Chapter Four: Dreams of Regret
A pair of eyes darted this way and that under their protective lips, Arella groaning as sweat dripped off her brow. The woman tossed and turned, blue eyes suddenly snapping open, large and wide. The first thing she saw was the light of the harsh sun bearing down on her.
Pupils swiftly contracting, Arella closed her eyes, seeing a harsh red color even behind her lids before opening them once more. Blinking swiftly to allow her eyes to adjust, Arella wiped the sweat that had formed on her brow. In doing so, the woman noticed a blanket on her person and froze, a cold sweat breaking upon her despite the heat of the sun. It suddenly hit her. Last night wasn't a dream as she had hoped.
"Father..." Arella whispered, a cold chill racing down her spine as a knot formed in her stomach, a wave of dread washing over her. In one swift, panicked movement Arella twisted her body to where she had last seen the man, eyes shining upon seeing Jordan in the same place.
A shaky sigh had escaped passed the woman's lips, but whether it was one of relief or anticipation, Arella could not say. All she knew was that a large lump was forming in her throat as she looked upon the man.
"F...Father?" Arella struggled, voice barely above a whisper as the shine in her eyes grew, lower lip trembling in sorrow, as if she were a young child once more. Looking upon the man, she knew he would never respond.
Arella swallowed as she tried to fight back the lump that prevented her from speaking, her voice so weak she could only mouth the word she wished to say as her face molding in despair, heart broken.
Despite the heat of the day, Jordan was not sweating, even when laying underneath the blanket. In fact, the man seemed very pale, almost a sickly grey, flesh frozen in place, eyes closed and mouth agape on one side.
Arella's hand shook as she touched the man's cheek, finding his flesh stiff and cold.
"No. No, you cannot." Arella faltered, voice shaking to barely a whisper as she shook her head. No, it could not be. Jordan was fine. Yes, any moment now the man would open his eyes and smile at her. Smile a great big smile at her like he always did.
Arella stared at Jordan for several minutes, watching him intently as her eyes became fastened to his chest. Her heart fluttered as she saw his chest move, relief overflowing within her as she saw the blanked move slightly. Her hopes came crashing down, however, when she noticed it was the just the wind moving the fabric, or maybe even her own mind that had simply willed it because she wished it. Deep down, the woman knew her beloved father would never wake from his sleep.
"F...Father...Father, wake up. Father, please...please!" Arella begged, nudging the man in vain to awaken him, her hands shaking in terror. The woman barely noticed the sound of footfalls approaching her as they steadily grew louder, the earth cracking under the weight.
Arella jumped slightly as she saw a shadow tower over her, faintly recognizing the voice that spoke.
"Oh, you are still here. I thought..." The voice faltered as Arella turned towards the person, her eyes looking upon the man, face haunted with shadow, "...is everything well?"
Arella looked at the man, knowing she knew him, but the woman could not place where in her current state. She just knew he was her friend.
The woman opened her mouth to speak, but found her mouth too dry as her throat squeaked and gurgled. The lump would not let her speak, no matter how hard she tried.
The man froze in place for a second, as if debating something before briskly approaching, kneeling down as his hand reached for the man's neck.
"Help...h-help him..." Arella begged, breathless as she looked at the man, or rather, passed him with desperation, her gaze unfocused.
"Arella, I fear that I cannot. He is gone." The man responded softly, sighing with sorrow as he looked upon the girl. The woman, while staring upon him, appeared to be looking through him, her body rocking softly as her legs shook underneath her, eyes still unfocused.
"G...gone?" Arella asked, voice hollow as she attempted to look the man in his eyes, but it felt as if she were surrounded by fog, like she was in a dream.
"Why...why do you say that? Father is he-here. Why are you so cruel?" Arella inquired, the man pausing for several seconds before sighing, placing a hand on her smaller one.
"Because he is dead. I am sorry." The man answered, frowning as Arella's eyes slowly began to refocus, blinking.
"Dead?" Arella asked, the word echoing within her head as the man nodding slowly.
"Yes. Dead." The man repeated, Arella releasing a quaking sigh as her head dropped, eyes closed tightly for several seconds before returning to look at the man, feeling the warmth of his hand.
"I see...thank you, Akeem." Arella spoke softly, a sunken smile touching her lips.
"Shall I send for a priest?" Akeem asked, the woman shaking her head in response.
