The tranquil scene in front of me continues to unfold, drawing my eyes up from the tablet I'm supposed to be looking at.
Cayle's holding Mira in his arms lightly while she's stroking Chopper. Ghost is on the couch next to Hera, getting scratched behind the ears and being inspected for fleas and ticks to distract him from the scene outside.
Jacen's coloring in the zoo coloring book we bought today on the floor in front of us—
A mildly loud explosion causes Mira's drooping head to jerk up and peer outside. "It's okay…" Cayle reassures her and Ghost surveys the scene defensively.
I don't think he likes the fireworks either.
Apparently, most pets don't on the fourth of July. Which makes it all the more unnecessary that people have been firing them off for hours now.
Days really. They were firing them off the last few nights, which got right onto my nerves.
I know they're doing it under the guise of celebrating the founding of the country…but they're just being annoying.
Mom and Dad never would have allowed Elias and I to do something so…obnoxious. Dad would have beaten the hell out of me probably just for buying the fireworks.
Oddly enough, Kanan almost bought Jacen some sparklers before Hera laid the law down and reminded him that they just got a new cat and they're been in the house for nearly a year now.
Year next week.
"Purrr…" Mira enunciates after some silence from her as her head continues to sink out of exhaustion.
She's tired.
We had fun today though. They went to the zoo as a family, plus Cayle, Zeb, and I. It wasn't as crowded as Zeb and I thought it might be and we got to take our time and look at all the exhibits and animals.
Both Jacen and Mira loved all of it. They both got a kick out of the monkeys swinging on a rope course that was in their habitat, were entranced by the beluga whales in the aquarium, and got to feed the ducks at a tranquility pond.
Jacen enjoyed the botanical gardens more than Mira did, but that was mostly because by that point Mira was hungry and informing everyone of that fact. It worked out though because Kanan and Mira got us good seats for lunch.
Another explosion is released outside causing Mira to jump again, Cayle to rub her back reassuringly, and for Mira to purr at Chopper.
But before Mira's head can droop again, a quiet knock at the door sounds out, and Hera springs to her feet followed by Ghost, who barks once.
"Shhh…" Hera encourages Ghost while striding over to the front door and opening it, revealing A. "Oh, come on in. Thank you for making the time."
"You're welcome. To be honest I'm surprised it's taken so long for someone to unplug something." He laughs while Hera leads him inside.
A's arrival gets a reaction out of everyone. Ghost rounds him and causing A to crouch down and move to pet him while Cayle gets to his feet, Mira in tow and Jacen glances up from his coloring book. "Hello Master Alexandre."
A raises his eyes from Ghost, who seems to be quite alright by his arrival and replies. "Hello Jacen. We're not at the Temple, you don't have to call me Master."
"Oh…okay." Jacen replies, wide eyes before twisting back and grabbing a different colored crayon.
Hera diverts the conversation by informing A "Kanan had to go run a quick errand, he'll be back any minute. Can we get you something to drink?"
"A cup of tea would be splendid if it's no bother." A replies while Cayle approaches toting Mira. "Oh, we're tired."
Mira's eyes are barely open and she's leaning into Cayle's arms before she enunciates a quiet greeting. "It's gotta be close to bedtime."
"We had a big day today, but yes. It is close to bedtime. Can you…?" Hera looks to Cayle, who beams.
"I got her."
Hera responds by turning to me. "I'll get the tea going. Ezra, can you get Jacen's bath started?"
"On it." I smile before glancing back and spotting Jacen and seeing that he already heard the assignment.
Cayle waves for us to follow his lead as he directs us all towards the stairs. "—know where Kanan's office is?"
"No, I'm afraid I don't…" A replies while I follow Cayle's—
Cat!
Chopper awkwardly walks directly between my feet then forces me to stop mid-step, betting I won't kick him before winding his way to Cayle feet before peering back to me and saying something about it.
"Yes Chopper, we're going to bed." Cayle vocalizes our plans as Mira moves in his arms. Chopper responds with another impish meow before stalking away towards Mira's room.
This cat…
"Go grab the pajamas you want to wear bud. I'm gonna go start the water." I ask Jacen nicely.
"Okay!"
Jacen hustles right off, leaving me to watch Cayle as he totes Mira before I bypass her room and enter their shared bathroom.
I didn't know A was coming over though. Kanan didn't mention having trouble with his holo.
Pulling the levers on the tub, water begins pouring out of the faucet and I tweak the knobs, giving it a little more warm and a little less cold before—
Oh, stopper!
