A/N: I'm a little bummed at this second because of some IRL stuff, so I'm posting this chapter and will likely post another one tonight because posting makes me better. Thank you guys for all the support on this story! I hope you have a nice Wednesday :)
Side note for fun: I know nowadays pretty much every kid has an Iphone, but this story takes place in like 2010 when Iphones weren't everywhere, so just keep that in mind. The cell phone mentioned below is a Pantech Pursuit green slider. Also Iphones are called Holophones in this story, just so you know.
Summary: Padme Amidala built bridges with people, especially with her 4th grade students. When new student Ahsoka joins her class, she is ready to start building a bridge to the young girl. Anakin Skywalker doesn't trust easily, especially when his little sister is involved. But he's drawn to the 4th grade teacher and willing to trust Padme with the darker battles his family is facing.
Chapter Eight
Thursday afternoon
No sooner had Ahsoka walked through the door she was swept off her feet by Rex. On any normal day, she would have complained about how often people were picking her up, but today wasn't a normal day. Now that she had time to think about everything and her running off, she realized just how much of a bad idea that was. Her brothers already worried about her enough as it is and she made them worry even more by her running away.
"Good to have you back commander," Rex said, setting her down.
Ahsoka grinned, "Good to be back. I'm sorry that I ran off like that."
Rex gave her a sympathetic look, "Not that any of us condoned it, but we've all had our moments where we just had to run off."
"And speaking of you running off," said Cody as he entered the room dressed in a yellow flannel shirt and jeans, "We have something for you."
Ahsoka frowned, "I run away and you get me something?"
Cody chuckled, as he handed her the little gift bag, "Yes well, considering that wasn't the first time we couldn't get ahold of you, we figured it was time you had this."
"It's in case of emergencies," Obi Wan said pointedly, "But it does have some games on it. Each of our numbers is in it already."
Ahsoka gaped at the green slider keyboard phone in her hand. A cell phone, they got her a cell phone.
"I should run away more often if you guys just plan to get me stuff," Ahsoka said as she tried to turn it on.
Obi Wan rolled his eyes, "Hilarious. As much as I hate to say it like this, force knows how many people get addicted to these things, this phone is your life. Do not lose it."
"If you're ever in trouble, you can call us or send a text and we'll get you," Cody told her.
Ahsoka nodded with a giddy smile.
"And there are rules," Obi Wan said sternly, "No playing on it after nine. Do not take it out in class. It's not a toy for your amusement when you need to be doing something else-"
Ahsoka's smile did not falter, "Understood General!"
Obi Wan let out a small laugh, "Good. The better you take care of this will determine whether or not you get a Holophone later. Cody will help you set this one up."
"Come on," Ahsoka said excitedly as she grabbed Cody's hand and dragged him out of the kitchen.
The sight was enough to make Obi Wan feel better. Soon as Anakin came home, then they could talk more on why Ahsoka had run away to her school teacher. It had been a curious thing for Obi Wan. He thought her teacher was nice and he approved of her teaching methods, but something about her had captured Anakin and Ahsoka's attention.
When he spoke to Satine about it, she mentioned she had actually met the teacher years ago in university. That had certainly been a surprise for him to hear. The background information Satine gave him did help him puzzle out more about Padmé. But still, not enough to decipher why exactly Ahsoka seemed to trust her so quickly and Anakin to take to her.
Ahsoka was a very trusting person, she was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt which Obi Wan both admired and cautioned. To see her trust the teacher after only a few weeks spoke volumes to the family. Obi Wan found himself in the office working on some paperwork and going over the appointments he had set up.
Psychology had always fascinated him, getting inside another's head and helping people were two things he always enjoyed doing. Putting the two together made sense that he became a therapist. It took a lot of schooling and he was in debt, but it was worth it. Now more than ever he was grateful for his job as it allowed him to follow his passion, it made him a good bit of money to care for his family and the schedule was flexible.
As he was filing some papers away, a knock sounded on his door.
"You look stressed," Anakin commented as he walked over to his brother.
Obi Wan sighed, "Stress is part of my personality after all. When don't I look this way?"
"Usually when Satine's around," Anakin remarked with a knowing smirk. "So, why was I called to your office? I can't tell if this is like being called to the principal's office or the counselors."
"Hilarious," Obi Wan said dryly.
