Chapter 9
Tris POV
The look in his eyes was cold, indifferent and in all ways painful to look at. I did it, I managed to push away the only person I seemed to care for. It may have been for the best, I know he would have never been able to accept the broken person I am but that still didn't mean it didn't hurt me to have to keep him away.
I made my choice last night and decided that if I was going to stay here I should be able to be strong and brave. Cowardice was no longer an option, if Marcus ever came back I would at least have the strength to not let him manipulate me any longer. Not him or anyone else. The fight with Erick proved that I was still soft and I have a lot to learn. Four didn't care about me, at least not the way I had thought, he was only being a concerned instructor as much as id wanted more it would never be possible.
I started my workout and remembered all the things I had been put through. I need to be tough, I need to be fast and careful if I could be that then I would be okay here. My punches seemed to gather more strength each time they hit the bag. My kicks had more weight and I could see how each time the bag swung further, I like control but I will not be consumed by it. My goal is to remain here, but that doesn't mean my walls should come down. I am determined.
In a few minutes the rest of the initiate will be getting here, I need to prepare myself to whats ahead of me. Peter is one to watch out for, he never plays fair and I must watch my back not only from him but from Erick too, after yesterday I have a feeling that Four will no longer protect me. I don't know if I should feel relived or worried but either way it shouldn't matter.
"Listen up initiates today you will be accompanying us to a small field trip." Four yells, his voice's stern and chilling. He looks good.
What is wrong with me! Focus Tris. I try not to get sidetracked but he demands to be seen.
"We will be going to the gates, far among the Amity sector. You will learn that there's more to being Dauntless. We are the city's protectors and by all means we guard this city anytime and everywhere." He says guiding us to the exit of the compound.
We make our way to the fence and Erick explains to us how the city remains an unknown art of what is outside. He goes on preaching on how important our jobs is and the safety of the city. S Erick rambles on, I catch glance of Four looking my way, expressionless. I still don't understand how someone like him, someone who I barely even know can make me so excited and nervous at the same time. He turns my way and catches me staring at him, he says nothing and goes on as if I wasn't there. Ouch!
We go on to the fields surrounding the Amity sector just as the truck are loading on, one of the trucks stops next to where we are and I see someone calling my name.
"Beatrice!" Its Robert black, my neighbor from abnegation. It hadn't dawned on me that Robert also transferred to Amity, I didn't think he would transfer but now that I think about he was always so cheerful and kind in his own reserved kind of way.
"Hello Robert" I say walking towards him and I can feel Fours eyes on me the whole time. Robert leans in and hugs me tightly lingering on for more than normal. I feel the urge to step away, more when I see Four glaring at Robert. I should feel affected by this, but I do. A lot.
Robert eyes me and notices the bruises on my face as he tenses up taking in my appearance. "Jesus Beatrice! What's happened to you?" I feel true concerned in his voice. It warms me up to realize we did have real friends who cared for me and my brother in abnegation.
"This is what initiation is like," I say hesitantly. "You think this is bad? You should see the other guy." I joke hoping to ease his worried look. It works, he reassures me with small smile.
"Well if you aren't happy I'm sure the abnegation will take you back, especially your dad since he is a leader." He finishes. I could taste the bitterness those words hold for me. I would rather die than go back to Marcus.
"What makes you think I want to go back?" I feel my face tighten up at the thought. "Dauntless is my home now." I look around and see four staring at us, looking relieved almost. I wonder if he heard my words.
"okay then, I should get back." He says. "it was really good seeing you today Beatrice!" he leans over ad before I can back out of his grasp me embraces me again and this time I can see Four from the corner of my eye sending Robert a death glare at the back of his head. He walks off looking spleenful. I nod and face my fellow initiates.
"Beatrice? What an ugly name!" Molly spits out. I simply glare at her, she obviously isn't very bright.
We head back to the compound, Christina and Will joking endlessly as I just see out the cart. This is my home. I know the truth these words hold, dauntless is my home from now on.
We follow the instructors back and I see Four stay behind allowing us to catch up to him. I wonder if he is still mad about what happened yesterday; in our encounter earlier he seemed pissed, leaving a guilty feeling in my gut. I look to face him and see he is walking right beside me but is facing the front, not taking his eyes off his front.
