Almost two weeks passed since Asuka first awakening at the hospital.

Finally the girl was about to be released. She was the last one to leave the hospital. Even after the Eleventh fight, both Kaworu and Rei left before her. She didn't really ever see Kaworu in her room, so she couldn't know of his condition, but seeing Rei's shocked status after the fight worried her a bit. The doctors dismissed Rei after 3 days, but she was there for two weeks, on top of the near month passed in comatose status.

"I wonder how serious was the damage I had"

Asuka actually remembered that day. She boarded the EVA without really worrying about a failure in the test, but once she was sit in the cockpit, she saw a blue web enveloping the exterior of the cockpit. After that the EVA didn't obey her command, and for a bit she just trying desperately to regain control. Even if she didn't have control, the life sustaining functionalities of the cockpit were active, so she was awake and well for all the fight between Shinji and the Ninth Angel. But she couldn't follow the battle, the cockpit was just a cage in which she was waiting for someone to save her.

That sentiment alone was enough to piss her off. The great pilot Asuka, waiting for rescue. Her life was dedicated to piloting the EVA, the mecha being something of an extension of her will in her mind. So not being able to move one, but even being imprisoned in one, felt like she was handicapped. Like if her body didn't respond to her brain. So she was powerless and frustrated, but the constant movement of the Angel kept her for thinking too much about the situation. Then the last thing she remembers is the cockpit being damaged, and its debris caging her even more. Only in the aftermath of the encounter, she actually saw her right leg and arm completely crushed under the Cockpit remains. The pain slowly came to her, and she soon passed out.

But then, some time later, she found herself in the hospital; her leg and arm being ok. The doctor told her they gave her a special new drug, that stimulated the blood flux to have her injuries repaired. That was a lie, Asuka knew that. That effect was not enough to repair her crushed limbs. But at the end of the day, she was ok with it. As long as she could still board the EVA she was happy.

Asuka got up from the bed, finally able to wear her casual clothes, and head right to the door. The doctors handed her some medicines, and then she was free. She walked out of NERV HQ, heading towards Misato's home. Her journey was lonely. She was kinda expecting Misato to reach out for her, after all she seemed really desperate for her to get back in good shape. But no one showed up, not Misato, nor Rei. On the train headed home Asuka's brain had a emotional meltdown.

"Those people care not for you."

"It was just pity"

"Look at the poor Asuka, not being able to move at all"

Voices from her past rose in her head, repeating those phrases again and again, while the girl tried her hardest to not show her worries. After all, having a self induced breakdown on a train, just after leaving the hospital, was not something she could afford

"Such a broken doll"

Asuka's mother voice sounded clearly in the girl's mind. It was always like that, the final voice that always tormented her was her mothers'. Fortunately the train arrived to the right station, and Asuka hopped off the train. It was not for much, but moving around was a way to get the voices to stop. She arrived right at the door of Misato's house, but she stopped, not sure about entering. The doctors told her to head straight home, but if she stopped, the voiced would resume.

She waited on the door, until she heard a voice on the inside. It was Misato's. Apparently she was talking to someone, and by trying to whisper she was instead being louder that usual. Asuka wondered who could be in the house, given Shinji's disappearence, and entered.

What she found was staggering. The house was almost clean, and in the living room Misato, Rei and Hikari were sit around a table with a home baked cake. It was not one of the best cake Asuka ever saw, it seemed a little burned, and it didn't really levitate well, but it was covered in cream and in red candies there was written "Welcome back Asuka".

With a little delay, after Asuka's arrival, the three girl shouted themselves

"Welcome back Asuka"

It was strange, Hikari and Misato shouted energetically, Misato even being almost obnoxious, while Rei was a not loud, but her face showed embarassment. In that little place, Asuka found something that she thought was not deserved her. Her worries were gone, she was still their light. There was still meaning in her survival, aside from the ability to pilot EVA.

And thanks to that, something began to change in the girl

A place in the world could be created for her

A crack appeared in her personal barrier.

—

That evening, after Hikari and Rei's departure, Asuka returned to her room.

She got to her bed and closed her eyes.

The voices were still there, but she could ignore them. Being important to Misato, to Rei, fueled her mental strenght.

So she wanted to help them more, to use that fuel.

Asuka got up and went to the living room, where Misato, after an afternoon in which she forced herself to not drink alcool, was starting to get wasted on economic beer. She could feel sadness in Misato, and she was afraid of asking the reason. She already knew of Shinji, but that could not be it.

"Misato, where's Kaji?"

Asuka asked directly, without giving any room to Misato for changing topic

"You sure you want to talk about this? I wanted to give you a happy first day after your coma. You should grasp this moment of bliss, you never know how much will they last"

Misato was not even trying to hide her pain

She was telling Asuka to not talk about it, but her words hid the need to tell it to someone.

"Is he dead?"

Those words where enough to make Misato talk about Kaji.

"Yes…I think so at least. No one saw him since the fight with the Tenth Angel and that…incident. The one in which Shinji disappeared inside Unit-01."

"He's a specialized agent, maybe he just vanished for some other reason."

"No, after I returned home from job that day, I found a message in the telephone. He told me he would die. He would have not lied like that."

Asuka almost loved Kaji. She knew that the love was only due to her need to feel more adult, transposed in her will to show off in front of someone mature like Kaji. But she still had a good relationship with him, aside from her delusions. So his death hit home also in Asuka, which was on the verge of crying. But she didn't cry, because someone else was already doing so, in such quantity to express sadness for them both. Misato really lost something that could not be replaced.

Asuka just got near Misato, and hugged her. While the well more mature woman kept crying. This went on for some time, until Misato regained her posture.

"I'm sorry you had to see me in that state"

"Don't worry, you're supposed to be like that"

Replied Asuka, getting up and proudly taking her hand to her chest.

"It's okay to suffer from the past, but we should also save our present. And the next step should be recovering that idiot"

Asuka smiled to Misato, trying to make her think about something different to loss.

But the one who gained the most of this was not Misato.

Asuka felt accomplished.

Even if she was sad behind her mask, she was proud of such mask.

After all her life, she was finally feeling like there was worth in helping people.

A personal gain for altruism.

On the surface there could not be a better deal

But like always, reality is not that simple.

And Asuka's escapism was not a easy one to sustain

After all, she was just developing a different obsession.