He needed to talk to his brother about Ahsoka, though Anakin's comment about counselors struck him. Of course Obi Wan couldn't be his brother's therapist in that way, but he did give his brother a list of therapists who were good at their craft and who he trusted. It had taken ages for Obi Wan to convince his brother to go to a therapist, especially when the oldest brother had put some pieces together about Anakin's mental health.
"Aayla tells me you haven't been back to her office in awhile," Obi Wan said as casually as he could, "Want to tell me why?"
Anakin's eyes narrowed, "Spying on me?"
Obi Wan shook his head, "No. I never ask about your sessions, for one it's illegal and two I respect your privacy. Aayla just mentioned it to me the other day. She was concerned."
"Well I'm fine," Anakin replied firmly, "Besides there are more important things going on right now."
"Ignoring it won't make it go away," Obi Wan cautioned.
Anakin glared at him, his eyes cold, but he said nothing in response.
Obi Wan studied his brother for a few moments, wondering if he should press the matter. When Anakin was thirteen, Obi Wan discovered his brother wasn't alright. Over the years he had seen his brother flip a switch constantly, happy to anger to sorrow to joy. He was moody, always had been, but there had been something off about it as he got older. It led Obi Wan to suspect his brother had a disorder.
He said nothing at the time, knowing how it sounded and didn't want to upset his brother by saying the way he was, was wrong. But shortly after the incident that led to Anakin wearing that black sleeve, Obi Wan pushed him to therapy where he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He decided he wouldn't push it for now, but he would bring up the conversation again.
"Let's talk about Ahsoka's adventure. You found her at Ms Amidala's house, I'm curious as to why," Obi Wan said leaning back in his chair.
Anakin's brow scrunched for a moment, trying to decipher his brother's tone. It wasn't really accusing, not bothered, but there was something off about it that Anakin was struggling to place. Sometimes he could read Obi Wan like an open book and other times his brother was a maze he couldn't find his way through.
Anakin sighed, "Ahsoka trusts Padmé. That's what she told me."
Obi Wan hummed for a moment, "Yes, both of you have taken a shine to this school teacher. Ahsoka likes her and you're dating her."
Anakin couldn't decide on now to react, he ended up sputtering a response, "I, I mean I wouldn't say dating, but it is something Padmé and I discussed. Tomorrow night we're going to talk about it again."
"I see," Obi Wan said thoughtfully.
"What, what do you see," Anakin huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "You think I shouldn't?"
Obi Wan sighed, he seemed to age before Anakin's eyes, "I have some reservations about the matter considering our soap opera of family affairs."
Anakin rolled his eyes at the remark, "Padmé already knows about all that."
"Wait, you told her everything," Obi Wan said, eyes wide, "Anakin, you can't just tell someone not in the family all-"
"Obi Wan relax, I didn't tell her every single detail," Anakin interrupted in an annoyed tone, "Only the necessary things. She knows about Ahsoka's father being in jail and released, what happened that day he was arrested and that's all. I had more than enough right to tell her that as she is someone we can trust, she is involved in Ahsoka's life and I wasn't going to lie to her."
Obi Wan brought his hand down his face, he could feel a headache coming on, "You should have asked me first."
"I don't need your permission," Anakin argued, his nostrils flaring.
"When it involves Ahsoka we need to come to an agreement on who knows, not just anyone can have this information," Obi Wan protested.
Anakin rolled his eyes, "If I recall correctly, you told Satine all about it before you guy were even a couple."
Obi Wan made an indignant expression, "That's not true. Satine and I had already been dating for two years before the incident even happened. And now she's to become my wife, of course she gets to have the information. This school teacher is not someone we know."
"I know her," Anakin said sharply, he took a steadying breath, "We can trust Padmé."
"Can we," Obi Wan questioned, not quite convinced on the matter.
Anakin nodded, his expression certain, "Yes."
Obi Wan didn't speak for a long time, processing these words. It was unlike Anakin to be so trusting, he was always a skeptical person and it took awhile for his walls to come down. Yet, he seemed more than ready to get rid of those walls to a stranger. On the one hand, Obi Wan wanted to call that progress, to even be proud that Anakin was willing to open up to someone outside of his family. However the other part of him was worried about bringing in this school teacher to the fold. And if Anakin did start dating her in a more official and serious capacity, that meant she would become even more involved. That didn't sit well with Obi Wan.
"I understand why you're hesitant," Anakin said, "Okay, I do. But I trust her, I know she won't do anything that could hurt us or Ahsoka. If you can't trust her, then trust my judgement."
