Chapter 18:
Sitting down, Vanille just smiled faintly as she opened the new book and placed her finger down to run it along the line as she mouthed the words. She knew that chances were she was mispronouncing them, but she also knew that Lightning when she inevitably found her would be happy that Vanille was at least trying.
"What are you doing?" Vanille heard her once close friend ask, causing her to look up and just frown at the sight of the silver hair boy.
She knew that he was going to just try and demean her if not just mock her for the basic skill that she had missed out on learning when she was much younger. At least that is the way it had been going the last few days but she didn't overly care. She knew that he was still mad that Vanille was close friends with Lightning and Lightning had been fine being where she was so he was just lashing out at everyone.
"Reading. A lot has changed since you left originally Hope. I can actually read a little now. And have been getting better at it." Vanille said happily as she could see the man sitting down with a small smile. "I'm just not nearly as confident in my writing abilities as I am at reading. Lightning has done a lot for me. And not to mention she is still extremely nice that you never gave a proper chance the second there was a rumour that she maliciously attacked several dozen orderlies. And you didn't even think to ask the doctors if that was true." Vanille said defiantly as Hope just seemed to glare gently at her.
"We used to be such close friends. And it is all her fault that we aren't any more." Hope spat as Vanille just sighed softly as she stood up and picked up the book she had the silver haired boy's arrival.
"It wasn't her fault Hope. It was yours and your paranoia that we would have been in danger. Lightning is a very open person that honestly doesn't mind even talking you've just got to be up front with her and ask. Instead you've slunked around and stole from her to try and smeer her name to her doctors. Ironically doing what you've told me your step mother has done to you. But you don't see that and I don't think you ever will... which is a little sad to me.. I'm still in this building by choice... and you thought you were getting out but that same prejudice you have against women who can literally and in some cases metaphorically kick your ass."
"And you are just too trusting Vanille. One of these days you'll see that I'm right and that she actually does mean people harm."
"No one alive has that distinction where she wouldn't unleash her anger ten fold towards herself once she cools down. That is something even the doctors understand and even need to take extreme precautions to make sure she doesn't harm or worse kill herself. And you'd know that if you actually talked to her instead you are going to live in hate, and I don't want any part of that so I'm going to go and enjoy my book elsewhere." Vanille said in a huff as she started to walk away from the table. She just knew that it was going to be tough to explain this to anyone if it came out, especially to the doctors but she couldn't seem to bring herself to care about how hurtful she had to have sounded to her once close friend.
She knew that sometimes the truth was going to hurt. She had learned that when she confessed so many things to Fang. She simply wished that there was a way for the truth to come out that didn't make her feel so bad about saying anything.
She also just knew that she was probably going to need to explain this interaction towards Rosa and or Yuna at the very least. But she didn't care. She couldn't let someone bad mouth Lightning even though she also knew that Lightning wasn't going to care if Vanille told her of this. But it still made her feel so much better about everything.
Placing the book down for the librarian to check it out for her, Vanille just smiled as she glanced over to see Lann walking into the room looking slightly confused and lost. "I'll be back in a minute..." Vanille said with her lips pressed into a thin line and walked over towards the teen.
"Hey Lann... is everything alright?" Vanille asked softly as she started to walk towards him. She was actually feeling all kinds of unsure about the expression just lost right now.
"I'm just lost... and not going to lie, I think I'm getting too used to my medication because I'm starting to hallucinate again. That silver hair boy is back." Lann said as he pointed in a direction causing Vanille to spin around and just stare in the direction.
"Do you mean Hope? Because he is real... and if it isn't... you really really need to talk to one of the doctors. Preferably one of the ones that know your case but that isn't really necessary. Just one you trust."
"You see him too?" Lann said as Vanille just glanced at him carefully as he stared unbreakingly at him. "Something about him seems so fake... just like Tama..." Lann said as he could just feel Vanille staring at him but he couldn't take his gaze off of the teen. "I just need to prove it..."
"Lann, you aren't going to do anything are you? I'm required to ask because Hope is very real. You met him. I introduced you and him on your first day in this building. Like I can't stress this enough. He is very real and if you are thinking otherwise I need to report you and you need to talk about this with one of the doctors."
"I wouldn't... not yet..." Lann said calmly as Vanille carefully walked over towards him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Lann... let's go see Aerith. She is your doctor in this building isn't she?" Vanille asked calmly as she could see the teen shaking his head gently as if to just break the almost hypnotic gaze Hope had on him.
