Waves of Uncertainty

Set after The Year Between: Acceptance Pt 2;

x.x.x

Was it really okay to give up her mission? Was it really okay to be with them? Back at the Castle, Xion had chosen to follow Roxas and his friends, but now that she was alone, now that she had time and space to think, her short-lived enthusiasm had faded.

Behind her loomed a tall, crooked tower, piercing the starlit sky. Inside, she was told there was a man named Yen Sid who would be able to help guide her. Roxas, Xiruk, and Naminé had already headed in, but rather than follow them, Xion seated herself at the edge of the cliff and peered off at the strange, orange clouds on the horizon.

Her head still throbbed. When she shut her eyes, she saw herself face to face with a boy with long silver hair, piercing sky blue eyes. He was clearer than ever before, dressed in a yellow top with crisscrossing straps. If he were a bit taller, he'd be the spitting image of Xiruk, but that only made sense. After all, he was his replica. Of course they'd look the same.

But what'd that make her? Why was it that looking at Xiruk gave her a rush of memories? Flashes of a sandy shore, star-shaped fruit, races, rafts, and horrible shadows descending over everything like a tidal wave… Briefly, she looked down at her hand, curled her fingers against her palm, and pressed her fist over her heart.

"But how can I have memories that aren't mine in the first place?"

She sighed, sending another glance at the tower. When nobody came, she lost herself in the clouds once again.

Maybe… maybe she could convince them to go back to Twilight Town with her. She could introduce them to DiZ, prove that she'd succeeded, and then leave. That'd at least clear her conscience. But then, wouldn't that just be a step backwards? She'd already decided she wasn't a puppet anymore. Why did she even care what DiZ thought? He never cared.

You don't get it, do you? I left the Door to Darkness open just so I could find Sora again. Now that I know they've got his Nobody, you can't just expect me to abandon him!

That voice… Xiruk—no, Riku's voice. That was him, wasn't it? And he knew DiZ. Somehow, some way, they'd crossed paths before. So did DiZ try using him, too?

And why did she remember?

A door shut with a thud. Light footsteps pounded against the stairs. When she turned around, she expected to find Roxas heading her way, but when she saw that white dress, her heart jumped, and she flinched. Turned the other way again.

"I'm okay. Really."

"Are you sure?" Naminé crept closer. Xion could hear the grass shifting beneath her feet. "I know we don't know each other very well, but if there's any way I can help…"

"Well, maybe…" She stopped, peering up at her. "Don't you have power over memories?"

Naminé's hand brushed against her shoulder, but she nodded. "Yes. But why?"

"Um, well you see…" How was she supposed to put this? "I was hoping you'd be able to help me with my memories."

Her eyes blinked wide open, and after a few brief moments of staring, Naminé bridged the distance between them, taking a seat by her side. She tilted her head slightly, setting her sketchbook in her lap. "I don't understand. Is something wrong?"

"Mm. Something strange, anyway." She leaned back, breathing slowly. "It's like… sometimes I get these flashes of places I've never been. People I've never seen. It started off so vague, but ever since I met Roxas, these feelings have gotten stronger, and I don't know what they mean."

"I see…" Naminé's eyes dropped to her sketchbook, and she brushed her hand over the cover. "Well, Xion. How long has this been going on?"

"Ever since I met DiZ." She gazed down at her hands, shaking her head. "But see, when I first woke up, I couldn't remember anything specific. It was like… amnesia, I think, but I still had something there, little pieces of memory telling me where to search. Traverse Town, Wonderland, Agrabah… I'd never visited them in my life, but somehow I still knew."

Naminé's fingers gripped the rings of her sketchbook, and her eyes squeezed shut. For about a minute, she sat there in silence. Xion thought about asking if she was okay, but every time she tried, words failed her. All she could do was watch.

Then, finally, she opened her eyes again, though her face was strangely blank, and she avoided eye contact. "Tell me something, Xion. Did DiZ ever explain who you are? Or who you were before you met him?"

"…No. He's always called me a puppet or a tool, and when I asked, he said the past was irrelevant."

"Well, who do you think you are?"

"I'm…" She trailed off, because deep down, she didn't know. Sure, she was Xion, but what did that really mean? She was a puppet filled with mysterious memories, but how did she get those memories? And why'd she look like Kairi? Why the headaches? And why'd she have a Keyblade? Her whole existence was like a giant jigsaw puzzle, and she still couldn't find that last piece.

Well, what point was there in lying? "I don't have a clue. I've had all these months to sort it out, and I still feel so lost."

"Well, Xion, try not to think too hard on it, all right?" Naminé's lips curled into a smile. "I know that's easier said than done, but you have plenty of time to find the answers."

"I guess so. I just need to adjust a little. All this free time's still kinda new to me."

"Mm. I understand. It was the same way when Ri—I mean Xiruk and I left the Organization. Before then, I was a lot like you."

Xion gasped. "You were?"

She nodded. "I had my own mission to rearrange the chains of memories inside Xiruk and Roxas. I was supposed to act like their childhood friend to keep the illusion alive, and if I failed…" She shuddered. Xion had a vague idea where she was headed.

"…It's scary to think about, isn't it?"

"More than anything. And it's not just because of the Organization; there are still times that I worry about failing my friends…"

"It's all that pressure." Xion scowled. "They push you so hard that you start to think that maybe you are a failure. Or maybe you really are just… a mistake."

Before, she'd never thought she'd find someone who'd walked in the same shoes. Maybe it was because of all her time spent alone. Maybe it was because of all those times DiZ scolded and berated her. She'd had friends like Kairi, Donald, and Goofy, and their encouragement always turned storm clouds into rays of sun, but even they couldn't fully relate. They weren't puppets, and they all had so many friends surrounding them across the worlds.

And yet, the one person who really got it was the same person she was instructed to capture. The same person she would've whisked away in a heartbeat, if she hadn't taken the time to form her own connections and thoughts.

Naminé must have reached a similar conclusion because, before long, she let out a soft, lilting laugh. "I never thought we'd have so much in common."

"Me too. I guess I just didn't think that far ahead. It always, 'find Naminé this instant,' or 'remember your mission.' I had a job to complete and that was it… and maybe that's because DiZ knew that if I really got to know you, I wouldn't be able to complete my task."

"So are you still having second thoughts?"

"I—wait a second! How'd you know?"

"Because I've been there before. I know what it's like to have doubts."

She smiled sheepishly, scratching her cheek. "Well, I was, but not anymore. Kairi was right; I really should get to know you better. It feels like there's a lot we could learn from each other… if you're up for it, anyway."

"Of course I am. It'll be nice to have another friend I can relate to. Besides, maybe we can both work on our self-esteem together." She stood up, gesturing to the tower, and Xion soon rose to her feet.

"Well, I guess we shouldn't stay out here too long. I don't want the others to worry."

"Then we'll go together."

"Right."

With a smile on her face and a spring in her step, Xion followed Naminé up the front steps. She followed her into the tower, up the winding, spiral stairs, and into the unknown.

She still didn't understand her memories. And maybe there were still a few doubts whispering in her ears, but this time, she ignored the nagging. Ignored her fears, because now she knew she'd made the right choice.

x.x.x

END NOTE: I originally wanted to put a Xion scene at the end of Acceptance Pt. 2, but due to length, I decided to instead follow-up on the chapter with this little side scene. It was a great opportunity to write these two without their usual circle of friends and showcase their commonalities. I hope to expand upon this further when I return to Xion's arc in TYB.