Obi Wan took another moment to reply, "Alright. However, there is one thing I caution you on should you want to have a romantic relationship with her. If a trial does come up, it is likely Ms Amidala will be called to the stand as she spends a large amount of time with Ahsoka. Should word get out that the two of you are dating-"
"They'll think she's biased because of our relationship," Anakin surmised with a scowl on his face.
In custody cases it was always about who would the child would benefit from more, one of the determining factors were people heavily involved in said child's life. In the past people who had been asked to speak was her counselor Sinube, Master Shaak and Plo Koon as well as previous teachers. They were the adults who spent a fair amount of time with Ahsoka and could gage how well she was doing in her current home.
Ms Amidala would likely be called to the stands as she spends everyday with her. Her testimony would be a great one to have, but it could be dismissed if the courts knew that she was dating the brother who was trying to obtain custody. The court could see it as she is biased due to her feelings. While Anakin had a feeling she wouldn't let her emotions dictate her like that, the courts wouldn't look at it on a closer level and could write off her testimony.
"Yes," Obi Wan said with a slight nod. "All I'm saying Anakin is that Ms Amidala's testimony could be a great asset and we need to have as much help as we can get, I'd hate for it to be dismissed over your relationship. The situation is already delicate as it stands, we should maintain some stability. Until this matter settles, I'm not sure starting a relationship now is wise."
Anakin nodded in understanding and acknowledgement, not trusting himself to say anything. Some anger and frustration swirled inside of his chest, some unease in his stomach. The selfish part of him wanted to date Padme regardless of the consequences, but his thoughts flashes to Ahsoka and how he couldn't risk her. If he was careful with Padme, they could have relationship, she could take the stand and everything would work out fine.
It would be one big secret, however that caused some guilt to gnaw at his stomach. Secrets had a tendency to appear at the worst possible times. On their date tomorrow, he would speak to Padme about this and see what she thought on the matter on having their relationship be a secret. He'd have to keep it hidden from Ahsoka, Rex, Cody and especially from Obi Wan knowing he would only try to stop him. This conversation proving as much.
"Alright, well it's six fifteen. Everyone in school is finished with their homework, so it's time to go to Dex's," Anakin said turning to walk out of the room, "Let's go negotiator."
Obi Wan shook his head at the old nickname, but it did make him smile as he got out of his seat.
Friday
It had been a boring day for Padmé, but she supposed it was good to have some mundane days every now and again. But she was excited and a little nervous about the date she had with Anakin tonight. When he called her last night to make sure they were still on, she noticed he sounded… off. Not in a horrible way, but like he was nervous about something which of course made Padmé nervous. There were a number of reasons he could have sounded like, far too many for her to count.
Currently Padmé was standing in front of her full length mirror, looking at her blue jeans and pale blue shirt. It was a free flowing cold shoulder shirt so an inch strap near her neck leaving her shoulder bare, but covering her arms. Usually she put her hair up in some kind of braid or more complicated style, but she decided to just have it half way up and the rest down. She thought she looked alright. Her and Anakin weren't doing anything fancy, just a stroll in the park and some ice cream. A really laid back date. Padmé knew why their activity was something simple, because the conversation likely would be anything but simple.
With a soft breath, Padmé finished getting ready and got in her car to head over to where they would meet, Bespin Cafe. It was a little shop across the street from Endor Park which had a beautiful trail to walk with all kinds of statues and bush art to see. Soon as Padmé pulled up into her parking spot in front of the cafe, pleased see it wasn't busy, she spotted Anakin sitting at a table outside studying some papers.
For a moment, she studied him. She saw his hair was lightly curled, a little on the messier side. He was wearing a dark red shirt with darker blue jeans, he had affinity for darker colors. Padmé climbed out of her car, she hoped she wasn't over dressed, but she assured herself she was fine and mentally cursed her overthinking. As she made her way over, Anakin spotted her. A big smile grew on his face that soothed her worries.
"You look great," Anakin said as she came up to his table.
Padmé chuckled, "Thank you. I fear I might have overdressed."
Anakin shook his head, "Oh no. You're just in the company of someone without any fashion sense."
"Don't sell yourself short," Padmé told him with a side grin, "I think you look handsome."
Anakin flashed her a grateful smile, but she could see there was an uneasy look in his eyes. He was worried about something. Perhaps what they were going to talk about today had him on edge.
"So, want to get some clouds," Anakin asked with a sheepish smile, "I'm sorry if this is silly-"
Padmé interrupted him, "Not at all. After you."
