Chapter 14

Tobias POV

I've liked to think I am a well reserved person. Including when it comes to the initiates, I don't think I am showing preferences at least not when it comes to Tris. But if anything, this situation has made me more patient, more tolerable. And its okay, I know I have to keep my distance but hell if its not hard when I see her struggling. And the only thing harder than to see her struggle is to see her with someone else.

I am not going to pretend that I took this job for any other reason than to help out Zeke to eventually protect Uriah, but right now seeing him this close to Tris I am battling everything in my system not to rip the charming boys head from his body. Yeah, that's more than what I need to avoid.

Having to come out every 20 minutes or so and see them talking is beyond my limit of patience. Tris doesn't usually connect with anyone this much, and to see her do it with Uriah is something I am not fond off. Which is why I will break a golden rule here, and call Uriah next. Usually when we are aware of someone who is divergent we leave them last, that way they have more time to control their nerves and relax before the simulation. It not only helps them calm their selves but it also erases any suspicions as to why their duration in the simulation might be way lower than the others. They don't know their time, and we can talk to them about it as well if the situation calls for it, without the other initiates raising questions.

But today, Uriah wont be last. If anything he should thank me for not smacking his grin right off that caramel colored skin of his. Normally I wouldn't react this way, but since I've seen the way he looks her way, I don't doubt for one second that he should just back off. I know all too intimately the way he looks at her, its is after all the same way I look at her. It's a gaze full of longing and awe, it's a look I thought only I held for her.

And just as expected Uriah is all too familiar with his simulation, or at least knowing that it's a simulation. So far he is the only divergent we know of, we usually only have one divergent per class. This year shouldn't be any different. So I call the rest of the initiates one by one, saving the best for last. Tris. That and because I saw that she dozed off a while ago, I might s well let her sleep as much as she can since most initiates have trouble with their sleep after being submitted to the simulations.

Once I open the door to call her I see that she is still gone in her sleep, in the same position she fell asleep in. Her back to the wall with her legs tucked in by her chest, resting her cheeks on her knees. Approaching her, I look around and see that there is absolutely no one near. I crouch down to her level opposite of her, pondering on whether I should wake her or let her sleep a few moments longer, I pick the latter.

She seems younger in her sleep, her face completely relaxed, astray of any worries or thoughts. I have to fight the urge to caress her face, to gently stroke away some hair that's fallen into her face. But I choose not to since there's always cameras and I have no doubt that someone may be watching this. So I'm left to just gaze upon her.

Wow… She really is beautiful. She isn't your average beauty, but instead she's different. She's something you consider rare, but beautiful nonetheless.

Just as I am about to gently wake her I see her tense. She has gone rigid all over, her shoulders growing hard and her arms tightening around her legs. She must be having an off dream. I reach out to try and wake her again but she whimpers as if on pain.

Then all of a sudden she is crying and screaming for someone to stop. I call her names, growing impatient for her to wake up, I hate seeing her in this place.

"Tris." I say again shaking her shoulders slightly.

Still she shuffles around trying to get away from my touch. Tears streaming down her face tensing even more now. I call her once again almost I a shout.

"Tris!"

And her eyes burst open.

She seems lost and scared, looking around she takes in her surrounding panting from her nightmare. What on earth wash she dreaming about.

"Hey its okay," i reach over to her to tuck some hair behind her ear but she recoils from my touch. "It was just a nightmare. You're okay."

She looks at me expectantly. Trying to decipher something. She wipes her tears away looking away and I am once again feuding with myself. Fighting every instinct inside me telling me to hold her into an embrace and comfort her to no end.

"I'm sorry." She says looking down to her hands.

"Hey its okay, they're just bad dreams." She looks at me now, hey eyes red and puffy. "They're not real."

She sees me and scoffs at my last remark. "Right. Not real." She starts to get up, takes a deep breath composing herself. "Im fine."

I get up as well, she is clearly not okay. "Are you sure? I can give you a few minutes if you.." I trail off knowing I cant give her a few minutes but I know well enough that Id break every rule in the book for her c if I needed to.

"No I'm okay. I just need to get this over with."

