This is the last chapter set in LA, Addison will be in Seattle in the next chapter. I hope you enjoy
The next day was spent in the doctor's office as they ran tests. The doctor suggested an increase in the dosage of Addison's anxiety medication, and she flipped out, because she had been fine before her husband called. The dosage had been working just fine and she didn't want more. She didn't want to have to readjust to something different and she didn't want to feel overwhelmed. It had been lucky that Mark had been carrying that bag full of emergency first aide supplies, and even luckier that the bag had an emergency inhaler. Addison hated that her weekend with Mark was being ruined, but it was nice to have him advocate for her, because she was in no state to advocate for herself.
Things with Nikki had been nice that weekend. Addison's appetite had somewhat returned and the blonde insisted that they eat together as originally planned. She sat and held Addison's hand at the table while they discussed topics other than Derek Christopher Shepherd because Addison still wanted to feed him to a shark. While she was holding hands with her girlfriend under the table Addison realized that she liked Nichole a lot, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for their relationship to progress, and she did want it to progress. The back and forth feelings were overwhelming her at a time when she really needed some calm.
This time when Mark left Addison was miserable. He insisted that he would straighten things out with Derek and that she shouldn't worry, but she knew she would worry anyway.
"Just convince him to sign the divorce papers, I don't care if he thinks I slept with all four of his sisters and half the hospital, I just cannot be married to him any longer." Mark understood and Addison knew he would do whatever he could to get through to Derek. Addison had already filed the paperwork for her name change. She was back to being Addison Montgomery not Shepherd. "Call me when you land so I know you're safe," she added before they parted ways again.
The Thursday after Mark went home Addie was laying out on the beach under a large umbrella with Nikki. It was nice to be lying in the shade together.
"You know I really enjoy spending time with you Addison," Nikki said.
"I sense a but coming," Addison answered as she sat up to look at the blonde woman who was sitting next to her.
"I don't think you're ready for a relationship." Addison nodded, it was true, but she really didn't want it to be, because Nikki was nice and she made Addie feel warm inside. When they spent time together Addison was happy and she didn't want that to end. "I do like spending time with you Addie and I'd love to get you out of those cute little shorts and the hoodie, but you're not ready for that."
"I'm sorry," Addison sniffled, she was ready to cry.
"There is nothing to be sorry for Addison, you're going through a rough divorce and coming out and you really need some self-discovery time and hobbies, which is why I think we should try surfing." Addison's face lit up at that.
"Really?"
"Yes Addie, just because you're not ready for big romantic gestures doesn't mean we can't be friends. You're a pretty cool person and I'd love to teach you to surf."
"I'd really like that."
"Besides us East-coasters have to stick together LA can be a rough place," Nichole added with a grin to make Addison smile. "I have a board that should be perfect to get you started on, and I'm going to suggest a wet suit because it can get cold out there." Addie nodded and made a mental note to research one when she got back to Naomi's and her laptop. "I know of a few spots that are good, but it will all depend on the wind and the tide and stuff, we can check that out whenever you're ready." Addison thought that maybe things would be better this way, she would still have Nikki as a friend, but without the pressure of trying to build a relationship. Addie laid back down and they were silent for a while before Nikki broke it.
"If you want to talk about what happened last week Addie, I'm here for you, okay?"
"I'm just the leader of the three ring circus."
"I always wanted to run away and join the circus," Nikki replied trying to lighten the mood, but it only made Addison feel worse and Nichole noticed right away, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." Addison sat up again and removed her sunglasses.
"It's not you, it's me. You know I really like you and I love spending time with you and I would love nothing more than to be ready for a romantic relationship with you, because you're amazing, but I'm broken or defective or something. I don't know what happened last week, I've never had an anxiety attack or an asthma attack or whatever the fuck happened to me. And I'm doing everything I am supposed to be doing to get better and every single time I think I'm making progress," She was so frustrated.
"Mental health stuff always takes more time than we'd like it to Addie. I know you're trying and you're making progress. You were telling me about your research yesterday and how you thought maybe you could patent some new surgical tools. You're here with me on the beach lathered in sunblock like a responsible adult. We're making plans to go surfing. That's progress." Nikki nudged her and she offered a weak smile.
"I just want to be ready for more."
"Believe me I get it, but you can't rush it," Addison nodded. She really did understand. Nichole reached out to play with her hair. The blonde gently massaged Addie's temples and Addie sighed, It felt nice. "I am here if you do want to talk about it Addie, I know you have Mark and Naomi, but I'm here too."
"That really means a lot Nikki."
"I just know from experience that sometimes an outsider can help better than the people involved."
