Supernatural: Fighting for You

Disclaimer: You know ;)

A/N: I am a Christian, I do not believe that the theological concepts laid out in Supernatural accurately reflect anything that I believe, but I am writing more or less within the universe they have created, so I will maintain their perceptions. Also, this is a long chapter. I really wanted to capture what they could be feeling, so, my apologies in advance; enjoy!

& Thank you, Leann Nickerson, for your reviews, they mean a lot!

"Sure thing, Cas, ask away." Dean felt his heart pick up at Castiel's tone, but he squashed any hope that wanted to spring up. He was in heaven, he was at peace, why would anyone ever want to leave this. But I do. Burying the thought, he coughed into the silence, Castiel staring at him, waiting for some cue to ask his question.

"Well, are you going to ask or are you going to keep staring at me like I've got two heads?"

"Um," Castiel swallowed, "After everything you've been through, I want to give you what is best for you." Dean looked back at the road, his mind instantly dreading whatever heavenly responsibilities Cas wanted to saddle him with.

"Spit it out, Cas, I know we have forever up here, but that doesn't mean I want to wait that long," Dean kept his tone light, but dry, trying to fight the urge to ask Castiel to get Jack to send him back. It wasn't going to end any other way, he told himself, I died like I lived, fighting. I would have rathered it be at the end of a gun or sword, but, old barns are always full of sharp objects and I was hunting, so it's as good a way as any. Dean mentally shrugged and focused on the road, At least I made it to heaven this time, now I am supposed to be at peace.

For all his reasoning, Dean still found himself unsettled with the abruptness of everything and the irony of living through so much crap just to die by being stabbed through the back in an old barn. I am at peace. I am at peace. I am at peace. He repeated the mantra over and over, trying to force himself to be content, hoping that if he said it enough times inside his head the unsettled feeling would go away.

It was never going to end any other way. I am at peace. I was beyond saving. I am at peace. This life only ends bloody. I am at peace.

I have Baby, I have Bobby, maybe I can go see Mom and Dad, I am at peace, I am at pea-

"Sam has asked me to bring you back."

All thoughts ceased.

"He what?" Dean asked, shock in his tone. "I specifically told him to let me go. I told him no deals." Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. He could fight his desire to go back, but Sam's desire to have him back? That really tested his limits. I am at peace. I'm not worth saving, Sam should just let me go, Dean thought, his emotions warring. Hope was stirring, but he quickly fought to tamp it down with reality. This was supposed to be the end of his story. He was supposed to be at peace.

"There was no deal. He just asked," Castiel continued, trying to read Dean's expression. He thought that hope had flashed in Dean's eyes, but something else sprang up and quickly clouded Dean's expression.

"But...I-I can't go back. This is it. I'm supposed to be at peace. I always knew it would end bloody. It's better now than later," Dean took a fortifying breath, "Sam's free to leave the life. I died doing what I love, that should be enough." He needs to let me go, the pain in his heart surprised him, heaven is supposed to be all lollipops and puppies, or is that Candyland? Shaking his head, Dean tried to keep the trouble in his heart from clouding his eyes as he turned away from Castiel.

"It is. It is, Dean." Castiel took a breath. Humans still confused him, he wasn't sure what he expected, but Dean's reaction wasn't right.

Prompted by Sam's desire, Castiel continued, "But, if you want to go back... If you want more life, I... I can give it to you."

Hardly daring to believe it, Dean looked at Castiel, the impala coming to a stop. I can go back? And do what? Hunt more monsters? Come home to an empty bunker, wait for the next sharp object to take me out? His thoughts were plagued with the tiredness he had felt when he was alive, but hope would not be silenced. Dean struggled as it fought its way through his barriers, whispering to his heart: See Sam, have a life; fall in love; grow old; die at a good age, not a young age; live.

Hesitantly, Dean looked at Castiel, "I... I can go back?"

"You can."

Processing the possibility, Dean still needed more, hope and reality warring, his heart repeating what hope had whispered, but reality questioning the soundness of his desires. Maybe fate was just toying with him. How many more times can I die and come back? Why should I keep coming back? Why not just let it end here?

"Why?" his voice came out colder than he had intended.

Troubled by Dean's tone, Castiel pushed forward, "Because you have more life to live. You should have another chance to have a family. A chance that isn't tainted by Chuck. Sam still needs you. You're his big brother."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing, his heart wanted to let the hope grow, but his brain couldn't take it. All his life he'd been raised to die for his family, the concept of living for his family was foreign to him. Protect Sammy, save the world, and then pay for all his misdeeds, all the blood, or get lucky and find peace. That was how it was supposed to work.

He could finally stop complicating people's lives. Sam wouldn't be in danger because of him, maybe Jody would keep an eye on him. He didn't have to worry about Lisa and Ben, who were constantly in the back of his mind. No more innocents placing their hope in someone whose hands were as dirty as his, no more living up to expectations, it was all just done.

"Sam wants you to live because he wants you to have the life you've desired. You're his family, he wants you to be happy." If asked, Dean would swear that Castiel had just pulled his deepest desires right out of his head. Leave it to Cas to get right down to the bone of it, he thought grimly.

"No," Dean finally breathed out, his emotions a roaring mess of confliction, but the weight of reality won in the end. "Everyone is better off without me." As the weight settled on Dean's heart, he tried to hide it from Castiel. Living had its sucky moments, why shouldn't being dead suck too.

Castiel paused, he had expected Dean to say that being at peace was what he wanted, but that he would believe the misguided notion that the world was better off without him had not entered Castiel's mind.

"No one is better off without you, Dean." Castiel shook his head and took a breath, nodding at something Dean couldn't see, and then he placed his fingers onto Dean's forehead.

"What...?"

"Just watch"

Dean saw Jody and the girls talking about him and Sam, their plans to have them over for dinner in the works. He watched as Claire practiced the moves he had taught her, Alex watching to learn herself.

Then he saw Lisa and Ben leave the hospital that day that felt like it had happened forever ago and yesterday at the same time. They were smiling, but something was off. He watched as guy after guy drifted through their lives, Lisa appreciated them but never settled down. He saw as she struggled to find the right fit.

Then she was holding one of his shirts. Something he'd left when he'd gone off with soulless Sam. He could see that she didn't remember where it had come from, but she treasured it nonetheless. He saw Ben sneak into her room and grab the same shirt, laying it out on the bed and staring at it like it represented someone he wanted to be one day.

He saw Sam sitting beside him in the impala, Sam carrying his body to his bedroom after Metatron had killed him, Sam hugging him after their Mom's death. He watched as Sam watched him, looked up to him, fought for him. He saw Sam as he had back in the barn, grief in his eyes, fear, desperation. He watched as Sam put on a brave face. Tears fell as he watched Sam cry over his limp body. The emotion that tore through his system had him jerking away from Castiel's hand.

"The impact that you have made on the lives around you should not be underestimated. Claire, Alex, and Jody, along with many others, are all the better for knowing you. Lisa and Ben may not remember you, but they never forgot you. Dean," Castiel's deep voice reverberated through the impala, "Sam may be his own man, but he will always be your little brother, looking up to you, relying on you, needing you."

Castiel found himself holding his proverbial breath, he could see now why Sam was fighting so hard. Peace was good and Dean deserved to find it, but the timing wasn't right. Dean needed to live, for those who loved him and for himself.

"You can go back. You can have a life with Sam, grow old with Lisa, be a father to Ben. Hunt as needed, be a functioning member of society," Castiel gave a slight smirk, trying to get Dean to meet his eyes, "With Jack in charge, you can have the life you were afraid to dream of," there was a slight change in Castiel's tone, "but we have to do it now."

"I... I don't know, Cas. I... I want to go back. I really do. But what if it isn't right?"

Castiel paused, holding himself together, his eyes looking at something over Dean's shoulder.

"Does it feel right being here?"

Dean hesitated, knowing his answer should be yes, but feeling in his heart that it wasn't, "No."

"Then what is the harm in seeing if it feels right being there?"

Castiel could feel hope surrounding him as Dean met his gaze.

"Cas, I... I want to go back." Fear tried to rear its head, but Dean pushed it aside and dared to hope as he placed his trust in the angel once more.

"Good."

Dean smiled, another weight lifting off his heart, old scars that had marred his heart and plagued his mind fading a little. Sammy is fighting fate. Sammy is fighting for me.

Doubts instantly tried to make their way to the forefront of Dean's mind, telling him that if Sam believed Dean was at peace, he wouldn't try to bring him back from it. But here sat Castiel, at Sam's prompting, and so Dean shoved the fear out, letting the hope that Sam believed he was worth saving and that the consequences were worth getting his brother back take root.

Seeing the doubt and hope play across Dean's face, Castiel gave a small, reassuring smile and again placed his fingers on Dean's forehead.

Accepting whatever would come, Dean closed his eyes. I'm coming, Sammy.

Sam had made his way back to the barn after dropping the kids off a block from the Police station, none the worse for wear, telling them to let the cops get them back to their families. He had to get back to Dean... to Dean's body.

Praying that Castiel had heard him, he pulled the car to a stop at the rundown property and swiftly got out of the car. Making his way to the barn, he stopped at the doorway, taking a moment to muster the strength to go in.

With a heavy breath, he stepped inside.

His instincts were instantly on high alert when he saw a figure kneeling over his brother.

"Get away from him!" He shouted, pulling his gun.

The figure stood up and Sam recognized him immediately, "Castiel! I wasn't sure you'd hear my prayer. Dean said the Empty took you. Did Jack bring you back?" Sam let the breath he had been holding go, as his words rushed out and he took in the scene.

"Hello, Sam." Castiel gave him a small smile. "Jack did bring me back. He has been fixing heaven. What happened?" The sadness in Castiel's poster was coupled with a tiredness that Sam hadn't expected from the angel.

Sam looked down at Dean's body, half expecting Dean to crack some stupid joke about Sam stating the obvious. Then the realization that Dean was still dead hit him hard, followed immediately by anger at Castiel for just standing over Dean's dead body and doing nothing.

"Vampires. I need you to bring him back." Sam's tone was hard.

"Sam. He is at peace."

Hesitation splintered through his heart. If anyone deserved peace, it was Dean, but peace would be there later, Dean should be living his life now.

"I don't care."

"Maybe he does." Castiel's heart broke as he said the words. He could see how torn up Sam was about this. He knew that if Sam were dead Dean would be asking him to bring Sam back regardless of the consequences because Sam still had life to live. Sam was usually more logically driven, more willing to accept fate. Castiel was surprised to see Sam fighting his beliefs to bring his brother back to life, especially since Dean was in heaven.

"He is in heaven, Sam."

"I don't care about that either." Sam said, his tone firm and raw, "Listen to me, Cas, you have to bring him back."

"Sam..."

"I...I used to think that Dean was so willing to sacrifice everything to bring me back from the dead because he didn't want to be alone, Cas. I thought he was being selfish and couldn't let me go because then he'd have no one. But I was wrong." Sam's tone was pleading, his heart beating in his chest. He knew Dean was in heaven, had found peace, but it wasn't right, nothing about it felt right.

Castiel gave Sam a puzzled look.

"I lost him, Cas. I-I...he's dead," Sam took a trembling breath, "and hit me that it's not about me being alone. It's about him deserving to live. I never knew what Dean was talking about when he said that I was worth saving, I never felt like I was worth saving, but I get it now. It was never about how I measured up, it was about his love for me. It was about wanting the best for me. I want that for him."

Seeing a shift in Castiel's stance, fear drove itself into Sam's heart. If Castiel thinks Dean is better off in heaven, he could take Dean's body and that would be that, the fear whispered to his heart.

"Look," Sam quickly stepped closer to Castiel and Dean's body, the fear slightly irrational, but too reasonable to be ignored, "I was wrong to think that Dean wanted to save me to keep from being alone. Without me, he wasn't alone. He made friends and inspired people wherever he went."

Taking a breath, Sam let the words rush out, his eyes pleading with Castiel to hear him, "You saved him from hell and he changed you. In purgatory, he befriended a vampire. A vampire who, while I hate to admit it, would have had his back no matter what. The same vampire that he sacrificed to get me out of purgatory. Dean would have been okay if I had died, but he felt his job was to protect me, to give me the best life he could."

Sam took a breath, "Dean has constantly isolated himself and suffered the loss of people who loved him so that I could live. It was never about Dean having someone there for him, it was about being there for his family. I owe him nothing less than that. It's not so that I am not alone, it's because he deserves more and I should be fighting to make sure he gets more, that's why you need to bring him back."

"Sam..." Castiel tried again, finding himself conflicted.

"Please, Castiel, please." Sam interrupted. He didn't want to hear Castiel's reasoning for leaving Dean in heaven. His heart couldn't take it.

Castiel looked at Dean and back at Sam before bending down with a sigh. Sam jumped forward and put a hand on Dean's shoulder, his eyes wide with fear that Castiel wouldn't hear him and he would let Dean down again. Fear that he wouldn't get the chance to fight for Dean like Dean had fought for him.

"I am not going to take his body, Sam," Castiel said, sadness and pity filling his voice. Sam kept his hand possessively on Dean's now cold shoulder as he watched Castiel place his hand on Dean's forehead.

Sam froze as Castiel reached his other hand out and placed it on Sam's forehead.

Suddenly, Sam found himself watching as Dean spoke with Bobby, a smile on his face and contentment in his features. Looking around, Sam recognized the roadhouse, sadness flooding his heart at the realization that this was Dean's heaven. A place where he had been surrounded by hunters, had friends in Ellen and Ash, had something that could have been more with Jo.

His attention was pulled back to Dean when Dean got into the impala and suddenly, he found himself in the backseat. Dean had the radio playing and his contentment was almost palpable, but Sam could feel something else. Just as he reached out to lay a hand on Dean's shoulder, he found himself back in the old barn, Dean's cold shoulder under his hand, Castiel's hand dropping from his forehead.

"He is content, Sam. I-I can't take that away from him. He's been through too much." Castiel hated ripping the hope from Sam, but he couldn't disrupt Dean's peace.

Tears were falling down Sam's face freely again. Was he wrong to want his brother back so much, to make sure his brother lived, to hope and fight for the best life? Was he really doing the right thing?

If the situation were reversed, and I was dying, you'd do the same thing.

No, Dean, I wouldn't. Same circumstances, I wouldn't.

Guilt flooded Sam's heart.

"Cas, I-I once told Dean that if I had been in his situation and he had been the one dying, that I would have let him die. I didn't say those words, but we both knew what I meant. I ignored the devastation on his face, I thought that he was selfish. I didn't realize then that I was the one being selfish. I wanted to die feeling that I had done something rather than live with the fact that the trials had been for nothing."

Sam stood up, emotion driving him to get through to Castiel, "I didn't care that I was leaving Dean. I didn't care that I was giving up and I was wrong. Dean did what was right, he fought for me no matter what. I owe it to him to return the favor. The life he has always wanted is worth fighting for. He is was worth fighting for."

Castiel took in the determination on Sam's face.

"Either you help me, or I find another way," Sam said, begging Castiel to hear his heart.

"It has to be his choice." Castiel finally conceded, Sam's determination making him question what he had first believed to be a sad, but good thing.

"Then let me talk to him, let me convince him to come back," Sam urged, the hope that he was getting through to Castiel taking root in his heart.

Hesitating, Castiel took a deep breath. He didn't doubt that Sam would go to whoever he had to in order to get Dean back and if he could help, he would. He also owed that to Dean. With a slow nod, Castiel placed his hand back on Dean's cold forehead.

Looking to Sam, he paused, something was wrong, he could feel his grace fluctuating. The reality that there was no way he could bring Sam's consciousness far enough into heaven to let Dean hear him hit him.

"He won't be able to see you or hear you, I-I don't have the strength for that, but you will be able to hear and see him." Castiel motioned for Sam to kneel beside Dean's body.

"Right, okay, sure," Sam said as he kneeled down, taking Dean's hand in his own, he would take whatever he could get, but Castiel's words planted a seed of doubt in his heart. Something was definitely off with the angel.

Suddenly, he was in the back seat of the impala again. He watched as Dean spoke with Castiel. Dean's words tore through his heart. Tears once again falling down his face as he listened.

"Everyone is better off without me."

"No one is better off without him, Castiel. We know that, remind him!" Sam said fervently, emotion thickening his voice, shocked at the perspective Dean had of himself.

"How can I remind him?" Castiel's voice reverberated through Sam's head. It took Sam a second to realize that Dean didn't know Castiel was speaking to him, that Castiel's lips hadn't moved.

"Show him," Sam paused, "show him Jody, show him Ben and Lisa. They aren't better off without him, are they?" Sam said, hoping that he was right. Knowing how much Dean loved Jody and the girls and regretting that Lisa and Ben had been lost to Dean because of Crowley.

"No one is better off without you, Dean." Castiel shook his head and took a breath. He nodded at Sam and then placed his fingers onto Dean's forehead.

Sam watched Dean's initial uncertainty and then saw as the emotions made their way across his face, tears falling down his cheek. He held his breath as Castiel continued talking, he didn't want to distract Castiel, the angel seemed to be struggling as it was. Maybe there was more to coming back from the empty that Castiel hadn't had the chance to share.

"I... I don't know, Cas. I... I want to go back. I really do. But what if it isn't right?" He heard Dean say, his voice a mixture of hope, fear, and uncertainty.

Castiel paused, looking again at Sam for assistance.

"Isn't right?" Sam said. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, "Of course it's right!"

"I think he needs more of an answer than that." Castiel's voice sounded like it was fading.

Sam frowned in puzzlement and then lowered his brow in determination, desperate to break through to his brother.

"Ask him...ask him if it feels right being here." Sam knew the answer, he just hoped Dean was willing to be honest with himself.

"Does it feel right being here?"

"No."

Sam heaved a huge sigh of relief. A smile breaking out on his face as Dean uttered the words his heart needed to hear, "Cas, I... I want to go back."