Im hesitant at her response but I trust her. "Okay."

Once we enter the room I see her looking around taking everything inside in. I guide her towards the metal reclining chair. "Sit."

"Whats the simulation?" she asks, her voice shaking. Im not sure if shes nervous from what just happened or from whats going to happen.

"Well its something along the lines 'facing your fears'" I say, preparing the syringe. "The simulation will show you something you're most afraid of one of your deepest fears and you will learn to control your emotions during it all."

I see her face pales. Ive seen Tris in many situations where shes shown many emotions. Ive seen her be brave, I've seen her be annoyed, angry even, excited and cheerful too, and to some extend I think I've seen her truly sad. But this emotion right now is new. This I've never seen.

Realization hits me. Tris is scared. No, scared is falls short for this emotion, Tris looks terrified. My brave, courageous girl is terrified. But of what? The simulation? Her fear? Truly it cant be of that.

"Fears?" her voice comes out in barely a whisper. "I thought Uriah was just joking about it being about fears."

There she goes again with Uriah. "He said that?" My voice dropping any hint of affection it had.

"Well yeah, but I didn't think it was literally facing our deepest fears." She seems so small; her voice has lost any certainty it held. "Will you be watching?"

Is her apprehension coming from the fact that I'll be watching? "Well yeah, the injection I'm about to give you has a serum with tiny transmitters that sends data into the computer and allows me to watch everything from the screen." I smile trying to ease her a bit. "It's a more advanced version, one without wires or electrodes for you."

She nods in understanding. I close some of the distance between us raising my hand to her neck; I hesitate before making actual contact with her. My fingers brush against her skin, moving some of her hair out of the way. She tenses under my touch watching me intently

It seems this not only affect me, but her as well. Good.

I press the needle into her skin and she exhales with only flinch, which is more than what I can say from some of our other initiates. "The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. But this is different from the aptitude test. You will stay in the simulation until you calm down—that is lower your heart rate and control your breathing. Only then will you wake up."

I was hoping that my explanation of how everything works has a calming effect on her, but apparently it doesn't.

"What if I can't calm down?"

"Well," I'm caught off guard by her question. "Then it goes on until…"

She nods in understanding. I hate the fear I see I her eyes. What could Tris be so afraid of to be this shaken? Soon enough I hope this ends, more for her sake than mine. She leans back in the chair with an uncontrollable tremble.

I feel there's more I can do to reassure her that it'll be okay. I know the video of her simulation will be revised by the leaders which means this moment before the actual simulation wont be monitored. I decide to take a leap of faith.

Before the serum takes in I lean over her, placing both my hands on either side of her head. This proximity is more than I could ever ask for right now. I stare deep into her eyes hoping to give her one last once of courage.

"Be brave Tris," I whisper. "The first time is always the hardest." And before I can close the gap between us with my lips her eyes start to give out and in one instant she is gone.

I chuckle at my intending actions, looking down before I let go of her head. I sigh to myself thinking Will I ever catch a break with this girl?

"I guess not." I whisper to myself. I give one quick look at Tris, she looks so different asleep, with her eyes closed and her mouth slightly open, seems more relaxed but no completely. I wonder briefly what'll be her fear while waling back to the monitor.

The first thing I see is Tris in a room, plain gray all over. She's back in her abnegation house. She seems disoriented. Like she doesn't understand what she's doing there, while looking around she spots somebody far away, a body lying across the floor, thought she is far away I cant make out who it is. It's a boy. Tris notices this and begins to run towards the boy, I can tell she knows who it is.

"Beatrice!" he yells.

"Caleb!" Tris shouts while running toward him. She's frantic, tears swell up in her eyes she's running faster now but it seems that her fear is that she won't get to him on time? Maybe.

"I'm coming Caleb!" she shouts running to him. I realize it is the boy from erudite. What tie does she have with this boy? Tris keeps running but it isn't enough, I can tell from her face that she is terrified, but what does this mean? Is she afraid of losing him? Is she afraid of being too late? Too late for what?

Tris seems to be unwilling to give up and keeps running faster, "I wont lose you too Caleb. I can't." She whispers. Suddenly she is already next to him. How in the world did she get to him so fast? That's not supposed to happen.

"I'm here, Caleb. I'm here, It's okay." she says to him, comforting him. Her eyes are still streaming with tears. I'm taken back with everything Im seeing, this feels to intimate, "Shhhh Im going to get you out of here okay, we're going to leave." She tries to get him up but its only then that I see that he is badly hurt.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I already know whats coming. Ive seen it a thousand times, its one of the most common fears. Losing someone you love. And if Im right and this guy is her brother, which I highly doubt but thinking otherwise is too painful for me, then Tris is about to watch her brother die and she wont be able to a damn thing about it.

"I cant Tris" he manages out.

"No! im not losing you okay." she tries to get him up but tits no use, and she knows this now. she's sobbing, holding on to him for her life. "Don't close your eyes Caleb…. Please just say with me."

I can almost see the light in his eyes go out. "NO!" she shouts over and over again.

"Be strong Tris. Calm down and it'll be over soon," I whisper. "Be brave." And just as I know that she can't hear me she doesn't calm down.

"No! Open your eyes Caleb!" she is shouting, "You aren't dead, you cant be!" she leans up, looking around she starts shouting, "Somebody help, please! Help! Somebody!"

It hurts to see her like this. Sometimes I really hate this job. I look over to where she is lying sleeping, and I have an urge to hold her, to let her know this isn't real and to shake her awake before she hurts any longer.

She rests her head on his body, crying uncontrollably. And then she is quiet, for a moment I think she is about to calm down but she does he opposite. Something registers on her face, recognition like shes just remembered something. And she starts shaking him as if to wake him up.

"Caleb!" she whispers to him. "Caleb, get up! This isn't real!"

Im stunned. She cant possibly now this isn't real. Everyone doesn't now that specially during the simulation. She cant know—unless…

"Open your eyes Caleb, get up!" she then shakes her head saying "This isn't real. This isn't real. You are in Erudite, not here. This… this is… this isn't real, this is a simulation." She whispers and looking back at the boy I half expect him to get up, but its impossible even if she were divergent she couldn't just manipulate the simulation.

Then Tris leans in and says, "Open your eyes Caleb." And suddenly his eyes snap open.

I am too shocked to understand what just happened. He opened his eyes! She told him to open his eyes and he did! She cant possibly! A million thoughts swarm my mind in a nano second. Tris is divergent! She is divergent! Divergent.

Like me.

The simulation is over and I try to recompose myself while Tris begins to wake up. I look around half expecting to see someone here with me but I know its just us. The recording, I need to get o it before anyone else does. Delete it as soon as possible. No one can know about this. Just as Tris manages to sit up I rush to her. Trying to recompose myself I now I did a terrible job, she notices this as usual. Typical Tris, so observant, too observant for your own good.

"What?" she asks.

Im rendered speechless, I have yet to understand, and the only thing I can manage out is, "How…" I sigh heavily. "How did you do that?"

She looks into my eyes, she opens he mouth as if to say something but closes it back up. I can see her mind piecing everything together. She knows this is dangerous.

"No one can do that." I breath trying to say this a low as possible "Tris? You cant do that ever again, do you understand me. For your own good." I close my eyes needing to piece this myself yet. "Meet me at the tattoo parlor tonight at eight o' clock, we need to talk about this, no one can know." I finish.

She nods rapidly. "Okay." she says, she heads towards the door and heads out.

I'm left again a mess by her. I walk towards the monitor and delete the footage. Trying to understand everything that I know up t this moment, I slide down leaning my back towards the wall.

"Okay." I sigh.

Tris is not like the other girls or anyone for that matter, she is divergent- like me. Transferred from abnegation, also like me. She is in danger here because of her divergence, and I must protect her, just like my trainer protected me, and aside the fact that we need each other more than ever I'm in too deep, unlike her—I've fallen. Fallen hard for a girl that I would give my life to protect. I cant walk away even if she does want me to, and Im just hoping with all my might that she doesnt want me to, cause god knows I cant. I just cant.