Chapter 7
Tris POV
I've looked everywhere, the pit, the training room, the cafeteria and still no Four. Just my luck that the day I need him the most just so happens to be the day off from training. I must find him, I need to know why he defended me, why he has in the infirmary. I need to know what he feels. Even though part of me wants to believe that he does care and like me, that maybe he feels the same for me as I do for him, though there is another part that wants him to stay away from me, to forget about me as painful as that may be for me. I can't afford to lose more people in my life, not when they are as important as him.
I am now heading towards the tattoo parlor and Christina is no longer with me, she gave up within the first 15 minutes of searching. I walk up to see the place closed. Great I think to myself, just when I wonder where else he could be I remember he works in the control room so I decide to head that way, though I don't know which way that is. I decide to ask someone.
I see the girl that greeted me along with Four when I first got off from the net, she is my best shot, Lauren was her name?. "Excuse me, Lauren?" I ask as I go up to her, feeling thankful no one is near.
She turns and looks over me for a brief moment; "Yeah?" she says not paying any more attention to me.
"I need to find the control room, could you tell me where it is?" I ask.
She then looks up and eyes my face with curiosity, I think. "Since when do initiates need the control room? Especially on your day off." she smirks.
I think about it for a moment. I really don't want to give any more information away but I don't think she'll tell me if I don't. "Um… I need to find Four."
She looks up once again but this time she stops what she's doing. She has a bigger smirk on her face now. "Ohhh… So you're the initiate, huh?" she says. Which initiate I think to myself. She eyes me closely and whispers very low, "You know, you're a lucky one," but I am taken back by her comment, I seriously think I'm missing something here. I guess she must see my confused expression and forgets about it. "Never mind, it's that way, passing up the chasm." She explains how to get there and just like that I thank her and I make my way.
I find myself sprinting trying to get there as soon as possible but I can't stop thinking about Laurens comments, "the initiate" she said right before she called me lucky, I wonder what she knows, or maybe she was referring to me being lucky by not getting killed by Eric, or how I was the first jumper, maybe that's it.
I get to the door and try to open it, but it's locked so I knock. No one answers so I knock again harder, practically baging. The door opens and behind him is an older looking guy with dark hair and tanned skin, he s the guy that was with Four the other day, Zeke. He looks at me, and turns to make his way back into the room and sits in a chair facing a wall made entirely of screens, there are dozens of them. Many of what looks like Dauntless and its surroundings, one that catches my eye is the one at the entrance of the compound.
I am startled by what I see, there is an abnegation man speaking with a dauntless soldier. Before I can look closely at the guy, Zeke, is now speaking to me though I didn't quite catch what he said.
"Im sorry, what?" I answer snapping out of my gaze from the screens.
"I said, what brings you here Tris?" he says nonchalant. I realize then that he and I never formally introduced ourselves nor have ever met or spoken before, so how and why does he know my name.
"How do you know my name?" I ask curiously and he looks at me as if he just made a mistake. I have never been used to people knowing me without me knowing them.
"Um…" he starts to mumble while shifting in his chair, "I just do, ok."
"Whatever, I was wondering if you could tell me where to find F-" I begin to say as my eyes search the screen again but I am interrupted with the sight I caught earlier of the man on the entrance of the compound. I see that is no ordinary man, that is the most hated person in my life, that is the person I am trying to get away from and he is here! He is here in dauntless, what the hell is Marcus doing here?
"Find who?" Zeke asks me but I can no longer be here, I lean in to see the Marcus now entering the compound and notice Zeke is also looking at the same thing I am. He starts to say something but I turn and make my way out, fast.
"Wait Tris!" Zeke yells as I sprint into the hallway, "What did you need?" he finishes but I no longer pay any attention to him, my thoughts are now all clouded with Marcus and his presence in the compound. What could he possibly want? No. No he can't be here because of me. Oh no, what if they figure out he is my father, no I don't want anyone to know who I was. Marcus is part of the past now, and I can let him ruin everything, and he won't.
I find myself going towards the entrance to find him before anyone can relate me to him. I know the logical choice would be to avoid him, but I need to get there. Whatever it is that he wants he will have to get another way.
At this point I am running and I care not for anything else. Four will have to wait. I approach the entrance and see no one there, which is strange since there is always someone here. I look around and see the guard coming back. I rush towards him when I am stopped by a hand at my shoulder.
