The following days were filled with tension. Willow and Matt avoiding talking about their kiss. Willow not wanting to talk about Harriet but she knew she needed closure, but more focused on her final treatment. Matt had sensed something wasnt all right with their break up, he could sense she was going down a dark path. He'd seen fresh cuts on her arm and leg, although he never asked her about it. The night after her final treatment, as Willow was putting Jasmine to bed Matt grabbed Willows cell and took Harriets number. "Hey Matt, Jas is down. Im heading up to bed too, today has taken alot of energy out of me" Willow said as she came down to say goodnight. "Hey Wills, before you go to bed do you want to have a chill day tomorrow? I'll take the girls out for the day, you can chill and relax here" Matt said as Willow nodded and replied "Why dont we all stay and chill together? Spend the day together as a family, i know two little girls who will love it" "That sounds good Wills. You go on up to bed, i've just got a few bits to do down here and i'll lock up before i come up" Matt replied, already knowing that he would be going back on his word. As Matt watched her head upstairs, he took out his cell, waiting a few minutes until he was sure Willow was in her room before calling the one number he hoped would be able to help her.
"Hey Harriet, its Matt. Look i know we havent seen eye to eye since i turned up at Willows but i need your help. I overheard Willow telling Trish that you had broken up and shes been really down and depressed these last few days" Matt said, lying about how he really found out. "Matt, your right. We havent always been on the same side but when it comes to Wills, i agree she needs help and support right now. I just dont think i can give it to her." Harriet replied, knowing deep down Matt was right and she needed closure with her ex. "Wills is barely eating and shes got fresh cuts on her arms and legs Harriet. I know shes self harmed in the past but i dont know how to talk to her anymore. She misses you and i dont know what i can do to help her" Matt said, hoping he could at least try and get some closure for Willow. "Matt, i miss her too but im going away for work in a few days. But if she really needs me and my help then i'll try and talk to her at some point before I go" Harriet replied hanging up. As she ended the call with Matt, Harriet knew she needed to see Willow one last time. She sent Willow a message, hoping that her ex would respond and that she would get to see her one final time.
Willow woke as the sun was rising. She was feeling nauseaous after her treatment, trying not to throw up she lay in her bed. She grabbed her cell to check the time and nearly fell out of bed when she saw the message from Harriet. Harriet wants to see me? After everything she said the other day? Can i even face her? Willow thought, her heart racing thinking about her newest ex. I know i said to Matt we'd spend the day as a family, but i need to see her. Unable to contain the nausea any longer, she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I thought i was over this. All the vomiting, the tiredness it brings she told herself as she dragged herself back to bed. As she climbed back into bed, she heard a gentle knocking on her door. "Hey Wills, you ok in there?" She heard Matt ask from the other side of the door. "Im ok Matt" she replied quietly, adding "actually, can you come in for a while. I need to talk to you about something" as Matt opened the door, she smiled at him weakly. "Hey Wills, whats going on?" he said as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Harriet messaged me last night. She wants to see me this afternoon" she said as Matt said "I think you should go. Wills ive seen you these last few days, you're missing her. You need closure. Forget our plans for today, we can do them anytime. Go be with Harriet" "Thanks Matt, theres also something else. I think Im going to move back home after my birthday. Its only fair for the girls to be near us both" she said as she yawned. "Why dont you get a few more hours Wills? Its still early. I'll get Rubes when she wakes" "Thanks Matt. I mean i pretty much slept all of last night but this last treatment took alot out of me. Theres still a long way to go yet" Willow said as she lay back down, her eyes closing as soon as she hit the pillow.
Willow awoke again hours later to a quiet house. It was a little after 10am, she lay in bed enjoying the peace and quiet before heading into the shower. She was excited yet nervous about seeing Harriet, her mind still thinking about her kiss with Matt. I was right when i told Trish i was a mess. I dont even know what im doing anymore. That kiss, it stirred up even more than i realised. What if i am using Matt as an excuse to go home? What if i actually never fully got over him and i still want to be with him? she thought as the hot water washed over her. What am i doing? I need to focus on Harry today, see what happens with her then i can make some big decisions. She stepped out of the shower nearly 45 minutes later, packed a few belongings into a bag, hopeful that Harriet would let her stay and dressed quickly. She headed downstairs where she saw a note on the coffee table, her heart melting as as read it.