…
I'm dumb.
The water level in the tub begins rising, drowning out the rest of the noise in the house before I probe out and feel Jacen coming closer.
"Here ya go, Ezra!" Jacen announces his return with his green dinosaur pajamas in hand.
"Nice. Trying to match your hair bud?" I smile to myself before the Force twitches with Jacen's irritation.
"No!" His voice pitches up an octave. "I just like my dinosaur pajamas. Not my hair!"
I chuckle before turning back to Jacen and smiling at him. "I'm just teasing you bud. I like your hair."
I know some new kid in the neighborhood decided to give him a hard time about it. Kids can be mean when they want to be.
Almost as mean as the adults sometimes.
"Why's my hair turning green? Ryler said that it's not normal."
"Ryler's wrong," I answer forcefully in an attempt to cheer him up. "I think you get it from your mom since her skin's green."
Jacen smiles at me, freckles on his cheeks and green slowly coming to dominate his hair. "Mommy's really pretty. Why doesn't she have hair like mine?"
"That's a good one." I reach over to check the water temperature.
Too hot.
I tweak the knob before continuing. "I don't know, you'll have to ask her."
"Ask who what?"
Both Jacen and I turn to see Hera in the doorway, looking on at us. "Mommy, why's my hair green?" Jacen immediately queries.
"I don't know." Hera answers while slipping by and testing the water temp for herself before she turns the cold knob a full turn further. "I think it's because you're half me and half your father. So instead of green skin, you have green hair. Why? Is this because of Ryler again?"
"Kind of, Ezra mentioned my green hair and my green pajamas and—"
"Ignore him, Kali. He's being a bully, and you're too special to be bullied. Remember what your father told you?" Hera counters strongly before looking back to her son. (A/N: Kali = Priceless one. An affectionate term Hera uses for Jacen, Mira. Generally refers to a Ryloth native's Kalikori heirloom.)
"That the Force is with me and…"
Hera's got things covered up here…
Quietly, I duck out of the bathroom and tread quietly back towards the stairs. Before I arrive though, I spot Cayle lingering in Mira's room, crouched down and speaking softly to her.
…
…
Leaving him to his moment, I return to the stairs and descend them two at a time before suddenly Kanan pops out of the basement. "Oh, you're back?"
"I'm back." He replies, turning to me while not breaking stride. "I'm grabbing the hydraulic jack, can you make sure he doesn't try getting into the holo before I get back."
Yeah?
"Sure, the hydraulic jack? What happened with the holo?"
"I think Chopper unplugged a wire or something." Kanan grumbles before turning back towards the garage.
Chopper…
Been here a week and he might already be the most mischievous member of the house.
Winding around the stairs, I walk down to Kanan's study two steps at a time once more before rounding the corner near the pillar and seeing that A's got Kanan's toolkit out and is digging into the base of the holo.
"What's wrong with it?"
A continues his determined unscrewing of the back panel before replying "I think it might be the input relay…this is why I drove the van over."
"You have a van?" I fire back.
A peers over at me. "Why yes. You never know who might need what strange repairs or what damage a member of the Order might accidentally inflict on their poor technology. I love working for the Jedi but the most tech-savvy…you lot are not." He comments, before seeming to realize something. "Not you in particular Master Bridger, you're quite adept with technology. But I imagine you know that."
"Yeah, but I'm not Master Bridger."
A stops what he's doing and glances up at me for an instant before returning to his deconstruction of the holo.
Fair enough.
"This is new, so it should do what you want." Kanan announces his return toting a hydraulic jack.
A gives off a smile. "This'll do wonderfully. Thank you Master Jarrus."
Kanan makes a similar motion to Master Dooku, wanting A to drop the formality before the ceiling creaks with movement above us.
Probably Cayle.
"I understand that Master Cayle is departing tomorrow morning for his trials?"
"Yup." I nod.
Due at the airport at six AM.
Off to…who knows where.
I'm glad he spent the weekend with everyone. I'm going to miss him.
Jacen knows but I don't think understands how important this is. If Cayle somehow fails his trials he'll be reassigned to one of the branches in the Jedi Service Corps. He won't have nearly as much personal freedom and the ability to choose the Temple he wants to be based out of.
"You're nervous." Kanan calls me out, forcing me to look back at him.
"…I'm trying not to be."
"It's natural for you to be anxious. Fear of change is natural, and it's understandable. You've found yourself in a comfortable place and you don't want things to change."
"It's not fear." I counter Kanan.
