jeans and a tee-shirt from her clean clothes pile.

"I get it, Lucifer. You don't have to rub it in."

Lucy actually smiled at the mention of her real name, and Bailey had to wonder why something as simple as that was such a big deal to her.

"Gimme a minute," Bailey said as she carried her clothes into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

She proceeded to brush her teeth and stripped down out of her pajamas, pausing a minute to stare at herself in the mirror and ask if she was truly standing there half naked with a toothbrush in her mouth and the actual Satan standing barely six feet away from her with only a cheap door separating them.

Yes. Yes, she was. Somehow, every time she found herself thinking that things couldn't get any weirder or more messed up, 2020 had found a way to surprise her. This time it was in the form of an ancient immortal being that both owned a coffee shop and was willing to commit a triple homicide like it was no big deal. And Bailey actually wanted to spend more time with this being.

She pulled on her jeans and spit out her toothpaste into the sink before rinsing with water. She looked at herself in the mirror again, really stared herself deep in the eyes.

"Do you have a death wish or are you just an idiot?" she mouthed to herself, but she found she was strangely apathetic about the answer.

The world was on fire. Nothing was normal. The only contact she had had with another human being in months was when those cultists had grabbed and attempted to murder her. Spending time with Satan and his angel pals seemed like one of the less self-destructive things she could do these days. Plus, he didn't seem like such a bad guy, triple homicide notwithstanding. Somehow, Bailey just couldn't find it in herself to be upset about Lucifer killing the cultists though.

She threw on a shirt quick, ran a brush through her hair, and opened the door to find Lucy still waiting for her.

"Okay," she said, grabbing a mask. "Ready to go."

"Excellent," said the Devil as she began leading the way out of the tiny apartment and out toward the road.