Chapter 19:

Standing with her head resting against the wall as she just wanted to wait for the final thing she had to do for the day to start so it would quickly be over. She just wanted to get back to her room so she can do the suddenly normal routine of sitting down in her room praying that Vanille wouldn't find her. She had no idea why the woman had become so clingy recently.

Staring at Yuna's door harder she was just trying to will it to open sooner. She was starting to feel the time was dragging on as some cruel practical joke being played on her by some cruel god. Something that was amplified as she could see the handle being held down for a while meaning that Yuna had been on the other side, and she knew that the light on the other side was going to be on just because she had known well from being on the other side.

Seeing the door open Lightning just let out a sigh as she could see Yuna starting to walk out before she felt her breath catch in her throat as she felt the familiar arms quickly wrapping around her as she lunged forward from the person jumping into her and pulling her into a hug.

She could feel her breath catching once more as she could see Yuna looking incredibly worried as Lightning just started to take some panicked breaths.

"Vanille! You know my rule! No surprise hugs!" Lightning yelled as she could feel her blood starting to boil as she tried to calm down as she could see Yuna walking over carefully.

Pressing her face into Lightning's back, Vanille just began to shake her head in protest. "I've been a bad girlfriend." Vanille spoke softly so softly that Lightning had to strain her hearing to even come close to what Vanille had said. The only reason she could tell realistically was because Vanille was talking directly into her back. All the while still shaking her head as Lightning started to claw at the arms to get them out from around her midsection. She could feel her breath starting to come in short.

"Vanille. No surprise hugs." Lightning said in a much softer tone. Not from fearing that something would come out, more so because she could feel a panic attack starting to come on and she knew that if Vanille thought she caused it she would harm Vanille deeply. And even as hurt as she was, she couldn't bring herself to actually harm Vanille right now.

"Vanille... you need to let go of the hug. You know Lightning is uncomfortable with this." Yuna said sternly as she could read on Lightning's face that she was very close to breaking down and potentially worse lashing out at Vanille which she didn't want to imagine what she would do to herself then. She just knew that it would result in them needing to tear out and redo the solitary rooms. Even if the ones that they put Lightning in were almost entirely padded, she had no doubt in her mind that Lightning would find the one lone thread that was overlooked that would lead to her harming herself into another long hospital stint.

"I've been a bad girlfriend." Vanille said as Lightning began to take some deeper breaths to try and regulate her breathing to just stave off the panic attack.

She knew that it was failing just because her arms were starting to flail as Yuna finally started to pry the arms off of her. As she could feel the arm being pulled off, Lightning could feel herself just starting to relax as Yuna carefully manipulated her and Lightning's position to just take the hug herself. Quickly running towards the door, Lightning took a deep breath as she could just hear Yuna gently talking to Vanille as she Lightning just took another deep breath as she took a seat she just hope that Yuna could get Vanille to see reason or at least give her time to calm down before they started to talk.

She wasn't sure how long she had been staring at the wall as she tried to fix her breathing to just stop her nerves in their tracks, but she could see Yuna closing the door and walking over quickly to her tea selection and changing one of the cups contents. Before she poured some more water into it before she spun around and walked over towards Lightning.

Gently taking one of Lightning's hands as she placed the cup into the other one, Yuna just sat down on the small table as she smiled at the woman. "Drink up Lightning. It is kava tea. It helps with panic attacks and anxiety." Yuna said softly as Lightning took a drink before contorting her face. "Yeah... sorry I should have mentioned it literally translates to 'bitter' by the cultures that cultivate it. But it does work." Yuna said as she could Lightning just taking another drink.

Lightning was glad that Yuna seemed to have gathered that she wasn't in the mood to talk about it at the moment as she walked over and started to make her own cup of tea as Lightning just tried to ignore the taste that seemed to linger but if she was being honest she could feel it working. Or at least she thought that she could feel it working. It was either from the time being out of the surprise hug or the tea.

Taking a third sip knowing that it was going to be much larger because she just didn't want to drink more than she had to of this tea. It was just the worst tasting thin Lightning had ever tasted. At least that she remembered. Seeing Yuna taking her seat with her own cup of some different tea... at least that she hoped.

Seeing Yuna's face contort told her different, causing Lightning to just laugh softly. "Yeah even if I grew up with it, it still gets me."