Anakin gave her another grateful look. Something was really bothering him. In the time she had known Anakin, he didn't do shy or show his nervousness. She could only count on one hand the times he did appear nervous or flustered like this which told Padmé something else was going on. The pair of them got the clouds, it was really just fluffier ice cream that the cafe was known for. While Anakin got a mocha one, Padmé settled for chocolate and vanilla swirled.
With their treats in hand, the pair of them walked along the path by the other shops and restaurants, talking about how their day was and all the small talk that both of them weren't fans of. But neither was quite ready for the more serious topics yet. It wasn't until they made it to the trail, their clouds halfway eaten and melting did they deeper discussion come up.
"I want to date you," Anakin said stopping his walk on the bridge that looked over a creek, "To officially date you that is. I know saying girlfriend can sound juvenile to some, but courting sounds far too old fashioned for my taste."
Padmé barely held back a snort, "I'd have to agree with that. I would like to date you as well, but I sense your hesitance. Why?"
Anakin took a steadying breath, "You're already involved in the family drama and I know we can trust you with it. Besides, you seem like someone who can handle herself."
"That would be correct," Padmé remarked.
Anakin grinned at her words, but it faded after a moment as he spoke, "The main reason that I'm hesitant is because of Ahsoka. As much as I want to deny that Maul will make it to trial, it's more than likely he will push for one which means the people who spend a lot fo time with Ahsoka outside of her family will be called to the stand. You being her teacher would make your testimony a strong asset."
"But if we were in a relationship, they would think that I was bias because of my feelings for you or that you were getting close to me to make me bias," Padme guessed with a tilt of her head, "I wouldn't let my emotions get the better of my judgement like that, but perception is nine tenths of the law. Us being in a relationship could compromise things. It'd be different if I was just your girlfriend, but as Ahsoka's teacher that changes things."
Anakin nodded not surprised that she had worked out what was going on his mind, "Obi Wan thinks we should wait until the matters settles."
"But you don't," Padme asked, curious.
Anakin sighed, his shoulders sagging as though a heavy weight was on them, but he remained silent for awhile. He didn't think they should wait. There was a possibility of a trial, possibility of her being called to the stands, but none of that was certain and he didn't want to make decisions like it was. Regardless even if Padme was called to the stands their relationship was out, it would hardly be seen as that bad of a thing. The judge would just scrutinize her a bit more, maybe even make the questions harder to discern that Padme was thinking in Ahsoka's best interest.
"I don't," Anakin said honestly, "But if we were to start a relationship, then it would have to be a secret from everyone and I can understand if that's not a burden you want to carry."
Padme considered his words for several moments as they continued their walk. Usually she was a very patient person, but she found she understood his desire to have relationship now rather than wait until matters settle. Yet she was still hesitant. It was risky for them to try and have a relationship in secret, it would mean sneaking around and ensuring no one learned the truth and made it known to the courts, should the courts come up.
"Would they dismiss me entirely if we were a couple," Padme questioned.
Anakin thought for a second, "No, but it would be questioned. And while we certainly have others who would be willing to testify, I know the court would want to see speak with someone who sees Ahsoka everyday. It'd be a risk, but I've run through the numbers all last night and today. Even if this did go to trial- and I don't think it will- your testimony would still matter, regardless of our relationship which is why I know that this risk is worth it."
Padme knew that Anakin would not want to jepoardize any chance he had of ensuring Ahsoka was at his side, so Padme felt that this was a risk they could take. However she knew that having to hide this from everyone would certainly be a difficult task for the both of them. Yet, she found she wanted to take this chance. Of course she still had some concern in her over the matter, but it wasn't as strong as she thought it would be. Was that selfish of her? Was she already blinded by desire to be with him?
"I know you wouldn't push for this if you thought it would hurt her, I trust your judgement," Padme told him softly, "But I feel we should discuss it more. If I was called to the stand and they dismissed my testimony, would that hurt your chances in any way?"
Anakin's reply was swift, "It wouldn't make or break it if that's what your asking. But it won't go to trial and they may not even call you to the stands even if it did. The secrecy is more of a precaution. I'm sure in the coming weeks, this whole mess will be over with."
"I hope so, for all your sakes," Padme said, her words honest and sincere.
Anakin gave her a small smile in response, "Can I take that as yes?"
Padme let out a chuckle, "Perhaps Mr Skywalker. I know you had other reservations about us dating, do you care to tell me them or was this it?"
