Chapter 21:
'And that is two minutes.. Actually it is a little surprising that you haven't snapped just yet. Like i know why but come on.'
As she started to squirm to try and get out of the embrace, Lightning just groaned as she could feel her mother fighting to squeeze even the slightest amounts more from the embrace. Simply smiling as she could see the message eventually getting through to the older woman.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Mary just smiled as she took her daughter's hands into her own. "I'm sorry, I know it is meant to only be as long as you are comfortable, but I just had to... I don't even know what happened. You seemed so fine the last time we talked..." Mary spoke as Lightning just pulled her knees up to her chest.
"It's fine... I had to remind myself you weren't trying to hurt me but it's fine I don't mind."
'Liar... you do mind, you mind very much.'
"I was just trying to think and I must have been hitting my head harder than I thought. I mean I hurt Vanille bad..." Lightning said with a soft and deeply hurt tone that she knew her mother was going to be able to pick up on, but she didn't care. She was too mad at herself to even care if it came out to her mother that her and Vanille were in a relationship. She just wanted to feel bad.
"She doesn't seem like she holds it against you Light..." Mary said just trying to soothe her daughter. She knew from experience how this often ended. Once Lightning got an idea it tended to blow up in the worst possible ways and she just didn't want to see that happen here. She just wanted her daughter to be safe.
"She should though... Father was right... I just hurt people I shouldn't." Lightning said as she could feel herself curling in further mentally, but she truly didn't care. she doubted she ever would. She wasn't even sure if she could still register mentally that her mother was even there at this point.
Hearing that simple statement nearly broke Mary's heart. She knew that her late husband had done some awful things and to a lot of people. Including their own daughter. But she wasn't aware that he had cut her that deep. It was something that was extremely concerning to her but she did know that the doctors would help her. She just wished that it wasn't something that she had to hear that she had picked the seemingly worst person ever to father children with.
"Your father is wrong Light... we both know he was often wrong and when it was proven that he was wrong, he'd go to great lengths to change the facts so he was right. Vanille doesn't hold it against you... she just wanted to help you. And I don't blame her. You mean a lot to a lot of people."
"Then why do I hurt everyone?" Lightning asked rhetorically as she just took a deep breath as she glanced over and looked at Vanille sitting up as she offered her hand to have a temporary cast put on it. It was something that just seemed to make her relax a little because she knew unlike her in the past Vanille's injuries were being looked at by a professional instead of needing to treat it herself. Lightning still wasn't sure if it was luck or what that prevented her from dying from infection.
Smiling an old faithful when it came to a lot of topics Mary simply smiled a false smile. As she was about to speak, Lightning beat her to it. "Don't do the fake smile Mom. I hate it when you do that... I hate it when anyone does that. When I get out I swear that will be the only selfish thing I do where I force countries to make it illegal."
"I know you do hate it... but I hate it when you think that is all you do. You matter a lot to me and a lot to Serah. And I know if I was in Vanille's situation, I'd happily sacrifice my hand if you were hitting your head long enough and hard enough to cause you to break the skin on your head."
'Believe me when I say this Light because I hate agreeing with your mother... she is right. You know your father was someone who feared you. He was always looking for ways to tear you down and keep you there. And like always you couldn't stay down and ended up striving.'
"Shut up..." Lightning hissed softly as she took a deep breath to just try and think about how she was going to need to explain this to her mother if she was asked anything about it. The only solace that she had was the fact that she also knew her mother wouldn't tend to ask about things like that. "I'm sorry mom... that wasn't at you." Lightning said softly as she took a deep breath as she closed her eyes gently as she reached up with her free hand to just gently feel the bandages. "And now I'm going to wind up in solitary for a day or two... and it will probably be for the best. Parts of my brain are already figuring out ways to break my hands in my room."
"Lightning... you know that will hurt me and Vanille and if Serah got wind of it..." Mary said as Lightning just sighed knowing that the point didn't need to be finished really. She already knew that it would be more shocking if Serah didn't want to turn the world asunder and punish Lightning in her own weirdly childish manner for harming herself. Like demanding to paint her fingernails.
The simple thought was enough to make her blood go cold and send a shiver up her spine. "Please don't tell her that I'm here right now..."