"No. Father is already dead." Arella replied, gently breaking the physical contact as the woman stood up slowly, legs still buckling.
"Then what will you do?" Akeem asked, rising to his feet as the woman shrugged her shoulders.
"I do not know. Bury him, but...it seems almost cruel to bury my father in soil that is so far from home." Arella spoke slowly in thought, turning her gaze towards the stable, Kafka's head sticking out.
"Will you take him home?"
"I do not have the coin to travel, and dragging Father through the sands seem cruel as well, exposing him for all to see..." The woman broke off, distressed as she glanced once more at the stables.
"Where are you going?" Akeem asked, Arella rising stiffly, numbly as she almost lost her balance.
"To get Kafka." Arella answered, her legs seeming to move on their own as she bumped into the side of the stall, perhaps dazed. The woman shortly returned, rope in hand as the mule followed behind, ears twitching and butting Arella gently.
"Are you leaving?" Akeem asked, Arella shaking her head.
"No. I am just going to bury him away from the city." Arella stated, grabbing her blanket before looking at her father once more.
Approaching the man, Arella draped her blanket over the man's face before bending down, struggling to lift the man off the ground with the literal dead weight. Akeem wordlessly approached and aided the woman in moving the body towards the awaiting pack mule, both trying to avoid having Jordan make contact with the ground.
"Oh three?" Akeem asked, Arella nodding as they took a moment to briefly set the man on the ground before grabbing him again.
"One, two...three!" Both grunted and struggled to lift the man up, Arella's knees nearly giving out only to find her father's weight had lessened as the pair successfully placed the man of Kafka's back.
"I am sorry, Kafka." Arella apologized, pausing to catch her breath as she noticed the mule shift in uncomfort at the sudden weight, the stiff body laying queerly on the mule's back.
"Come, Kafka. Let us go." Arella ordered softly, tugging at the mule's reigns as Kafka snorted loudly, hooves lazily hitting the packed earth. Kafka's ears twitched to the sound of the man and woman speaking.
"You do not have to follow, Akeem. He was not your kin." Arella spoke, Akeem following.
"You were close to your father, I understand, but I feel the desire to make amends for what Uncle did. This is my task towards redemption." Akeem spoke, purpose strong as he stayed near Kafka, intently watching the body so it did not fall off.
"You are not your uncle." The woman stated softly, looking out into the vast desert before her, spying several trees and grasses in the distance of an earthen hill.
"That may be true, but he and I are of the same blood. He will never seek the path of redemption, so I must seek out that path for him." Akeem stated, the pair falling silent as the heat from the sun increased, Arella now seeing mirages on the horizon.
Upon approaching the shaded trees the trio stopped, Arella looking back to see that they were a good distance away from the Holy City.
"I think this is good enough." Arella muttered, Kafka's tail swishing away the flies as the man and woman moved into position the hoisted the body to the ground.
Arella took the time to wrap her father's body within the blankets, Akeem spying a shovel within the pack mule's cargo and pulled the tool free from it's leather prison.
"Where would you like me to dig?" Akeem asked, Arella raising her head to look at the man.
"You do not that to do that, Akeem. He is my father. I should dig his grave."
"There is rock underneath the dirt. Your father would be in the earth and at peace faster were I the one to dig." Akeem reasoned, Arella sighing, knowing that the man was right.
"Very well. I just wish my father to be in peace." Arella stated, Akeem plunging the metal into the earth, grunting as he began to dig.
The sun rose high in the sky by the time Akeem looked up from the grave he had dug, sweat and dirt creating a film over his tan skin as Arella working on tossing large rocked out of the grave.
"Do you think the grave is deep enough?" Arella asked, Akeem planting the shoved into the soil. The wooden handle may have stuck above the earth, but it was good enough that a predator would have to work for its meal.
"Yes. Yes it is." Akeem answered, tossing the shovel as a sharp pang was heard from it hitting the ground, the man then hoisting himself up out of the grave.
Arella climbed out of the barrow, hair and clothing covered in dirt and sweat.
"What now?" Arella asked, Akeem walking towards the body as he grabbed the man's arms.
"We put him in." The man answered, Arella seeming confused, perhaps from the heat. But nonetheless, the woman aided her friend and grabbed her father's legs.