Kanan gives me a smirk for some reason. "You can't stop this, any more than you can stop the sun from setting. You need to let go. Let go of that fear."
"It's not fear." I repeat firmly to Kanan.
"Then call it apprehension then." He replies before Hera appears behind Kanan's shoulder.
"Cayle's watching Jacen's bath. He asked me to." She must see the look on my face before extending a cup of tea to A. "Here you go, I hope I made it right."
"I'm confident it'll be delightful." Alexandre smiles. "Thank you."
Hera smiles back then turns to her husband while maneuvering to sit in his plush desk chair. "Carry on."
"I didn't stop for you." Kanan replies before both he and Hera smile tenderly at each other.
Oh, come on…
Heavily I sit down on the wall opposite A, ready to jump in and help as he's now loosening the front of the holo's base.
"Have you heard from Sabine today?" Hera inquires.
Ugh…
I posted some pictures of our zoo day today on Instagram. She liked them in record time, commented, and even reposted one of the posts into her own story with a crying face emoji.
I think the emoji meant she was crying at the cuteness of it.
"She was busy on Instagram today after I caved to Cayle's pressure." I answer Hera.
She heard Cayle badgering me about posting. 'You gotta be normal, you gotta be normal…'
I am very well aware that I haven't posted much all summer. Because I've been under strict orders all summer!
"What'd she say?" Kanan follows up.
"Just how cute the whole scene was on a picture Hera took with Jacen and Mira with the belugas."
And told me to check my apartment whenever I have a chance.
Which…okay I guess.
I broke my cardinal rule and accessed her email to see when her flight was.
Flew in on Wednesday night, saw her new house, and set all that up, then…I don't know until today.
And leaving tomorrow.
"Belugas? The whales? They have those at the Los Angeles Zoo?" A asks, his head popping up from the holo.
The mental image of a meerkat pops into my head and I bite my lip to hide a smile as Hera confirms A's question. "You should see the picture, it's great."
"Had either of them seen a creature such as that? I have a colleague from Oxford who was learning to become a marine biologist who worked with dolphins. Beautiful, brilliant creatures…Aww." A takes Hera's phone and smiles widely at one of the pictures.
My favorite is the one that Sabine liked, funny enough. It's Jacen and Mira standing side by side looking at one of the whales. And the whale had just stopped swimming and was looking right back at Jacen and Mira.
"You went to Oxford?" Kanan asks A.
"Swipe, there are tons of pictures." Hera instructs him before A answers Kanan.
"I did, Primary school to Oxford. Graduated in three and a half years. Was planning on getting a master's then my doctorate but MI-6 submitted me an offer I couldn't refuse. Worked there for a few years then got tired of Double-O agents destroying my handiworks. Saw that the prestigious Jedi Order needed a new R&D head, applied, and here I am." He sums up the story with a smile at Hera, then Kanan, and I before returning to Hera's phone.
He's older than I thought he was.
Hera smiles at A as he begins flipping thru the zoo photos. "Do we want to briefly go over the plan for tomorrow's briefing?"
"Sure, if you want to." Kanan shrugs while looking indifferent. "I've already reviewed it with the Council on Friday."
I didn't know the Council met to talk about it.
"What did they have to say?"
The Force notifies me of A's attention turning to our conversation before Kanan answers me. "They believe that your broad methods will appeal to their base nature. The Chinese people believe in a methodical approach, and you leaning into that by selecting four counties to begin the search for Elias might very well work."
"Burying Guangxi as the middle province is an inspired choice dear." Hera adds, looking and sounding proud. A slight feeling of embarrassment washes over me and I glance over at Kanan's holo.
It really wasn't difficult. I just looked at what provinces were near Liuzhou that I could disguise our intel from Aubrey into. It just so happened that Liuzhou and its province, Guangxi is situated near Fujian, Jiangxi, and Guangdong.
"I read the rough draft of…his report. The designation of China's administrative jurisdiction and where one starts and another ends is terribly confusing." A comments, handing Hera's phone back to her.
Hera takes her phone back with a nod. "It is, but that's also why I think it might work. My colleagues at the FBI believe the Chinese Security Committee is working off the belief of a mutually beneficial arrangement."
"The Council noted that the idea, when translated, also is called Guanxi." Kanan adds.
Nearly the same name as Liuzhou's province.
"So they may see that as a gesture of good faith, including that." A reads into it.
I don't know about that. Maybe, I guess.
