With a huge sigh, Katie stepped through her front door and closed it firmly. Last day of school behind her, she was now officially on summer break. She loved her students, but corralling six classes of high schoolers two days before summer break would test the patience of a saint.
And Katie Banks was no saint.
She could only blame the insanity of the day - a classroom potluck featuring more sugar and garbage than she could ever have imagined - for how utterly exhausted she was. She dropped her coat and bag on a chair and plopped onto the couch.
I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes
She twisted herself into a comfortable position and settled in for a quick cat nap, but when a hand gently shook her awake it was dark out.
"What time is it?" She asked, practically jumping up, and then regretting it as a wave of wooziness hit her. She knew she shouldn't have had all of those chocolate-covered strawberries.
"Woah," Ned said, catching her shoulders as she swooned a little. "Are you alright? Hard day?" He sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, and she sunk into him, breathed him in.
"Yeah, I guess," she admitted. "The kids were out of their minds between the candy and summer break. I don't think they listened to a single thing I said all week."
He kissed her temple and chuckled. "My poor baby. Why don't you lie back down and I'll start dinner?"
She loved this man so damned much. He always knew exactly the right thing to say. "Okay," she whispered. "I'll close my eyes just for another minute." She only intended on closing her eyes until that residual grogginess faded, but the next thing she knew Ned was lifting her off the couch, carrying her toward their bedroom. "What?" she groaned, but he shushed her.
"Go back to sleep, Katie," he whispered.
"What time is it?" She swore it had only been ten minutes.
"Eleven," he said. "I tried to wake you for dinner, but you were out like a rock."
She felt like she should argue, but she couldn't lift her head from his shoulder. "Okay," she whispered.
Two weeks had passed, and Katie was still just as tired. When she opened her eyes again it was bright, too bright. She lifted her eyes to the clock on her nightstand.
Nine-thirty! She'd promised her mom that she'd come to the house at seven. She was hosting Aaron's graduation party at the house tomorrow. She'd planned on spending most of the day cleaning and decorating the backyard with her mom and Mackenzie. She was already hours behind schedule.
She bolted out of bed and immediately wished she hadn't. Her head and stomach spun and she barely made it to the bathroom before emptying the contents of her stomach in rather spectacular fashion.
"Katie?" Ned came running into the bathroom just after round two. "Shit, Katie," he said, seeing her slumped on the floor, her face pressed to the cold porcelain. She closed her eyes tightly, gagging on the taste against her tongue. Behind her, he shuffled the sink ran. And then a cold cloth was placed on the back of her neck. "Damnit, I should have known you were sick when you said no to steak earlier this week."
He brushed her hair back from her face, then pressed his fingers to her forehead, checking her temperature. But she can smell he's been baking his Grandma Spencer's bean dip. Normally it was her favorite. But the stench made her stomach clench painfully and she shoved his hand away to throw up again. It's nothing but bile.
He made soft, comforting sounds, wiping the cold, wet cloth over her neck, rubbing soothing circles between her shoulder blades. Eventually, she lifted her head to look at him. His brow creased in concern. "You look awful."
She didn't have the energy to be offended but grunted her rebuttal to him. She looked up at sighed, "I think I'm done," she whispered. Her throat ached from the acid but there's no longer any imminent risk of a repeat performance. He helped her back into bed, but she fought to get back out. "Ned Banks, I have to get to my mom's."
"I'll call your mom and let her know I'll be coming over to help instead of you," he said softly, but she protested. He silenced her with a kiss to both cheeks. "Now get some rest. I'll be back with some medicine in a few hours to check on you."
"Fine," she settled back into her pillow. "But I'll be fine after a nap, I promise." He looked completely unconvinced, but she looked up at him through her lashes, the way she knew he couldn't resist.
He rolled his eyes. "I know what you're doing, Katie. Fine," he sighed. "I'll make you a deal." He waited until she nodded, then continued. "You stay in bed and take a nap while I go help your mom out for a few hours." She could almost cry, this man was so unbelievably good to her.
"Okay," she whispered, already fighting heavy eyes.
"I'll re-evaluate you when I get back," he said, kissing her forehead.
She was not any better rested when he got back, but she moved out of bed anyway and plastered a big smile on her face. He wasn't completely convinced, but he didn't fight her.
He's brought chicken soup from the takeout counter at the grocery store, and she smiled big at him for thinking of her enough to stop out of his way home. And it helps, so much. It soothed her throat and tempered residual nausea.
The afternoon passes in a blur of preparations. Though she was so tired I can barely see straight, she powered through. Like an automaton. Just keep swimming.
She was teetering on a stepladder, hanging the last of the streamers when he wrapped his arms around her and helped her down. "That's enough. You look as white as a sheet," he said, feeling her forehead. "You need to lie down."
She looked around, all of the tables set up and anchored down. She wrapped her arms around him, nuzzling his throat. He stroked her hair, breathing her in. They stood together, the stress of the day and week melting away in each other's embrace. He cupped her cheek, kissing her lips gently. "Are you hungry?" he whispered.
"A little," she shrugged and let him lead her up into her parent's house. They walked through the dining room and into the kitchen, where both of their mothers were preparing different snack dishes for the guests tomorrow.
"How's the backyard looking?" Melinda asked, looking up from the second fruit salad she was making. "Oh, are you alright? You're pale, Katie."
"She needs something to eat," he said, reassuring Melinda as he helped Katie into a kitchen stool. "She wasn't feeling well this morning, but wouldn't stay in bed longer than a few hours."
"Katie..." Melinda sighed. "You know we would've been fine without you. I'd rather you be here for the party tomorrow and not today."
"I know, but you needed the help in the backyard. It's done," she said, nodding.
"Oh good. I guess that's true," her mother smiled so wide before kissing her cheek. "Relax now. I'll bring you a glass of water, and a plate of food."
"Okay," she nodded, smiling as her mother walked away to make her a quick sandwich. She looked at Ned. "I guess I should've listened to you."
He had a smug smile on his face and crossed his arms. "What was that?" He asked.
"You were right," she said, rolling her eyes. "I guess I should've listened to you and stayed in bed."
He nodded, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "I was only thinking in the long run, honey."
"Yeah, I know." She said softly.
The entire ride home, Katie speculated that she might be pregnant. She was looking at her calendar, chewing on her lip as she tried to place when she should have her period this month. She'd been late last month about a week and it had only been a little spotting. School had been so hectic, she didn't even think about it.
"Everything okay?" Ned asked as he pulled into the garage, shutting the door once the car was off.
She decided not to say anything to him. "Yeah," she nodded. "Just trying to figure out something my mom said to me."
"Oh," he nodded. "Okay." Ned moved out of the car and so did Katie.
She held onto her purse and gasped the car door as she stood. She knew she was going to faint when her stomach gave out. It felt like her innards were being replaced by some kind of black hole. Then nausea crept from her abdomen to her head
"Do we have any ice cream in the freezer?" Ned asked, turning around just in time to look over at her.
Katie suddenly took on a pale look, as if she'd been painted with white-wash - even her lips were barely there. Then with one step backward she crumpled like a puppet suddenly released of their strings.
Ned dove toward her, catching her just before her back his the concrete floor of their garage. He sat down on the ground and held her up. "Katie?" He held onto her face as he looked down at her, feeling for a pulse. It was there, steady, but erratic. "Hey, hey you okay?"
She slowly began to open her eyes. The room was spinning and she tried to focus on Ned and his voice as he spoke to her.
"I'm okay," she said before she could even see straight. She moved to sit up, but Ned held onto her.
"Hey, just take it slowly." He whispered, kissing her forehead. His mind was spinning. The last time she'd felt like this. The last time he'd been so worried about how she was feeling was with Charlie.
"I think it was a... spirit," she whispered, moving to sit up. "I stood up and it was just like I couldn't keep my legs steady."
He didn't buy it. He didn't buy it for one second.
Then there was the girl with the lollipop.
The girl who came into her mother's shop with her parents at least once a week without fail, her hair in two braids as she pressed her little face up against the glass to get a better look at the elaborate jewelry designs on the bracelets. The girl that Melinda, without fail, snuck a lollipop every time she was there, solely for the pleasure of watching her little face light as she got to pick one from the bowl Melinda had and unwrap it.
The blonde, brown-eyed girl with the lollipop.
Katie didn't even know her name, but she recognized her parents around town. A young couple, no more than thirty. The father had been a boy who was in her class with brown eyes like Katie's, but the mother was his opposite in almost every way, with blonde hair and soft eyes, who sold the most beautiful flowers at the farmer's market. And most of the times, when she saw the couple, the little girl was with them, her hands tucked into her parents as they swung her between them and her giggles always seemed to reach Katie's ears, no matter how far away she was.
At first, it used to be sweet, this happy little family. Lately, it made something hot curl in her stomach. Something that she's pretty sure was envy, mixed in with what's she's afraid was a good dose of plain old, terrifying want.
And so Katie tried to push it down, to ignore the feeling, but one afternoon when she saw them walk past the shop's doors. One day when she was helping out her mother when Delia had the day off.
All thoughts just went away from her and she couldn't help but blurt out, out of the blue, unnaturally loud in the peaceful quiet of the store, "I don't know if I can hide this anymore."
In response, Melinda paused what she was doing and turned towards her daughter, blinking at her puzzled, the motion almost sleepy, before she said plainly, "What does that mean, honey?"
"I think I might be pregnant?" She replied after a moment, her voice slow but certain, and it was not a question.
"You do?" Melinda asked simply, and she stroked a hand across her cheek before she continued, "And you're afraid?"
Katie could think of nothing to say in response, and so Melinda hugged her for a long minute before she kissed her cheek be she moved back to marking something in the bills spreadsheet. And it should be the end of the conversation for Katie as well, but it wasn't.
It wasn't because Katie can't stop thinking about the little girl with the lollipop; the little girl with the brown eyes and the blonde hair that could look as their child would.
Katie touched her stomach softly and went back into work mode.
That night Katie found herself thinking about all of her carefully crafted arguments for why they weren't ready for her to be pregnant again.
They were still broken; that will never truly go away. But they were better now; her bad days have been replaced by bad mornings now, and on those mornings when Katie didn't have the energy to get up, Ned brought her a cup of coffee and a kiss to her forehead, and then he headed to work, because he knew that she needed her space to get up on her own. And when Ned had a breakdown, which was rarer and rarer by the year, Katie knew to whisper in his ear as she pressed kisses all over his back until he calmed down.
They were broken, but they were strong because of it. Their broken pieces fit together perfectly as her fingers did into his. And because of that, she knew that together, they could make having a child work.
It could work, and more importantly, the longer she thought about it, the longer she wanted the opportunity for it to work.
She still doesn't tell Ned though; not when she crawled into bed with him that night, not when she kissed him with the slightest edge of desperation, not when she straddled him and took him inside of her, so familiar and yet so good, and not when he came within seconds after her, the look on his face almost reverent, his voice a rough whisper as he said her name.
There were plenty of reasons why she didn't; partially because she's afraid, partially because a part of her feels if she didn't say it aloud it then it wasn't real yet. But mostly it's because she didn't know if it was true yet; if given the damage to her body after Charlie. If her body will even work right this time, and she couldn't bear to get his hopes up if it doesn't. She promised herself she would never hurt him like that again, and this was a promise she would do anything to keep.
So she stayed quiet, holding his hand that night as she watched him sleep.
The next morning she woke up to an empty bed and a note from Ned. He was called into work and would call her when he was cleared to go. She checked her phone and saw that he hadn't called yet as a wave of nausea hit her. She got to the toilet just in time to vomit.
Her feeling of worry intensified and she knew that she needed to tell Ned.
She went to her parent's house instead and found her mother helping Mackenzie apply eyeliner in the shared bathroom between her and Lana's room.
"I puked my guts out this morning," she sighed, sitting down on the toilet seat.
"I think I can do this," Mackenzie said, turning to look in the mirror as her mom finished her left eye. "I wanna try at least. Deal with Katie."
"Hey, don't be snippy." She whispered. "I'm freaking out."
"I see that," Melinda said, turning to kiss Katie's forehead. "I think I might still have a pregnancy test or two under the sink in my bathroom." Her mother was quick and brought her the box as soon as she found it.
