Chapter 13
Tris POV
The moment my feet touched the ground after zip lining I felt new, somehow healed from everything that's ever hurt me in the past. I no longer have the same feeling in my gut as if something bad was going to happen. I have spent the last few days making the best of my new found confidence; surprisingly even my friends have noticed it. Though they think its because of the rankings which were posted up the day before yesterday, 4 days after visiting day.
Last week when I saw Caleb he said I should have been careful with everyone in dauntless, and since I was in second place I can only guess that maybe I'll be one to observed in the following stage of initiation that begins today. The simulations.
I look over to Christina who is biting her nails eagerly while the door to the room opens. Four comes out and lets Molly out, he has a blank expression on his face while she seems to be shaken roughly. Looking closer I see that she is trembling; the color on her face has drained out and is now ghostly white. The dauntless born girl who went in before her didn't seem to be affected as much, though she did come out paler. But Molly looks at least ten times worse.
"Drew." Four calls out and heads back in. I take one last look at Drew before he goes in clearly agitated. The door shuts and once again everyone goes back to waiting their turn.
We are sprawled out in the hallway, some sitting, others standing and some clearly nervous pacing back and forth from one place to another. I turn and see Will reassuring Christina next to me, the people who have come out have not looked well and since we were told that there was nothing to prepare us for this, Christina and Al have nearly gone into melt down mode.
"You know my brother said this stage isn't nearly as hard as stage three, but if we're able to pass this stage well then stage three would be less difficult to handle." Uriah says, "I kind of see what he means though."
Uriah was with me when we went zip lining and ever since I've noticed that unlike the rest of the dauntless born initiates, he seems calmer in these situations. He is looking towards Christina and Will eyeing them with a curious expression on him.
"I supposed if this stage is hard and if we're able to pass it then it only means that we're stronger therefore are capable for more." I say. He turns and looks at me nodding in agreement.
"Makes sense, if you put it that way." He answers. "Is she okay, I mean they look like they are having a moment." He nods his head in the direction of Christina and Will.
They seem to be gazing at each other, Will holding Christinas hand while doing so.
"I suppose, they are both very friendly." I glance back at Uriah and for the first time I can see a trace of nervousness. "Are you at all nervous?"
I can tell my question threw him off guard, his expression suddenly darkening. His features have become rigid, tense in every way.
"Not nervous, more as anxious I suppose. Usually this phase is set up go through the deepest corners of our mind, a place that some aren't even familiar to begin with let alone having complete strangers see it and judge it, its all very disturbing I guess." He lets out a sigh. Im surprised as to why he is mentioning this to me of all people. Me the stiff.
"How are you so sure that's what they're doing? Isn't it supposed to be like top secret, the simulations I mean." And before I can stop myself I've already said too much. Just great. Shoot! Why did I have to mention the simulations? I can tell he caught on to that by the questioning look he's giving me.
"It is, I know this because my brother usually fills in some of the gaps for me. But how do you know this?" his voice getting lower narrowing his eyes at me while doing so, he continues in careful whispers. "You're abnegation and yet you know that we are walking straight into a fear simulation, when even most of the dauntless born don't even know what it is they're facing. How can a transfer?"
I guess I'm not the only one with a big older brother looking out for me. I hesitate before answering. "Was. I was abnegation, and I- I overheard trainers talking about it." Not my best cover up it'll do for now.
I meet his eyes and I am sure I couldn't fool him for one second, he clearly doesn't believe me. I question whether I should trust him or not, for starters I barely even know him yet here he is confiding in me his feelings on what we're about to face. And as if he's reading my mind he answers.
"You know you can trust me Tris. I know many people and I can see that not many are like you. To me you seem trustworthy and I'm only hoping we could be friends, the other day you seemed like you needed one and if that's ever the case in the future you know I'm around." He finishes with a genuine smile. "Whether it's for talking, listening or simply for my presence alone, I'm here." His words slowly sink in and I am then fully aware that Uriah can be a friend, my friend. Something about him, in his personality reminds me of home. Now I don't know many dauntless born but Im almost completely sure that he is the most kind-hearted person from them.
"Thanks." I say swiftly but even though I know he wouldn't say anything about this, there would be no way I could explain why Caleb had to warn me without my having to explain about my divergence. I say stick to my grounds. "I'd like that, having a friend here will certainly make things less difficult."
Uriah and I continue our conversation casually regarding general topics like the jobs they have here in dauntless, and of our knowledge over the other factions, which is, if I may add, very limited. After a couple more minutes the door opens again, allowing Four to step out. He and I to exchange glances briefly before he calls out the following name.
"Al."
He exchanges looks between Uriah and me then turns back in silence, expressionless. I'm left wondering if he and I will ever become friends. Clearly it wont be as easy as Uriah and I just did, if it ever does happen. Which I highly doubt.
"Five down many to go." Uriah sighs letting out an exasperated breath. "You know, he's not that bad of a guy."
I turn to look at him, he is leaning with his back to the wall his head hanging back and eyes fully closed. Is he talking about Four? "What?"
"Four." He states, exchanging looks between me and the room Four disappeared into. "He's a good guy, he's very close with my brother Zeke and I've gotten to know him very well, he may come off very serious and harsh but there's so much more to him than that."
Again his abrupt confession astonishes me. "But why do you assume I think otherwise?"