"I spoke with your buddy at the NSC Ezra, and it sounds like the Security Committee is leaning towards feeding the most likely candidates thru China's mass surveillance program to Insight, rather than allowing Insight direct access." Hera looks at me.
"Makes sense." A commentates before pumping up the hydraulic jack up a few times and lifting the base of the whole thing a foot off the ground. "The Great Fire Wall of China is as strictly controlled as ever."
And they were concerned about all this superseding their autonomy.
"It's quite impressive that you were able to get them to agree to all this in the first place Ezra." Kanan compliments me.
"And so quickly." Hera shoots a smile my way. "How'd you do it without being prepared on the finer points of US/Jedi/Chinese politics?"
"Honesty," I admit. "I read the room correctly. The Chinese President thought it was a power play by not just Palpatine, but by me. Once that was cleared up, it became clear that everyone's goals aligned on the matter."
"Amazing how years of political tensions can be circumvented by a youth being honest instead of politicians with agendas." A remarks, head peering into the guts of the holo.
The Force twitches with Kanan and Hera's slight irritation at A's comment before A speaks up again. "Ahh, I see the issue. The wire that leads the projection bulb is a touch frayed. I can repair it, but it'd be easier to replace it entirely so we don't have to do that again. Is that amenable to you?"
A's head pops out, and both halves of House Syndulla's faces shift to neutral expressions. "Sure." Kanan nods. "Why leave the door open for more issues?"
(The Following Morning)
My house key smoothly slides right into the lock before I turn it to the right and push open the door, only for Mira to rush forward. "Easy…"
Mira giddily ignores my request while letting go of my hand and running right into my apartment before I close the door behind me.
Okay…time to see why Sabine asked me to come by here.
"We're only going to be here for a minute." I say to Mira, who is halfway into my living room. Mira turns around to look at me, then vocalizes something I don't understand and returns to her running around.
Goob.
My eyes scan the living room portion, from the TV and couch all the way to Sabine's art station. Nothing catches my eye before Mira bypasses me and darts towards the back of the apartment, my bedroom, bathroom, and small laundry room.
I follow her up to my kitchen, then peek there on the off chance—
Oh. Found it.
On the counter lies a blue envelope with something written on the front.
My legs lead me to the countertop and my eyes fall back onto the envelope, with 'Ezra' written on the front in what is clearly Sabine's handwriting.
She must have realized that I wasn't going to be around her before she went back home and done this.
…
With a casual motion, I open up my cutlery drawer and pull a steak knife to me, using it to break the seal of the envelope before setting the knife into the sink. Lying inside is a card, a lone piece of notebook paper unfurls itself as soon as I pop it open and something bulky below it.
It's a note.
I exhale strongly thru my nose before allowing myself to blindly pace the kitchen. Before I've even completed a full circuit, a collection of crumpled-up pieces of paper draw my eye inside of my trash can.
I emptied that before I left last time…
…
…
Yup.
I unfurl the next discarded note, this one much shorter than the last then check the third.
Whatever she wrote in that note, she wrote it multiple times. At least four, judging by the completed note and the three she dumped into my trash.
Not thinking that I'd spot the trashed ones…
Gimme a damn break.
…
Well, at least she's trying. Making an effort. And she took a page out of my book and didn't pester me about wanting to see me.
She chose tact, for once in her life.
…
Let's see what she has to say for herself.
Ezra,
I don't think I'm going to get the chance to see you before I go back home to Chicago. But I can't just head back without trying to reach you another way since I keep missing you on the phone.
I'm sorry for how I reacted to Maul's attack this summer and whatever your role was in it. Cayle did a trash job explaining what happened, making it sound like you gave up the beskar willingly instead of fighting to protect it, protect me. I know you know how important that beskar is to me, the lineage of it, the cultural value, not to mention me personally. I know you know how much I trusted you with it, and I flew off the handle when I heard that it was lost. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.
None of the others (Jaicey, Matt, JJ) get why it's so important at all. Which is what makes you different than them: You took that History of Mandalore class, without me telling you to and we talked about it. You get a lot of what they dismiss and don't understand. I'm sorry I didn't see that sooner. I'm an idiot, I know.
I don't blame you for ignoring me or brushing right past me on Thursday when I saw you. I'm glad I did though, your hair looks great and it looks like you've been working out to get back what you lost after Maul's attack (Daddy said you lost 17 pounds). And I know this isn't enough, I still want to see you and get some food and really talk about all of this.
