Chapter 15:

Knowing that this wasn't going to be the most pleasant of conversations she had to have, Vanille just knew that she had to have it. She didn't want to risk Lightning's health. And she definitely didn't want to let Lightning risk that.

As the door opened, Vanille just smiled at the doctor that she knew she could trust. The only one in the building really that she did at least when it came to Lightning because she knew that Lightning had trusted her.

"Vanille, this is a surprise but a welcome one. I just got that tea we were talking about in, and knew you didn't have anything and was going to go find you. I figure an Oerba tea should be first enjoyed by an Oerba native. But judging by your expression this isn't something you are going to enjoy telling me so come on in." Yuna said as she could see Vanille just smiling a slightly hollow smile as she walked in and quickly over towards the sitting area where she just stood and sighed as she started to hug herself.

Seeing the expression, Yuna forwent her normal tradition of boiling some water and instantly took her seat across from where Vanille was standing. She knew it had to be something big if Vanille was here as is. Especially because it hadn't been about her herself because if that was the case she knew she would have been told of at least six reports from various people of Vanille calling said person or thing out publicly and possibly doing something reckless for her or some other patients. That had always been what Vanille does when it concerned her personally.

So that left that it was a patient and the only reasons she was talking to Yuna instead of Rosa meant that it was a single patient.

"What is going on with Lightning?" Yuna asked as Vanille just sighed as she plopped down into a seat.

"She was smacking her head against a wall and brushed off my concern." Vanille said as Yuna began to sit up at attention a lot more as she just stared at Vanille. "She was just sitting down and banging the back of her head against a wall, and I had been rightfully concerned." Vanille said in a soft tone as Yuna just pressed her lips into a thin line as she leaned back a little as Vanille would inevitably go on and try and fill her the rest of the way in about what had happened as she would wait for Yuna to mention how what she was doing despite how she felt was still the right thing. "She claimed she was just trying to think... but I can never tell what is a fairly innocent thing that I know people do and when she actually wants to harm herself and she was starting to get mad at me for being worried that she'd harm herself. Not to mention when that was going on I couldn't help but remember the time both her and I were in solitary where she was smacking her head against the window and I wasn't being listened to."

Hearing that comment, Yuna just shuddered internally at the memory. "I get why you are worried Vanille. Especially with Lightning's history of how she reacts to certain things and how she reacts with her body. But sadly you do need to accept some things at face value. Especially when it comes to Lightning. You are right for bringing this to me and I'll be sure to talk to her about it. But like when I explain things about you to Fang, you can be worried, but you also need to accept some things at face value. If she says she wasn't you've got to trust her that she wasn't." Yuna said as Vanille began to look sullen at that simple statement. "I know it is painful. But you need to remember Lightning seldom makes decisions based on emotion. It is always logic which is why I'm not as worried about her. I know she hasn't done anything to warrant the logic to click in her head."

"But... things tend to fester in her head and she tosses things around and I always feel like I'm the last person being told from things about her and she just shuts up at points and it makes me feel unloved." Vanille said as she crossed her arms over her chest and began to slide down her seat.

Sighing Yuna began to stand up and walked over towards the kettle. "We don't approve relationships here for that amongst a bunch of other reasons. But trust me Vanille. You are not the last person she tells things. If anything you are often the first. Besides herself that is."

"Doesn't feel like it. I mean She doesn't even like to talk about the video you and Rosa watch..." Vanille muttered as Yuna stopped, mid tea making process as she just took a deep breath.

"That is because it is a very very raw thing Vanille. And she also doesn't want to let that information to get out. But also Rosa and myself also barely have the tools to handle watching it. And not to mention it isn't a fun thing. This is partially what she went through that shaped her into what you see. The damage she suffered and still does suffer from wasn't all entirely from her father. But people like you and like me. And the viciousness in the videos means that Serah and her mother couldn't handle a few minutes of. How do you think you would fair watching it? Keeping in mind if you bring Lightning with you, you might as well be torturing her in just as cruel a manner as people in the video do." Yuna said as she poured the water into the teapot as she walked over towards Vanille who she could see was confused. "She doesn't want you to know what we watch for your safety and sanity."

"It doesn't make me feel any more loved knowing that." Vanille said in a calm tone as Yuna just sighed gently.

"That isn't something I can help with. At least not with Lightning being absent. But I do assure you that Lightning would let you know if she didn't. She is actually very open. With everything barring her emotions. It takes her time to figure things out in that regard but eventually she will open up about those things as well. At least once she has it all figured out." Yuna said as she opened up the box on the table and started to scoop some of the loose leaves into the pot. "Lightning is nothing if not open and honest."

"You forgot pretty and smart." Vanille muttered as Yuna just chuckled softly as she placed the lids onto the respective containers.

"My husband is my type of person. But I will give you that she is objectively pretty and the more I learn about her the smarter she becomes. And that isn't something that is exclusive to me. Rosa would agree to both of those points. But I meant beyond that things like that. I mean she is even open about what her and the Voice talks about." Yuna said as Vanille just sighed gently.

"She wasn't last night... at least not while I was in the room being punished for falling asleep in the library and she didn't talk to Rosa that long after I left the room because Rosa let me wait for her." Vanille said as Yuna just sighed gently as she picked up a cup and started to pour some into the mug. "And that doesn't help her hitting her head. Claimed it was a normal thing."

"You know regardless Rosa or I couldn't tell you what was or wasn't talked about. And I hate to agree with Lightning depending on how hard she was hitting her head it is a normal thing for some people. I mean I do it sometimes. Would you consider me a person at risk of self harm?"

"If you nearly broke your head in front of me yeah I would. What is with people that hitting your head is considered normal?" Vanille asked as she accepted the cup and just took a deep breath and smiled at the memories that came flooding back of her and Fang being invited into the tent because Vanille was going to learn something from the healer and Fang was bored and tagged along.

"Why does anyone do anything? I know personally it helps me think when I have something on the tip of my tongue. But how is the tea?" Yuna asked as she poured her own as she watched Vanille taking a deep breath and taking a sip.

"It needs to steep a bit longer... but does bring back some fond memories of my village. It seems like you got a nice batch though." Vanille said as Yuna nodded her head and took a sip.

"That is a strange but delicious taste. It does kind of remind me of open skies and a freshness to it. Which I suppose is how it got its name." Yuna said softly as Vanille just smiled faintly.

"No... well kind of... it tends to grow on cliff surfaces under certain tree species. It is why it was a tea reserved for really important guests. But we are getting off topic." Vanille complained as she could see Yuna just chuckling a little. "You don't want to talk about it do you?"

"I do not. Besides of course my obligations to my profession but also because Lightning trusts me and I don't want to betray that trust. And also just the content of the videos is actually very stomach churning."

"What like they ripped out her fingernails? Placed bamboo under them?" Vanille asked as Yuna sighed gently as she lowered her mug to stare at the teen.

'Gods how I wish it was that tame.' Yuna thought as she just took a deep breath. "Vanille. I really can't talk about it. Anything I see or learn about a patient stays with me, it doesn't matter who or how powerful that patient is. It is the same with what you tell me and what I learn even outside of our chats. It needs to be that way to allow people to open up." Yuna said as she just sighed gently. "If you want to, we can continue to talk about teas, animals, anything under the sun that concerns you specifically. We can even not talk about anything and just enjoy the tea. But we cannot continue this train of conversation until either I have Lightning's express consent or I think she is in immediate risk to herself in which case it is her Mother I need to talk to. Or any spouse depending on the situation."

"Do girlfriends not get any sort of consideration?" Vanille pouted as Yuna just sighed.

"Not without both being of age and are legally sane which isn't something that you can be declared while being a current patient of a Mental Hospital."

"There is always a catch." Vanille pouted as she took a deep sip from the mug as she lowered it back down as Yuna nodded her head and started to pour some more into the mug.

"How goes learning to read and write?" Yuna asked as she smiled at Vanille just accepting the hot mug and smiled faintly as she took a sip from it.

"It has been going good. Lightning suggested this one book that is longer than what I had been reading and while I'm reading that with her called 'The Greatest Ship' and I like it."

"Oh my, showing my age here, but I remember when I was six and that came out. And I read it like crazy. Didn't even know the library we have here had it. Would you consider reading the sequels after that one?" Yuna asked as Vanille picked up at the comment.

"There are more?"

"There are twenty nine if memory serves me. If you can't find a copy of them I'm sure I have my copies somewhere in storage and I wouldn't mind lending them out to inspire the same desire to read." Yuna said with a smile as Vanille bounced a little. "And they all are kind of happy. But I did always wonder what happened between stories that caused people to stop listening to Chocolina and Rydia... but that was just for my own curiosity."

"Don't spoil it... I'm only about half way through the first book and normally I don't care about it being spoiled but I actually really really don't want that with my first proper book." Vanille pouted as Yuna just smiled and took a sip of her tea before refreshing her own cup.

"I have no intention of doing that. I'm actually very happy that you've taken such an initiative."

Handing the letters into the mailbox, Lightning just smiled as she took a step back and just hoped that Palom and Porom had at least picked up a little if just because she could tell in their writing that they had seemed a bit down. Not near the panic levels she had seen personally in the past, but she did know that as long as they were together not much could stop them. At least as long as both were thinking properly and not being purely reactive.

'They are going to be fine. I'd be worried about our red headed girlfriend. You do know she is going to talk to one of the doctors about your small fight.'

"She shouldn't be worried about me like that. Even my family aren't." Lightning said with a small frown as she started to walk towards the library so she could have some time to just sit in silence, bar for the voice making some sort of snide remark.

'I know it is beyond a foreign concept to us. But people do normally care about their significant others.' The voice started as Lightning just sighed as she started to walk up the stairs. 'And for the record, despite what I've said in the past about your family, baring for your father, they do care about you. Just they show it in very ham fisted ways. Your sister showering you in hugs and money, and your mother... she was the only one of your parents that constantly respects your wishes. Any distance was just because you requested it.'

"My family cares about what I can do but seldom about me as a person." Lightning muttered as she had to resist the urge to just scream at the snicker.

'And people claim Serah is the immature one. You need to listen to me Light, both do care about you. You just need to be accepting of the fact. There are lots of reasons they, and by they I mean your mother doesn't express it. Largely from her own repressed abuse from your Father. And I hate to be that person but chances are just about any type of abuse he could do to her he did with zero repercussions. And your kidnapping during the Purge just further his control over her.'

"Are you seriously comparing what we went through to what she might have?" Lightning hissed as she came to a stop as she took a deep breath.

"Who is comparing you to what?" Lightning heard causing her to jump slightly as she turned around to see the blonde doctor standing there. "I didn't intentionally sneak up on you, I was just coming up from Yuna inviting me to some tea but she had a guest so I'm going to wait." Rosa spoke as Lightning just took a deep breath.

'I'm not. I'm saying you are being immature for thinking you are the only person that your father would send through hell.'

"Shut up" Lightning hissed as Rosa just sighed as she walked closer.

"Light... do you want to talk?" Rosa asked as the woman just sighed gently as she took a deep breath.

"It's fine." Lightning said as she started to slide against the wall.

"I don't think it is fine Lightning. I haven't seen you act like this in a long time. But you know I won't force you to speak about it unless you are at risk for yourself or another patient. My door is always open though and I do welcome you to come in and talk."

'While we are on this slide, why don't you try and hit a few kids so they can pick up some speed.'

Clutching her head in her hands, Lightning took a deep breath. "Wait." Lightning barked out as Rosa stopped and turned around to press her lips into a thin line as she took a deep breath. "Would you consider me immature." Lightning asked as Rosa stared at her gently as she offered a hand to help the woman up.

"Depending on the context yes and no." Rosa said as she could see the question on Lightning's face. "On many many grounds you are wiser and more mature than people beyond my age. But in some tiny regards you aren't and it isn't so much your fault. Namely when it comes to relationships or and this is where I feel bad for you and anger towards your parents, empathy." Rosa spoke as Lightning stared at her. "Empathy is something in humans that is formed from a very young age. And it is always a tragedy when a human lacks it. But you always get it into your head and I know I and Yuna enforce it accidentally, you get it in your head that others who suffer shouldn't be allowed sympathy or even your empathy. But frankly if someone else went through what you did I'd be a lot more shocked that they are still alive."

'Told you. You are immature.'

"Come on, I might not have Yuna's tea selection but Kain does owe me a few favours and he just got a smoothie machine. Let's talk over some of those instead in a stairwell."

"Okay."

Author's Note:

And another chapter down.