"On three. One, two...three!" Both grunted once more as the pair carefully placed themselves as the far end of the grave, slowly lowering the body.
"Careful. Do not hurt Father!" Arella warned, Akeem simply nodding as they crouched, both stretching until Jordan hit the ground. Once they felt the lack of weight, only then did they truly let go.
"There. Now we must bury him." Akeem stated, breathing deeply before picking up the shovel slowly, muscles stiff.
"Yes. Bury." Arella muttered, staring blankly at the body wrapped in wool before turning her gaze to Kafka, the mule standing contently in the shade, chewing on the grasses and occasional bark of the trees.
Arella's blue eyes shined slightly as her legs automatically moved towards the trees, her fingers brushing against the rough bark before grabbing a strip, lips pierced together. Kafka's ears twitched as a snap was heard, his head picking up to look upon his master with a wooden piece of bark, his ears twitching once more as another snap resounded through the air.
Arella looked at the pieces of twin bark in her hands, wide, thin and yet sturdy as her eyes traveled to the lean grasses swaying in the desert wind. Approaching the grass, Arella wrapped her hand around a strand, flinching slightly as a sharp edge cut the flesh of her finger. Ignoring the minor cut, Arella ripped the blade of grass with crack as she twisted it, finding it much harder to break than she thought.
Looking at the items in her hands, Arella fashioned the strips of bark into the shape of a cross before tieing them firmly together with the grass. It may not have been the best cross, but it was better than nothing.
Arella turned back to Akeem, the man carefully filling in the dirt with the mound next to him, occasionally flattening the soil with the shovel. Several minutes passed before the man had completely filled the grave, a small mound now protruding to show the presence of a barrow.
Wordlessly, Akeem turned to the pile of rocks that the pair had dug up and began to plant them upon the grave. Arella approached the head of the grave, staking the small, makeshift cross into the soft soil and placed two rocks to flank the cross, as if knights to a king.
Once the task was done, Arella turned to aiding her friend with placing the rocks over the grave as a protective covering, the sound of stones clinking together continueing in a pattern.
Once the pair finished blanketing the fragile soil with armor, the stood up, body aching and covered in perspiration from their grave task.
The pair stayed quiet, Arella's eyes staring at the shallow grave before her as several minutes of silence passed.
"I do not mean to rush, but are you finished with your goodbyes?" Akeem asked hesitantly, Arella's head snapping towards the man at the sound of his voice, as if snapping out of a trance.
"Huh? Oh, yes...I am." Arella answered, however, despite her response the woman refused to budge, the woman taking several more minutes before releasing a deep sigh.
"Lets go, Kafka." Arella muttered softly, as if not even aware with what she was speaking as she grabbed the reigns of the mule.
"Are you well?" Akeem asked, having returned the shovel long ago as Arella stayed silent for several seconds before nodding.
"Yes, I am. Thank you for helping me, Akeem." Arella spoke, the man smiling sadly as the woman showed no form of emotion on her face.
"It was the least I could do for a friend." Akeem replied softly, the pair walking in silence all the way back to Jerusalem.
Once returning to the Holy City, Akeem led the mule into the stables once more, securing the pack mule as Arella stared at the familiar spot she and her father had slept at the night before. The dirt was disturbed by their bodies, and left an imprint into the heated soil.
"Are you well, Arella?" Akeem asked once more, concerned and worried as the woman just stared at the spot of earth, her trance breaking as she inhaled deeply before exhaling, falling silent.
"What am I to do? What should I do now, Akeem?" Arella asked, truly lost on what to do as she shrugged her shoulders.
"That is not for me to decide, my friend." Akeem answered, Arella falling silent, blue eyes dim.
"I am going to the healers." Arella stated, her movements suddenly swift and confident as Akeem jumped slightly, briskly following the woman.
"To the healers? What for?" Akeem asked, both quickly making their way into the crowded streets.
"Because they lied. They caused this to happen!" Arella hissed shrilly, her face flushing with rage as tears involuntarily flooded her eyes, blurring her vision.
"What? Arella, I am sure the healers-"
"Greed! Filled with the sin of greed they are! They would not help Father because we had no money to spare, and look what they did!" Arella shreached, Akeem backing off as several passers by began to stare.
"I-uuggghhh!" Arella screamed in frustration, pulling at her hair before marching onwards, rage fueling her.
Slowly, the woman's stride began to slow and her eyes dimmed, Arella's footfalls becoming softer and softer before completely stopping, eyes once again watering.
What was she doing? A fool's errand, that is what. Doctors may have been able to treat many physical ailments, but the heart was one ailment they could not treat.
Crestfallen, Arella continued to walk in the direction of the healer, failing to notice the ringing of a bell in the distance.
"Arella." Akeem called, the sound of the bell ringing becoming stronger. The woman did not respond.
"Arella." Akeem called once more, seeing the crowd begin to drastically thin. Still the woman did not heed him.
"Arella!" Arella's eyes focused and her ears perked upon hearing her name being called, the sound of a bell loudly ringing in her ear. Looking for the sound of the ringing, Arella was shocked to find not a sheep wearing the bell, but a man. She also noticed almost no one was in the street.
Arella noticed Akeem off to the side, motioning for her to come to him. Unsure, Arella obeyed, watching a thin and scaly skinned man draped in black limp down the road, a bell around his neck and a cane by his side. Not a soul dared walk into the road as long as the man with the bell was on it.
"That was close." Akeem sighed, the bell becoming softer and softer as the man moved farther away.
"What happened? Where did everyone go?" Arella asked, Akeem watching as the occupants slowly emerged back into the streets.
"They were fleeing."
"From that man?" Arella asked, Akeem nodding, "Why?"
"Because he is a leper. That is why he wears the bell. So others know where he is at all times." Akeem answered, the work 'leper' echoing in Arella's head. She heard of the word leper before, but it was largely something she didn't think about.
"I see." Arella replied, nodding her head.
"Are we still going to the healer?"
"I intend to. You do not have to follow me, Akeem. You have done more than enough."
"What do you wish to do once you arrive?" Akeem asked, curious as he and the woman slowly began their walk.
"I do not know. Maybe I could work for them?"
"But I thought you were angry at them?" Ameek asked, confusion in his brown eyes as he looked upon the woman.
"It...was not their fault. They could not help Father. Only God could help Father, and He did not. At least the healers tried." Arella explained, sighing softly, sadly. Akeem looked at the woman with pity.
"If you intend to work for them, perhaps I could help you? My father used to work as a doctor, and there may be people who knew him. Perhaps if they knew my father, they would be more likely to accept your offer." Akeem suggested, Arella opening her mouth to reject, but instead remained quiet. Akeem smiled, taking it as a sign that the young woman had accepted his offer.
Within minutes the pair had arrived at the healers, and Arella's disbelief-the men had accepted her thanks to Akeem's connections only after several minutes of speaking. They doctors were overjoyed to see their friend, and had happily offered the woman work. It was a simple job of cleaning the equipment and bedding, but it suited Arella just fine.
"Thank you, Akeem. I mean it. You did so much for me in my time of need. If you ever need help, please, come see me and I will return your kindness." Arella replied, smiling despite the soreness of her cheeks, face still heavily bruised.
"You are welcome, Arella, but I am only a servant of Allah. Still, I will always be happy to aid a friend in their time of need." Akeem replied, smiling at the woman, "Farewell, my friend. I shall pray to Allah that you are kept safe."
"Farewell, Akeem. Stay safe." Arella said her goodbyes, watching her friend leave as the sun slowly began to set.
A sudden exhaustion of physical and emotional drainage suddenly hit the woman, Arella retreating to her small bed within the compound. Yet despite the woman's exhaustion as she lay in bed, she could not sleep. Something was missing. Something important was gone.
A wave of realization hit the young woman. Her father was gone. Her father was dead. And upon realizing-and truly understanding that simple fact for the first time-Arella cried, truly cried and mourned for her father. She had been on autopilot, shock through most of the day, and the horror and realization that Jordan was never coming back came crashing full force into the young woman. But the perhaps the worst of all was the constant knowing that Arella had never gotten to truly say goodbye.
I finally got this chapter out! I think it is the longest one yet. I wish Baldwin had more lines, otherwise I would have used his quote for the beginning but alas, he only had so much screen time. I also popped out a one shot called God's Will during my time, so please feel free to check it out and give input because I myself and quite curious on any emotional impacts. Well, I hope the character development is okay so far. Thank you to everyone who is supporting this story and to my reviewers! Thank you all and I hope you enjoyed!