Wincing slightly Mary just took a deep breath as she started to run her thumb over Lightning's knuckles. "I kind of already did. As so she doesn't worry about me not showing up tomorrow night like I had initially planned. And while she was irritated she didn't seem her normal level of mad." Mary said as Lightning just sighed and shrunk in on herself.
"That is because she is going to do something vile to me... like make me talk... about do something stupid that only she would find interesting. Or do my hair..." Lightning said in an almost sullen manner as Mary just laughed gently as she could see Lightning look at her confused.
"It never ceases to amaze me what you consider vile... I still remember the last time when she braided your hair and you thought it was hell. Not the real hell you've been through." Mary said as Lightning just smiled faintly at the clarification.
"That was hell. And my experiences should just be proof that I know what hell is like. And she said this time it would be something far worse. Which can only mean one of two things. And both of them are enough to make me want to be put in solitary so I don't need to refuse her visits." Lightning mumbled softly as she could see her mother just smiling and shaking her head gently.
"I'm not even going to try and reason with you there. It is just a sign that she cares though." Mary said as Lightning just rolled her eyes at the comment.
"It is awful..." Lightning spoke as she could see Rosa and the doctor leaving the room with Vanille to what she just knew was to get her hand properly checked. But she was just hopeful that it would be fine and just looked bad. She still wasn't sure if she shouldn't at least try and break her head at this point... she had caused such major pain to Vanille.
'I agree with you Light... Serah does a lot of awful things like that... could you imagine what she'd do if we had actually done major damage besides just breaking skin? I shudder at the thought.'
Sitting down in the chair waiting for the x-ray machine to be free, Vanille turned to Rosa as she felt like this was something that she should also tell her about. "Did Areith talk to you?"
"She did. Don't worry about the situation right now Vanille. It is being taken care of." Rosa said as she could see Vanille just sighing gently. "Nothing bad is going to happen to Lann. We are just going to keep an eye on him for a while. And Hope is going to have a few orderlies nearby at all times just to make sure."
"He may have been a butt head recently towards Lightning... but Hope is still a good friend... I don't want him to get hurt. And if Lann is anything like Lightning then he could really really hurt him." Vanille muttered softly as Rosa just smiled at her as she gently lowered a hand onto her shoulder as she knelt down to be at eye level with her. "I know he isn't... but it still is a risk. That I can't let a good friend take."
"And that is an admirable quality Vanille. But this isn't something that you can just will away. This is a risk we are aware of with every patient and we are just as worried as you are so you just need to trust us." Rosa said as Vanille just sighed as she looked into her lap.
"You don't think Lann actually will harm him do you? I mean according to the rumours him and his sister tried to kill their mother because of the voices they hear... and if that is true..." Vanille mumbled softly as she could feel Rosa just raising her hand.
"I can't tell you if that rumour is true or not Vanille. But regardless, patient safety is the one of the top things I worry about. It is why I don't let Lightning out of solitary when she hurts someone and in the same breath it really isn't solitary because I let you down there to talk to her. And let her have books or anything else to keep her mind active in the rooms." Rosa said as she could see the doctor coming back out of the room. "But let's get your hand scanned and eventually tonight a cast put on."
"Okay..." Vanille said as she stood up and followed Rosa into the dark room. "For the record though, my wrist still really hurts... all this is doing is giving me more reasons to hate those stupid pills." Vanille mumbled as Rosa just smiled faintly at her.
"Once we know the damage Vanille we can work on getting you something to numb that pain. But we need to wait to know if it is serious enough to warrant other steps first." Rosa said in a concerned tone as she could see Vanille looking at her confused. "Nothing major. Just there are a lot of tiny bones in the hand and wrist and Fang because she isn't here is aware that I'm acting in her stead."
"Stupid evolution... can't take two types of pills. My hand is killing me and now that Lightning isn't around I really want to cry but I can't because she would pick up on my having cried..." Vanille mumbled angrily as she could see Rosa gesturing to climb up onto the bed. "Why does being a good girlfriend always seem to be so hard but so rewarding" Vanille mumbled as Rosa just smiled faintly at her.
Donning the apron being handed to her, Rosa just smiled as she watched the radiologist gently moving Vanille to get a clear image of her hand. It was something that was a little simple to her but she also knew that it was going to be a hard thing to watch because she knew that if it was bad she was going to need to watch Lightning like a hawk.
"It doesn't get any easier Vanille. I've been married longer than you've been alive and I still want to tear my hair out when it comes to my husband."