"Hmm... yeah. Why?" Lann asked as he tilted his head to the side as Vanille just smiled a reassuring smile at him. One that she knew worked almost all the time. And like always it had the desired effect.
"I've some things I need to talk to her about and I think that you might benefit from talking to her as well. If not, you can keep me company. Why? Do you not want to keep a friend company?" Vanille asked as Lann just sighed gently.
"Nah, I will. It just seems like an odd thing. I didn't even know that you knew Doctor Gainsborogh." Lann said as he could just see Vanille just smiled brighter at him.
"I've been here for so long, I'm pretty sure I've gone through every doctor at least six times. So it is safe to say that all the doctors know about me and my case, but realistically only a few I trust enough to talk to. And Aerith is one of those."
"You promise it won't be what we talked about here? I'm not that crazy..." Lann asked in a soft tone just hoping that there wouldn't be something big that would get him sent back to the other building as Vanille just continued to smile at him disarming him entirely.
"If you knew me you'd realise that would be laughable. I hate the doctors as is. But if it reassures you a bit more, I promise I won't tell her about what was said here." Vanille said with a small smile as she accepted the gesture from the teen to lead the way.
Just following into a decent pace between them, Vanille glanced over towards him as she just frowned internally at the sight of him constantly looking over his shoulder. It was a thing Vanille knew people always did when they were leaving somewhere they feel like they shouldn't be for one reason or another and Vanille knew this one was just Lann thinking that Hope wasn't real and was going to be another thing that might harm him in some way and no one was going to believe him.
The only difference from when Vanille had seen it in the past was that it was founded and this time she just knew that the wrong person was looking to protect himself. She knew that if she didn't inform the right people then Hope really will be in danger and it wouldn't be from Lightning. It will be from one of the people he would actually trust long before Lightning.
Glancing over Vanille just frowned as she could hear the teen mutering a simple if slightly heartbreaking statement. "Shut up Tama... you're not real. I don't want to harm anyone."
She didn't know what it was like to hear or in Lann and Reynn's case see as well, but she knew with the way Lightning described it it was a tough thing to constantly overcome. And she was still having serious doubts on if she was sliding backwards or not. But she had to trust Yuna who was a lot more familiar with Lightning that everything was fine. Even if it was going against her instincts.
"Lann, trust me. Nothing good will come out of talking to yourself. I might not tell Aerith but that doesn't mean another person won't keep it quiet. I know of five other trustees in this building that aren't nearly as cool as me. They would tell." Vanille said with a small smile as she could see Lann starting to tense up. "Don't get me wrong that doesn't mean if you are feeling like something is wrong you should still talk to one of the doctors."
"What would they say to me then? Knowing that I'm talking to myself and seeing the stupid fox again..." Lann asked as Vanille just smiled at him.
"According to Lightning they just ask if there is a deeper meaning because normally if they find a medication that works and it stops there is a reason and it most of the time is something going screwy with your head. Like the situation is new and putting you under stress or a specific anni.. vers... ary..." Vanille began as she just sighed as the realisation started to dawn on her. Lightning was like this last year as well. And in one of the few letters Vanille had received since she became a patient, according to Serah she always got like this. 'Crapbaskets... I'm a bad girlfriend. How can I forget that was coming up... don't even know what it is an anniversary for... just that it hurts Lightning. But it does explain why Yuna was so relaxed about it.'
"I don't think that is the issue here..." Lann said as he just took a shaky breath just wrapping his arms around himself. "Normally I don't hallucinate people... it is typically Tama. Who has been dancing around you asking for me to just trip you."
"Yeah that would end badly for you. And not even from me... Lightning would actually go swinging at you and she would send you to the hospital with ease. And wouldn't feel very sorry about it. Which would be the first time she attacked someone that she remembers and wouldn't feel bad." Vanille said as she could see the man just looking at her with confusion. "She has very few friends and I'm one of them and if harm happens to one of those friends she'd actually retaliate."
"Okay... good to know..."
"She considers you and your sister a friend as well. Just that is something that can change if you harm another one of her friends. I'm just very anti violence unless it is literally the only way for you to survive. And it seldom gets to that point. Including with wild animals." Vanille said as she started to walk up towards the door to Aerith's office.
As she knocked on the door she just smiled as she could hear an almost sing-song voice of 'come in.'
"Just wait out here Lann, I promise I won't be long then we can go back to the library and you can teach me another fun card game." Vanille said with a brighter smile as she opened the door and walked in. Just knowing that she was going to be relying on Aerith having a good lie to tell him, but she couldn't stand the thought of Hope being harmed outside of him doing something stupid he knows on all levels he shouldn't.
Closing the door Vanille walked up to the desk as she could see the brunette looking up with a look of shock on her face. "I don't think we'd be seeing each other outside of the group today Vanille... did I get my days of the week confused again?" Aerith asked as Vanille just smiled and chuckled.
"No, it is meant to be group only. It is just I was in the library and ran into Lann..."
"I can't tell you about his case Vanile. You should know that better than anyone."Aerith said as she dropped her pen and stared at the red head.
"No no. I know that. It is about him... and I fear he might hurt another patient. Specifically Hope." Vanille said as Aerith began to sit up at attention at the comment. "He is convinced Hope was a hallucination and I tried to convince him that Hope is real but he isn't convinced and actually took me lying to Lann to even get him to come with me and that is because I'm positive he would have harmed Hope and while me and Hope have spent a lot of time arguing with each other he is still a friend and I don't want him to be hurt." Vanille said as Aerith just nodded her head. "I've also gathered Lann is starting to see things again and if I'm being honest with you I don't think he has taken his meds... but he thinks I'm in here talking about me because I realistically only trust you, and Yuna with a lot of things and Rosa with the bear minimum so please don't tell him you found out because of me."
"I won't tell him don't worry. As for if he is taking his medication, once again you should know better than anyone else, we can't force him. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I'll let Rosa know about the danger to Hope with some information I can provide." Aerith said as she stood up and gestured for Vanille to follow her. "I know it is hard for you, but please put this out of your mind the best you can. I promise nothing good will come from this."
"I'm just worried." Vanille said as the doctor started to open the door.
"I promise you Vanille, if something happens to Fang that we can tell you, we will. But you need to put it out of your mind." Aerith said as Vanille just smiled at the comment as she knew that it meant that she was going to keep what Vanille had told her secret. "Oh Lann, you're here. It is a bit early for our talk, but would you like to? I don't mind starting early. I was just doing some paperwork that can wait and it was the only thing before our chat." Aerith said as Lann shot Vanille a look.
"You didn't tell her did you?" Lann spat as Vanille looked deeply offended at him.
"Vanille, were you meant to tell me something about Lann?" Aerith asked as Vanille quickly looked at her.
"No. Trustee or not I don't snitch on anyone bar for Lightning. And that is because she can and has seriously injured herself and refuses to talk about it to anyone." Vanille began as she turned to the teen. "And frankly I'm hurt you would think I'd go back on my word Lann. I promised you I wouldn't. And now that you mentioned that in front of Aerith she is going to tell Rosa and get me in trouble and now you are going to need to tell her." Vanille said as Lann just began to mumble as he crossed his arms.
"He can't be real... And I took my meds. Tama even said he wasn't." Lann said crossing his arms in protest as Aerith just smiled a concerned smile at him as he sighed. "Guess I can't teach you a new card game..."
"That's fine... I need to go pester Lightning for a bit. Some things clicked and I'm feeling like a bad friend."
"Take a seat Lann. Vanille I'll see you at two for group." Aerith said as Vanille just nodded her head as she began to skip down the hallway.
She was actually glad that Aerith had maintained the ruse and Lann had spilled the beans himself. It was actually something that was relaxing to her because it meant that it was a weight off her chest and conscience. It was the worst part Vanille found about being the trustee. She would need to turn people in for things like that but it still never sat right with her. Even if it was to protect a really close friend. She was still betraying another person's trust in her.
And she knew personally how that felt to be on the other end. Even if she supposed Fang was right to betray her trust and send her here. The only pro she had found to it recently however was that she got to meet her girlfriend who she was feeling terrible for forgetting something as important as an anniversary for when she was taken from her family and brutally tortured for years in ways worse than what the people of Oerba would do to animal abusers.
'I just hope I didn't hurt Lightning too bad... I'm the worst girlfriend ever. She needs all kinds of hugs now.'
Author's Note:
And I'm done yet another chapter... kind of a fun one.