A/N: A lot of different dark moments occurred in Lookin' In A Mirror and I mostly skipped over Katie and Ned's healing process (not intentionally), but it happened. This is a missing scene. Enjoy xx Mariah

Ages:

Ned — 24
Katie — 21

Walking into the house, it was silent, and Ned knew Katie wasn't home. Her car wasn't parked in the driveway and he should've realized then, but even if she was around, she would be quiet and possibly curled up on the couch or in the guest room again.

The first month since they'd come home from the hospital that second time had been fine, but things had gotten worse when her due date had passed. Katie also had a few different doctor's appointments she had to go to as well along with the occasional group therapy that she could get herself motivated enough to go to, but that hadn't lasted for very long.

And even though she had promised him she wouldn't go back to the guest bedroom, she had and he understood. She still needed time to recover and would give her whatever she needed. He was going to be patient unlike all of the other times and maybe even make up for all the hurt he'd caused in their past, but that wasn't the point. He wanted to be there for her because he loved her and missed her deeply.

He'd only gone into the station because he was so bored and LeTrai busied him for a few hours before sending him home to an empty house.

It was hard to breathe when she wasn't here with him. All he could about were the bad times in this house, even with all the good ones.

He could remember so clearly when he'd first saw the blood coming from between Katie's legs in the shower, to holding her up under stream of the water, his weak and pregnant wife, clinging to him as she told him she knew something was wrong with their baby.

He remembered that he helped her out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her. She'd said something apologetic about the mess and he'd tried to soothe her worries with a kiss. He had told her was going to grab his phone to call her dad and that he would be right. She'd seemed okay enough when he left and even in the minute he spent looking for his phone, teasing him lightly from the bathroom floor.

When Ned finally found his phone in the living room and called Jim, he'd made his trip back to their bedroom by the time his father-in-law had answered. Katie had been unconscious on the bathroom floor when he entered and he didn't remember when Jim had said but had dropped his phone as he raced over to her side.

Katie's father had told him all heard was some sort of animalistic cry, followed by his shouting of Katie's name and nicknames that came out in the heat of the moment. Jim had driven over without another thought or notion and had called an ambulance.

All Ned remembered was how he'd almost lost her. They'd already lost their son by then, they just hadn't known yet, and a few days later, he'd found her dying in the same room. This time, peacefully asleep under the water in the bathtub, having taken almost all of the sleeping pills to numb the pain of their son's death.

Looking out the window, darkness was falling and Ned hoped she wasn't planning on staying out all night. He knew he couldn't control her or tell her what to do, but he wanted her home. He wanted to know where she was and that she was safe. Katie hadn't done this since their first fight when they'd moved in together. He didn't even hear her come in, this time.

A towel over his shoulder, he was lost in making steaks and asparagus, her favorite. He knew if she presented this to her, he could convince her to eat and maybe even share a bottle of wine like old times, and things and life could head in the right direction again. Finally.

Her arms wrapped around his waist before Ned felt her body press into his backside. He stilled and just breathed her in, feeling the delicate touch of his wife's hands. He knew it was her. There wasn't anyone else in the world that could feel like her.

He gently squeezed her hand and brought her palm to his lips as he turned around. He looked down into her eyes, the ones that he could get lost into forever, and gave her a smile. She returned it, but her eyes shined sadness instead.

"Ned..." She stuttered and smiled, the brightness reaching her eyes this time as she bit her lip and tried to hold his gaze. There was so much on her mind, that much he could tell just by the way she fidgeted in place and her eyebrows knotted together, but there was so much more. She was nervous, and that almost never happened. "I want to move back into our room tonight."

He hugged her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her forehead. "That's wonderful to hear," he said, whispering it into her hairline.

This was the best news he'd heard in so long.

He turned the burner on low as he flipped the steaks, and then turned back toward her, his hands resting on her waist now. "I have my own news," he started.

"Oh?" She asked, her eyes squinting. "What is it?"

"I'm gonna start going back to work part-time," he said, not wanting to overwhelm her when he saw her take it in. He didn't want to leave her alone in the house, but he knew that was asking too much of her. It wasn't that he didn't trust her not to hurt herself, but that he worried too much about how being alone for half the day might affect her. "Mostly just patrolling with Jamison to keep me busy. Josh doesn't want me taking on too much of a workload right now, understandably, plus I still haven't gone in for my evaluation."

She nodded, drawing in a breath and releasing it at the same time. "That's… good," she struggled to say and he could tell there was something more.

"Do you want—"

"Are you sure—"

They both stopped mid-sentence, but he cut himself off first. "Sure about what?" He asked.

"That it's a good idea," she said, leaning into the counter. Her voice was soft and she avoided his gaze as she spoke. "To go back to work so soon. You've been through more than I have."

He walked over to her and hugged her. "Katie, no," he whispered, his voice breaking. "If you want me to stay home just say the word."

"Ned, I'm just worried about you," she breathed shakily as she looked into his eyes now, tears falling freely as his own did. "You lost our son just as much as I did and nearly me right after. I can't begin to think what you must've found me… like that… you deserve a stronger wife…" she trailed off and he cupped her face in his hands.