I do want to get something cleared up first though: Jaicey, JJ, and Matt seem to think that I went over the line inviting Ryan to Lollapalooza. Now while I admit that I invited him because you were hurt, and most importantly forbidden from leaving California, I didn't do it specifically to spite you, Ezra. That's not what I was doing. Ryan and I just share the same musical tastes and have been talking pretty regularly since Spring Break. Nothing dramatic or earth-shattering, he's just a friend and he's nothing like you as a friend, but I invited him because I knew he'd be a good date to Lolla and it'd be a fun time. That's it. I'm sorry if it's come off that way to you. That wasn't my intention, even though I'd still do it over again because you couldn't be there Ezra. I couldn't just go alone and you know how much I'd been looking forward to seeing all those acts in person after skipping it last year because of stupid Brett. You understand me better than anyone, and you know more of the whole story than Jaicey and the others, so I think you understand in a way they don't…but in the case that you don't, I'm sorry Ezra. I wasn't trying to hurt you.
I'm sorry you couldn't go see your parents over this summer as well. This can't have been what you wanted out of the summer, and from the sounds of it have compensated by burying yourself in work. Please don't be afraid to step back and relax: You're going to work yourself to exhaustion and the school year hasn't even started yet. I don't want you burning yourself out because of things out of your control.
I'm sure you're tired of reading, so I'll stop now. Please call me, or text me if you want. I want to talk to you. I miss you. Summer's been boring for me, I haven't drawn or painted as much as I've meant to. My summer job with the soccer camp has gone well, next camp begins as soon as I get back home. No real news on my end of the line.
Mom really wants to see you when we come out to move me into the house in a couple of weeks, she's kept up with some of what you've been doing trying to track down the beskar. And I think she's impressed with how hard you're working (she doesn't know what I know. I wish you'd take a step back). Plus you missed her when she came down for Family Weekend, so you owe her one: Her cameo at the Jedi Temple doesn't count. Mom was Countess Wren then for most of it.
Hope to hear from you soon. Call me, I miss you.
Love,
Sabine
She slept with him over that weekend.
…
I set the note aside and spot a silver-cased gift card that looks like I can use it anywhere beneath where Sabine tucked the note into the card.
Happy birthday Ezra! Hope it was a great one!
Love,
B
Oh whatever. You're a month late. Congratulations.
Out of sheer frustration, I Force Push both cards out of my sight and exhale heavily.
Breathe Ezra…breathe.
I think I'm going to need to meditate before this meeting.
I think I'll have time. It's not until 11:30-Noon and it's almost 9:00 right now.
…
Of course she didn't 'mean' to invite Ryan or her IG post or any of it. Of course she didn't, she never means anything the way it comes off.
The Council was right. Her pride prevents her from seeing how others can be hurt by her actions.
She's selfish when she's angry. Vindictive and selfish.
Sounds like somebody I know.
You…
No, Us. I am you.
"Shut. Up." I order Vader.
I don't have time for you today. Or the patience, for that matter.
Sure. I'll just sit back and wait for you to accept the truth. You already arrived at some of it.
…
She and Ryan were talking since Spring Break.
She's too bored with you. She doesn't trust you. She sought him out, comfort in his arms. She doesn't really care about you.
Then why'd she go out of her way to first see me at JJ and Jaicey's then come all the way to my apartment and write four versions of a note, trying to apologize to me?
Vader, you have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
Yes we do. You have her figured out, you just won't allow yourself to think about it. It would hurt you too much. You're afraid.
I'm not afraid!
Call it apprehension then. Search your feelings…you know them to be true.
What?
I stalk out of the kitchen and start towards my porch.
I think that's locked, and I can block you out on the way by—
You love her. And she doesn't feel the same way about you. You're afraid of—
"NO!" I snap, a foot or so away from the glass door.
You're too weak to admit it, even to yourself! That weakness, that fear drives you closer to me every single day. She is my greatest weapon in turning you.
"No, she's not."
I'm sure she hates Vader, just like everyone else.
You're afraid that she does. Because if she does hate me, then she hates you too.
…
The door's locked.
Face it! Accept the truth that you are still Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith.
I was. I quit.
That's not who I am anymore.
I am your true self, you've only forgotten that fact! I try to remind you, that we are one and the same and you ignore me. You ignore the truth.
I've accepted that I used to be Darth Vader, servant of my father.
When I realized that I didn't want to be his tool anymore, wanted something else I left. Flipped.
Turned myself in.
"Shut up Vader." I mutter to myself then see Mira pop out of my closet back in my bedroom.
I've got more important things than your lies and manipulations going on today.