I know that touch; that is the same touch that wraps me up in fear and disables me from doing anything, that is the touch of hatred.
"Hello Beatrice," he says. I turn to face my worst nightmare, I begin to think that maybe coming here was probably the dumbest thing I could have done. He stands before me, gaping at my face and the evidently bruises that now cover it. "My god Beatrice, have you learned nothing all these years, look at yourself! I didn't raise you to be weak!" he spits. I should have known he would do this after seeing me like this.
Marcus always hated any signs of weakness or failure and to him this meant exactly that, that I was small and powerless and it was something I needed to be punished for. He is too competitive, he is a man that likes power, who likes control and if it wasn't his way then it was wrong and for some reason he always blamed me or Caleb for it.
He grabs my face harshly, my chin in is finger as he inspections my wounds, he looks angry, too angry and I am fully aware of what is next.
"It's nothing," I choke out, "What are you doing here Marcus?"I ask
"Beatrice you know I do not like to be questioned," he spits. "but if you must know I came here for you,"
I knew it. To him it doesn't matter that there are factions, I knew he wasn't going to cope with losing the one thing he could control to his perfection, at least not after losing Caleb.
"Marcus I am not going back, faction before blood, remember." I say but all he does is ignore me and yanks my arms dragging me to the nearest bathroom. I squirm in pain but he doesn't care. We go in and he pushes me onto the floor locking the door behind him.
"Listen up Beatrice," he growls and I wince at my name, "I came here to warn you. If you stay here you will be in more danger than you can imagine."
I am stunned by his choice of words, danger? The only other person who said I was in danger here was Tori, when I went to get my tattoo she said that it wasn't safe for me in this faction, that dauntless was the last place a divergent would be safe at. Does Marcus know this too? How?
"Look at me!" he yells, "Tell me the result of your aptitude test!" he demands.
Shoot! He knows, no, he can't possibly know. "I told you, they were abnegation."
"Don't lie to me! I know they were inconclusive." How could he possibly know? I know Tori wouldn't tell anyone, but then how? Unless he... No, Marcus couldn't possibly be divergent, could he?
"Beatrice, this place is not safe for you. You must come with me at once, do you understand?" he says and I know I cannot go with him, I'd rather stay here and risk my life than go back to his daily beatings.
"NO!" I don't know where I got the nerve to say it but I did, "I will not go with you anywhere!" I say and I suddenly regret raising my voice to him. He looks furious now, I know what's coming.
"Turn around, Beatrice!" he snarls just as he is unbuckling his belt, I know this routine too well so I lift up my shirt uncovering my back all too willingly. His eyes are two deep wells of darkness, I cover my face and wait for the unwelcoming slashes to begin.
"You have disobeyed me Beatrice, and now you must deal with the consequences," he says as he starts to let out his fury on my back. He isn't holding anything back and I can't stand it any longer. "This is for your own good." He says as he keeps on slashing my back, I can feel the belt bite into my skin each swing with its own amount of pain larger than the previous time.
I feel nothing and I suddenly want nothing, I just want to be gone, way from everything. He has finally stopped and is not glaring at me on the floor, beaten to the ground is the sight he enjoys most.
"Stay if you want, but understand this, you remaining here means your life will end shortly, either way you are too weak," he spits, "I don't think you will even make it through initiation, you might as well be factionless. I know you'll come around." And with that he is gone, and I am left with nothing that I want. No matter what I do or where I'll go, he will find me and this nightmare will never end. I remain in the floor waiting for it to consume me as I have no desire to be anywhere but here. I hate him, hate him. I will never understand why he is the way he is, or what I've done to deserve any of this, he has broken me more times than I've recovered. That's all I am, I am broken and just when I thought I could be something more, something more than what I see right now, I know I will always just be this miserable broken girl.
I've laid here I don't know how many hours, and I don't care but I think I've gathered enough strength and enough dignity to face the world again. I stand up and examine my back in the mirror and it is covered in red, its dark dried up blood that now covers my entire back. I have to fix this, fix what's left of it. I gently pull down my shirt and pray that no one notices anything about me. The good thing from abnegation is that I learned pretty well when I can go completely unnoticed and I hope it is the case here.
I'm walking back to the dorms and I see some people from the corner of my eye happily drinking by the chasm, but I pay no attention to them, just trying to make my way back. I don't want anyone near me, ever. Caleb and I always gave each other space after he would beat us, and we would only comfort each other when it was either too painful or completely necessary, today I feel like that.