"Listen to me," he said, swallowing his sadness for just a moment to gather the energy to speak. "You are way stronger than you've ever given credit for, Katie, and you don't need to apologize." He wiped away her tears and held her, feeling her let go in his embrace as she cried. "I love you. I'll take the whole year off if that's what you need. I'll quit my job if it comes to that."

She was still crying when she pulled back, shaking her head. She couldn't believe he would do that, even for her. Did she still doubt that he truly loved her as much as she always had loved him?

"How? How could you do that for me?" She asked, holding onto him tightly. "After everything… how?"

He pressed kisses to her nose and to her sopping wet cheeks, and then stopped just shy of her lips. She moved forward just slightly and he smiled but waited. "After everything, how could I not?" He whispered to her, tracing his hand gently against her cheek. "You're it for me, Katie Clancy, just get used to it. I made a vow, remember?"

She smiled and it was one that radiated through him. That one he missed more than anything in the whole world. "Yeah, I remember. I made one too and I'm sorry that I broke it," she said, drawing in a deep breath. "I'm sorry for hurting you."

He wanted to tell her she didn't have to apologize again, but he only listened to her speak. She always had a way with her words and could captivate him with any little thing. "And how many times have you heard those same words from me?"

"Ned, this is different. We said for better or for worse, I should've been with you through this and I shut you out because I blame myself."

"Katie, we didn't know," he whispered, but she still looked like she didn't believe him. That there was some way all of this was her fault and she should've known it was going to happen. That she should've been able to be stronger because her mother had gone through something similar. "We didn't know what would happen to Charlie then."

Their son's name made them both fall silent and Katie's eyes closed as more tears rolled down her face, and he hated himself for it. She pulled away from him and that hurt even more. This was the last thing he'd wanted.

"Katie, wait—" He moved to follow her out of the kitchen, not caring about the steaks or anything to do with dinner.

She waved him off, wiping away her tears angrily as she reached the stairs. "It's nothing," she whispered and turned back around to show that she'd lactated through her shirt. "I just need to go change clothes. Keep making dinner, okay?"

He nodded, sighing, and watched her start up the stairs. "Are you angry with me?" He asked.

She stopped after the fifth stair and turned her head to look at him. "For saying his name?" She looked hurt because he even asked, and wanted to punch himself in the face. "No. I'm not angry with you. It just angers me that I'm going to pump my breast milk for Hannah, and not for our son."

That made him feel even worse.

After they finished dinner at the dinner table and cleaned up after themselves, they moved to the living room and were laying together on the couch. They had spent some time trying to find a movie and they each had another glass of wine.

"I've missed nights like this with you," Ned smiled, grabbing a blanket and covering Katie as she resituated herself on top of him. He stretched underneath her on the couch and tried to relax while her head laid on his stomach. "Do you remember the ones in the city? How many times had you messed around with me under that blanket on that old couch?"

"I missed nights like this too," she laughed, finishing her wine and setting the glass down. "We fooled around more times than I can count on both of my hands. I wonder if they ever knew…"

"Probably not," he shrugged.

She nodded, smiling at him. "You know, I owe you another apology. For everything else." She explained.

"Katie," he shook his head at her. "You don't have to."

"Yes, I do," she nodded, sitting up. "I've treated you terribly this last week and all you've done is be patient with me. It's not fair and I'm sorry."

"I forgive you a million times over," he cupped her cheek, kissing her lips briefly.

"And I'm lucky you did," she sighed, rubbing her nose against him. "You know, my stomach flexed this morning and... I thought it was like I felt him kick. He used to kick me awake every morning."

"I know, I remember…" he whispered, finishing his glass of wine and placing it on the coffee table. "Babe, we don't have to do this right now."

"I know at the beginning that I didn't want him and I was scared at the thought of having a baby so early in our married life together, but now all I want is to hold our baby in my arms." She whispered, choking on her tears as they spilled down her cheeks.

"I know..." He moved and quickly hugged her, trying to soothe her. "Katie, I know."

"I really thought it was meant to be," she sobbed and grasped him closer. "I thought he was meant to be."

"Me too," he replied. His tears fell into her hair as he laid back, grasping her cheek and tilting her head up to look into her eyes. "We'll get through this. I promise."

Katie nodded and smiled as he wiped away her tears, and then she pulled him in the rest of the way for a kiss. She opened her mouth and he slipped his tongue in with hers, dancing together. They kissed long and slow. He could feel another apology from her in the kiss and she could feel his forgiveness too.

She was saying sorry for how she reacted last night to him asking her to come back to their room. He wasn't the one to get emotional, but last night he had. He'd wanted to cry with her, to just lay in bed with her (even in the spare room) and she'd pushed him away again.

Pulling back from her, his eyes opened slowly. "Only if you are ready..." He whispered, smiling at her. "You don't have to do this to please me. If you need more time in the spare bedroom, I get it. I just want to do this together and I want us to heal."

"I am ready," she nodded, smiling at him. "I want to be in our room tonight."

He felt like he could cry right now and he knew he shouldn't be bottling up these feelings, but he held himself together. A few tears spilled and she kissed him again, wiping his tears away as she pulled back. "I have wanted this for weeks," he whispered. "I love you, Katie."

"And I will love you always," she said and placed another peck on his lips.