Roundabout.
I can get there in a roundabout way.
Attempting to stay as adrift from my physical body as possible, I release another deep breath before returning to my thoughts.
It's nice to finally have some peace and quiet.
The craziest week from start to finish since I enrolled in school. Two tests and a "progress report" in Dance.
Plus a paper, plus it being the first week of my new job with Matt at Football practice plus…
…
I guess I can get into this now.
It's what this meditation time is for.
Sociology finally got my brain going.
Senator Amidala said something to that effect after my surgery when we were talking over dinner about my classes.
That it'd 'get my brain going'. Whatever that meant.
I get it now. Twos is slowly but surely overthrowing my resolve to take notes, freeing me up to listen to the lecture and just think about what my professors are saying.
I know the Council will object at some point. But Twos has been chomping at the bit for more to do, and they're paying a lot of good money for me to be in these classes.
Shouldn't I at least listen to what they're saying? Instead of just taking notes?
Stay on track Bridger.
Anyway…today in Sociology, right before I was freed up for the weekend we decided to lecture on "The family dynamic".
…
And I guess I can actually let myself work through this here. It's a safe space.
I actually let myself think about him for once. Not the boogeyman he can be portrayed as or the domineering Sith Lord.
My dad. Ephraim Bridger.
Really that name is his cover. He is Lord Sidious when it gets right down to it.
So Dr. Followell was going on about the dynamics of parenting and different parental styles. And how a child and a parent might be biologically related, but psychologically incompatible. And the sociological damage that a parent can have on a child is immense.
I know that part.
But then he…started to go into how those relationships, which begin before any of us can even remember, always affect the child going forward.
Which made me think of my father.
From as far back as I can remember, Elias was always the favored one. The one Dad liked more.
He could have dessert, I couldn't. He could play outside, I had to help Mom with the dishes or clean the house or whatever.
I never had autonomy.
Dr. Followell then brought up a good argument, that parents often see themselves and/or their spouse in their child. Whether it is there or not, they "see" it.
Which begs the question…what did he see?
He had to have seen something. Something ingrained and baseline in my nature that told him that I wasn't it. That he had to have another child, another heir.
Mom said a few times that Elias was 'a happy accident'.
Which now that I know more about that sort of thing…makes me think there was no "accident" at all.
He meant to have Elias.
And we now know that Dad used genetic engineering from Kamino to help create me. Which makes me think that he thought he messed up with me.
He told me many, many times that I was a mistake. I'd always chalked it up to not living up to his lofty expectations.
Maybe he actually made a mistake.
Maybe something in me that he didn't mean to put in me. He modified my bones, muscles, tendons.
Maybe he could have designed my brain too.
And that's where he messed up?
No no Bridger…the brain is one of the most complicated and irreplicable organs in the whole body. It's the only one scientists haven't been able to grow in a lab successfully yet.
We still don't know what most of what the brain does. It's a common misconception that we use like 10 percent of our brain's power when in reality it's closer to 65-70 percent.
It's over a hundred billion nerves, all working simultaneously keeping the body alive and functioning.
He couldn't have done that too, in addition to everything else.
Yeah he could have. I know he dissected tens of, maybe hundreds of Jedi in Vietnam during Order 66. They found the mutilated bodies just dumped on battlefields.
The pictures are awful.
His knowledge of the body was unparalleled. He taught me every pressure point, every blunt edge, every available nerve ending during a fight from the funny bone to a spot behind the knee that will make anyone's knees fail them and send them to the floor.
And I guess that's backed up by his creation of Elias and I. When he decided to have me (and Elias, but me at first), he had a plan. A specific plan.
He probably tweaked it after me, adjusting it to get the desired results in Elias.
Which he got.
But that begs the question if he built my brain in addition to everything else.
Is that the mistake he saw?
He told me frequently to stop thinking so much. Stop asking questions. Just…stop. Stop and do as you're told.
Focus on my passion. My emotions.
—
Whoa.
What was—
—
A warm sensation flows to me through the Force, feeling very close to me.
Breaking through my concentration…that's not good.
Maybe Sabine's arrived for dinner here at—
—
There it is again.
Exhaling through my nose, I slowly bring myself out of my meditative trance before I hear Mira's babbling.
Oh.
So it's Mira.
She connected to me through the Force? That…was her?
It was warm, so I guess it could have been her.
I open my eyes in time to wince and close my right eye, as Mira's fingers are all over it before I see Kanan lean over. "No no, don't gouge his eye out…"
Mira protests her hand moving just before I laugh. "Please no eye gouging." In response Mira squeals and hugs my head.
She's using me as her crutch to stand.
"You're up."
"Yeah." I smile and lean into Mira's hug. "Is dinner ready?"
"No, Hera's still prepping. But Sabine's here."
Uh oh.
I was down here.
"Yeah." Kanan nods mournfully.
She doesn't know about Kanan's secret Jedi space underneath the floor of the house.
