Chapter 5

Tobias POV

The pit is almost empty, the day is basically over and I still can't get my mind off Tris, the way she moved was fierce, the fire in her eyes is unforgettable. I'm in the control room scanning the area but my thoughts keep drifting back to the fight. When I got back in the room everyone was shocked to what they had just witnessed. I was very much dreading to see Peter fight Tris, since it was the most unequal fight there was, yet Tris came out victorious somehow. Now that I recall I did hear Drew and Molly saying something about Peter and Tris in the restroom earlier I wonder idly if that's what triggered it.

I scan the cameras and notice that Tris never made it to dinner. I can only see her friends, but no sign of her. This is starting to bug me. I know that I am supposed to keep my distance but after today's event I have an internal battle and I don't think I can stay away for much longer. After today she proved she could take care and handle herself but something tells me she needs caring. And I want to be the one to care of her; I want to be the one for her.

My shift is almost over and I decide to follow her on today's earlier footage to see where he might have gone. I see her head to the chasm and linger there for a while; afterwards she heads off to the tattoo parlor. I wonder if she got a tattoo or piercing, she then headed to the training room but I see he hasn't come out. What could she possibly want there? I look at the time and see its clear for me to go, and I know just where I'm headed.

"Hey Four!" says Zeke and Lauren just as I'm Passing the pit, "Some of us are going zip lining, want to come?"

"Actually I was feeling a bit tired so I think I'll just call it a night." I say

"Okay then, I guess we'll see you later," says Zeke

"Zeke Ill catch up to you in a bit, I want to talk to Four for a moment," says Lauren as she heads my way. I'm not sure what she wants to talk me about.

"I'll wait for you at the train tracks. See you Four!" says Zeke and he is gone. I have to make it quick if I want to catch Tris at the training room still,

"So what is it you want to talk to me about Lauren?" I ask

"About us Four, look I know you have been very weird ever since the new initiates but I thought that maybe we were headed somewhere the last couple of weeks," she pauses for a moment gathering her thoughts, "You know, since we were getting closer and had been hanging out more than usual, I was hoping you would make a move but you never did, so I just…" she finishes. Lauren and I had been hanging out before but I never really cared for her in any way other than a friend, I guess I should have been clearer. Truth is I never really cared about any girl that way until Tris came along; I could have had the chance to fool around on many occasions but I see it as pointless if I have no genuine interest for the person. May be old fashion but that's how I was taught.

"Look I'm sorry Lauren, I never thought I was leading you on. You are a very cool person but I see you as a friend," I say "I'm sorry I should have said something, been more specific."

"No please, it was my fault, really don't worry about it Four." She says, "Although I kind of knew but I wasn't sure so I just wanted to know, that's why I got the nerve to ask."

I feel a bit awkward but Lauren seems to be fine, though I feel she wants to ask more.

"So, um Four, I don't want you to think I'm being nosey or anything I just noticed you different lately, pensive. Is everything ok with the initiates?" she asks concerned. But I'm not sure how to answer that, though Lauren seems trustful I don't know whether to mention Tris. I've only ever mentioned her to Zeke but he is my best friend.

"Yeah, everything is fine it's just I'm finding some of the initiates hard to crack" I reply trying to not give anything way, Lauren studies my expression and I see a smile reaching her face with a small chuckle.

"Could a girl have any to do with that," she says almost excited, my face flushes at the thought of people noticing my attraction to Tris. I'm pretty sure I just gave myself away and Lauren definitely noticed. Great.

"Oh my god, I'm right huh! It is a girl! No wonder you've been weird lately," she says "Don't worry though, your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks." I nod. She starts to head out and turns and says "No problem!" and starts to head out, "0h and Four," she says turning back to me,

"Who ever she is, she's one lucky girl. See you later!" she says and she's off in a sprint.

I head again to the training room and go in to find a very distressed Tris. She is crying, relentlessly hitting the punching bag, I can see anger radiating around of her. She still hasn't noticed I am in the room. She is covered in sweat, she has clearly been here a while. I debate whether if I should go and soothe her down or simply leave and talk to her another time when she's calmed down. Before I can even make the decision she is already observing me, she seems confused to see me here. I make my way towards her and she resumes on hitting the punching bag. She is once again unleashing whatever fury is inside her. I can't help but feel mesmerize watching her as she hits the bags non-stop even though I know something is eating her inside.

"Why are you still here, Four?" she asks annoyed still punching away.

"I could very well ask you the same thing Tris." I reply in a softer voice. She turns and looks at me, as if analyzing my response. "Are you okay?"

She sighs, walks past me and sits on the floor resting her back on the wall. "I don't know," she says, "I thought I would be okay, I defended myself. But now I just don't know."

I can see there is much more emotions in her eyes than what she's giving off. Her expression seems tired, and her eyes are worn out. I realize she's been here more than I figured. She is working herself far too much. I approach her taking a seat right next to her and I can feel her tense up. Perhaps she doesn't want me near her, the thought irritates me so I push pass it.

"Tris, dauntless initiation isn't supposed to be easy. Neither part of it. Fighting is not only about winning, it's supposed to teach you to defend yourself to the point where you are able to respond to threats and overcome them." I say. "Learning to be brave not only means being strong physically, but also mentally. You must learn to concentrate your strength without letting your anger get the best of you".

She stays silent a few moments before responding. I try to study her without her noticing.

"Four, have you ever felt that no matter where you are, you just can't trust anyone?" she says, "since day one of initiation I thought this was the place I needed, but after today, I'm afraid that being here, that becoming dauntless means becoming the thing I hate the most." She pauses examining the room, "Every hit I gave Peter felt right, felt like justice. But I know it's not. And that scares me. Scares me that I won't know the difference."

I can see she is struggling facing what is most likely one of her fears, she is afflicted. But what startles me the most is her question; does she think she can't trust anyone? I wish I could know the answer and change her view. I want her to trust me, I want to protect her but how can I make her see that.

I am well aware that she is very close to me, I can feel her eyes sinking in me, I inhale deeply trying to calm my racing heart beat down before she notes it. I turn to look at her and we are facing each other, close enough for me to breathe her air in, loosing myself in her eyes, I find myself staring at her lips and wondering how it would feel to caress them with mine. Focus! I tell myself.

"As dauntless we believe it is necessary to fight for peace, but sometimes justice becomes more important than peace itself." I say looking away at the room where only her and I are. "You doubt whether you belong here Tris, and maybe this place didn't fit into your expectations but I can assure you that at least me, you can trust. You shouldn't have to feel guilt after winning a fight as long as you do it equally and fair, and you debating on whether it's right or not that you liked it, says much more of you than you think. You have to prove yourself brave to belong here, you have to be freed from your fears, perhaps after you accomplish that you will then realize that you do belong here."

She smiles while she buries her eyes on me once again "You think I do belong here?" she asks, and I have to recover, I've given myself away too much already but part of me wants to remain that way.

"I do," I nod smiling "And I'm hoping you'll stick around for a while too."

I don't know where I got the nerve to say it but I did and as I peek at her I see a smile forming and heat rushes to her cheeks. I made her blush and she is turning away to cover it, maybe I do have a chance after all.

"And why is that?" she asks so casually.

"Because you're strong, and we need you. Dauntless needs more people like you, people that have kind heart with a burning fire in their eyes, who are not afraid of defending others or themselves," I say trying to sound as dauntless as possible "People who do not see cowardice as an option." I notice she is once again studying me and I hope she wont make notice of my unsteady breathes.

"You think that's who I am?" she asks "And you got that from just a few days of being my instructor?"

"I'm good at observing people, specially my initiates," I reply smiling "well the good ones anyway."

Tris laughs and I noticed this is the first time she has done it carelessly, it's so endearing and genuine, it makes my heart smile.

"So you observe your initiates closely?" she asks teasing

"You know what Tris, you sure are curious; I never met an abnegation who was this curious." I tease

"Yeah, well that may be another reason why I left." She says and I think I should ask her why but decide not to. Not yet anyways.

I stand up and offer her my hand to get up, she hesitates at first before taking. She looks at me guarded and I can't help but think that maybe she doesn't trust me fully. I don't want to call it a night just yet and I take advantage that we are alone without interruptions to know her more, and even earn her trust.

"When I came in here you were punching away though I can't say you were doing it right, why don't you try it again but now try it like I advised you earlier today," I say heading towards the punching bag. "Remember the key points and where to make pressure."

She starts hitting again but this time she isn't sloppy, I walk back and forth watching her technique as she hits and each time it becomes more accurate, she is beginning to perfect her moves. I give her tips that would work better for her physique and as I watch her swing each time I become more mesmerized with her moves. I seize the opportunity to study every detail she has. I memorize her arms and how beautifully delicate her wrist are, her svelte back and the curve her lower back makes when she ducks, or how slim her waist is and the way her hips move every time she takes a step.