"I don't know, I guess it's the tension that arises when you both are together, that and mainly the way you two usually glare at each other, its noticeable mostly on your part." There's something in his eyes, as if recalling a past memory. "Not all trainers are the same, Tris."
What? Does he seriously think I feel the same way about Eric as I do Four? There isn't anything in this world that could ever make me think that Four and Eric are in anyway similar. While Eric is haughty, imperious and tyrannous to no end, Four is careful, incorruptible, upstanding, helpful and in all ways effortless. Sometimes too welcoming even for my own sake.
"Yeah, I know." I simply say, giving this topic a dead-end.
I look over to the door and my nerves are once again making my heart beat faster. Mainly due to the fact that I will be in there with Four, alone. This though is making me go over the edge, plus adding to my escalating anxiety I'll be put in a simulation where I will need to desperately hide my divergence. Sweat forms up on me, my throat feeling dry and closed. I need to be very careful. Four hasn't acknowledged me since visiting day. Last I saw of him was when he escorted Caleb out of dauntless right before he left Marcus and I alone to talk. He hasn't even looked my way since then.
I know this was what I wanted, what I needed but it still bothers me deeply thinking he may not care anymore or worse yet, that he never truly did. Maybe he was just having fun, I am only an initiate after all and he is older, why would he even bother to look my way if it wasn't for a fun moment of "teasing the initiates." My heart contracts at the thought of it being true so I push any thoughts of him away. I sit and rest my back to the wall, setting my elbows on my knees and my head against the wall. I close my eyes and await my turn.
My lack of sleep stats creeping in, since I haven't had one decent night of sleep since I last saw Marcus. My eyes start to get very heavy and before I know it sleeps drags me in.
With a jolt I wake, my eyes burning. I sit up rubbing my eyes while doing so before I notice where I am. The smell of the room is familiar, it makes me look around and I notice my bed. I am back in my home, in abnegation but I am wearing what I picked out this morning, I'm in my dauntless clothes. My room looks the same except that it doesn't feel the same. I look around once more before heading out into the hallway and I see nothing different.
I walk into the hall way and I see that no one seems to be around. I walk over to Caleb's room but the door is closed. Ever since he left his room was always opened, I would leave it opened since I would sometimes feel he was still here, laying in his bed staring deeply into the ceiling as if he were reading or watching something on it. I walk up to his door and gently push it open. No one is there. I continue walking, heading down stairs everything around me is quiet and still. But somehow it's the stillness and this burning silence that scares me. This house never felt like this. I stop downstairs and walking into the kitchen I am startled by what my eyes see.
Caleb is here. But he is not in his abnegation clothes, he is wearing the exact same thing he was wearing last week. He turns around and meets my eyes and its only now that I notice that we aren't the only ones in the room, Marcus stands a few feet back from us, rage spread out in his face. The look of anger and authority in his eyes is unwelcoming.
"Step aside Caleb," Marcus says, "Your sister needs a lesson, she'll learn not to disobey me."
Caleb turns his back to me facing Marcus, the look in his eyes is overwhelming. This was the look he had always before he would defend me, though it was always a matter of time before Marcus would get to me. Too many times did this happen in the past but the outcome was always the same and something leads me to think that this is no exception.
"I wont let you touch her, you cant hurt us anymore." He said sternly, watching Caleb closely I see that he seems different, he has determination in his expression. Something in the back of my head tells me this is wrong. But what?
"I said, step aside, or this will only be worse on you AND HER." He growled. Marcus has taken a step closer to us, Caleb shielding me leaves me very little opportunity to see Marcus, though I have no desire to do so. Caleb doesn't move, I can see his shoulders tense more.
"I said STEP ASIDE!" Marcus yells.
"Over my dead body." Caleb answers as he pushes me back, shielding me more.
No, no, no! This isn't happening! The look in Marcus eyes is life threatening, we aren't safe, no one is safe here. I need to get us away.
With a quick slash Marcus took the first whip aiming it at Calebs face, and he didn't move though. His face turned with the whip biting deep into his skin. All my energy seems to have been drained out, I cant move, I cant react I am paralyzed to my core, with fear. Unable to do anything but watch.
This isn't happening, this isn't real- this is just a dream, only just a dream. I repeat to myself over and over again, but the scene before me keeps playing out. Caleb is on the floor unresponsive as I keep shrieking his name.
This isn't real! I try and calm myself down by reassuring myself that Caleb is ok, and the boy before me is not him, that the blood spilled isn't his. Caleb is safe, he is at the erudite headquarters. Not here, not here!
Marcus heads my way preparing to whip me next. I turn around assembling myself trying to protect my face. I can almost feel him raising the belt in his hand; the following seconds are always the hardest, always grotesque in the anticipation of the hit. And then it happens. The belt bites into my back as I hear my name being called.
"Tris."
And again. The so familiar pain spread within me as the forthcoming hit makes its way into my skin once more.
"Tris."
But this time the voice comes flooded with familiarity, a voice I link with security and shelter. As I struggle to comprehend whats happening I see the belt coming my way for the third time, just as its about to touch I jolt awake screaming and twisting from my horrid consuming nightmare.
I am squirming away uncontrollably when two hands find me, I can still feel the throbbing pain in my back as they touch me in their attempt to bring me back into reality. Its not real, it wasn't real!
The alluring voice keeps on calling out to me but I can make no sense of it. The hands make their way to my cheeks and the jolt of energy at the contact of my skin rushes into me and my eyes spring open.