"Do you want to go to New York and force Derek to sign the divorce papers?" It was a rhetorical question and Nikki laughed.
"How long have you been married?"
"Ten years," Addison answered automatically.
"That's ten times longer than my longest relationship," she laughed, and Addison laughed too.
"We were together for four years before that, we dated all through med school, we moved in together our second year and then he proposed, and we've been Addison and Derek ever since." Nikki was impressed that they had spent so much time together.
"So why the divorce?"
"Because I'm gay," Addison answered and though Nikki knew she'd been coming out she looked taken aback by the response.
"I knew you were coming out, but I just thought you were bisexual, you're sure you are?" The question hung in the air between them.
"A lesbian?" Nicole nodded. "Yes," things grew painfully silent and Nichole was unable to take it.
"I'm sorry I made things weird," she rushed to say. "I just thought, I mean," she tried. "That's a long time to be with someone, and I, I thought maybe it was just one girl that made you realize and, I mean that's what happened to me and I thought I still liked guys, but here I am completely interested in women, so I get it, I just didn't. I mean I came out in college and that was hard, but I can't imagine what that is like for you right now, and please say something Addie." Addison smiled at her, she was so adorable when she didn't know how to say what she wanted to say and rambled.
"I love him so much, I mean he makes me angry right now, but you are right we've been together a long time. We wanted a family, and we were trying for a while, and as much as I want children, I was so relieved when we stopped trying. I never enjoyed the sex and I just thought that's how it was going to be. I married my best friend, so the rest of it didn't matter, we had fun together, he broke his leg when we tried skiing, he held my hand when I had to have a root canal and cried like a baby. We had a lot of great times together, but the other stuff, I never liked. Maybe I would be happier if I came out sooner. I don't know, but I can't go back in time, so I'll have to move forward." Nikki smiled at her and they decided as they packed up to go home that they would try and meet up to go surfing sometime in the next week.
When Naomi asked her about the beach with Nikki she didn't tell her they had decided to just be friends. Addison told her they were going to go surfing together and left it at that. The redhead did some research and ordered a wet suit. It was going to be a couple of weeks before it arrived and they decided that when it did they would set a date to go surfing. Addison found herself excited for a new adventure.
It took a few weeks to make the plans, but once they were together in the water it felt as if no time had passed. Addison felt overdressed in her wetsuit. She had a long sleeved top and her shorts were mid thigh length.
"Why did you really suggest the wetsuit?"
"Two reasons," Nikki responded. "First off you are protected more from the sun in that than in a traditional bathing suit, and two just because we're not dating doesn't mean I've stopped being attracted to you, and just the thought of you in a bikini is distracting." Addie smiled. She did a lot of watching that day. Nikki took her to a spot where quite a few locals were catching some waves. She studied the way they positioned their bodies on their surfboards and how they stood to ride the waves and Nikki had showed her proper paddling techniques and she centered herself on the surfboard and gave it a try. Learning to surf was going to be a slow process.
Addison had become a professional at research and she spent the time between their surf trips reading surf magazines and watching tutorials online. Waves could be unpredictable though even if you researched the conditions beforehand and Addison had read a couple of scary stories, but she didn't want to be a professional, she just wanted to try something new and have a good time.
"I know you're excited, but please be patient Addie. Naomi will kill me if you get hurt." Addison groaned because she knew her friend was worried. The third time they went out Addison paddled out perfectly, her form was textbook and she felt so ready to stand up on her board and ride a wave.
"You are so impatient Addison," Nikki laughed, "this isn't an exam you have to cram for, this is supposed to be a fun leisure activity."
"I know, but I like to be prepared, I'm ready to give it a try." Nikki conceded, she did look ready and they had been going slow.
Addison however had spent so much time trying to get to the point where she could stand up on her surfboard and lean into the wave, that she didn't know what to do when she got there. Her feet were placed too far back and she slipped off the board with a "FUCK" and a loud splash. Nikki was by her side the moment she resurfaced and gripped the board as she caught her breath.
"Are you okay Addie?" The redhead nodded still trying to catch her breath. "You know with all the high heels I've seen you wearing I thought you'd have better balance than that!" Nikki snorted.
"I did too," Addison responded and they both clung to their surfboards and laughed in the shallow ocean waters together. They continued to laugh together and it felt so good. Addison felt like no matter what happened, everything really was going to be alright. When their laughter finally subsided Addison whimpered. "I think I hit my knee."
"Let's get to shore so I can check you out." Addison giggled and Nichole must have realized what she said. "I mean the knee, let me take a look at your knee." It was bruised and so when Naomi came home from work later that afternoon she found her friend with an ice pack on her knee.