"Tris!" someone calls out, and I know who that someone is. I don't need anyone's pity, especially Fours so I go on as if nothing and ignore him. "Tris! Wait up!" he calls again.
If I could run I would, but I am in too much agony to even think about trying it. I don't bother turning around, my eyes are probably blood shot from all the crying. But then again why would I care about anything at this point.
"Tris, hey," he says just as he catches up to me and I have no choice but to stop and turn around. I look up to see those beautiful penetrating blue eyes I like so much. His expression suddenly changes and I notices what he has in his hand. He has a beer bottle, I see his face immediately falls as he meets my eyes.
"What's the matter? Are you ok? What happened?" he asks and I notices that is the most he has ever asked me, I really don't want him to know anything about me I just want him away. I don't want anyone who may have the ability to hurt me near me ever again. His hands find my shoulders and I flinch at his touch. He sees this and seems more concerned; he backs away with his hands in the air and looks truly hurt. He knows nothing about being hurt.
"Tris please say something, are you okay? Why are you crying? Did something happen?" he asks again so urgently, I didn't even noticed I was crying until he mentioned it. Great he is now seeing me at my worse and I don't know why but it bothers the hell out of me. I realize I haven't said anything and he is waiting for my response, I try recomposing myself to talk to him.
"I'm fine, it's nothing, I have to go." I say turning away
"No, wait Tris," he says trying to hold me back grabbing my hand and again I feel that jolt each time we touch, "you are clearly not okay, please talk to me. What happened?" he says grabbing both my hands, I don't want his touch, I don't need it. I yank myself out of his grip and now looks more hurt.
"Don't touch me," I say sternly, "I don't need or want your help, just stay away from me." I back away but he doesn't seem to get the message.
"Tris, I- I'm sorry I'm just worried about you, you don't seem fine." He says trying to sound coherent, I stare into the ocean in his eyes and I can only see true genuine concerned. But it doesn't matter, he could mean danger like Marcus said, me being here means danger for me and insecurity form Marcus, I can't stay here any longer I need to leave. For good.
"let go of me!" I say too loudly that his other friends are now looking towards us. I shift back and stare as coldly as I can, I cant be sure he truly wants to help. Can I?
"Tris please tell me what's wrong, this isn't you," he pleads looking directly into my eyes; he is truly worried, "Please."
"What's wrong? You really want to know what's wrong?" I spit back, he nods slowly, "Fine! I'll tell you! What's wrong is that this place is no good for me. I shouldn't be here, I should be somewhere safe, somewhere away from here. I shouldn't have to knock unconscious my best friend just for a simple fight. And I certainly shouldn't have to worry about people trying t hurt me!" I yell back a bit more louder than what I intended, Four is now looking at me in confusion and I really don't know what he is thinking. He is quiet for a moment analyzing me.
"I would never let anyone hurt you." He states but I am taken back by his words, I look at him and realize he is now staring at my neck, he has seen one of my wounds. He is staring deeply at it while I try to cover it.
"You are hurt, please let me see," he says as he tries to get closer but I don't want him to see, I cant let him know, I back away slowly from him. "Tris please you are clearly hurt, let me help." He finishes reaching for me.
"No!" I snap as I yank away from his touch, "D- don't touch me, just… Just stay away from me." I begin to make my way again but I can still feel his burning gaze at the back of my head. I thought I could trust him, but now I see that no one will be able to protect me from Marcus, not even him. I won't even be able to protect myself from what I am.
I walk back to the dorm, I think seriously of just getting my stuff and leave. That seems like the most reliable option, becoming factionless seems more attractive now. But I can't find myself to actually do it. Can I leave this place? Can I still remain here after everything that happened in the last 2 days? After everything I've said to Four? I sigh as I look around the dorm, everyone's asleep already, and I know I need to be alone. I need to feel the absence of everything and everyone, I need space.
Hey guys! I apologize for not updating any sooner, I had a small case of writers block. Also I was thinking of making another fanfic, one of Tris and Tobias but not at all like this one, more like them in the modern day, where they are completely different and belong to different kinds of societies, but I don't know yet. I'm still brainstorming on it, so please tell me if you think I should do it, I will STILL CONTINUE with this one either way, I just want to know if you guys would think it's a good idea based on my writing skills and so. Anyway please R&R, I love every single one of your reviews! You guys rock! (: