Chapter 24:
Laying on the bed, Lightning just frowned as she could hear the keys jingling as she just stared at the ceiling with the deep sense of loathing that she knew was coming. It was the same thing that always came when it was just shy eleven.
Seeing the flood of light coming in, Lightning just sighed as she started to sit up and brace herself against the wall as she could see Yuna walking in with a large thermos in one hand and in the other was a collection of books.
Handing the books over, Yuna just smiled at the sight of Lightning accepting the books and moving them to the side as Yuna took a seat and began to take the two cups from the thermos handing one over to the pink haired teen as she started to unscrew the cap.
It was such an ingrained routine that Lighting actually enjoyed it when she was forced to sit in these rooms for a day. It was actually a pleasant thing if just because she knew that she wasn't forgotten. She was just going to look forward to the time where she'd be allowed to just talk to Vanille. It was the single greatest pleasure she had access to in this world it would seem.
"Vanille is doing fine. She has been sitting in the greenhouse almost all day. Helping to tend to the flowers. A past time that no matter how much I know it was her favourite will always surprise me with how much she fights it. Compared to her current favourite which is writing and reading." Yuna said with a smile as she could see Lightning just chuckling.
It was such a sweet sight that Yuna had to admit that she was starting to feel a little jealous as to what she was lacking with her husband as of recent. But she also had to admit that it was nice to see that the youth in the world were receiving the love that she felt like she was lacking.
"She just thinks it would open the door for people to insult her... not realising that just because she is with me once it is known then people will walk on egg shells around her. Especially because I could crush most everyone with nothing more than an hour's work. Two if Vanille didn't want them hurt." Lightning said as she could see Yuna just sighing. "I'm just glad that she is doing good. Even though I know you are being weirdly anal this time with checking up on me because I'm not in the cell I normally am. Even though there is nothing I really have access to... mattress is sewed to the padding... I've nothing really to break a single stitch because of how Serah did her evil thing and did my nails the last time..."
"There are just a lot of things on my plate Lightning and I don't want to add any injuries you do to yourself onto that." Yuna said as Lightning crossed her legs under her as she raised the cup to her lips to take a small sip.
Just enjoying the soothing hot beverage, she was starting to wonder how Yuna had constantly been able to nail what she needed in that moment. It was such a pleasant surprise, but she had to admit that it was going to be funny in a twisted way. It was going to be a funny moment to her when she was able to make the mistake.
"You can fix large chunks by just showing your husband some of the video. At least he might understand why you aren't overly keen on touching. I hear that is what most people's reaction is... and it worked for Rosa and her husband."
"It is apples and oranges Light. Tidus, while in many regards is the perfect man in my eyes, he isn't the type that can handle the emotional damage that tape can cause. And while I hate to bring this up, he is very emotionally sensitive. Just hearing the purge was happening caused him to become sleepless for countless days and was only able to get some from a mixture of exhaustion and from talking to me, Lulu and a therapist I all but had to force him to go to. How well do you think seeing something far far worse would go down with him? I'd be an awful wife and an awful person if I subject him to that without him being actually prepared or even before he asks."
Smiling faintly at Yuna's clarification, Lightning just knew that Yuna was probably doing it for a far more selfish reason. Namely that she didn't want to relive any more of the tape than she needed to. A sentiment that Lightning could see from a normal person's stance. But she did also know what Yuna said also had to have played a role in the situation.
It was something that left Lightning wondering largely which part was playing the larger role. The only upside was that she knew that eventually Yuna and her husband will get over this road block. It was something that she had to look forward to. She was just about to speak up and call Yuna out just to figure out which one was weighing more on Yuna at the moment when she was cut off by Yuna.
"What were you thinking about last night that caused the banging your head if you don't mind me asking? It is just because for you to be engrossed that far into your own thoughts to ignore your own pain normally it is a large thing that has been bothering you for a while and you want to yell that it is bothering you but think you would be asking too much." Yuna said as Lightning started as she took a deep breath before she continued further on with her explanation. "I've been your doctor for a long time Lightning. A good psychiatrist will pick up on their patient's mannerisms. A great one can head the thoughts off and I know both of those as well as what needs to be going through your head to lead you to harming yourself. Both intentionally and unintentionally."
"I'm... It's complicated." Lightning said as Yuna just smiled as she got comfortable in her seat.