I never pictured to have a perfect girlfriend, I didn't even picture myself with anyone but the more I see Tris, the more I realize how perfect she is to me and how attracted I am to her. She has stopped and is now facing me as I think she has already said something but I couldn't listen as I was too busy daydreaming of her.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I say as she is now grinning at my lack of attention.

"I said it's getting late, we should call it a night." She says with her eyes beaming at me. I smile and simply nod.

"Thank you for listening," she replies with an apologetic smile on her face. "I know your job to is to train us not to listen or care, but you cared and more than anything you helped me. I now know I can at least trust one person here."

I'm speechless so I simply nod at her response. She trusts me, this gives me more satisfaction than any other accomplishment I've made here. I can't lose her trust under any means, I can't lose her.

She makes her way out and I linger a while longer there processing everything in the last hours. I picture her in my mind with the same sad look in her eyes as the first day I looked at them. For the past days I haven't been able to get her out if my mind and after this my internal battle will only worsen. She seems so fragile and small but when you look into her eyes, past all those walls of sadness there is a fire that is aching to be heard, a fire that is waiting to be seen. As I make my way out, I think of my conclusion of who Tris is. But I am interrupted by an overly excited Zeke.

"Hey man," he says as he pats my back, "You weren't training at this hour were you?"

"No, I was just thinking, of the fights tomorrow, you know with the initiates." I grin

"And thinking about that made you that happy?" he adds, "Seriously man, looks like you just scored or something, you're smiling from ear to ear."

I know where he's getting at, after all he does know about Tris. I'm not going to hear the end of this and by the look and his face he's figured out it has all to do with Tris.

"Ohhhh I see, this is because of your dream girl initiate, isn't it!" he states while I hush him down.

"Keep it down, its bad enough Lauren knows," I say "I don't need more people knowing about this."

He eyes me with a confused face, "Wait Lauren?" he asks "She knows about Tris? How did she know?"

"She doesn't know its Tris," I explain. "She just figured it was one of the initiates, she saw my face and I obviously couldn't hide it well either. Any way she promised she wouldn't tell"

"Oh I see," he says, "So what happened that made so happy?" I know he is going to get it out of me, so I decide to fill him in as we walk towards our apartments.

Once I'm in my apartment alone, I find myself going over Tris expression. Every detail carefully engraved in my mind, she really is perfect. I come to the conclusion that I don't need to be careful with her, I know she is strong and all of the sudden the thought of Tris lingering in my mind doesn't bother me anymore. I actually welcome the thought of her. She awaken things in me, things I didn't know I was capable of feeling. And even though it's still unclear to me what I feel for her, I've come to the conclusion that Tris is not a girl who needs fixing, she is not broken. She is the girl who heals her way, and probably others too. I am then consumed with my thoughts of Tris and drift off to dreams of her, and those beautiful eyes I don't want to ever escape from.

When I wake up, I am more than ready to see Tris again, I hope she didn't mention to anyone our training session yesterday. I am not ready for her to face favoritism because of my inability to keep my distance.

As I make y morning routine I think of ways to approach her without it being obvious to others, I know Eric will be there all through training today and I hope Tris doesn't have to fight today at least since he may question her improvement in a days work.

I walk over to breakfast and find Zeke and Lauren sitting together, and they seem t have been talking about me since as I approach them they both give a guilt look, like they were just caught red handed.

"Hey man! Sleep well?" Zeke asks. I nod casually.

"Of course you did, you're grinning like you just beat Eric for the third time in a row!" he says, but he doesn't know I'm much happier than that could ever make me. I give him a small pat on the back and head out to the training room.

Once I get there I notice Eric is already there setting up. He eyes me as soon as I walk in the room and my expression becomes neutral. He goes on as if I'm not there and I arrange other stuff away from him. I really don't feel like putting up with him today, so I decide to just go along with anything he has in mind, after all today more initiates will fight so what bad can come of that.

"I already arranged the fights, today everyone will fight someone. The lists are already on the chalk board." He says without even looking my way.

I go over to the board to see who will fight who today and to my surprise he has arranged them all randomly but I feel a sudden knot when I see who Tris will have to fight today. Yesterday I made it clear that she has to prove herself brave, that no matter whom she fights she has to win. Today she is fighting who I guess to be her closest friend here; her name is across from Christina. Tris will have to fight her best friend.

Hi guys! First off I've loved the reviews you've given me. Secondly this was a relatively long chapter, so I am trying to update twice a week if I can. Once again pls R&R and any suggestion are as always welcomed, tell me if you think the story is going in a good direction or not, likes and dislikes. I still haven't decided if I will make a war or not, either way stay tuned! (: Ciao e saluti