Freeman's Odyssey
Chapter: 9
That Gordon Guy
Disclaimer: The characters of Family Guy are owned and created by someone else. The Character of Beavis is owned and created by someone else, so I don't own the characters.
Quahog,
Rhode Island, USA
0:1:45:0 hours afternoon time
A portal opened up at the edge of a small city as Gordon Freeman appeared afterwards as the portal closed behind him, in which he was the one who activated the portal in the first place. Walking slowly he spotted a sign up ahead that reads Welcome to Quahog, Rhode Island. Odd, in which Gordon noted that in his dimension a small city like this does not exist.
Although there are the providence wastelands fulled with creatures from the Xen dimension and a large colony of ant lions. It is a bright sunny day out and the wind is blowing as he felt both the warmth of the sun upon his skin and the wind blow upon his chair and goatee.
What he decided to do first is this? Not wanting to make a mistake like he did in the last dimension, he decided to conduct a scan of Combine signals and transmissions by using his suits computer system as armor can pick up numerous of communications transmissions, human or otherwise. So far, no Combine transmissions or signals that means no Combine influence at all.
However his scanners did pick up advanced technology coming from deep within the heart of the city more like in the subbubs area of Quahog. To Gordon that is strange because according to the newspaper he found on the ground it is the year 2012. Tossing the newspaper in the trash can, Gordon walked onward into the city.
What advanced technology is here?
Even he did not have the answer.
At least not yet.
Having walked into the small city of Quahog, Rhode Island he found this place to be perfectly normal as people went about their business with not a single care in the world. He noted that cities like this is where everybody knows your name, just like the television show cheers. Gordon noticed that people were too ignorant to even notice him and he is a guy who is walking in the city dressed in a advanced armor the mark eight version of the hazmat suit. Walking down the street for a bit he noticed a bar called The Drunken Clam, then he decided to go in and listen in on the cities gossip on just about anything. Gordon walked inside the place.
The bar looked busy as he listened in on the conversations.
"Hey, hey." said the fat cacuasian male "Who would you have sex with? Cassandra Perterson aka Elvira or Pam Anderson."
"I say Cassandra peterson, Elvira " said the man with the large chin "Giggity, giggity goo."
"You would," said the man, who smirked at him who is in a wheel chair "She is about your age, about sixty. For me it would be Pam Anderson, now she knows how to shake those melons."
"Oh, shut up." Yelled the man with the large chin "I'm not sixty," grumbles as he folds his arms.
Who are these people, if anyone was going to ask?
The fat one is about over 300lbs with a brown crew cut hair, brown eyes and Caucasian skin; he is dressed in a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. A black belt and green pants with brown shoes. The man is a working class Irish American, who is an overweight blue collar worker with a wife and three kids. His name.
Peter Löwenbräu Griffin
The other one is skinny with black short hair that is hiding a bald spot and he has black eyes with a large chin. He is dressed in a red Hawaiian shirt with yellow flowers, blue jeans and brown shoes. A self described womanizer and sexual holitic who has a tremendous appitie for women and he is an airline pilot.
Glenn Quagmire
The last one is dressed in normal clothing and in a wheel chair with light brown hair and brown eyes, he is a police officer and is prone to anger issues at times, along with other insecurities, he is married with two kids of his own.
Joe Swanson.
Gordon Freeman walked by them without they even notice who he is as he sits upon the barstool of the Drunken clam, a African-American male named Jeromeis cleaning the glasses at the other end of the bar and walked over to Gordon's position. In which the man glared at him for a moment and wondered where he has seen this man with the weird clothing before. Jerome shrugged it off as nothing and on the other hand Gordon knows his suit won't allow him to get drunk, but he'll have something to drink anyway.
"What do you want to drink?" asked Jerome
"I'll have what they are having." Gordon motioned at the three men, who are drinking behind him "With some pretzels"
"Sure coming right up." said Jerome in a deep voice as he poured a glass of beer and filled a bowl full of pretzels as he placed the objects right at Gordon's position "You look familiar have I seen you somewhere before."
"No," said Gordon "I'm just passing through." He takes a sip of the beer.
"Where are you from?" asked Jerome.
"Seattle." said Gordon.
"Nice place." said Jerome as he went to serve other customers in still wondering where he has seen this man before.
While Peter, Joe and Quagmire are bantering on about this and that, a teenager girl walks in who is roughly seven-teen or eight-teen. She wears glasses and a pink beanie even underneath other headgear. She also commonly wears a pink and white shirt, blue jeans, and tan or white shoes. In which she walked to where her father and friends are sitting making stupid comments about this and that, she rolled her eyes at them being complete idiots, then sighing as well. Her name.