"We've got time."
Sighing as she cupped her hands around the plastic mug as she just sighed breathing onto the liquid. "It is just everything about my life has started to become complicated and it is in ways I was never taught how to deal with..." Lightning began softly after a few tense moments of silence. She knew that it was going to be one of the harder things to explain to Yuna but still. She wanted to really just to ignore what was going on in her head but she knew better.
The doctors might not push her to talk about things, but she also learned from a lot of experiences that she had to talk about these things eventually. It was a terrible thing but she also had to admit that it did tend to help with a lot of things. And she had nothing to lose at this moment.
"I'm used to being alone... especially with the anniversary coming up. People not understanding anything I went through... not caring really to ask. My Mom telling me that my Father was a bit of a heartless bastard to her as well. Something I already knew from my own observations... it just feels different with her confirming it. And Vanille with her incessant surprise hugs needing to just latch onto me with her convinced she is a bad girlfriend. Not listening to me when I say that I don't need to twenty four seven hug."
"In Vanille's defence I would totally hug you that long if I could. Without a second's thought at that." Yuna said with a small smile as she could see Lightning tensing up at the comment. One that caused Yuna to raise her hand in defence. "I'm not going to hug you Lightning. At least not without your consent. You should know that by now."
"Hugs are stupid."
"Agree to disagree."
Sitting on the edge of the wooden flower box, Vanille just smiled faintly as she took a deep breath as she could see Rosa walking into the greenhouse causing her to just frown. She had just gotten free from Yuel so she could actually enjoy some of the flower species she hasn't seen in a long time. Now instead she was going to need to wait even longer to smell some flowers and decide which ones she was going to braid into Lightning's hair once she could actually use her hand again. She already had decided on one of the flowers but she wanted to just scream at the fact her fun time was going to be ruined.
Sighing as she could see Rosa walking over towards where she was sitting Rosa at least could see partially why Yuel was so inclined to talk about a lot of things when the doctors talked to her out here. It was a sort of peaceful area that she knew they often didn't understand how relaxing the aromas would be.
The only downside in Vanille's mind was the fact that she had to talk with the doctors at all. She would much rather just have the privacy. Something that the more she got she could see a little why Lightning enjoyed it so much. But she also did know unlike Lightning she would also have to admit that if the right groups of people were here it could be just as enjoyable.
"This is the first time I've actually seen you in here since the first month we had it built. When you and Yuel and some other people from rural Gran Pulse planted everything. Even had me fire the gardener that we hired to look after this place." Rosa said as Vanille picked up a flower delicately between her fingers as she frowned at the sight. "What are you doing in here? Because if it is just flower watching why did Yuel lodge a complaint against you for being intrusive?"
"We weren't wrong. The soil here is rich in nutrients and he was going to ruin it." Vanille began as she let go of the flower and just sighed as she looked at Rosa knowing what was the real reason now. "And I wasn't being intrusive. I just asked which flowers do you think would go nice in Lightning's hair. Because I do plan on riding the guilt train until she lets me braid some into her hair. And then she said that she had to go in for her group and some of her medication." Vanille began as she leaned back a little before sitting up right again. "And I'll be honest I did notice a little shift in her personality. Seemed a lot less wanting to help and a lot more wanting to just run."
"I'm still required to check up on every complaint. I'll be sure to let Caius know to just talk to her." Rosa began as she stood up and leaned down to sniff a flower before she quickly pulled back and covered her nose. "I thought all flowers smelled good. What is with that one?"
"Flowers only smell nice when they are in full bloom to attract insects. And that one in particular just smells really really bad to everything until it is in full bloom and its petals are open to the world as to protect itself from insects. It is Fang's favourite. She said that it represents Pulsean hunters." Vanille said with a small smile as she could see Rosa just looking at her a little confused. "She says it is because they might look beautiful but if they want to and can attract all kinds of prey but when they aren't ready they repel everything from their stench alone. And I'm inclined to believe it."
"I don't want to imagine what your village smells like if that is what hunters smell like."
"Smells better than big cities... at least you know exactly where the pee and poo smell is coming from. Which is normal the tannery." Vanille said with a smile as she stood up before climbing into the bed on her knees to do what Rosa had no idea, but she just seemed so vastly interested in it. "How is Lightning doing by the way? She seemed pretty bad even if she never lets it on."