"You should keep to yourself, dauntless don't really make a habit of associating with any other faction." He says, clearly bothered. "Watch what you do Tris!"
I see him walk off normally and I feel I should have explained myself to him. But I don't, nor will I ever have to, this shouldn't concern him. I think millions of reason as to why he was in the infirmary that night, and still don't have any answers as to why, and I don't think I will. At least not anytime soon.
We sit in lunch, everyone talking but me. As usual I keep any unwanted attention off me and stare into the blank when I hear Will and Christina ramble something that caught my attention. They said visiting day. Panic begins to creep up.
"What? Vsiting day?" I interrupt as Christina eyes me, "When is visiting day?" I could hear the urge in my voice.
"Oh yeah, they let us know after Erick sent you to the infirmary, I forgot to tell you." She says calmly. "Its tomorrow, we don't have anything tomorrow and after that stage one will conclude."
Marcus is the only thing in my mind right now, I would have to see him again. Im sure of it, but I know I can't, I'm not ready. I would have to void being seen tomorrow all day, yeah that I could manage. But what if he asked about me? Maybe he won't even show, he was clear on the faith he has in me. I pray he doesn't show.
Al interrupts my thoughts as he repeats something I didn't hear him first time. "Tris are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine, what did you say?"
"I asked if you were nervous? About tonight?" he asked and I began to try and figure out what he was talking about. He must've seen the confused look in my face and began explaining, yet again. "Tonight is capture the flag, remember."
I had got to start listening, Id completely forgotten. I literally don't know where my mind has been the last 2 days. "Uh.. not really, its just a game." But I knew it wasn't just any game, this was a dauntless tradition, and my chance to recover from the loss of the fight the day before yesterday.
I glance over at Fours table and I see him staring into the air deep in thought. He's very handsome; his eyes are always so piercing and intense. I sometimes worry he might be able to see right through me, but then again I worry he won't. I don't know which thought bothers me most.
Ten minutes later we made our way out, we headed back to the dormitory. Since we would have to go out tonight, the leaders decided to give us the afternoon to do whatever. Walking back I couldn't not stop thinking about tomorrow. Visiting day is tomorrow and I dread having to see Marcus again. I am weighting my options since I know he has answers I need, he can explain, but then again I risk getting him mad and snapping at me again.
Just as im passing the pit, I remember the tattoo shop, Tori works there, maybe she can tell me how its possible that someone might have found out. I start heading in that direction when I see Four passing by speaking with Lauren and Zeke. He didn't even look my way, the thought of him listening to me and staying away hurts me more than it should, I try and push the thought out of my mind. I shouldn't care at all.
I walk towards the tattoo shop and its basically empty except for an initiate I recognized from the dauntless born. Uriah was his name, I think.
I walk but I don't see Tori. Maybe she isn't here today.
"Tori's gone for the day," Uriah says, he probably noticed me searching for her. "she had some things do to, im next in line though."
I nod in retunr and make my way to the door, before I feel a hand on my wrist.
"hey, its Tris right?" he says. I feel too uncomfortable with him grabbing my wrist, just as I look to back to see his face, he lets go of my hand. "Oh, sorry."
"Yes, you're Uriah?" I ask even though I know the answer already. His skin is a light brown, not so dark from up close, his eyes are a sweet brown, and they have a warm in them. I can see him being a friend in the future maybe?
He smiles at my response. "Yeah, I saw your fight with Eric, it was interesting."
"Um yeah, I guess it was." I chuckle
"Don't worry about it though, Four made sure he paid for it," he adds, "we all saw it and for a sec there I thought it might have been personal, but then my brother explain to me that Four and Eric have always had this rivalry, they go way back."
I am surprised that this practically stranger is just telling me this as if I was a longtime friend, maybe I was right and we will have a friendship sooner than I thought. My heart feels a bit wounded at the realization that Four defending me had nothing to do with me and him, it was all about him against Eric, he would have defended anyone. I then recall he said brother, who is his brother?
"Your brother?" I ask.
"Oh yeah, Zeke is my older brother, he's Four best friend." He says, he eyes my reaction, "why?"
"I didn't know, that's all." I say. I want to ask him more, he's a dauntless initiate and I know he might know more about Four but I suppress all curious thoughts, and contain myself.