It's basically a basement with the stairs tucked inside of the staircase upstairs to Jacen and Mira's room. There's a study, holo, and a room that can be used for weights or Force training.
"My fault." I apologize.
I just invented a headache for him and Hera. And a slight security risk.
Kanan raises his hands in self-defense. "Not me. Hera."
"Hera?" I repeat after him.
"She's had to face Sabine's questions. You being gone after you texted was weird to her, plus no Mira…"
Because she wasn't cooperating with the rest of her naptime. So I volunteered to watch her.
Fell right asleep.
"What'd she say?"
"Alternative truth." Kanan smirks. "You're meditating."
"I was meditating." I point out.
Kanan's smile grows before he scoops Mira up, who squawks at her freedom being taken from her. "That's the truth. I didn't give you the alternative part."
"Which is?"
"You're normal. That you wanted to clear your head after the week you've had,"
But that's true too…except for the normal part.
"C'mon. She's anxious to see you. Jacen and she are playing soccer in the backyard." Kanan starts toward the stairs, leaving Mira to climb onto his shoulder to keep me in her sights.
(Saturday Night)
"Some view huh." Sabine mutters to me quietly, followed by another flurry of wind.
The fire in the fire pit directly in front of us shimmers and burns before I answer. "Yeah. Made it back to the beach."
Sabine instantly giggles and turns her head away, leaving me to look on the darkened outline of houses overlooking the beach.
We got here after sundown. The sunsets would be pretty great here.
And I'm not a sunset guy.
"Sunsets here would be okay I think." I deadpan.
Again, Sabine laughs. "Yeah, okay. Nothing too special, especially when you combine the house…" She trails off.
Yeah. The house.
Matt invited us to this party, in Manhattan Beach. And there is a party here, but I'm not sure we should be here.
It's legitimately a mansion.
Design is super modern, lots of glass. Big pool, the fire pit we're sitting by, even a tennis court.
And it has this view.
I like the owners too. They solved a problem that I only learned about at the Christmas party.
Lawn chairs get uncomfortable when you're in them for a while.
So what'd my new friends do? Plushy, comfortable, three legged chairs that look like an egg, but cut open diagonally so that two people can sit inside.
"I feel like I'm about to get hardboiled."
Chuckling at Sabine's earlier comment, the girl in question peers over to me. "What?"
"Your hardboiled comment earlier."
Sabine cracks a smile. "I'm telling you, if I see a bottle of barbecue sauce I'm bailing out and finding a ride home."
I duck my head and try not to laugh too hard before Sabine begins laughing, causing me to break. "Shut up…I'm serious."
"Barbecue sauce?" I breathe out.
"Yeah, just dip 'em in. What? Is that weird?"
"I don't know, I don't like them!" I counter.
They're gross.
"Then shut up!" Sabine scolds me, then elbows me in the—
"Ahh! That's my hip!" I yelp while trying to escape her wrath.
Sabine looks satisfied before I reposition myself and Sabine curls ever closer to me in this massive chair and blanket.
"You warm yet?"
"Getting there." I turn and smile at Sabine.
Who stole my hoodie out of my car 15 minutes into this party.
It wasn't a cold day, but the ocean and the wind off it drops the temp by like 10 degrees.
I'm getting soft.
But Sabine stuck close to me, then picked out the fire pit and helped me get it lit.
And now we're here.
"…Guess it's just us." Sabine comments while peering back at the party at large.
Nobody's come to join us. Right now it's our own personal fire pit.
"Guess so." I peer back at the party, then turn to Sabine. "If you want to go play a game or something—"
"No no." Sabine cuts me off. "I'm right where I want to be."
My heart suddenly turns to jelly before I can't stop a soft breath.
That's such a nice thing to say.
"Gotcha…" She giggles, then snuggles closer.
"Caught me by surprise." I admit.
"It shouldn't have." Sabine replies before positioning herself so that my arm is draped around her.
I'm…going to just enjoy this. And trust in the Force that I'll know when Matt or somebody comes back.
I don't think we'll be seeing JJ and Jaicey. They're the life of this party, buoyed by JJ's personality.
Played pretty well today. 27 points, Six or seven deeper threes.
The four of us minus JJ watched in the stands, and all Jaicey complimented about how he was finally playing some defense 'for the first time in his life'.
Not afraid to raise her voice and yell, Jaicey. Sabine wasn't surprised, apparently she's like that at practice.
Practice and JJ's games.
Sabine shifts slightly, not emerging from the blanket before I see her sip her drink. "Good call on another one."
"They're good." I smile, then go for my own drink.
Oh, I forgot that one. Somebody in the house is making drinks, basically being a bartender. And cleaning up.
I sip my drink as Sabine squirms around again. "Are we okay over there?"
"Yeah." Sabine says while contorting her body and face. "Hang on…there."
She probably got pinched or something. My jeans—
Something suddenly gets placed into my right hand tenderly, before Sabine curls my fingers around it.
What…is that.
Silently, I disentangle myself from Sabine in order to get my arm back, then get a good look at the item she gave me.