Meg Griffin.
"Dad," said Meg
Peter ignores her.
"Dad," said Meg.
He ignores her some more.
Growling in annoyance she picks up a chair and cracks it over Peter's head as he falls to the floor in which he rubs his head in which he is bleeding from the back of his head. He gets up in wondering who did that, then he finds out it is his own daughter. Peter wondered what she wanted now, he has better things to do then waste his time talking to Meg about her being loney and having no boyfriend.
"You fat, son-of-a-bitch." said Meg "Pay attention."
"What the hell?" said Peter "Oh it's just you," he rolled his eyes at this
"Dad, I want some money to go the movies" said Meg.
"Why? You going to watch a movie about you will never able to get a boyfriend." said Peter as he laughed out loud along with his friends.
Meg pouted at this.
"Or maybe it's a doctramentry." said Peter "About how no guy would want you, geeze sometimes I wish you were born a man." He laughed some more.
Meg just sighed deeply.
"Or maybe." said Peter as he is interrupted by Gordon.
"Or many you should just stop disrespecting your own daughter." said Gordon while sitting in the bar "Because quite frankly you are no pig prize yourself."
"Mind your own damn business pal." said Peter
"I'm making it my business, pal," said Gordon as he turned around and stands up.
Meg, Peter, Glenn and Joe are shocked at who they see standing before them as it is Hugh Laurie from the television show house dressed in some odd looking clothing.
"Wow, it's Hugh Laurie." said Peter "This is more cooler than, when I knocked out Buster Douglass during a wedding reception of the king and queen of England."
Gordon wondered who this Hugh Laurie is, but he will play along for now.
"Now way Peter," said Glenn "This is way more cooler than, when I witnessed Rosanne Arnold and Rosie O'donnel making love in the shower during a thunderstom."
"Bah," said Joe "This is way more cooler than, gunning down three suspects with a twelve gadge shotgun while half naked."
Idiots all of them thought Gordon.
"Wow Mr. Laurie," said Peter "What brings you to Quahog?"
"Oh, I am just passing through," said Gordon "Looking for a place to film a movie."
All four of them look at eachother in shock and awes.
"What movie?" asked Joe.
"It is about," said Gordon as he'll make it up "Alien lesbians invading Earth and inslaving the male kind, it is something out of war of the worlds, I'll be staring in the movie."
"GIGGITY GIGGITY GOO." shouted Glenn as he ran into the bathroom.
"Can you give us some advice," said Peter "For upcoming actors like us."
"Yes," said Gordon as he takes out his trusty crowbar and slammed it over Peter's kneecap as he is on the ground and in pain "Respect your daughter." He went over to the bar; paid is tab and left as Joe looked in awe. While Meg, is smitten with the man and walked out to talk to him.
"Hey thanks for sticking up for me," said Meg.
"It's the least I can do," said Gordon.
"Hey, if your not doing anything," said Meg "Would you like to go out with me."
"Your kind of young," said Gordon who is lying at this "And don't you know my wife wouldn't like it."
"Oh!" said Meg "You must think I'm fat and ugly."
"Not at all," said Gordon "You're very pretty."
"Thanks," said Meg.
"How about I do you a favor," said Gordon "I get you a boyfriend for you and who knows you may like him a lot."
"Really," said Meg "Thanks Mr. Laurie."
Gordon nodded and walked away to explore this small city, along with finding the source of this advanced technology as the source is coming from the suburbs area of this small city. Meg on the other hand looked on and smiled as he walked off in the opposite direction. His words gave her a confidence boost as he didn't feel as sad and lonely as she should be.
In a room of a modern family the Griffins is in the suburbs of Quahog in which the room looks like a baby's room with some toys and objects. Swearing is coming from another room within the room as a white animal walked in and went into another room to find a small Caucasian boy who looks annoyed and angry at something the white animal shook his head as he sees some sort of machine before him but it looks incomplete. His name!
Stewie Griffin
"Ah this sucks." said Stewie , "Worse than watching the pickers pick in the White house."
"What wrong?" asked the animal who is their pet dog Brian Griffin, "Lost your mind."
"Oh shut up." Stewie, "I am missing something that does not exist in which it hasn't been invented yet."
"Puberty would be a start for you." chuckled, the dog.
"No, no," said Stewie as he slapped Brian in the face "I need a zero-point energy field manipulator, that harnesses a certain type like that I will become invincible, finally I will be able to rule the world."
The dog gave off a blank stare.
"A gravity gun "said Stewie, "God damn for a dog you are dense."
"No, because something like that doesn't exist." said Brian, "You would have to build one."
The boy just rolled his eyes at this
"Even the parts don't exist," said Stewie "Oh, well back too—" A loud sound is heard in the background that sounded like this.
"CRASH!"
The boy and the dog look the window to discover a car was blasted into the opposite direction, then shattering to pieces. The both of them spotted a strange man who is armored with a weapon as the boys eyes light up like Christmas lights as he sees what he wants and is drooling at the object in mind. The animal looked stunned, but noticed something familiar about the human who just did that in which he must have seen him on television.
"You know he looks like Hugh Laurie from house." said Brian.
"Who cares," said Stewie "That weapon will be mine, oh yes it will be mine….let's get him." The boy runs off.
"Wait come back." said Brian and then muttered, "I better make sure he does not do anything stupid."
Brian leaves as well.
Gordon Freeman had been walking around the small city known as Quahog for a couple of hours now as he did not find any Combine influence or technology of any kind in this dimension. Gordon came to an understanding already that the Combine has interests in dimensions that they need or don't need or the dimensions that are a direct threat to their expanding empire.
Right now he is walking down a street called Spooner Street as it looked like a commonly normal street like any other subburbs in America. Gordon managed to use the gravity gun to stop a drunken driver who almost ran someone over, as the vehicle shattered into pieces.
"Hey you," shouted Stewie from behind Gordon
Brian joined in moments later.
"Can I help you," asked Gordon.
"I demand you hand over," said Stewie "The zero-point energy field manipulator or I will be forced to kill you." The young boy gave Gordon a dark glare in letting him know he means it.
"I don't think so," said Gordon "Why don't you go play with your barbie dolls."
"Fine," said Stewie "I will take it off your rotting corpse, prepare to die." Stewie draws out two machine guns, in which he gave Gordon a dark but sinister smirk.
"Shields," muttered Gordon
Stewie fired the machine guns as a series of loud noises are heard in the background as the bullets bounced off of his shields, Brian ducked for cover as the bullets headed into opposite directions. In Glenn Quagmire's house the man is having sex but all of a sudden he growled in annoyance in which the noises from outside are annoying him greatly, a blonde woman lays there as well in which Glenn gets up and walks to the window.
He was about to open the window to yell out to keep it down, suddenly a stray bullet crashes into the window. Then striking the forehead of Gleen Quagmire as the bullet passed through his skull, he falls flat to the floor with a nasty thud sound as the man is dead from a single bullet. The blonde woman ran out of the house screaming. Stewie growled in annoyance and stopped as Brian came out of hiding as well.
"So a kinetic forcefield," said Stewie "Of a unknown energy source not of this world, most impressive."
"It pays to always be prepared for anything." said Gordon, "It seems like we are like in an old classic stand off, perhaps I can help you."
"What, to rule the world?" asked Stewie.
"In a way yes," said Gordon "How about super powers, you can't just rule the world without powers. Then it would be a joke for someone of your intelligence, you would be the laughing stock of all evil."
"Superpowers," smiled Stewie "With super powers I will rule with an iron fist and no one would be able to stop me."
"Indeed," said Gordon "I can create a device that can do that, do you have a lab."
"Yes, yes, yes," said Stewie who is jumping up and down as giddy as a schoolboy "I want them right now, let's go to my lab."
Gordon Freeman follows Stewie and the dog inside the Griffin's residence. Once they were inside Stewie's room, Gordon got to work by constructing a device for him as he used the boy's vanity to lead him to believe he will give him super powers. However that is not the case and along the way Gordon permimently disabled the boys other devices so he'll never be able to use them again. What a fool the kid is, in really believing he would give him super powers. He finished the small ray gun device and found Stewie waiting for him along with Brian the dog who seemed to be smart.
"It's ready," said Gordon.
"Oh boy, oh boy." said Stewie "I will be more powerful than He-man. Once I have super powers I will rule the world and Brain you can bare witness to my power once I kill you and him."
"Stewie are you sure," said Brain.
"Of course I am sure," said Stewie "Now do it damn it."
Gordon fired the ray gun at Stewie with a stream of energy as the super intelligence one year old child falls to the ground and passes out for a moment. Then Gordon activated the auto destruct button upon the device as he threw it out the window afterwards as the object exploded into pieces that turned into ash afterwards. Brian went over to check on his friend as Stewie started to wake up and looked at Brian.
"Stewie are you ok," asked Brian.
"You're a funny doggie," said Stewie "I'm hungry, I need food….me go eat with mommy."
Brain blinked and looked at Gordon "What the hell did you do to Stewie?" said Brian
"The device lowered his intelligence level of that to a one year old," said Gordon "He is way too smart for his own good."
"I can work with that," said Brian "Great job, this will be fun."
"If you will escuse me, I promised to get Meg a boyfriend," said Gordon "I believe I know the perfect person."
Gordon left the room as Brian left afterwards.
Meanwhile in another dimension It had been at least a day since Beavis stabbed Butt-head with a knife in the stomach, the teenage boy kept his mouth shut about it in which Butt-head is dead in the bathroom. The smell was all right as Beavis will bury him soon, he felt finally free to do what he wanted without Butt-head's interference. Beavis is sitting on the couch watching music videos by him self and eating nachos by himself. Suddenly he heard a knock at the door and so he stands up as he walked to the door, then opening the door as he saw Gordon Freeman standing there.
"Meh, heh, hey hows it going man," said Beavis.
"Oh, not much," said Gordon "I believe I can get a girlfriend for you."
"Whoa!, meh, heh, heh." said Beavis "Really, cool. Meh, heh, heh is she hot and stuff."
"Yes she is," said Gordon.
"I'm there dude," said Beavis "Meh, heh, so uh…where is she."
"Follow me," said Gordon as he activated a small portal.
"Meh, heh, hole, meh, meh, heh," said Beavis as he followed Gordon inside the portal as they disappeared into thin air.
Back at the other dimension Meg Griffin sat in the living room alone, reading a book and had noticed her younger brother Stewie acting like a one year old that has the intelligence of a one year old and not some mad super genius; she put it off as nothing as he hears the doorbell ring. She put her book on the couch as she walked to the door and opened it. In which Hugh Laurie is standing there but not alone as a cute blonde teenager is right besides him, she smiled a bit as she noted how hot he really is.
"Meg meet Beavis," said Gordon "Beavis meet Meg."
"He's cute," said Meg. "It's nice to meet you Beavis."
"Meh, heh, heh Whoa!" said Beavis "She is hot, meh, heh, how's it going baby."
"I'll leave you to for some alone time," said Gordon as he left.
"Just fine," smiled Meg "And thank you."
"Meh, heh, heh, "said Beavis "Want to go upstairs and score, heh, heh, heh."
"Sure, we're going to score." said Meg.
"Meh, heh, heh," said Beavis "Scoring rules…..BOING. heh, heh, heh meh."
Beavis and Meg hold hands as they go upstairs to Meg's room and shut the door.
It was a couple of hours later as Peter and his wife Lois Griffin a red haired woman with medium sized breasts, a green shirt and light brown pants, along with red low heeled shoes. They are sitting on the couch and had finished watching television but some strange noises kept on annoying them as it is coming from Meg's room. But they did not care at all as they sat there to watch television. Then their over weight son Chris Griffin walked in as the both of them ignored their son coming into the room.
"Mom, dad," said Chris "Meg, is having sex with a troll."
"Not now Chris." said Peter "We're watching the red sox game."
"Meg with a man," laughed Lois "Now that is funny than Chris actually being a woman."
What little do they know upstairs in Meg's room Beavis and Meg Griffin as laying in bed together, they look sweaty and hot as the sheets cover their bodies as the only things are seen are their heads and feet. They both laugh as her room is a mess but it is well worth it Meg is happy that she lost her virginity and Beavis lost his as well but it was fun to him as he wanted more but right now he is hungry and so is she.
"Meh, heh, I'm hungry" said Beavis "Meh, heh, heh"
"Hah, hah, said Meg "Me too let's go eat."
They both leave to head to the kitchen.
Elsewhere in another dimension The lands are ancient and free as the skies are clear with no pollution, the waters are crystal clear and the air smelled nice. Gordon Freeman had wandered these lands for the past few days like a Nomad, for he is dressed in a cloak that covered his armor and a straw at that is on top of his head, just moments ago he was attacked by some reptile creatures in which they can talk brandishing old style swords. They were tough, but stupid as he managed to take them all down as he grabbed one of them by the throat and pinned him to the tree.
"Now tell me again," said Gordon "What do you mean by_?"
"It's only a rumor," said the reptile "Please let me go."
"Where do I find this _" asked Gordon
"All I know it is where _ began." said the reptile.
Gordon found this to be interesting.
To be continued!
Now that Gordon has left Quahog with fond, but strange memories of the people like tricking Stewie and getting Meg a boyfriend, along with accidental killing of Glenn Quagmire. After that the One-Free-Man arrives in a ancient land wandering like a Nomad, in which to his discovery certain situations unfolding, along with an origin of a certain martial art.
Freeman's Odyssey
Chapter 10
Ancient Awesomeness