"I suppose I have to reach that place"

Asuka mumbled to herself, referring to the shining light that sparkled on the Giantess hands. Her white hands were united and were taking the light higher and higher, while their colors clashed with the dreary red of the environment.

"How can I do that though, I don't have any way to do it and even so surely my energy cable won't help me up there"

Trying to not lose hope, Asuka started running towards the Giantess, that was standing at the center of the giant lake just outside Neo-Tokyo. The same one where she fought her first Angel battle in Japan. She figured that she could try climbing on the giantess body. She would have to let the energy cable loose sure, but it was worth a try. That creature was not focused on what was around her after all, she was just staring blindlessly at the light.

"It doesn't matter if it is or isn't Rei, I have to destroy the core of that thing. There must be one somewhere"

Asuka accompanied her run across the city with those constant thoughts. Facing that terror, she had to latch onto an heroic belief. Because heroes surpass those adversities, and she had to be that day hero. But her body betrayed the mental state she was trying to force on herself. A simple glance was enough to understand the terror in her body. Her eyes were absent, even if the target was clear, she was not watching it, as her eyes were trying to divert the attention from the situation. Her knees were trembling a little, not enough to let her lose the control of the EVA, but enough to demonstrate her fear. While from the outside her running towards the giantess was the easiest part of the plan, the constant fight between her brain and her body was taking a toll on her. She was on the verge of collapsing with the EVA. Every step sounded heavy, and the breathing of the girl started becoming louder and louder.

"Why am I freaking out now? I was completely fine before. I know I have to figure this situation out. I can save those people. I can continue being their light. So why is this so difficult?"

Asuka was confused, but she refused to calm down. She felt that if she calmed down then the adrenaline that was pushing her against her fear would fade off, and with that the last hope of being the "Light" she was so obsessed with being. Her struggle was something she was facing alone, but her run was not quite that unnoticed. Far up in the air, between the fingers of the Giantess, Kaworu saw Asuka running towards them.

"Oh Lilin, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to handle this fight. Such pride is wasted on a useless fight like the one against Lilith."

Kaworu watched her with eyes full of pity.

"Well, seems like it's not like Shinji's wish will be granted right away. So I can help her too."

Kaworu jumped off the hand, and fell right ahead of Asuka, stopping in mid-air at the same height as the girl's EVA. Asuka knocked out of her thoughts to see the boy flying.

"Seems like I have to pass through the guardian first huh? So I'm on the right track"

Asuka talked with a cocky tone and smirked, not that Kaworu could have seen her expression. Having something to face off against was actually getting her better. She was still trembling against her will, but she could concentrate on something harder than simply running.

"Not quite it. I can assure you, you have no means to touch Lilith. Not without an AT field, something that does not seem you have any way to materialize freely enough. But I appreciate your efforts, I admire how you're trying to take action even knowing it's too late. After all they told you, no Angel can reach the Central Dogma, or your fight is lost. And the materialization of Lilith is a big enough clue to let you understand that they were right in saying it"

"You wouldn't have come here if there was no way to stop it"

"I never said there's no way to stop it. Shinji can do it anytime, but he's not prone to. Not you though. In fact, I'm not because I have to stop you. I'm here because I want to. I want to give your fight a fitting end. To let it have a meaning, let's say. I know Lilin's adore the hero's figure. But what completes the hero's legends is always his death. So this is my gift to you, to show that your fight was admirable. I will make you an hero. Even if, depending on Shinji's choice, maybe no one will be there to admire you"

Asuka snapped, she tried to interrupt his monologue by punching him, but the fist of the EVA was met by an At-field shield that blocked every attack the girl directed towards the boy.

"I'm not your opponent, not directly at least"

Kaworu snapped his finger, and from the lake, 9 white Eva-like monster emerged.

"You know, Shinji's father wanted to use those to force him into causing the same thing he's doing on his own volition now. Isn't it ironic? Now those are not needed in the ritual, but they can be a fitting, heroic end for you. The red child, fought until her very end, bested only by the numbers of her enemies. I think that's a admirable end, don't you agree?"

Asuka wanted to reply, but she had no time, the first of those creatures attacked her with a gigantic sword. A weapon that seemed built for Evangelions but that was never given her in any fights. She managed to evade the attack, took out the knife, and tore a big slash on the monster back. In that moment another monster jumped on her back, while another one was about to hit her with a similiar sword. Asuka's mind was blank in that moment, every doubt was gone, covered by the adrenaline of the fight. Her eyes glowed blue, the smirk on her face was now a sadistic, but honest one. She picked the sword that the first monster dropped, and with an enourmous strenght she twisted Unit-02 body and directed the sword right on the angel that was attacking her, tearing it in two. The one who was attached on her back fell in the lake, but Asuka didn't leave it there, she dropped the sword after the slash, grabbed the third monster head and crushed on the bottom of the lake, with such a strenght that the head of that monster exploded, and the its blood tainted the water around them in red.

A roar shook the earth, but it was not one of the monsters. It was Unit-02's roar. It was not in berserk, Asuka was actually in complete control, but the Eva just echoed Asuka's scream from inside the cockpit, transforming it in a devastating roar

"This scene is something more of a monster than a hero" thought Kaworu. But even so he found the scene fascinating. The Eva-like creatures approached Asuka, and one after the other they were all crashed. Unit-02's roars composed a twisted melody, with every scream, an enemy fall, and in the end, the last creature was defeated. Asuka took the knife and put it in its head, breaking it, but winning in the process. Or so she thought. With the last blow, went after the last second of autonomous function of the EVA. Unit-02 was blocked, covered in blood, in the lake, near the objective Asuka initially had, but without any mean to try and climb the giantess.

"That was a good last stand. This lenghty funeral came to an end though. You did good"

With those words Kaworu gave his back to the scenery, while all the eva-like creatures were regenerating and getting up. They all evolved, grew wings, and started flying around the stopped EVA. Asuka tried to press everything, but to no avail. Her efforts were over. She couldn't even see the outside anymore. She didn't know the enemies were actually still alive. And she didn't know they were about to eat her EVA. But even so, the adrenaline of the fight washed over, and the desperation came in. She didn't felt like she won at all. And that feeling was reinforced by the intense pain she felt afterwards. The creatures, like crows on a corpse, started eating Unit-02, and for some reason, the link between the machine and Asuka persisted. Even with no energy. Asuka felt her meat getting tore apart, her insides getting munched, the mix of pain and disgust bypassed the normal cry and vomit phases and had the girl collapse from the trauma.

Her body was lying in the Eva, just waiting for the "crows" to destroy the cockpit and eat her too.

"Ich weiss nicht "

A familiar song reached Asuka's ear

"Dass ich so traurig bin"

It was a lullaby

The one her mother used to sing

Asuka got up and saw her. Her mother had a baby in her lap. And she was singing her a lullaby.

The girl walked towards her mother, a mother lovingly singing. Even if the lullaby lyrics were not really hopeful, the mother tone was a loving one. It mattered not what song was, just the fact she was singing with such a love in her voice was enough to prove that the baby was loved. That the baby had a place in the world, on her mother lap.

A dream, a wish, maybe that was her paradise. Maybe just an hopeful dream to escape the grim reality.

It mattered not.

Asuka wanted to lose herself in that reality. So she approached her mother. She hugged her. In that strange situation, the grown up daughter was embracing the mother with the same daughter on her lap, in her first years of life. Asuka closed her eyes, and felt happiness. She wanted to indulge in that situation. But then she opened her eyes.

What was on the mother lap, was not a baby Asuka. It was a doll.

Again, that doll.

"Ein Marchen aus uralten Zeiten"

Asuka couldn't stand it. All her life was wasted in pursue of acceptance, because of a doll. A doll overwrote her existence right

" Da kommt mir nicht aus dem Sinn"

A sea of darkness engulfed Asuka, while her mother and the doll remained unaffected. She lost her breath, the black water tasted like blood. In that moment she remembered. She was in the cockpit, into the LCL, waiting to die. That vision was probably a memory. And it wa ironic, her last memory was about her mother, and that doll. Until the end, she grieved, until the end she couldn't accept it. At the end of the day, Kaworu gave her an hero's death, but she was no hero. Just a broken doll.

Asuka faced death, and didn't see a light. No hope for her even at the end.

At the end, she had to surpass a last trial. To accept her own death, her own life being useless, accepting that she was just a broken doll.

The hero accepts the death. In their tragedy death completes them. Part of what makes an hero legendary, is that. Their end. The heroes accepted its death.

But Asuka didn't.

The blood in her veins was flowing stronger than ever. In face of despair, she smiled. She smiled for the sake of hope. Because everything until that point was senseless, useless, only if she believed so. Asuka failed the hero's trial. But succeeded in another one. She couldn't accept death yet, and in that refusal lied the answer she seek more. She understood that she was not supposed to be the light for others to give meaning to her life. She understood, that she had to be her own light to see the path she walked on.

And then it was not adrenaline, nor fury. Unit-02 entered in Berserk, let out a scream that scared the creatures away, while they still chewed the meat they already tore apart. But Unit-02 didn't need that meat. The Eva regenerated, the eyes glowed blue, differently from the usual red light,and Unit-02 was back on its feet. Steam covered its body after the regeneration, reflecting the heat Asuka was feeling in the LCL inside the cockpit. She too, had the same blue eyes as before, but this time the eyes were focused. They watched right ahead, she was not using her instincts alone to fight. She was not transforming fear into survival instincts.

She was synchronized completely synchronized with her EVA.

She could have given up, and accepted the destiny of the tragic hero. To satisfy herself with a death that would have put end to the pain.

She could have chosen to end it. The hero, the light she was obsessed with, accepted that faith.

But the Monster refused