Yuna just smiled however as she lowered it and seemed to be taking a different approach to the one Lightning had been when it came to the tea. Sensing the question coming from Lightning, Yuna just beat her to it. "I might not enjoy the first mouthful, but after that I do really enjoy it. There are a lot of fond memories of drinking it with who might as well be my older sister who is also a doctor for the institute drinking it when one of us could feel anxiety coming on. And we'd both drink the tea together." Yuna explained as Lightning just lowered the mug from her lips to stop her from drinking another large mouthful.

"What is with Pulseans always having women who might as well be older sisters but aren't? Did she also adopt you?" Lightning asked with slight venom that Yuna just laughed off clearly getting that Lightning wasn't targeting her with it just it was her emotions lashing out in general.

"It is a lot more than a Gran Pulse thing. But Lulu is a lot more complicated than what Fang and Vanille have, really she was just a close friend of mine since we were really young. Like we were toilet trained together. I was even her Maid and then Matron of honour for both of her weddings and consoled her when her first husband died. And just about everything we've done, we've done together through sheer luck. Including getting jobs here. Although she is in the north building."

"I wouldn't know what that is like..." Lightning muttered as she just took a deep breath. "Can't even have my girlfriend hug me by a surprise without breaking down." Lightning continued as Yuna just frowned a little.

"If I was being honest with you Lightning, frankly I'm surprised you handled that as well as you did. Normally you'd break some bones and go back to some bad times mentally." Yuna said as Lightning just looked at her with slight confusion. "I know you wouldn't intentionally harm Vanille like that. But sometimes your instincts take over before your mind. And I'm actually really really happy you didn't harm Vanille. For all kinds of reasons."

"She is literally the only person ever to surprise hug me besides Serah... And Serah at least has learned rather recently that I really do need to be aware of the hug beforehand to even return the hug let alone not break down." Lightning said as Yuna just nodded her head. "And I know that you and Rosa would happily do it if you could... but I still really really don't like hugs." Lightning said softly as she took a deep breath. She knew that she was in the minority in that regard, but that didn't change the fact that she still didn't like it.

"I can see why that would limit the chances of who is the one to surprise hug you... but it is still nice to see without us needing to gut an entire floor to make sure that no one no matter what can't harm themselves after you find the one tiny insignificant thing that could cause serious harm to someone once they forgo the usual mental measures of not wanting to hurt themselves too bad."

"Aren't a bunch of people in here prone to self harm?"

"There is a very large line when you know the difference between someone cutting or burning and someone trying to break their head open against safety glass. Self harm is a call for help and often their brain mishandling the chemical exchange and then trying to right it without talking about it. Which is not how you handle that. But the other thing is an attempted suicide method that you don't even see in war zones from those truly desperate to end it all."

"That is because biting your tongue off is a lot easier and fairly safer. You just really need a sharp hit to the back of the head because like most things the body doesn't want you to bleed to death especially from your own teeth." Lightning said as Yuna just sighed and gestured towards her as if proving a point without even trying it. "I wouldn't want to go that way if I had to go. If I had to go I'd probably go by a knife between the third and fourth rib in a downward fashion on the left side. Hard to repair in time and a quick fairly painless death."

"And it is alarming that you've given this thought." Yuna began as she just sighed and raised the mug to take another sip as Lightning did the same. "But I suppose given everything you planning for that is also not surprising. If anything it would be more surprising if you didn't think of that being an eventuality. Especially with your time with Dysely which I imagine is what led to your choice in method."

'Not entirely wrong... but let's be honest, spite would have kept you alive long enough for them to treat you and once they thought they saved you you'd slip away. And then just laugh and laugh as you high fived Death and then bitched about how long it took for him to get you.'

Snickering softly Lightning just smiled as she leaned back as Yuna looked like she was waiting for an explanation. "It was just saying how out of spite in those days I would have done that method and stayed alive long enough to give them false hope that I wasn't already gone and then high fived Death and complained how long it took him."

Shuddering a little, Yuna just took a deep breath. "I wouldn't blame you either. On any of those fronts. And I know it would be selfish but I feel like I had missed so much from just not getting to meet you. Because I do deeply enjoy your company."

"And I enjoy yours... even if it occasionally is punctuated with hugs."

"I keep telling you hugs aren't bad Lightning." Yuna said with a laugh as Lightning just glanced at her. "Point taken. But I'm surprised that you are able to handle Kava, I wouldn't have pegged you for someone who can handle enjoying sharp tasting teas. You seem like you'd enjoy a lot more subtle but adult flavours."

"No flavours are more adult than bitter because most natural poisons are bitter in taste. Children shy away from those flavour profiles just because of that on an instinctual level. It is a pretty interesting field of study." Lightning muttered softly as she could see Yuna sighing softly. "I know. It is worrisome that I've given that thought. But it is something my family is meant to know ever since my like fifty times great grandfather was almost poisoned. Potato root if memory serves me. You don't want to know what he did to the culprit. It was before the time of a lot of decency practices. It was a long long time before even the rise of Cocoon. And my family was still very much touchable."

"I gathered as much with the mention of fifty times great grandfather. But I didn't even know potatoes were poisonous. Why do we eat them?"

"Vanille is infinitely more qualified to talk about that. Or anyone who knows plants. But I do know that they were still very much deadly and still are. We just eat the only safe part. And pretty sure my family created a monopoly on them... like everything. Just it was the first time we perfected the mask of a proper monopsony."

"I'm sorry a what?"

"Monopsony. Basically the polar opposite of a monopoly. A monopoly is one supplier which dictates everything to the buyer. A Monopsony is one buyer which dictates everything to the suppliers. Which is really how my family got so powerful. We made everyone believe they had the power and choice. In reality no matter how you split it, you'd still be dependent on my family. And that only took four generations to cement it as a fact that could be revealed to select members of the public. A few more generations and it was something that we didn't care about if the public knew. Fast forward twenty generations and we really didn't care. We already had kingdoms in our pockets and the emerging democracies were dependent on us to stay afloat long enough to earn money which we are still seeing money from. Hell the islands of Kilika are still paying my family for reclaiming land for a temple or another from the sea."

"Are you sure that was the Farrons? I spent some time in the temple in my youth and I don't think many people in that village even knew the Farrons existed." Yuna explained as she could see Lightning just smiling at her as she downed what remained in her mug.

"I'm very sure. I had to remember all the major 'high risk' debts that are owed to my family. At least what my family regarded as high risk. Which included the debt of many towns... and four companies. Only one has failed to pay back and that is because they went belly up twenty five years ago. It was in some remote town with hundreds of other Bazaars." Lightning said as she could see Yuna just nodding her head. "But I suppose you would rather not talk about finances."

"You'd guess right. Nothing deflates my mood more than realising that no matter how much I'd try I could never be as self sufficient as you without either serious investing or I can just work hard for the rest of my life. But that is more so jealousy."

"Tell me where you have money invested once I'm out and I can at the very least keep it steady. I doubt anyone would even think to charge me. I mean we are talking about a Farron just conducting business. It is impossible for me to not hinder some stock somewhere very visibly."

"And that is why I haven't told you. I want to enjoy the wild ride." Yuna said with a smile. "Would you like another cup of tea? It wouldn't be kava, I'm drinking the last cup of that. How about peppermint or lavender. You know before I poke and prod at the interaction I just in your mind probably saved you from." Yuna said as Lightning just smiled faintly at the gesture.

"You did save me. I have no idea what caused Vanille to do that. She knows I'll give her hugs but not surprise ones. I mean how are you even meant to respond to those?" Lightning said as she brought her knees up to her chest as she got comfortable in her seat. "And peppermint if you are offering. Lavender just tastes awful to me." Lightning continued as she could see Yuna just smiling as she nodded her head as she lowered her cup and stood up. "Like I know it is meant to be a popular flavour but I couldn't get used to it. I am someone who has eaten hay and raw rats. Lavender just upsets my stomach a little."

"I understand that. I'm the same way myself. But I keep it on hand because I know some people do enjoy it. Patients and staff alike. Like for example I know Rosa loves lavender tea. As does Vanille. She just doesn't like to admit it." Yuna spoke as she started to walk back over with a full cup of crisp smelling tea.

"She thinks it might make people make fun of her... same with liking flowers. It still hasn't registered with her that if it ever comes out that she is my girlfriend, people won't even breathe wrongly in her direction for fear of what I'd do because I'm a Farron. They can't do anything in retaliation."

"But we both know you wouldn't do anything. You know unless they do some actual harm to her. In which case woe to that person. Fang would just harm them physically. You'd make them wish for death to come."

"Yeah but that would also only be after years of them suffering on a very shallow decline with slight large dips so it just looks like the world is out to get them, and right when they are at the edge of their tether, I'd send them a noose with a letter detailing why I caused what I did and how it was only going to get worse in the coming days."

'Yeah the only issue is you'd probably send them a gun and a single bullet with no letter. But that is also only fair if they harmed Vanille...'

Author's Note:

And another chapter is done... fear the surprise hugs and Yuna sacrificing herself for a hug that was probably needed.