Wills,
Taken the girls out for the day. Hope everything goes okay with Harriet today. We all love you
Matt, Jas & Rubes
"Love you too guys" Willow said quietly to herself as she placed the note back on the table, grabbing her keys as she headed out the door making the long journey to her ex girlfriends apartment.
Just over an hour later, Willow was in front of Harriets building. She took a deep breath before entering, nerves and doubt starting to creep over her as she pressed the button for the elevator. Come on Wills, pull it together! Its just Harriet she thought as the elevator started moving up between the floors, coming to a halt at the 6th floor. Willow slowly walked to Harriets door and knocked gently. I shouldnt be here. I shouldnt be here she thought as she waited for Harriet to respond. Willow was about to turn and walk when she heard the door being unlocked. "Wills, you came" Harriet said as she opened the door. "Hey Harry" Willow replied her head still telling her to leave. "Im sorry, i shouldnt have come" she said as she turned to leave, Harriet grabbing her wrist and said "I want you to stay. Please come in" Willow sighed and nodded as Harriet led her into her almost empty home. "Wow, it didnt take long to pack up then?" Willow asked quietly as she and Harriet sat on the sofa. "Wills im sorry for what i said the other day. I do trust you and all i want is for you to be happy, whether thats with me, Matt, someone else. Thats all i ever wanted and i just felt like you were pushing me into taking this job so you and Matt could reunite" Harriet said as Willow shook her head. "Matt and i, its a messy, complicated situation but i have no intention on getting back with him" Willow said, holding back about her true feelings for her ex husband. "I was pushing you for that job because i know you'll be amazing at it" she added as Harriet moved closer to her. "After you left i thought about what you said and i realised, you were right. I had to take this job. Its too much of a good offer to pass. Its a once in a lifetime chance. I hated leaving things the way they were" Harriet said, getting closer to Willow. "I hated it too, Harry. It messed me up a little, especially going to my final treatment alone yesterday. I was barely eating, barely sleeping. I cut myself as a release, Matt noticed i was acting strange and hes actually been really good, especially with the girls. Hes been taking them out, watching them for hours so i could try and sleep or catch up on something" Willow said, her voice breaking almost in tears. "Hey dont cry. Im sorry for not trusting you with him. I probably should have got to know him before i said i didnt trust him. Im sorry for not being there for your final treatment, i should have been there. I let you down Wills" Harry said now touching Willows leg. "The treatment it went ok. It was after it was over it really hit me. It took so much out of me, it drained me. Getting your message this morning, it perked me up. I knew i had to see you" Willow replied as she placed her hand on Harriets. "So Australia huh. When do you go?" she asked as the two lovers spent the rest of the day reminiscing and making up.
"Its getting late, i should probably go" Willow said as she stood up, Harriet said "Why dont you stay? Spend the night with me?" "Are you sure? Dont you have some more packing to do?" Willow asked, hoping that Harriet was being serious. "Im pretty much done Wills. Why dont we order takeout and chill for the rest of the night like we used to?" she said as Willow nodded. "That would be really nice. Do you want to order? I just need to message Matt, tell him hes got the girls all night" Willow said as Harriet took out her cell and ordered as Willow messaged Matt. "Hey, remember the first day we met? How much of nervous wreck i was?" Willow said as the two women sat back on the sofa. "But you were so at ease in front of the camera, you took the most stunning pictures. You know ive still got them? All the ones that went unused" Harriet replied as she grabbed her laptop and loaded up all the images. "I love this one of you Wills. Its got a "I know you want me, but you cant have me" look about you" Harriet said as Willow placed her head on her shoulder. "Thats all down to you and your amazing skills. You really knew how to capture me, i was terrified. I was a mess. I was still reeling over Matt and yet you captured me all vulnerable but strong. There was no hint of the trouble going on with me in those images. Im thinking of getting some enlarged to hang in the house" Willow replied, a knocking on their door indecating their food had arrived. "Why dont you pick something to watch and i'll serve up" Harriet said as Willow scrolled through the tv channels until she found something that reminded her of one of her first dates with Harriet. "Hey what are we watching?" she asked as she brought over the food, a redoing of their first date. "From the same Italian place we had our first date" she said handing Willow a plate as she saw what was on the screen. "You found Hamilton? Where we..." "Had our first date" Willow said cutting her off. "Pasta and Hamilton. Its like deja vu, come full circle" Willow added as they ate and enjoyed the show. Harriet and Willow inching closer together as the night went on, before long their legs touching, Harriet placing her hand on top of Willows, who didnt pull away, feeling her heart skipping a beat. "Harry..." Willow said quietly and before she knew it, they were locked in a passionate kiss, their clothes being stripped off in a frenzy as they had sex for the first time that night.