"She is talking to Yuna right now and probably, knowing Yuna, drinking the right tea for the situation. But you seem like you are trying to distract yourself from a bigger issue."
"I forgot one of the most important anniversaries to Lightning... and instead have been trying to make this about me... and I'm busy doing other things that I can't give her the hugs that she needs." Vanille spoke softly as she grunted as she pulled something from the dirt. "Can't even do it now. Because I do want to tell her about how I'm actually hurt... but instead I'm not going to see her for at least a day and am sitting here weeding and doing anything to take my mind off how I'm a bad girlfriend."
Smiling a faint smile Rosa walked over and gently helped Vanille into a proper sitting position so they could talk. Something that she was happy Vanille seemed accepting of. As she just plopped down with a sorrowful look. One that Rosa did know was simply because Vanille was still emotionally immature when it came to things like this.
"Lightning forgot the anniversary was coming up too Vanille." Rosa said as Vanille looked at her with a confused look just slightly masking the sadness in her features. "Not all anniversaries people want to remember. Especially bad ones like that. People who have experienced some really bad things tend to fall into that. I mean there are dates I know Kain and Cecil know all too well. And they just want to forget the dates. A good year they'll forget it entirely but those are few and far between. Last one for Cecil was seventeen years ago. Kain was about four."
"Why would people want to forget about those kinds of things?" Vanille asked as Rosa just smiled faintly as she pulled her into a one armed hug.
"You know when you were having a bad depression day. Imagine that but people can put the exact point on a calender. You are brought back to those dark times from people reminding you. You can't escape them. They are as much a part of you as everything else."
"So you're saying I've been a bad girlfriend for reminding her?"
"No, I'm saying you were mistaken. There is a saying I feel like is appropriate for you. 'The path to hell is paved with good intentions.' You might mean to do something good but it just comes out bad. Which is why I always tell people when they have a close relation being here. You need to let Lightning decide how you can help her. She might very well be looking for a distraction just like you are here. Her distraction though I've no doubt is down to her wanting to help you."
"How does helping me help her?" Vanille asked as Rosa just smiled as she accepted some of the weeds from Vanille's hands.
"How does weeding the flower beds help you? It keeps her mind off the main issue. It doesn't really help but it makes you feel like it is. At the end of the day the problems do still remain. But to continue this fairly bad analogy, if Lightning's mind is like this flowerbed, all we are trying to do is give Lightning the tools to remove the weeds herself."
"But... no one person can do all of this by themselves unless they have a lot of spare time. And Lightning always says that is the one thing she wouldn't really have when she gets out. Then what..."
"That is why the follow up appointments are important Vanille. We make them so everyone has no reason to not attend them besides they feel like they are ready to go it alone. And you know Lightning's family. Chances are even if she feels ready they won't let her just shrug off an appointment unless they feel comfortable that she can go it alone."
Seemingly accepting the answer, Vanille just glanced down as she took a deep breath as she looked at her hand in its cast. She knew that it was going to be a painful thing but if she was being honest that wasn't even the tip of the iceberg of what had been annoying her. But if she was being honest she still just wanted to run from all of this if it was into Lightning's arms as they just do something fun that she hadn't done in seemingly forever. Like catching some butterflies or her favourite to do with Fang catching beetles and watching them fight before releasing them back to where they found them. She had no doubt that was one of a few things she could probably do better than Lightning at and she would love to try it again.
After all, Vanille was still ahead of Fang in a number of bouts. But really Vanille would just be happy to spend time with her girlfriend showing her her vast knowledge of the wildlife from Gran Pulse. Even if she wasn't near Oerba where she could really let her knowledge shine. But she still knew enough to brag.
"Are you feeling at least a little better?" Rosa asked as Vanille just sighed gently.
"My hand is starting to hurt again... and I kind of really want to go out and spend some time with Lightning in here. But that isn't going to happen for like a long long time. She isn't big on flowers or gardens. Which is sad. Serah showed me pictures of the one they have at home and it is gorgeous."
"That sounds like her. But you'll need to wait longer before you can take something for your hand."
"It just sucks... and it hurts..."
"I'd rather you be in discomfort than dying."
"Not fair... but fine."
Author's Note:
Another chapter down...