"Yeah…" he says and just as the silence between us make a bit of awkwardness linger around. "So, I think I'll pass on the tattoo today, why don't we go to the chasm, just hang for a while."
His question takes me by surprise and I think seriously about taking a rain check, but as I see his face he seems genuinely nice, it'd be nice to hang for a while before we go off to the trip. I have a feeling he wont question me on anything, and all of a sudden going back to the dorms doesn't seem as appealing aymore.
"Sure, lets go." And we make our way.
Uriah is really nice, he explained to me how the usual dauntless life is, we talked for a while before we headed back. He doesn't seem like the rest of my other friends. I wonder what his aptitude test said. He sees like he could fit into abnegation. It was nice hanging with someone who doesn't seem to take pity in me, for my beating from Eric or even from Peter and his posy. Every time I looked at him I felt sympathy, his warm brown eyes tell me he is a good person. Though some of the time he was speaking my mind kept drifting off to Four, I thought about his eyes, and the way he can be so intimidating yet so welcoming at the same time. I went over the way he touched my stomach when we were training, I don't think I'll ever forget the feeling his hand gave me, nor the jolt I felt at his contact. Part of me strongly wants him to not keep his distance, and its slowly overcoming any other desire in me to keep him away. The thought only scares me more.
Making our way towards the tracks, I could feel the cold air of the night getting colder. The weather here always seems to surprise us, one day it can be cold the next warm and sunny, specially this time of year.
"Im so nervous," Christina says. "I wonder who will be the two captains?"
I look around and I feel Eric's intense glare my way. I have a feeling he is going to be one of the teams captain.
"My guess is on the leaders." Says Will, just as we hear the train approaching.
We start running towards it and soon the people start jumping into the cars, all in random order. I run faster trying to keep up to the rest, as I still have many sore areas from all the action my body has received the last days in training. I grab the handle trying deeply no not let my wounds bother me but I fail deeply just as a whimper falls out of my mouth, I manage to pull myself up and into the car when I am greeted by a warm arm around my back. A shock of energy shoots through me at the contact, I look up to see who it is, and to my surprise its my dear instructor Four.
I stare into his eye and feel overwhelmed by the cold I see in them. He is keeping his distance.
"Get it together Stiff, there's no place for the weak here." He spits and let's go of me. He might have hated helping me but I still felt the jolt of energy when he touched me.
Once everyone made their way into the cabin, Eric once again explained to us what this is about. Will was right, he will be a captain along with Four. After my newly found piece of information I find this even more interesting, who ever loses or wins will have to endure the others victory.
"Why don't you do us the honors and start off the choosing Four?" Says Eric, directly staring him down.
"My pleasure," he replies clearly not intimidated by Eric. The fact that he has so much confidence even when dealing with Eric who happens to not only be his superior but his rival as well brings a smile to my face.
"I want the stiff." He says, any trace of smile in my face has now vanished, I understand the meaning of he said, referring only to the game, but his words linger in my mind. I want the stiff. I make my way over to his side, standing not too far from him as Eric continues to choose. Trying to snap my mind to the present I convince myself his words have no hidden meaning.
I take a look around and see familiar face in our team, Christina, Will, Uriah, Maya and other dauntless borns I don't know.
We jumped off the train first, landed in a secluded area, there are some trees around us with old broken down buildings surrounding most of the area. Not many feet from us is Ferris wheel with its view mainly pointing to a nearby lake.
We all gathered around in a circle everyone pitching in ideas, to form a plan in which we are able to hide the flag and capture the opposite teams flag. Four is watching us intently, not really giving us any lead, my guess is he'll want us to come up with it.
I take in the site of the Ferris wheel thinking just how it can be used in our favor. I walk towards it and decide not to interrupt the others as they are clearly debating on what to do. The structure is high enough for us to climb it and giving us enough view of just what the other team may be doing. I start to climb it hoping as the plan begins formulating in my head.
Guys there is no excuse for me updating until now, the month of May means finals and exams and so many more things, either way I plan to catch up this upcoming week with multiple chapters. R&R guys, your suggestions and opinions are extremely important to me, also F&F
Once again, I'm super sorry; I'll make it up to you guys I promise!