"Im glad we got to spend this afternoon together" Harriet said as she and Willow lay in bed hours later."To be honest, after the way things were left i wasnt even sure you'd turn up" "I wasnt sure myself Harry. But it was Matt who made me see sense. He could see i was unhappy with how things had ended and he pushed me to come. He overheard me talking to Trish about it i didnt tell him, before you ask" Willow replied adding "im glad he did. I dont think i could have coped if you'd just gone and we hadnt talked" "So about that, i noticed cuts on your arms and legs again. Wills, why? Harriet asked as Willow shook her head. "I dont know, i just cut myself as a release from all pain. I didnt know if i was going to see you again, i was just hurting so bad. I need help Harry, like proper professional help" she said as Harriet kissed her forehead, Willow moving her head so she hit her lips and they ended up sleeping together for the third time that night.
Willow awoke the next morning to an empty bed. She reached across for Harriet but her side of the bed was already made, and felt like it had barely been slept in. "Harry?" Willow called out, hoping she was still in the flat. It wasnt until she sat up she saw the note on the pillow. As she picked up and read the note she felt her heart break all over again. All there was written on the paper were seven words.
Im sorry. I love you. Be happy.
Shes gone? When? How? Willow thought as she lay in the bed tears rolling down her face. Why didnt she wake me? At least say goodbye? Did she even mean what she said yesterday? I loved her and she threw me aside. She sat alone with her thoughts spinning in her head for hours, it wasnt until she heard a knocking on the door that she came out of her day dream. "Willow? Wills, you in there?" She heard Luke ask from the otherside of the front door. Slowly going to the door, the flat empty around her. "Hey Luke" Willow said sadly as she opened up. "How did you know i was here?" she asked as Luke entered. "Harriet. She told us you came over and would probably still be here" he replied as Willow broke down again. "Wills, whats going on?" he asked as he hugged her. "She left this morning. I came over yesterday, we talked and i thought we were going to get back on track and she left this morning as i was sleeping. Didnt even say goodbye. I was already a mess and now..." she sobbed as Luke held her. "Wills thats, messed up. I know you loved her but thats awful. And a cheap, cowardly way out. If Thom and knew she was planning on leaving..." he said as they sat on the sofa. "Does Matt know?" he asked as Willow shook her head. "Has something happened with you two?" Luke asked, sensing tension when he mentioned Matts name as Willow nodded "We had a 'moment' last week. We almost kissed. I stopped it before it went any further" she said, lying about her kiss with Matt. "To be honest, if last night taught me anything its that i need to go home. Back to Cameron, to North Carolina" "Do you still love Matt?" Luke asked as Willow said "I dont know. Its just so complicated right now. I need space to work things out in my head" "You know youve always got me and Thom to talk to if you ever need it" Luke said as he hugged his friend. "Do you want to go back home or...?" "Can we just stay here for a bit longer? Im not quite ready to see him yet" Willow said, cutting him off as the two friends spent the remainder of the afternoon catching up, Thom joining them a few hours later with Luke explaining the situation.
