Ned jerked awake, panting, and pushed himself up to a sitting position. He was so shaken that it took him a couple of fumbled tries to manage it, and he cringed as he glanced over at his wife, expecting to see her blinking up at him, disoriented and concerned.
Katie was still asleep. Thank God.
He carefully slid out of bed and closed himself in the dark bathroom before flipping on the lights. He didn't want to wake her. God, especially not right now.
He couldn't look at his own reflection in the mirror.
He was awake, and it wasn't real, and yet the shame of it was palpable. It left him feeling panicked like he had to make amends for something that hadn't even happened.
He wanted to call someone. Maybe even Scott. Suddenly, fiercely. Scott would talk him through it, reassure him, or give him the facts with no sugar coating it. But he was almost desperate to have someone on his side, and...
It had only been a dream.
He sat down on the toilet and covered his face with his hands.
The only part of the dream he remembered was the part with the woman. The woman who wasn't his wife that he'd sex with inside his dream.
Probably, certainly, there had been more to it than that. As he tried to think back he could see that he had placed himself inside the strip club he and Scott had been staking out for some time, but instead of being in his car, he'd gone inside.
There had been a redheaded woman who was all over him, bringing him drink after drink until she took him into her private room. Oh, he'd known he should say no, but the lust had hit him full-force, sweeping away all his halfhearted objections. The high had been incredible.
And then, realizing what he had done in the dream had jerked him back to consciousness almost immediately. Not only had he solicited sex, but he would have cheated on his wife if this dream had been real.
Ned scrubbed his jaw with the heel of his hand, releasing a silent sigh. Where had this come from?
He groaned quietly, hanging his head. He had no desire to seek out any woman for something like that besides his wife. Katie meant everything to him and so did their two children. He would never jeopardize their relationship again, especially not for something so ultimately worthless when he'd almost done that once before.
And yet.
Something, some small part of him, had remembered that part of his life when he'd jumped bed to bed and shown that temptation to him again. Once he had calmed down a little, he took a few deep breaths and tried to work through it. Sometimes in dreams, he engaged in behavior he would never engage in otherwise.
He'd been under some stress at work, and that was exactly the circumstance that had provoked his use before—stress, a perceived lack of productivity, depression over the crumbling of his latest case and how he'd taken it out on those around him, and his stubborn, false belief that he wasn't the only one to blame for it at first.
He sighed and pushed himself up, finally facing his reflection. He'd get some more sleep and this would all be gone in the morning. And, he supposed, being scared shitless over a mere dream—nightmare—was just a sign that he wasn't faltering in his commitment to stay clean. He hadn't opened his eyes to a roaring need to score. He wasn't considering who he could contact for a buy right now. So at least there was the faintest silver lining.
He splashed some water on his face and turned just in time to see Katie opening the bathroom door. She'd worn only a long-sleeved shirt to bed and it was long enough to cover her so he couldn't tell if she was wearing anything underneath it.
"Sorry," she murmured as they bumped into each other, scrubbing a palm against her cheek and smothering a huge yawn. "Didn't see you there. I was rubbing my eyes."
He brushed a kiss against her cheek from how close they were, lips drifting down her neck for a nice moment. "No, you're fine, hon. It gives me a chance to do this," he replied as he slid an arm around her and slightly up her shirt.
She giggled as he realized she was in fact wearing nothing underneath and his other hand quickly slid to meet his other on her ass. "What are you doing?" She asked.
"Only admiring the goods. It's in the vows, you know," he said as he gave the plumpness of her ass a quick squeeze before returning to bed and leaving her to go to the bathroom on her own.
Ned was tired, but still awake, when Katie returned to her own side and hastily climbed back into bed. They both preferred a cold room while sleeping since it made their cocoon of warmth all the cozier, but he was definitely more sensitive to the temperature than she was.
He had just closed his eyes when he felt the bed shift slightly, and then she was pressing herself against his back, tucking her legs up behind his, spooning him. He snickered softly at the change. He felt her breath against his neck and made a soft, inquisitive sound as she looped her arm over his side to rest against his chest.
She lifted her head to rest her chin on him. "You okay?" She asked, pressing a kiss against his skin.
"Mhmm," he said as he pressed his lips together for a moment. "I'm fine."
"You sounded like you were having a bad dream before," she pointed out. "Were you?"
Ned froze for a second, then deliberately relaxed, hating that he was misleading her at all. But he didn't really want to bring it up, not right now. Especially not with her pressed against him like this. "It was something like that," he admitted.
"I'm sorry. I know how that can be." She said as she snuggled against him a little more. "I hope you have good dreams for the rest of the night."
When she didn't say anything else for a solid minute, Ned slumped against his pillow and moved his arm to cover his wife's. He could feel her breasts, and... well, this was nice but he needed to stop thinking about it and go to sleep. He couldn't be with her after everything that had just gone through his head.
It wouldn't… feel right. He did drift off for a little while, but then with time they both turned, and when he drifted back to consciousness he was the one spooned up behind Katie. This should always feel right, he realized, and his right hand slid under her shirt. He knew her body like a back of his hand and quickly, two of his fingertips idly stroked against her and soon she was making quiet mewling sounds, writhing a little against him.
"Shit," he muttered, stopping himself.
Fuck, he was hard, and they'd woken up like this so many times before, but he didn't know if she was even really awake or just responding to his touch in her sleep. He wasn't going to do anything more to the woman he loved if she wasn't fully awake, that wasn't right.
"Baby... are you-" He started to say.
"Don't stop, Ned," she cut him off and bucked her hips, cupping her hand over his to encourage him more.
They were already wearing so little that it only took him a second to free his erection, and she moaned when he guided it between her thighs, in the darkness, for when the time was right. He quickly went back to using his fingers on her, his other hand coming up to caress her breasts, and even bent down to taste her. It was all familiar, like checking off a list as he felt his wife squirm underneath him, but that didn't make it any less exciting or passionate for either of them.
Once she was more than ready, slippery hot and pulsing with from his touch, she rolled onto her knees and he followed, sliding into her almost immediately, with a slick glide that made them both cry out.
"Oh my God," she gasped and slid her hand out to grab his hand and hold him closer to her. "Mmmm, Ned."
"You feel so good," he whispered against her neck, staying tucked against and still inside her for a few heartstopping moments.
When he did move, it took everything in him not to let lust take over him and instead took his time, but she was already incredibly aroused and impatient for him. Drawing it out made her frantic, and he fucking loved that, loved the feel of her clenching tight around his cock, gripping him, caressing him, as he fondled her with his hands.
She cursed and sobbed into the pillow in front of her, and he hated that he couldn't see, he could only hear and feel when she broke, but the angle was fucking perfect. He slid into her once more and held there, stroking her even more rapidly, and she sobbed out as all of her trembled with another climax.
"Oh God, baby," she whimpered as he began to thrust again, through her orgasm, her legs shaking. "Oh, Ned fuck..."
He was more than ready, and every brush of his fingertips, every inch of penetration made her shudder, constrict and release, drew him closer even as she fought it. When he finally let himself come it was with a hoarse cry, spending himself in the slippery heat of her, deep inside her trembling body. Her knees slid apart and he very nearly collapsed on top of her right after she did, but managed to support his weight and gently slide out of her instead. She moaned, legs still quivering, and he rolled to his side of the bed and gathered her into his arms. She cuddled against him, the inside of her thighs slick against him as her trembling began to slow.
"Hey," he panted, his lips brushing her face. "Shh. You okay?"
"Mmm. Yeah," she murmured with a giggle. "You know my body too well, Ned Banks... I can't move."
He chuckled. He really didn't want to move very much either. Once he had caught his breath, he leaned over just far enough to grab a few tissues from the box at their bedside, and they made a halfhearted effort to clean up the mess he made.
After, she nestled her cheek in the hollow of his shoulder, her arm draped over his chest, her knee bent and her leg draped over him too. She wouldn't stay this way for long; it would quickly be too hot. But he enjoyed it anyway.
"Are you going to tell me now?" She whispered.
"Not right now," he replied just as quietly.
She hummed softly, quietly disagreeing. "It was about another woman then, right? That's why you wanted me... to drown it all out?" She turned her head to look at him and that was all the confirmation she'd needed. "Hey, I get it. It was just a dream, Ned. It's okay."
He stilled. He had no idea what to say. "Katie, it's not. I feel like I betrayed-"
"I know you wouldn't do that to me, Ned, and even if you did.." He could tell by the way her cheek moved against his chest that her face was stern now and she sighed, "You know what I would do to you." He laughed and let himself relax a little. "It's okay," she repeated and brushed a kiss against his chest. "I dream about shitty, random things too. I know how it is. But you're a good guy, and I trust you. I just want you to know that."
He let himself breathe out. "That means a lot," he admitted.
"I wouldn't have recommitted myself to us all those years ago if I hadn't been sure I was making a good decision," she replied softly. "You've never given me cause to doubt it. I love you, baby. I love being married to you and the life we've had together so far. I love you and our kids so fucking much."
"I love you too," he replied, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight for a moment. "I was so scared when I thought that dream was real. I'd never... I'd never do that to you."
She yawned. "Better not," she chuckled as she rolled over, settling on her side of the bed.