Leaning back, Lightning just sighed as she closed her eyes as she felt her mother jostle her. "I'm not sleeping." Lightning said as she took a deep breath. "Thanks for making sure my concussion doesn't evolve into something worse. Even if that is an old wives' tale nowadays. In fact they actually encourage sleeping longer for a few days."
"I know my eldest Claire. And I know you hate it when you sleep more than four hours."
"She says not realising for years that her eldest has a slew of mental health issues... you know until her youngest caught said eldest almost impaling her arm with a knife." Lightning said as she opened her eyes to see her mother just looking hurt. "Sorry. I'm just irritable right now because of the concussion... but you are right. I don't like to sleep for long periods... but that is purely because of Dysley. And Yuna says that is something that will fade with time and I start to get more comfortable in most things."
"I know you probably don't mean it Claire, but it still cuts me surprisingly deep. I just can't believe I never noticed the signs. And there were many."
"Serah didn't even notice the signs Mom. And we both know how I can never get anything past her. And there were a lot of attempts to hide things. Including several times where she forced me to come to you while I was bleeding from a cut that she didn't trust me enough to mend myself. Even though I've done it countless times before."
"Yes but you don't need to now..." Mary spoke softly as Lightning just sighed as she started to sit upright again. She knew that her mother was trying to be nice and possibly still believed the old way of needing to keep her awake for a day, "And I'm still your mother. I can tell when you are hungry and trying to hide it but I couldn't figure out your own troubles."
"Nobody knew. No one I trust from that time I got back didn't know. I hid everything and largely still do because I know everyone isn't nearly as comfortable as I am with everything from my past. I know out of everyone the only person that would be remotely comfortable with me going at length would be Auron." Lightning said as she just sighed as she gently grabbed her mother's hand and pulled her into a hug. She knew that it was something that was shocking her mother but it was still something that she had to do because she knew how it would affect her mother if she didn't. "Not that I hide things from you to be malicious Mom. I do it because I know you and just about everyone can't handle it. And I don't want you to know everything." Lightning whispered as she could feel her mother returning the hug with what she just knew was a smile going to be on her face at the sudden hug.
She knew that it wasn't going to do much besides just breaking her mother off this lengthy and traitorous train of thoughts. She knew at least in the case of Serah it was something that her mother would dwell on. Something that she didn't want if her mother was meant to stem the chaos that will be when Serah comes back with her myriad of cosmetics to make Lightning rue even coming back from the Purge.
Hearing the door open, Lightning opened her eyes to see Rosa walking into the room with Vanille smiling an almost dry smile as she Lightning could see her trying to rip the cast on her arm off as if she was just trying to scratch an itch that alone caused Lightning to chuckle a little as Vanille quickly hopped up onto the bed as she just sighed.
"Mary, can we have a word outside? It isn't anything major. Just these two need to rest a little and I'd like to have a word or two with you." Rosa said as Lightning just smiled as her mother pulled back a little to stare into Lightning's eyes.
"I'm going to be fine Mom. I promise. I'm just going to try and get some sleep and Vanille probably will be doing the same." Lightning spoke as if she could just see her mother relaxing at the comment, as if it was satisfactory.
Turning around at the door, Rosa just looked at Vanille. "Remember what we talked about Vanille. Just go to sleep." Rosa said in a stern tone as Vanille deflated as she quickly pulled the blanket up as she rolled onto her side to just look at Lightning.
Seeing the door close, Lightning smiled as she almost fell onto her side to look at Vanille. "How is your hand doing?" Lightning asked as Vanille just smiled at her in what she had hoped was a disarming one as Lightning just simply stared into her eyes as she sat up. "How much is it hurting?"
"Not bad. I promise. Just it is a little sore but they couldn't give me anything stronger because of my medication." Vanille said as she just stared at her girlfriend. "Rosa just didn't want me to climb into bed with you. Because I really wanted to… but she feared that you'd do something dangerous and stupid. Inadvertently because you harmed me again this time it is not being by my own doing." Vanille said as Lightning stared at her harsher. "I swear Lightning. I swear on Scruffy… and you know he means a lot more to me than any other animal."
"Okay… just tell me the truth when you feel comfortable."
"I am telling you the truth Lightning."
'If she wasn't then why would she be trying to relax you like this? Come on Light relax.'
Author's Note:
And another chapter is done.