The daylight quickly faded into night. The three friends slowly making their way home, Willow silent still hurting from the days events. "Wills? You want us to go in first, explain things to Matt?" Thom asked as Willow shook her head. "I need to be alone, clear my head work some things out" she said quietly as they reached her place. "Thanks for this afternoon guys. I really appreciate you for listening and trying to cheer me up. I love you" she said as they hugged her. "And we love you too Wills. As much as we love Harry, we want you to be happy" Luke said as Thom added "If its with Matt or anyone else, we will always be here for you" "Thanks guys. I better go in and see those girls of mine" Willow said as she headed up her driveway. "Think she'll be ok Luke?" Thom asked as they watched her enter her house, "as long as shes got Matt, she will be" Luke replied as they headed across the street and into their own home.
As soon as Willow entered the house, she closed the door quietly not wanting to disturb Matt and the girls. "Hey youre back. Is everything ok?" Matt asked as he came down the stairs. "Im just tired Matt. Its been a long day, im just going to head up to bed" Willow replied quietly, not wanting to tell him about Harriets vanishing act. "Are the girls already in bed?" she asked as she entered the living area, walking to the stairs as Matt nodded. "They were out like lights" he said as Willow began the ascension up the stairs. "I'll see them in the morning. Night Matt" she said slowly and quietly going upstairs, Matt watching knowing deep down that something was wrong.
Willow awoke just after midnight. Her mouth dry and head still spinning. She headed downstairs and into the kitchen to grab a drink and the hurt and pain from the day came flooding over her again. She felt the tears stinging her eyes as she grabbed a knife, pushing the blade into her skin. "Wills, what are you doing?" Matt asked from the kitchen door as he watched Willow press the knife deeper into her skin. The pain escaping her as she felt the first drops of blood trickle down her arm. She turned and faced him pressing the knife harder and deeper, until there was a steady stream of blood running over her arm and wrist, the look of hurt, pain and anger on her face. "Wills, whats wrong? Talk to me" Matt asked as he released her grip on the knife as she broke down. "Wills, whatevers going on im here. Please talk to me" he said as he placed his arms around her and held her as she cried into his chest, crumbling to the floor. "Wills, youre scaring me. Whats going on?" Matt asked again, the last time he saw Willow this vulnerable and upset was after Victor. "Shes gone. Just left in the middle of the night. Didnt even say goodbye" Willow sobbed quietly as Matt held her tighter. "Wills im so sorry. I know how much you loved her" he said, kissing the top of her head hoping that he wasnt overstepping any boundary. "My head hurts, my heart hurts. My whole body feels like its shutting down and i dont know what to do" she sobbed quietly, almost like a whisper. "You dont have to do anything Wills. But whats with the cutting? Why do you do it?" he asked as she looked at him. Matt wiped away her tears as she poured her heart out. "To release all the hurt, the anger, the built up pain. Im a fucked up mess and i need help" "Your not a mess. Youve been through a hell of a year but im here and im not going anywhere" Matt said as he glanced at her bloody arm. "What do you say we get this arm cleaned up and go get some sleep?" he asked as she slowly nodded. He cleaned up her arm, the fresh cut one of the longest and deepest. He bandaged her arm before helping her to her feet, where she fell into his arms. Matt could see Willow was shaking so he scooped her up and carried to her bedroom. He lay her on the bed, pulling the duvet over her. As he turned and headed towards the door he heard Willow in the bed say "Stay with me"
"Stay with me, please, I dont want to be alone Matt" Willow asked again as Matt made his way back to the bed. "Are you sure Wills? I dont want things getting mixed between us" he said, as Willow nodded "Im sure Matt. I feel safe and more like me with you around" she said, as Matt lay on top of the bed, not wanting to blur the lines with them by going under the duvet. "Matt, get under the duvet. Its freezing" Willow said, as he slowly got under the duvet. He was barely in the bed when Willow inched closer to him and whispered "Will you hold me? Like you used to?" Matt instinctivly put his arms around her, his heart skipping a beat as he did. But before he could even say anything he heard her sighing he turned his head and looked at her, she was fast asleep in his arms. "What are we going to to do with you Wills? I hate seeing you like this. I love you" he whispered as he watched her sleep until he fell asleep himself.