It's a small, metal bar. Like a gold bar. The ingot kind of looks like it has waves in it.
Beskar has waves in it. I remember that from my readings at Christmas.
This can't be…
Google. Surely it'll have the answer. I know there's a taste or texture tell.
I think it's to bite it. But just in case.
Sabine helpfully curls closer as I type out my question into the search bar, then tap the icon.
Six failsafe ways to tell if it's real beskar or not…
…
Blah blah blah…
…
Yeah. Taste.
Copper-like. It'll have a little bit of give to it, then absolutely none at all.
Raising the ingot up, I bite down on the edge—
Yup, that's—
Sabine suddenly starts laughing hysterically before burying her face in my arm. "What?"
Sabine just laughs for a minute before answering "You knew what it was…but bit it anyway…"
"I had to make sure." I defend myself, but can't stop a laugh of my own.
Dammit Sabine! C'mon.
I contain myself into a smile while Sabine takes a breath. "How'd you know it? Immediately?"
"My research at Christmas. I remembered something about the waves."
"Yeah." Sabine nods. "The smelting process does it naturally, so it's a tell. Impure ores aren't as wavy, which is a tell on the market."
This one has so many waves it almost looks like a tree ring.
"So this is legit."
Sabine nods before I add. "How'd you get it?"
"Mom shipped it to me overnight on Wednesday. I was feeling a little homesick."
"Homesick?" I parrot her.
Sabine nods, then sips her drink again. "I spent most of my break moping and wishing you'd text me. Instead only for genius to pepper my phone. So I left, now I'm here wishing I'd paid more attention."
Oh. That doesn't sound very good.
Without a word, Sabine leans over and takes my phone away and settles it into her lap. "You should be honored. Beskar should always belong to a Mandalorian. You know why?"
"no." I shake my head.
"There used to be only four beskar mines on the entire planet, all within Mandalorian borders. Now there's five, one in China. And it's pretty much Mandalorian run, we're the only ones that know how to properly extract it."
"Is it volatile?" I ask, then glance down at the ingot in my hands
"When being strip mined, yeah. It can be poisonous to the environment if you don't do it right. Which is why you don't strip mine it…but who asked us. You just found it and hired us at above market prices."
I laugh at Sabine's sarcasm before returning to the conversation. "Sounds like a sore spot."
"Not really." She shakes her head. "The Chinese government found it, contacted an emissary and we began negotiating. We get all the beskar and pay them for the trouble."
"And they can't do it, so they have to hire you. Again."
"Exactly." Sabine laughs.
"Damn."
"It's a great arrangement." Sabine giggles. "And it's better than if they protested."
"Because you think all beskar is yours?"
"It is ours. The gods gave it to Mandalore the First as a sign of providence to our people that we'd found our home. And we've been there ever since."
"Eight thousand years ago."
Sabine lights up. "You…you learn that in class?"
"Yup."
"You're paying attention."
"I like the class." I shrug sheepishly, only for Sabine to hug me. "You know, this isn't as heavy as I thought."
I kinda would have thought it'd be more like lead. If it can stop basically anything, including a lightsaber.
"That's one of the amazing things about it. It's so strong and durable. But it's also lightweight."
"Do you know how?" I ask.
Sabine shakes her head. "it's been explained to me. Something about the space between the atoms and particles and the design, which is like a honeycomb…I don't really know. I'm talking out of my ass on this one. I think the Jedi would know."
Maybe.
"Hang onto that though." Sabine bursts through my thoughts.
"Huh?"
"Hang onto that for me." Sabine grabs onto my hand again and curls my fingers around the ingot. "Get used to it, maybe even meditate with it."
"Okay, but why?"
Why meditate?
"I want you to. It…sounds weird, but you'll know me better too. That's important to me."
The beskar.
"Okay…I will." I nod, then tighten my grip on the iron.
"Great…you feeling better?"
"Yeah." I nod again. "Feeling fine, just wanted to clear my head. Sorry I missed you coming in."
"It was okay, just weird. Initially I didn't notice and hung out with Ghost and Jacen and Hera. Then…yeah I got a little worried. More for Mira than anything but…" Sabine shrugs.
I was in Kanan's secret basement.
"It's not a bad thing, just not something I thought to bring up."
I don't do it enough.
Sabine nods in understanding. "No problem. I've just never seen you do it before is all."
"I always forget. The…work likes me to do it a couple times a week."
I'm lucky if I get one in during the week. The only day I'm good at scheduling it is Sunday, and I've missed the last two.
I glance at the cause of my lack of discipline as she smiles like she's caught something. "Well I'd love to see you do it. I won't disturb you or anything. There are a couple of girls on the team that swear by it."
It helps.
"It helps. I guess." I shrug before Sabine leans in and—
—
—
There's people around.
Nevertheless, Sabine breaks apart from me and gives me her best soft smile. "Wanna finish our drinks, then say goodbye and call it a night?"
Yeah.
"Sure, sounds good to me."