"Are you alright Addie?"
"Just fell, I'll be find," she smiled at Naomi in a way that she hoped was reassuring.
"I think that's my cue to leave," Nichole added as she stood up. She walked into the kitchen to grab her bag and Addison watched as Naomi followed her.
"She didn't tell me," Naomi said, "but I can tell. If she was ready for a romance right now I'm sure the two of you would be off naked together someplace far more romantic than my couch." Addison hated that she could hear their conversation. "I'm glad you two are still friends." Nikki sniffled and Naomi must have handed her a tissue.
"She's pretty great," Nichole replied. When she went to hug Addie goodbye the redhead whispered "you're pretty great too."
They went surfing together a few more times and Addison road her first wave. They had kissed afterwards and Addison wanted so badly to be ready for a relationship with the wonderful woman before her. Their time together grew less frequent as Nichole was working on a research grant proposal at UCLA. They kept in contact though.
Addison's time spent in LA grew longer. She had routines. She was seeing Dr. Kline once a week now instead of the three days she'd been seeing her when she first arrived seven months ago. Derek called once a month on the 18th and they argued, but unlike the first time she yelled back at him. She'd told him he was a self-centered prick last week before hanging up on him. She was doing her own research, just like Nichole. Addison missed Nichole, but they were both doing different things and going in different directions and while Addison was sad that it hadn't worked, she was happy that they had met and shared their time together.
Now Addison was sitting in the kitchen typing away on her laptop. Naomi had ordered pizza.
"Nai, this pizza is terrible," Addison commented as she took a bite.
"Look short of getting Mark to overnight one from New York, you are going to complain about the pizza no matter where I order from. More for me," she sassed. Addie rolled her eyes and deleted the last sentence she had typed. Naomi lifted her pizza to her mouth and just as she was about to take a bite Addison caused her to drop it.
"I think I'm ready to go back to work."
"Are you sure?"
"You're busy, Sam is busy, Mark hasn't been able to visit in three months because he is busy, and Nikki, and I feel like I'm ready. I'm more than a little nervous, but if I really want to design new surgical tools that work the way I need them to, I need to get back into the OR so that I know how to improve them. It's been more than seven months, but I spent more than seven years preparing for this job."
"I think it's natural to be a little nervous, but it's like riding a bike, you never really forget."
"It's not that Nai," she sighed. "I can't go back to New York and I've been out of it for so long, what if no one wants to give me a chance?" Naomi reached out and put her arm around Addison's shoulders.
"You have been doing so much research to design better surgical tools, tools specifically for your specialty and you have published nearly a dozen articles in the last six months. That work is out there, Addison. You fell, but you didn't stay down. You have worked so hard to get yourself back up and if a hospital knows that Dr. Addison Montgomery is available they are going to want her."
"Thanks Nai," she smiled. "I don't know what I would do without you," and she stood up and hugged her friend, taking Naomi by surprise.
"You would probably be eating better pizza." They both burst out laughing.
"You know Mark and pizza are the only things I actually miss about New York," Addison commented when they finally stopped laughing.
"What do you think you're going to do?" Naomi asked. Addison had given it some thought.
"I think I might give Richard a call. He tried to get Derek and I to go out to Seattle when he became Chief of Surgery. Maybe the offer will still be good even if it is just me." She wasn't certain that it would work out, but it was a start. She would give him a call in the morning.
"You know, I'll miss you if you move to Seattle," Naomi responded.
"You know the house next to Sam's is on the market. I was thinking about buying it. The only potential problem is my idiot husband, and I know I can bury him in lawyers if need be, but I don't want to create a real estate problem, I don't want the Brownstone, I don't care about the house in the Hamptons he can have it, but Los Angeles is mine, and I want a place here. I think of this as home now Nai."
"I hate that Derek is still giving you a hard time," Naomi shook her head.
"I've filed for divorce, I've legally dropped his name, I've told him to go fuck himself, I don't know what will make him understand," she sighed. "Ugh men."
"I understand," Naomi laughed.
"I might just buy it though, for the added incentive to return home." Naomi shoved her.
"Like your friends aren't incentive enough." They laughed.
"Well I want my own place Nai, I might bring a girlfriend."
"Oh we're already planning to bring a girlfriend, I see how it is Addie." They spent the evening laughing together in the kitchen. Maya came in at one point and shook her head at them. "I hope I have a friendship like yours in 20 years," the teenager commented before walking out. Addison resolved to call Richard the next morning. She was ready to go back to work.