She followed the instructions and set it down as Mackenzie finished her makeup. Which had taken a bit of time from the several makeup wipes that sat in the trash can beside her.
"Okay, how do I look?" Mackenzie asked, taking her hair down from the pin-up she'd done quickly. She had straightened her hair and fixed it over her shoulders. "Should I do a lip? Or go without?"
"You're going to the park with some friends, not the club. No lipstick." Melinda said, closing the top drawer where Mackenzie's makeup was.
"What about lip gloss?" She asked, trying to lighten her mood as she sat back against the back of the toilet. She looked over at the test, but it was still loading and she sighed. "She could wear this." She fished a lipgloss out of her purse and gave it Mack, who quickly put it on before their mother could say no.
"Ok, lipgloss is fine." Melinda sighed, waving Mackenzie off. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she sighed, nodding. "Just worried." She chewed on her lip, looking up at her mother. "What if it happens again?"
"It won't," Melinda whispered, leaning in to kiss her forehead. She grabbed hold of her hands and kissed them too. "It's gonna be alright, okay baby?"
"I know," she whispered, her tears rolling down her cheeks. "I really do, but I can't help but get caught there with all those thoughts, you know?"
After the two minutes, Katie's hands were shaking so badly that she almost couldn't read the test. It had beeped, so she knew it was ready. But somewhere, from the depths or herself she manages to draw up the courage to steady her hand and look.
Two lines.
They were having a baby.
Then Katie burst into tears because she's terrified; so, so terrified but she's also so happy and there was no way those two emotions were staying inside of her without some kind of release.
Mackenzie, who wasn't big into hugs lately, being thirteen, embraced her sister tightly before she left the bathroom, leaving her with Melinda.
"I've had a hunch for a while, but I guess I know for real now," she whispered, wiping away her tears. Finally, after she stopped crying and she felt a bit more like herself again, she smiled at her mother. "I'm pregnant."
Katie found herself making her way home, and it's when she's there it occurred to her that she had no idea how to tell Ned what was happening. And it's not that's she's afraid that he'd be upset; he told her he wanted to start trying for children again soon. It's just she wanted it to be special this time around.
However before she could work herself up over it, she caught sight of the calendar they kept on the wall, and as the significance of the date set in she could help but smile, because she wasn't a big believer in fate, but this was pretty perfect.
A rough plan in mind, she ended up baking him a cupcake, decorated it carefully with white frosting and a tiny sprig of baby's breath, that grew outside the cabin in the summer. Then she put it on one of the nice plates they had, a gift from LeTrai of all people, and placed it where he couldn't miss it on the table and waited for him to come home.
Luckily for her nerves, she didn't have to wait long, as no more than 15 minutes later he walked through the door, fanning himself slightly with his hand, as the June heat had started to set in. He smiled at her and, as was his routine, pressed an affectionate kiss to her lips, that she returned with more fervor than she typically would for a welcome home kiss, her nerves and anticipation rising.
He blinked back lazily when she drew back, his eyes beginning to darken with desire, but before he could formulate a reply he noticed the cupcake, and Katie had the pleasure of watching his whole body freeze before he returned his gaze to her and asked warily, "Did I forget an occasion?" And she could almost see him rack his brain desperately trying to figure out what he had missed.
"Yes," she said, and she was helpless to stop the little smile that she knew had formed around her mouth, "but it's not one we've ever celebrated before, so you get a pass this time. Next year, however, I expect you to remember it."
"All right…" he said slowly, and without relinquishing his hold on her he picked up the cupcake, cradled it in one of his hands before he asked lightly, "So are you going to tell me, or do you want me to guess?"
She breathed deep, gathered all of her courage and brought his free hand from where it was resting on the small of her back to her still flat stomach, before she said softly, "It's father's day."
He dropped the cupcake, right on his shoe and the frosting smeared on the leather, but the stunning smile of almost helpless joy that burst on his face and shined brighter than the sun more than made up for that.
"I love you," he said fervently after he could speak again, brushing kisses to everywhere on her face that he could reach before he bent and pulled her shirt up just enough to press a kiss to the warm, soft skin there as well, "And I love you too."
And Katie couldn't help but smile because yes, she was scared, but they would do this together, and she knew they would be alright.