It was at this point Anakin had stopped walking, his demeanor shifting to something Padme was struggling to read. She stopped her walk to face him, to get a reading on what was going on his mind, to look in those blue eyes and find an answer. Padme watched as Anakin seemed to be lost in thought, likely trying to piece together the words that he needed to say and she could see it was difficult.
"I have what some would describe as a volatile personality," Anakin said slowly, choosing his words carefully, "I felt everything too deeply, lashed out a lot, I just could not control my emotions. Something was and still is wrong with me. When I was a teenager, I learned I had borderline personality disorder."
For as long as Anakin could remember, he had always been different from just about everyone around him. Some kids loved being unique, but Anakin had hated it. So often he struggled to make friends, he couldn't fit in with the crowds, his emotions were all over the place and he always felt isolated. He constantly felt like people were going to leave him behind, he was impulsive at just about every turn and he lashed out, boy did he lash out.
His relationships with people outside of his family, sometimes even in his family, were unstable and it was his fault. He knew that, he hated it. The empty feelings, the anger, the fear. All of it swirled in him. Anakin looked at Padmé, studying her soft features. The fear of her leaving had hit him multiple times already in the past two weeks that they started seeing each other, he had felt the suffocating feeling in her house that night. Her reassurance that she wouldn't leave because of it gave him some comfort, but that fear would not leave him. It likely would never leave him.
Anakin let out an uneasy breath that could have been mistaken for a shudder or tremble, "I, I have frequent mood swings. I struggle with anger, I have a lot of anger, a strong fear of abandonment, a lack of self control. It makes me seem 'out of order' and all over the place. It's just something I have to deal with, sometimes it gets the better of me, but I'm working on it and I don't want you to see me as some kind of broken thing."
Padmé brought her hands to his cheeks, "This does not change my thoughts or feelings for you and I do not see you as some broken thing. Thank you, for telling me. I know that wasn't easy. I'm here for you, I want to continue to be here for you." Padmé rubbed her thumbs over his cheeks lightly. "If there's anything I can do to help you in this or anything, just let me know. Okay?"
Anakin nodded, "Thank you Padmé."
Padmé grinned brightly at him as she let her hands fall to his shoulders, "Of course. So, looks like I can call you my boyfriend now."
Anakin laughed at that, "And I can call you my girlfriend- wait, you mentioned you had some concerns before."
Padmé's smile faltered, "Concerns about me… A little more than a year ago, I was in a serious relationship that didn't go well.. He just wasn't a good guy and I'm still dealing with the affects."
Anakin frowned, concern in his gaze, "If it's too much, you don't have to tell me what happened. Don't feel like because I told you something, now you owe me."
Padmé's brown eyes sparkled in mild surprise and some relief. Though she felt guilty for not wanting to share after he had shared something deep and personal. Yet she couldn't do the same. While she wasn't one to compare struggles, she felt her own struggle was not as difficult as his own and felt shame for not being able to say what happened. Sometimes she struggled to even admit to herself. However she did owe it to him. After all he had been willing to share with her, even when it was hard on him, he did. How could she say that she trusted him, that she wanted to be with him, when she wasn't willing to do the same? It wasn't fair of her, she knew that. So she would tell him.
"No, it's okay," Padmé said shaking her head, "You've shared with me your family struggles and a personal struggle, I have no right to continue to hide mine away. I trust you as well. It's just… It's not something I like to think about."
Anakin told her with a gentle smile, "You don't have to say anything unless you're ready to share. Okay, only tell me on your terms."
Padmé looked up at Anakin then, her eyes shimmered, "Thank you."
Anakin pulled Padmé into a comforting hug, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and inhaled his scent, it brought calming waves to her nerves. Whatever had happened was something he wanted to know so he could offer her the same support she was offering him, but he wanted her to tell him on her terms. Now wasn't the time for her, he could tell she wasn't ready and wouldn't push her.
A/N: So I'm a psychology major who's taken a class on personality disorders and for a project I ended up using Anakin Skywalker because he does show signs of having Bipolar Disorder and/or Borderline Personality Disorder along with some other things. Now I'm in no way an expert on the subject, but I do have a lot of resources and stores of information I can use to make sure that it is accurate to the character and experiences of others. I am also putting a first warning about Padme, what's happened to her will be revealed later on. I will put up a warning in the chapter it happens in, nothing explicit or described in detail, but you will know what happened and it might be triggering for some people. So I wanted to put that out there now this way when the warning appears, it won't be out of the blue.