Shinji got out of the EVA, and went towards the girl trapped inside the cockpit of the white, Angel-like EVA.
He intended to go towards Rei, but the girl collapsed shortly after removing her helmet. Her body fell, crashing onto her EVA's remains. Shinji ran towards her, screaming to make a contact that didn't receive any response. When Shinji arrived to the girl's location, he found a painful sight.
Her body was compulsively shaking, her red eyes were empty and from her mouth saliva was coming out. She was clearly not in control of her own body. Shinji tried to hold her in his arms, but that only showed him another disgusting sight. By holding her he noticed how the suit was damaged on the left arm, that had bubble-like deformities growing on it.
"Rei, Rei wake up, Rei"
The girl couldn't reply. Shinji shook her for some minutes, but soon her body stopped moving. The girl died in Shinji's arms. Without specifying who she was. Without confirming to Shinji what was happening. Without providing an hint on if Shinji's action were right or wrong. She just expired, her duty completed, like an object which did its job and then broke.
Poor thing, was never truly alive
But Shinji couldn't know it. He knew "his" Rei was on the train, but he couldn't ignore that a damaged, dead version of the girl he fell in love, just died in his arms, killed after the battle he fought against her. Yet he couldn't toss away that cadaver. No sense of disgust or fear could top the fear Shinji had for the loss of that contact with the girl body. If he had toss the body, maybe he wouldn't ever be able to embrace Rei again.
The girl awaiting for him on the train, the girl that saved him from inside Unit-01, felt distant, felt unreal. In that moment the reality was that other Rei, maybe it was actually the same one, maybe just she was an angel in Rei's form, maybe Shinji was just going straight up crazy. The strength with which the body embraced the cadaver surely would point towards the last option.
But in that moment there was no one to stop him
No one could help him
No one could condemn him
It's funny how in a world covered with wires to keep connection, a step is enough to result in being totally isolated.
In the same way, it's funny how a gesture like a warm embrace could be so different from case to case, from the purest way of affection, to the sadder gesture done before a departure.
Eventually, something stopped Shinji.
The boy was totally mentally absent, but even in his pitiful state he could make out what was happening.
He saw the tree of life, and then a gigantic, white hand covered the sky above him. The white hand then proceeded in crushing him.
The fear of the sight, the pain of what happened to him, the desperation of impending death. Everything in Shinji mind clashed, leaving what could be defined a voidout in his brain. He couldn't do anything to survive. The hand crushed him, and everything went blank
—
Shinji opened his eyes.
He was laying on the floor
A familiar ceiling over his head
A familiar atmosphere surrounding him.
Little bumps making it difficult to sleep, a faint yet annoying sound due to the movement.
He was there again
On the train
Realizing the thing Shinji got up and started looking around while panicking.
If he went back there, then he could see Rei.
He could see that he didn't kill her.
But as soon as he got up he understood something. That he was not in the same place as always.
The windows displayed what seemed like the sky, and everything was darker, as if it was night.
The section of the train was not the same either, he was much more near to the head this time. He tried going to the door separating the sections but he couldn't get it open.
"Welcome Shinji"
Shinji turned around to find the silver boy from before. He appeared out of nowhere.
"Where is Rei?"
"Don't you want to know where you are first?"
"I don't care, I need to go where Rei is"
"Don't worry, she's safe. She's some section back there. You'll get the occasion to see her again."
Shinji took a relief breath.
He didn't kill Rei. At least not "his" Rei. But the relief was brief. The guilt of killing another people remained, the trauma of having seen what was basically a replica of Rei's body, dead, in his arms, took control over him again. Shinji held his head in his hands and started crying. It was too much to take
"I told you, you shouldn't have gone out. Not yet"
Kaworu hugged Shinji while he was crying
"I love you Shinji, and I'm working to make your wish come true. I know it's difficult, but trusting the one who loves you it's the first step to overcome the hedgehog dilemma"
Shinji didn't understand what Kaworu meant, but could feel the warmth in his voice. He was sincere while trying to make him feel better.
"You think you're worthless, but you're special Shinji. In this world where Lilins have gained enough knowledge to induce the apocalypse but not enough to know how to communicate without hurting each other, you're the one that can undo the barriers between people."
In that moment, the train transformed.
Shinji and Kaworu where now standing on the hand of a gigantic white Lilith. The giant was passing through everything, but for some reason it could touch the two boys.
"What do I have to do? What can I do to communicate with others?"
"An Angel cannot give you that answer Shinji. I can make your wish true, but it is you which has to express the wish"
The boy watched towards Lilith head. He should have been terrorized, but he was totally fed up. The amount of trauma he had to endure resulted in him only having one thing in his head. The wind was blowing against the two boys skin. Shinji walked toward the tip of Lilith moment he arrived, the EVA 01, in a strange form, arrived there, flying. An aureola was formed on his head, and with his arrival, the same ghastly atmosphere from the Tenth Angel fight came to Neo-Tokyo.
Shinji raise his hand towards the EVA, and was immediately absorbed by it when he touched it.
"This is your finale Shinji"
Kaworu watched from afar while Shinji boarded the EVA-01, the last piece of the Third Impact puzzle
"Tomorrow is in your hands"